QNA #241
Added 2023-10-18 23:14:00 +0000 UTCLinks will be here by tomorrow 2 pm est.
Comments
I always paid all the bills etc autopay is king but I neee to tighten up the reigns with wife and kids spending on useless crap and or just perhaps set a here is $x each week go and have fun
Fez
2023-10-19 18:19:02 +0000 UTCNothing to report except just a broken golden picture frame from last week Smashed a couple times
Fez
2023-10-19 18:15:47 +0000 UTCIntermittent fasting progress slowed just like you said it would almost the day you said it. Thanks for warning me and fuck you for being right asshole. Treasury Takeover: I upped the amount auto depositing into the account she doesn’t have access to so I can stair step the auto-pay stuff. However wife has this way of “doing the budget” together that is nonsensical water torture, and mainly just because she gets bitchy about every little step. She brought up doing the budget (with strong emotions), before my last paycheck and I “heard her out” but didn’t agree or refuse (because it was interesting/amusing). Full disclosure I had paid some stuff late a few times, not most months but she’s not totally wrong about my drunk captain, and to fix this I made it a rule that I don’t come home without all bills set to pay on payday. That has been working fine for last few months. So I paid the bills like I had been because it worked better, and then a week later I got “I thought we were going over the budget, because we talked…” I could feel the nice guy fear of her emotions kick up in me and in that moment and knew I needed to hold my boundary, I honestly don’t remember word for word what I said but said we could but that if she started to be a bitch that it would be over that fast, because of the water torture it was before. I don’t know if I was DEERing, I’m going to need to start writing field reports right after interactions. I had installed an app that is a voice recorder so I don’t have to rely on my memory, I only used it once or twice and holy shit do I not sound like I think I did. This is also helpful for hearing my tone and how much I say “uhh” or use filler words. I did read Practical Female Psychology and yes my wife does very much fit the “good girl” model, but the book did that thing where it keeps saying we’ll discuss how to fix in a later chapter then felt like it gave one hint and moved on, then says refer back to that chapter, I may just have to reread. I know it’s not my job to keep the peace, and she gave me a recent reminder after she flirted with me less than an hour after an argument that I used to think would mean no sex for days. When she comes at me with anger about something I disagree with, I can jump right into the mindset “okay bitch wanna fight let’s do this” and am able to keep rational. Sometimes I can see her switch to an almost passiveness like she all the sudden became verbally abused, if she does this to get me to back off my point I don’t fall for it but it’s fucking weird to see her whole body language and tone change. I’m still trying to figure out when anger is useful, or if it means I may have lost because I lost my temper, or possibly lost frame. If I were to self-coach as you’ve said before then so long as the controlled anger where you don’t lose logic and reason. (Probably me just overthinking) Are there any posts or thoughts you can share about having Christian morals but absorbing the “She has first rights not sole custody” mindset, I know Anthol Kay’s perspective of calling it HER CHEATING because she’s cheating you out of a sex life by cutting you off after getting married.
Eric Blair
2023-10-19 16:40:14 +0000 UTC
