Patreon, R&P Q&A #239

I typically recommend Allan Carr books to people with addiction issues. Your problem sounds more serious than most. Just fucking lift, don't use alcohol as an excuse not to. You can do strong lifts and lift the bar, and work your way up. Pretty sure you can at least lift the bar. You need to start making progress and not excuses. If all you can do is drive to the gym and drive back, that's progress for you. You've got things backwards, its like you expect to stop drinking and then you'll find the motivation to go the gym, and perhaps that's true. Go to the gym, with discipline, especially if you are hung over, and then you'll find the motivation to stop drinking.

Op Sec

No field report yet, because I just joined and am trying to understand how to use the site, so just introducing myself. I am 50, married since August 2005 with a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter. I drink very heavily and have been using the Sinclair Method under the supervision of a psychiatrist to cut down from 22 units/night to about 10 now. I feel really sluggish and have trouble doing anything other than work and family. I know how to lift weights but don’t because of the sluggishness and drinking. I have been reading and listening to red pill content of all sorts for several years and fully understand it but never act on it. A lot of this is probably because of analysis paralysis. Obviously there hasn’t been sex with my wife for several years. I have cheated in the past, but now I sometimes do porn, including some paid chat sometimes, but now I try to cut down on that. I feel like I have no identity at all, and that my only identity is poured into my family, who don’t value it. My father died a little bit over a year ago too, so I know this life doesn’t go on forever. I really don’t want my wife back, because I’m not attracted to her. She’s overweight, and emotionally unstable. She’s not a bad person, and I actually like her as a person but she’s done too much to me and hurt me too much for me to want to be a life partner with her. I wish her well and don’t hate her, but I don’t think I can love her. But I really do wish I COULD love her, you know? It would make things so much easier. Goals: I think job one is to do something to get the drinking down so I can get the energy to lift and do the other stuff I need to do. I am thinking my best course right now is to re-read No More Mr Nice Guy and to actually carefully work through the exercises and then also try to contribute for other members here.

Looks like you are escalating successfully. Getting emotion (even a cheeky slap! 😂). What is the situation with the married woman? I know Indians have arranged marriages. Is infidelity normal? Just curious. Donut (posted above) seems to be where you were a few months ago. Online game: I have heard photos that have a narrative (as you described) are the best. There is a hack I have seen: the odd or curious photo. Something in the photo is weird or odd. Gives the viewer something easy to respond to you with. Why are you upside down on the train?

Cousin Eddie

Goals: * Practice being just playful, cocky-funny, and non-needy. Focus more on practicing individual game components instead of being focused on getting laid FR: * Went out with a 36y/HB4 on Thursday night for a drink in the night. From her dating bio and our text exhanges, she was clearly down to hookup. I was hoping to practice some game that night but she was really shy and horny. Turns out she had a gangbang at 18y, likes forced copulation and has a 63y old "master" who lets her play outside their relationship. Took her home and smashed (got to try some degenerate stuff). I texted later in the night checking if she got home safe and got a response next day * Went out with a 40y/HB5 married Indian woman on Friday night. Standardized logistics; drinks -> ice cream -> walk to dog park (secluded bench). Kept it flirty, playful, & cocky-funny. We video-called before the date and I kept the same vibe. Kept a sexual vibe going with flirting, eye contact and kino. She didn't want to sleep on the first date but I wanted to see how far I could push her boundaries. Kept feeling her up lightly while walking, holding hands, making out a bit in the park. She resisted going beyond the little kissing we did. Later walked her back to her car, we hung out a bit more and I even groped her ass where she got playfully upset (first time I got slapped by a girl too). Kissed her goodnight and walked away. She texted later in the night thanking for the fun evening. She's been more invested in texting me everyday now and is ready to hookup on our second date * I think the only thing I could've done better was not be "too needy" trying to kiss her beyond a point of resistance * Matched with this 23y/HB6 chick on Tinder and she didn't feel comfortable going out with me until she knew me better. So we had a 2-hr video call on Monday night and she seems quite invested in me now. She claims to be a virgin and wants a long-term relationship (Christian good girl type) and I told her I'm looking to settle down as well (but I'm less likely to marry/settle down outside my culture. Not opposed to it but not eager for the extra headache from cultural differences). After 2 days of video calls, she was down to come over for a movie. Invited her home directly, saw a movie, ate some food and played Uno towards the night. Escalated, made out with her, and groped her tits a bit but she didn't let my hand go any lower. Walked her home in the night and we've been playfully texting. (Trying to keep the texting to a minimum) * (Initially I thought I didn't want to "deflower" her when I can't guarantee long-term commitment but realized yesterday she maybe a virgin but she's not stupid) Thoughts/questions: * Question for older folks/Rian: At what point does a man want to settle down, especially if he's got options and in this modern age he knows he can get new options (younger & hotter) as long as he keeps increasing his value? Is it finding that one girl he feels "satisfied" with or consciously choosing a life-partner based on some list of traits he's looking for? I'm enjoying the chase but always feeling unsatisfied after the hookup My dating strategy (optional read): * Wasn't live during last week's call but saw Barbarian's comment about me possibly having a good social media game because of the ton of dates I get. Figured I'll put up my online dating strategy if it'll help anyone else * My social media does have some cool photos of me doing cool stuff but it's private. But those photos come from going on trips with friends to cool places, doing cool stuff and then taking a bunch of photos. Select the best photos and a little bit of polishing and you have a bunch of online dating app worthy photos * Polishing photos: There's an app called Snapseed. Play around with brightness, saturation, and contrast and you'll see the difference * Use all 3 major apps; Tinder, Bumble, & Hinge to increase the volume of leads * Get 3-5 high-quality photos of yourself. 1 photo of you in a suit or dressed-up, 1 photo of your body (artistic not bathroom mirror selfie), 2-3 photos of you doing cool stuff * Eg: My main photo which is close-up of me staring dreamily into the camera in a suit, 1 photo of me in a lake flexing my muscular back looking back, 1 photo of me standing in front of a double rainbow from a hike, 1 photo of me working a machine-gun in a gun range (slightly controversial but not a deal-breaker to chicks except the weird leftists), 1 photo of me feeding an apple to a horse (if you have cute dog pics use those) * My photos show my personality from being well dressed to being fit to doing cool stuff to being a lovable pet/animal person * Don't have a goofy grin on your face except a slight smirk unless you're doing something fun or playing with your pets * Also your photos have to match the "target audience" you're advertising to. My photos make me look like a cool phukboy on Tinder but I get less matches on Bumble/Hinge * For a bio, keep it simple. Don't put anything negative or controversial. Just simple adjectives about you that could help a girl start a conversation (like on Bumble). Eg: mine has the adjectives like "adventurer, dogs, coffee". Your photos will do the 95% of the work anyway. DHV your status by fluffing a little. Eg: Call yourself a Senior Engineer instead of just Engineer, etc. * If you setup your apps optimally and you're living in a big enough city, you should average 1-2 matches per app per week. Atleast that's my levels. Results will depend on how good looking you are and the quality of your photos * After matching it comes down to your text game which I think is not much different from the initial steps of the pick-up process. Be fun, interesting, & intriguing and get her invested. This is usually 4-5 texts before going for the date-close. And you will need to run a bit of text game except for extraordinary factors (like she's in town for a few days, where you might not even need to run text game; just tell her to come over for a drink/weed and enjoy good city views/music)

Ban Mido

Your getting dates. So that is good. Are you as much fun on your dates as you field notes writing implies? (You writing comes off overly analytical—- not fun) Maybe it is your writing style? Make sure you are having fun. Emotion, emotion, emotion. Try different venues. Coffee is generally a bad idea. Walks can be good because you can talk about stuff you see. Also, you are bagging on yourself allot. Stop that.

Cousin Eddie

29 "I am happy like this. So you can be apart of this or you can be so kind as to fuck off." (Karl) 3 months of my wife overworking. Being a baby after hurting her knee and being a general full-blown bitch. During that time I stayed consistent with my rp work. I went scorched earth. Focused on my mission and ignored her behavior. Reported some of this in past notes. Last week I caught myself stepping on eggshells and noticed I was trying to hard to manage someone else’s (wife) emotions. The next day I did work breaking down the divorce (fear) covert contract. I talked to my mom about shoring up my inheritance to avoid divorce circus stuff. Note: Women know what is going on. It was the most Machiavellian conversation I have ever had. I started the ball rolling on lawyers, books, lurking, beta divorce guide. This is all to break the divorce fear covert contract. Not to initiate divorce itself. I listened to old patreons and found this quote that resonated with the attitude I needed to reassert: Karl wk47, pt 1, min 41: “…Build the life you want and the woman will integrate into that. You don’t build your life and then have a chick come in and tell you; we need to buy this and that. We need to do this and you need to change. I am happy like this. So you can be apart of this or you can be so kind as to fuck off. My wife noticed the shift and wanted to have a talk. (use me as an emotional punching bag.) All the usual: health. Random stuff from the past “you did this 14 years ago!...” I (wife) am unhappy, need change,, want a bigger house, car… I took a real honest tack. No anger, just dead eyes, honesty. She shames me on my health. Me: I hear you. (fog) But I don’t care what you think. Her:… Me: You never looked at any info I gave you. You have other priorities. Her:… Me: Your opinion means nothing. (broken record) Her: but you are not getting better Me:Do you remember me wearing ice on my head every day, Tylenol every 3 hours for 6 months? Her:…outburst Me: Do you remember? (broken record) Her: yes Me: You can embrace this part of life and we can have a laugh about it or stay in denial and leave me alone. ... She pulled out her ipad and showed me the 1.1million dollar house she wants. And I told her that will not make her happy and she went into a tirade. I repeated, nothing extrinsic will ever make you happy. She got upset; “you think I am a shallow materialistic bitch?!” Me: “We were talking about a life threatening migraine and you switched the topic to million dollar houses and fancy new car.” I point blank told her: I am not anywhere near top priority in your life. Our child is not top priority in your life. You have a drug problem. You will never be happy seeking material objects and I am not interested. I am not going to do Olympic gymnastics trying to figure this stuff out. She got upset an emoted through my statements. I ignored her. At the end she said nothing is going to change. I asked her specifically what she wants to change? She said she wanted to go on weekly dates. (negotiated love) (Amused mastery) “That’s all you want!? Lol! so, you are going to do something I want to do?” Lol “great, the kid and I are going to a magic show. I will get you the ticket you passed on.” Subtext: “I am happy like this. So you can be apart of this or you can be so kind as to fuck off.” I walked off and went on with my day. Fish memory. I got good sex 2 x since the conversation. Nice break from the 3 months freeze out.

Cousin Eddie

Fuck me. I’m 100% writing this for myself so that I can later reflect on my incompetence and hopefully finally solidify the motivation required to change. Six months from now, I want to look back and not be able to recognize the coward that I was this week. I decided to create a bit of abundance last weekend by lining up 9 dates. I scheduled 4 for Friday, 4 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday. There were two others that wanted to get in for Sunday, but I needed to do prep work for the week and homework. ======================== === DATES ============== ======================== Friday: Date 1: No call no show. So, I slept in when I didn’t get a confirmation text. Date 2: Cancellation. Son got sick. Date 3: No call no show. Date 4: I took her out for drinks. I did not attempt a mid-date kiss (as I should have). Instead I did what was comfortable and went in at the end. She said she doesn’t kiss on the first date. So, I gave her a hug. She hugged me back. Then, she kissed me. We’re meeting again next Friday. I should have practiced getting the kiss in the middle. I was lazy. Saturday: Date 5: I grabbed us coffee and then went to the dog park a few blocks away for an hour. I asked her out for drinks Monday after work/school (She is also working on her masters). Date 6: I took her for an hour walk along the river. I wasn’t attracted to her. She wanted to schedule another date, but I declined. Date 7: I took her to a dog park along the river. She was running late, but my dog and I were having a good enough time that I didn’t really care. While I waited, she sent me two texts stating: 1 - She wanted the date to be more like friends hanging out than a date 2 - She was only allotting 45 minutes for the date. I responded with: “Sure. We’re just meeting at a dog park. I don’t have any expectations.” While I waited, I opened a woman at the dog park (For practice. I wasn’t attracted to her) who followed me around like a lost puppy. We continued to flirt, laugh, and chat on my way to meet my date at the gate. When my date arrived, the woman I opened stared daggers at my date. I said goodbye and I started the date. At the 45 minute mark, I reminded my date of her time limit. She said that was only an out for creepy guys and she wanted to stay. On our way out, I noticed that she was preening and twirling her hair a lot. She also mentioned that she wasn’t doing anything after our date. PREPARE TO NOT BE SURPRISED. I missed it all. At the end of the date, I waved and headed back to my truck. I followed up a few days later with plans for a second date. We are still working out the logistics. It probably won’t happen. Date 8: I canceled because it was a double book at a similar time to Date 7. Sunday: Date 9: Cancellation morning of. ======================== === MY FUCK UP ========= ======================== Monday: Date: Follow-up on Date 5 (Coffee/Dog Park) I got there early to open up groups at the brewery. The brewery was pretty sparse, but I did open a few groups. I got some good practice with some of my openers. Rian and company, I FAILED SO HARD. Really, this was fucking pathetic. I am responsible for a date where both people were trying to seduce each other, but neither could figure out how to close. After my first date with this woman on Saturday, I knew I was starting to get one-itis which is pathetic. I had only spent one hour with this woman. I recognized that she hits all my triggers physically and in her personality. Leading up to the date I had countless conversations trying to de-one-itis myself. I was not successful. I knew what was coming and I failed to save myself. That really frustrates me that I couldn’t talk myself out of this even knowing what was coming. Insert Madonna/Whore shit here. I know, but I still fucked it up. She showed up to the date in a little red dress. During the date I missed multiple opportunities to gos in for the kiss. She was the one that brought up her sexual likes and dislikes. I didn’t miss every signal, but I sure as fuck missed all the ones that mattered. The cherry on top was that I failed at calibration. When I finally did go in for the kiss, it was way too fucking late which just made it awkward. I have had opportunities to figure out how to initiate kisses during dates and I haven’t. This is a cost of failing to work on what I should have been. On the plus side, this was painful enough to finally wake me up to the reality that I need to start practicing for real on all the women that I get dates with going forward. She said that she wanted to continue dating to see if a spark forms, but declined when I followed up. She texted, “I’ve been thinking on this and while I enjoy you, I’m not attracted to you and don’t believe that will change.-” Makes sense. Things I did that weren’t attractive: - I did not go in for the kiss on the MULTIPLE opportunities that I had - I did not take control of my dog (We were at a pet friendly brewery). My dog jumped on her and that led to a conversation where I failed to take responsibility for my dog’s behavior. I failed that test HARD and I am very ashamed of that. - I did not act with confidence. She asked the “What are you looking for?” question and I had replied with the stereotypical “My person” bullshit. There were many other instances. She is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever been on a date with and I melted into a pathetic average frustrated chump. ======================================= === REFLECTION AND REMEDIATION ========= ======================================= It only took a year and half, but I finally figured out what I want. I’m tired of being a fuckup at dating. I have been just drifting along wasting my time. Getting “lucky” whenever women have just thrown themselves at me. I have not been an active participant in the act of dating. More like a bystander, prop, or an academic. I have been so focussed on min-maxing my “scores” to increase my probability of success that I neglected the improvement of the actual practice. I have just been expecting a “spark” to just be there. I never figured out how to create it. I powered through the Annihilation Method. Style had good advice regarding initiating kissing at: - hour 6 minute 53 - hour 7 minute 7 I’ll watch the whole video a few more times and get everything that I can from it. I probably should refresh myself from time to time. I continue on with Book Of Pook. I put it down for the week to push through the Annihilation Method. I will pick it back up. I will push myself to do mid date kisses every time that the queues that Style mentioned occur. Mystery’s method of initiating a mid date kiss was defined in the video and it will work as a starting procedure until I can improv on my own. I am concerned about my inability to not cure myself of a growing one-itis even if I am aware of it. ======================= ==== FITNESS =========== ======================= Silver lining, this helped me learn something about myself. Pain is an excellent motivator for change. Last April, I had a similar event to Monday’s date. The result was that I gained the motivation to drop from 217 lbs to 175 lbs in two months. The diet fatigue by the end was pretty rough. So, I went to maintenance mode and was able to sustain 175 while lifting for the last 3 months. I am 6’ 2” and have been about 5-10 lbs away from a six pack for the last 3 months. I started cutting again and I’m already down 4 lbs this week (mostly water and energy stores). This experience is probably what I needed to push myself to finally get my six pack at 42. I recognize that none of my problems were physical. There would have been no difference on the dates over the last week if I had a six pack or not. Maybe my confidence would have been a little higher. My main problems were cowardice and laziness.

Donut

For the last 2 weeks I’ve been taking ibuprofen every day and shifted my thinking to “just don’t be a bitch”. The back has improved 2-3% a day and no major setbacks. Even moved some couches around and didn’t have issues. Getting back in the gym and been focused on arms, chest and shoulders. Yesterday was able to knock out a light leg day without much pain. Looks like I’m through the worst of it now but plan to keep easing back. Good news is I’ve still lost some weight when struggling. Told the wife to blow me one afternoon. She said no, so I dragged her in the bedroom and cave manned. Finished and walked out. When she came out of the room she goes: “geez, what a let down.” To which I responded with a laugh and said “for who?” Later that night I finished her off at her request. Fun to just be an animal and not care. Learning that her finishing is a beta quality and that it’s not my job for her to finish has been useful. Driving home from an appointment and the wife asked me to stop by the grocery store. I really didn’t want to and needed to get back to work. Decided instead to take a more scenic route which kicked off a hamster of neuroticism. Any changes to the normal script always have this affect. She asked me why I took the long way and I responded “cause I wanted to”. She pressed again (now it’s just bitching cause she wanted me to go to the store, but of course they can’t just say that). She couldn’t let it go. Decided to tell her to shut up and observe. She responded “don’t talk to me that way”. To which I replied: “Shut up”. She complied with silence for about 5 minutes…but then, as if on que: ”why didn’t you just go the other way?! Ugh!” Broken record = shut up. Complained again = shut up. Quiet for 3 minutes…and a final = “Why did you go this way?!? God, you just do this shit to piss me off!!!” Decided at this point it was time for a nuke. 5 times did get under my skin and I turned to her for a final: “Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” She did. We made it home. Everything was fine. She went to the store on her own. Never discussed it again. I noticed she’s been really keeping up on doing a ton of laundry, dishes, cooking meals and being helpful. Yesterday she didn’t get up to go to the gym and I’ve observed that she wants to unload that personal guilt onto me. She texted from bed “I’m a loser”. I responded with a meme of a To Do List with just “Nothing” on it. Felt good to not DEER, even when that's exactly what she is seeking from me. I just agree that she should feel like a loser, cause she should. It's just one day, but still, get your ass out of bed. Especially if you are going to be annoyed with yourself for not going. She’s really gotten into sewing and made our daughter an amazing outfit for football games.When she showed me the finished product I said: “Whoa! This is amazing. Imagine when I take her to a game and some hot chick comes up telling me how cute the outfit is, she'll want to know where we got it and I can just say “oh, my wife made it from scratch.” She absolutely flipped out on me. Asked if that’s why I go to games to hit on other girls!? Started complaining that it’s disrespectful that I’m a flirt all the time and look at other women. Once again, didn’t DEER and responded by laughing and saying - “It’s your fault, you're the one who married a charming man.” She stormed off and didn’t talk to me for an hour. I’m finding cocky funny coming much more naturally and my responses are happening in the moment / flow. Last night we were talking about booking family pictures for Christmas and I said I’d need to get something extra nice to wear. She responded: “Nobody looks at the man in those pictures.” To which I replied: “Maybe in other families, but in this one they do.” She snapped back: “Get over yourself!” Me: “I’ve tried, but it’s hard.” Her: “You’re humble when it comes to work, but way too cocky with your looks.” Me: “Well, that sounds like a really healthy balance huh?” Smashed that night. Last story is a doozy. This one isn’t canonical red pill, but I’ve just got to share it to get your take and maybe there’s something here to learn. Went to a well known retailer over the weekend and was getting some groceries for a party at the house.I was in very good spirits, gregarious mood. Got up to the checkout line and remembered I needed to order a pizza to go for the guests.I’m standing there talking to the manager to place my order and I hear a very aggressive female voice within ear shot say: “Why don’t you get out of the way asshole?!” I turn around and see a fat, ugly, miserable cunt staring at me. Taken a bit by surprise, I looked at her and said: “Oh, is that me?” She immediately snapped back: “Yes - that’s you!” All I could do was look at her and laugh while the manager gave me an “I don’t know dude” face. The weirdness subsides and I’m finishing at the checkout. As I make my way to leave, this same woman walks by and shoots me a death stare.I smiled at her and she immediately screamed: “Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit, it’s this big (raising her pinky), your dick is this big.” Mind you, this is in the most congested part of the store, families and children everywhere. I noticed there was a fat man (they matched perfectly) pushing another cart directly behind her. He looks up and screams at her to “shut the fuck up!” She kept on at me and I once again laughed and responded with: “okay ma’am, you have a great day” and laughed some more. She lost her mind at this point and started screaming about how I had a little dick and was a fucking arrogant asshole. All I could think to say was “You’d never have the chance to see it lady.” That set off her apparent husband, so he turned around from 20 feet away and screamed “she wouldn’t want to see it you piece of shit!!!!” The situation defused as they left the store, and 5 people came up to ask me what the hell was that about as I waited for my pizza to come out of the oven. Some said I could have taken him. Some said they were surprised I kept my cool so well. One said he couldn’t believe what he just witnessed. Story ends with the manager saying he needed to walk me out because he was worried something might happen to me. Told my trainer the biggest takeaway from this whole thing is I’m not where I want to be fitness wise. haha I’m 6’2, 202...but, clearly need to bulk up a ton more so I’m not fucked with at stores on Sunday mornings like this. Although the husband didn’t exactly make it look like he was gonna fight me. Either my general demeanor in public is cocky asshole, or people are WAY more miserable out there in 2023.

RUIN