Patreon, R&P Q&A #254
Added 2024-01-17 18:19:51 +0000 UTC
Comments
@Op Sec Maybe it's been too long since I've read When I say no I feel guilty.
ThatGuy
2024-01-18 20:10:27 +0000 UTCI would stick to chronological order. you talk about a morning and then flashback to the morning before. I wouldn't even write it like Ban, and omit her altogether. Describe your reality. You woke up, there was some nagging or something. Talk about what's affecting you. you're a type 2 captain. Read WISNIFG again and read frame.
Op Sec
2024-01-18 19:54:55 +0000 UTCthree kinds of lucky has an article on this. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ylkt2h/i_take_your_she_statements_and_turn_them_into_i/
Op Sec
2024-01-18 19:50:45 +0000 UTCLessons learnt This past couple of days has been unnecessary difficult for me and I realised how I have made my life and my miss’s life difficult. With all the arguments that we have ever had, or whenever I open my mouth and express myself to her, if my LRT shouts, swear, or gives me a negative attitude I simply become a dick. I turn into a horrible person. I pull my attention, my time and commitment from her completely and treat her like an enemy and this messes with my whole week and I’m carry a lot of resentment and rage towards to her. I become super aggressive. Re-reading when I say no I feel guilty made me realised i once again, I’m the complete judge of my behaviour and no one “should” make me angry unless I allow it to or if anyone crosses my boundaries. So, on Saturday my LTR had her 30th birthday party and my LTR “told me” That someone that we both know likes her was invited, this 27-year-old guy also has a girlfriend. I got mad at the fact that my LTR invited someone that we both know likes her. This guy tried to kiss her last summer. I “fake” (covert convert, dishonest) calmy said he is not coming to your birthday party; I don’t want you to invite someone that has disrespected our relationship and me at your party. Her- I don’t want you getting triggered every time his name pops up and he is not coming anyway, I never sent him the official invite. That’s why I’m coming to you first. (This should have been the end of it all) I have set up my relationship in a way were we(she) tell each other everything, but the truth of the matter is I always say thank you for telling me. But deep down I’m fuming with range. Covert contract. I want to her to tell me everything, but it seems like I can’t handle everything. I sometimes do not say she has crossed a boundary in the past. My LRT has told me that I use things against her and from now on, I will not know everything, nor will this guy’s name be mentioned in the future. I know I have fucked this part up. But I stayed mad and kept on telling myself “How can my LTR invite someone who has disrespected our relationship”, then I brought up the past of what happened in the summer (me being resentful) and then it just got worse from there”. My LTR started crying. I walked out, called my brother to explain the situation to him, I wanted him to help me stay calm, doing this helped me. When I walk back in, we didn’t talk as we usually do. I told her listen, “I’ll let the situation go and let’s call it water under the bridge. ” (covert convert, dishonest) Her - Whatever, I’m going to do my hair and nails. When my LTR left, I packed all my stuff for the hotel, and I didn’t pack anything for her as I was still mad. When my LTR came back, and I was ready and doing nothing I asked her do you need help packing. (I’m cringing as I’m writing this. It sounds like a catholic confession speech, fuck, dam I fucked up covert convert). My old lady called my useless and started yelling at me. Later on her best friend came to help her get ready and to give us a lift as we were late to the birthday party. My misses started telling her best friend how useless I was for not helping her pack her bag. On our way to the birthday party, I sat at the back of the car, It didn’t even cross my mind to make the situation better. I didn’t address my misses for most of the 1hr 20mins journey and I was just talking to her friend, and I found comfort for listening to last field reports. This is habit I will stop doing everyime I’m a pickle with my misses or trying to avoid stations I didn’t complete her through the night, I didn’t buy her drinks as I usually would . My friends were there and I just got drunk with them. I used alchocol to cover my feeling this was the first time I did this. When my misses was cutting the cake I went up to her to make it seem like we are a perfect couple and everything is fine. Sunday- we spoke about things. Monday to Tuesday- we still were talking about things that happened. My LTR stayed at her mum’s house rather than our home. I didn’t call to check up on her and I assumed my LTR was trying to punish me (my assumptions was wrong). My LTR mentioned that my LTR is tired of arguing its feels for her to be at her mums and has a lot of things going on. Wednesday night – My LTR came home. I didn’t kiss her or hug as I usually would and I just went to bed Thursday morning today. We both woke up late. We both were twisting and turning the from restlessness. In the morning, I opened my mouth by saying I don’t want you running off to your mums as a escape and I cant see myself marrying a woman that runs to her mums every time sometimes is a little too much. On my way to work this morning I finally realised no matter how stressed a person is, including my LTR, if you sware at me, call me useless whilst I’m still mad at, that person will not get anything out of me and I sent this as a voice not to my LTR. Assertive bill of rights number 1. It took me 2.5 years to realised this.I’m kinda pissed that it took so freaking long. I know I have fucked up. I can see in some of the areas where I have fucked up. For the past couple of days I kept on telling myself “default to your training not your instinct”. Annoying I defaulted to my instinct, things has not felt this bad for a while. I didn’t use any of the life tools that I have been learning from books.
Cocky_funny
2024-01-18 19:34:34 +0000 UTC@Ban Mido thanks man it's actually really helpful to see an example of how to do it.
ThatGuy
2024-01-18 19:17:43 +0000 UTCHi Rian, First FR in a couple months as I catch up on the backlog of episodes. It was a whirlwind holiday season and I’ve been dealing with a work situation that’s become increasingly volatile. All of this took me away from a hyper focus on Red Pill. I’ve kept up my weightlifting regiment, still eating healthy, and have automated the “don’t DEER” principle in daily interactions. On the work front, I’ve been able to weather the storm and avoid a layoff while many have gotten the axe around me. That’s led to more work on my plate as they exit the business. The stress is immense, only increasing, and walls are closing in quickly. Our company is failing and it’s essentially an “any day could be yours” situation. In response to this I’ve been proactively networking and interviewing for opportunities elsewhere since late August. Still no offers. I’m clearly better at doing the job than explaining how I’ll do the job. Decided to invest in interview prep and the results haven’t moved the needle for me. It’s just made me an inauthentic robot. Hopefully I find a new job soon and can leave this toxic situation. As you can imagine, it's impacting every aspect of my daily life and overall happiness. The best metaphor I can use to describe the feeling is it’s like being in prison – I’m trapped in an anxiety inducing hellscape that I desperately want to leave. Each week people around me are getting parole (laid off or leaving voluntarily). I prepare for and hold many conversations with various attorneys (other jobs) that ultimately go nowhere. They either ghost me or tell me that now is not the right time for me. So far, my decision has been to quiet quit while looking for another job so I continue to have income. The calculus has been it’s easier to find a job when you have one and my mental strain is the price of a paycheck every couple weeks. Won’t lie though, sometimes I fantasize about just quitting and taking a few months to reset. The wife is responding to this anxiety with my career by relentlessly asking what’s in it for her. Now that she’s had 2 kids and reached an arbitrary time frame in her mind, she is constantly pressing me about spending $20-30K on her “mommy makeover” (tummy tuck and a breast lift). Apparently “giving me 2 kids” means I owe her and being potentially between jobs is the time for her to get everything scheduled so I have time to watch the kids as she recovers. Solipsism 101. I’ve told her to stop bringing this up for months, but no avail. Today in the kitchen as I was telling her that tomorrow may be the day I get my pink slip, she brought it up again. I responded: ” your mommy makeover is #39 on the family list of priorities right now”. This set her into a PMS induced frenzy - saying it was #1 for her and she is going to get it. I decided in that moment to say: “you’re not getting it”. She blew up even more – immediately screaming, and threatening to just spend the money, to ignore me, to sleep upstairs, then threatened to take my kids. I used broken record and said "you're not getting it" 5x. My blood was fucking boiling. What a selfish bitch. When she threatened to take my kids I told her that was an ugly thing to say and walked into my office. We haven’t spoken since. I leave for a week on Monday and I fully expect that we won't speak before my flight on Monday. I’ll personally strive to have the memory of a goldfish tomorrow, but I’m fed up with her selfishness and inability to read the room given the current situation with my career and the stress I’m under.
RUIN
2024-01-18 18:49:45 +0000 UTCGirl 1, I think you just wanted that ego hit for some self-sabotaging reason Girl 2, I think she just wanted to establish that it's just a FWB situation and nothing serious will happen so she doesn't have to risk catching any feels Girl 3, I usually just hold hands while walking saying that's it's cold. You tried to bring her home before she was feeling any sexual attraction. Don't know if you made the conversation sexual or just played it safe I usually pay but that also means I choose cheaper date spots
Ban Mido
2024-01-18 18:15:43 +0000 UTC@Stripper, damn that's a good roast. I was laughing so much @ThatGuy, going to attempt to re-write the first para of your FR from your perspective as a self-exercise "She woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I could tell by the look on her face. And one of the first things she said... (she knows I work out every day) And one of the first things she said is, I want to go work out today. " "Saturday morning, I woke up looking forward to a relaxing weekend but my wife was in a shit mood. She said she wants to go workout that day". I can see the difference in perspective between the 2 paragraphs. Do you see it?
Ban Mido
2024-01-18 17:49:49 +0000 UTCI run into the absent wife situation from time to time. I am at the mindset of: it is a woman’s job to keep up appearances. If she wants to. I say, I don’t know, not here. And move on. If you are present, having a good this me… a vortex of energy. No body cares. Even… that wife is missing out. For being honest and congruent is more important than keeping up false appearances.
Cousin Eddie
2024-01-18 17:48:51 +0000 UTCFR: * Missed the call last week but yes I got a bit overconfident after my successes in Nov & Dec (dunning-kruger effect) and started looking for challenges (dropped the training wheels). Like how I'm learning snowboarding now, fell flat on my face last few dates. You're right; I'm not ready to freestyle it yet. Reviewing MM and going back to basics * I know we don't talk about long-term goals and only focus on immediate goals and actions but one of my goals for myself for this year is to be more sociable and increase my social network in my new city (aside: could you link the "city on lock" post? I tried looking for it). I also started practicing snowboarding on weekends this year. As part of that goal I invited some work colleagues to join me on the slopes on Sunday. My work colleagues are a tough crowd as they don't socialize together outside work but some of them were interested in trying skiing/snowboarding for the first time. Took the initiative, planned the event, rented the car and took them to the mountains on Sunday. A couple of them gave up after the first attempt but it was still fun for me and another guy. Took them to an Indian restuarant later and dropped them home. Plan to schedule more such events and invite people to join me * Also met another Indian guy practicing by himself on the bunny slopes. I went and introduced myself, learnt about him and we exchanged some tips on snowboarding. Unfortunately couldn't get his contact before I left. But plan to approach more people this way while out doing fun activities * On Friday night plate1 (36y/HB4) came over, we had some dinner with Netflix and smashed. She really wanted a good dicking but I was too tired; couldn't go for more than 15-20 mins. I had no energy left and was falling asleep. She was understanding and picked up a book to read while telling me to rest up. I felt bad, took an extra scoop of preworkout and had just enough energy to eat her to an orgasm before crashing. In the morning, I had to pick up a rental car so woke up early but wasn't sufficiently rested. Made some coffee and we tried smashing again. We 69'd until I gave her another oral orgasm but when I got to penetrate her after putting on the rubber I limped out. I didn't even have the energy to jerk off on her tits. She was disappointed that she couldn't get me to nut. She took me to her favorite donut shop and we chilled in the car with coffee & donuts before dropping her home. * She was very invested in finding out how I liked to be pleasured. I showed her the grapefruit girls trip video and said I like deep throat BJ. Trying to see if I can get her to deepthroat me without gagging * I noticed I was doing a lot of talking; she even joked that I talk a lot. It wasn't one-sided but also definitely forgot to apply the 2/3rd rule * My bedroom energy levels are shit; especially towards the night. If I miss 8hrs of sleep even one day, I start shutting down from the next day. This has gotten more troublesome as I got into my 30's. I don't know how older folks spin plates * On Tuesday night, I invited plate1 home again because I was backed up for a week. I had planned to smash for a few hours as soon as she came to my place, then chill with dinner. I just ended up cooking her some pasta and watching anime with her until 9PM when I started getting sleepy. Took her to bed, ate her out and I ended up orgasming from her blowjob. My refactory period takes a few hours before I can go again so I couldn't go again that night and she went home. I did enjoy chilling with her and we ended up laughing a lot. Eg: we both needed to pee at one point and I said we can pee together, just spread her legs to give me an opening. Accidentally sprayed her on her thighs, she started cursing me, I couldn't stop laughing and ended up spraying her some more. I just said "it's all for science" and we both laughed at the absurdity. * Any suggestions on reducing refactory period? * Last Saturday, I rented out a car for the weekend and took plate2 (23y/HB5) out for dinner and then back to her place. We hooked up but again I was too tired and dozed off while taking a break from thrusting. I got her off with my fingers and mouth but she wanted more. I was tired and I had to go to sleep early for the snowboarding trip the next day so bid her night and left. Keeping this plate spinning is a bit harder because she's very silent and I don't know what to talk to her about. She wants to cook some her native dishes for me next weekend Questions: * Do I run cocky-funny all the time I hangout with a girl, even after the first hookup? * Also is my understanding correct, that I have to keep displaying alpha traits (cocky-funny, dominance, etc.) to keep the girl invested in seeing me? And the more beta traits (care-taking, affection, cuddles, etc.) I display the more bored she'll get of me?
Ban Mido
2024-01-18 17:46:50 +0000 UTCIt is just a discussion I don't want to have. It is not their job. They may ask once. After a simple "she is home", "no she is not here" or something, I expect to move to other topic.
Mac
2024-01-18 17:09:26 +0000 UTCPut in here for record. Something about this report annoys the piss out of me. I don't sense any sincerity. Looking for a "quick fix" to return to the status quo. but won't put in any meaningful work. just scape by on the bare minimum. Example, the wife had to force his hand to change, he comes to us after 1 week? 1 week without obligated sex and he is looking for the door. This guy is a waste of time. I hope I'm wrong.
will zill
2024-01-18 17:05:24 +0000 UTCGood work on sticking to your guns! Drag them to happiness! The incongruence leads deeper. What do you want? The wife to come to the events, or you want other to see you as having a "happy relationship"? There is an element of validation seeking but to who and why? Once you have that you can create your own frame for the situation.
will zill
2024-01-18 16:56:05 +0000 UTCCOUCH, Field report from: January 13th, 2024. My wife is being a bitch. Again. Or maybe I'm the asshole here? She woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I could tell by the look on her face. And one of the first things she said... (she knows I work out every day) And one of the first things she said is, I want to go work out today. Yesterday, we spent having a long drawn out conversation about bills, which she initiated, which caused me to be late for work. She didn't end up going to work out yesterday (Friday). She's a stay at home mom. So she has Monday through Friday to go fucking work out. But she usually only goes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So because she missed yesterday, she wants to go today, which is fine. I don't care about that. But she has this way about her to make me feel rushed and pressured to be back by a specific time. And it's the fucking weekend. It's my only time off. It's Saturday and Sunday. So I don't want to play that game. She keeps asking me, where are you going to be back by? Because she knows I'm going to the gym. And I said, I don't know. I got to do a bunch of stuff. I got to work out. I got to shave my head. And we need to do some groceries. What really kicked it off is prior to this, we had a short conversation about groceries. I told her, as the woman of the house, I expect you to know when we run out of things. Because we're constantly running out of things, but we don't notice until we're completely out. So it's like, OK, like you're fucking cooking breakfast, lunch, dinner for you & the kids. (I've started cooking my own meals 4 months ago) You should notice when we run out of things. Right. And she started giving me shitty attitude and acting like, well, it's not just my job. It's both of our job. We both need to put it on the list. And it's like, yeah, I get it. But you're going to notice it before I do or you should. Right? But she's really bad about that. I just wanted her to make an effort to keep track of when we run out of shit. So that started a whole discussion and very shitty attitude from her saying, no, I'm not going to bow down to your expectations. We should both be doing it. Something like that. She felt really like, I don't know, like it was inappropriate for me to ask her to do that. You know, so I it kind of fucking triggered me. I got frustrated because I was like, what the fuck is this? I'm not asking for the world here. Right. And then voices got raised. I got frustrated. I don't think I stayed in my frame because I got frustrated. I was heated. But I was just giving it back to her and telling her what the truth was. Then I laid it out and I explained, look, you have Monday through Friday. You're you're staying home. So Monday through Friday, you can work out. And she goes, yeah, but, you know, I like to take rest days. I can't work out every day. I'm not like you. So I work out Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And I couldn't work out yesterday because we had that conversation. And then I'm like, OK, that's your fault that's not my problem and then she's like, you're the most selfish man. (In the past I would have felt so guilty hearing this and immediately tried to make it better but now I took it as a compliment.) So I got sick of it at one point. And I said, OK, I'm taking the list. I'll do all the groceries, but I'm going to be back really late. You're probably not going to go to the gym today. And she got really pissed off. And I just started leaving. And then she's like, no. And I realized that I fucked this up because she said, no, come back. Let's get back in here. Let's talk about it. And I was like, no, it's done. I'm just going to go and I'm going to do all the groceries. And then she's like, get back in the kitchen, pointing towards the kitchen from the hallway. And let's talk about it. She said that a few times that she did get me to come back to the kitchen. We talked about it a little bit more. And then it turns out the real fucking problem was. She wanted to go do the groceries after her workout. And it's like, bitch, I don't give a fuck if you do them after your workout. I don't give a shit. In her mind, it's hell to do multiple trips in the winter because it's cold outside. So she doesn't want to go do the groceries with the kids, come back, then go back to the gym. So I was like, yeah, I get it. I don't care. I don't care if you do them after. And she's like, well, how come you're so cool about it? The issue I had was I thought you didn't want to help out at all. I thought you didn't want to go do groceries, which was the truth she didn't. She didn't like the idea. Anyway so we split up the list and she figured out she can order most of the thigns from one store and go drive up and pick them up anyway. The reality is I don't want to be stressed out by her giving me a time to come back home to. Because if I don't fucking make it on time, there's always comments about how I wasn't back on time and how I was late. I fucking hate that. I'm not playing that game. So before I left, she's like, well, when are you going to be back? And I told her after I go to the gym, shower, shave my head, go to Costco, go to Target, then I'll be back. So that's it. That's the fucking field report. --ThatGuy
ThatGuy
2024-01-18 16:40:18 +0000 UTCFor the record, not that it matters, I also followed the path Rich, Rollo to Rian. With some other content creators that were recommended by youtube. What decided me to join the patreon was a rule zero episode on "how to save the west/marriage/dating". Basically everyone was downbeat on the subject and in the end you were the one saying to the contrary "In the end women will be women and you can use the proven strategies to handle that, because nothing has fondamentally changed" or something along this line.You made it seem you have a clue contrary to all the others which to me had just one trick up their sleeves: "ditch that bitch, wahmen ain't shit". After some midswatchs and others here I am. Side note, some midswatch made absolutely no sense to me at the time. It seems to be clear to you, but made not much sense to me. The reasoning was curious to me. I am not good with concept like narcisism, solipsism, etc...Today after all those R+P Q&A and FR, it makes a lot more sense. Back to the FR. I had a good session with "Broken Record". So the kid decided to change school and that means he will be between schools for 9 month. After some discussion it was clear, he had no intention to do something in specific in the mean time besides enjoying himself. The wife seemed Ok with it, even though she tried to sell me on "it is not tragic, he could go to a language school and learn a foreign language, or...". After some initial cool off period, holidays and fun free time, I told them "Look. I am not good with you staying at home all the time and doing nothing. I expect you to find an occupation, any occupation, that requires at least 50% of your time. I don't care what it is: work at McDonalds or in a shop or...". He came up with some ideas he had, but I said no. It seems to me, he wouldn't really be busy with that (he would be basically fucking around with no clear objective and endpoints). So I said "Sure you can do that, no problem, but you also need to find something else for 50%...". Wife and kids fought it. I "broken record" my points again and again. The wife continue with babling and I continued with the broken record. To the point that she looked at me like I had two heads, 4 arms, 7 eyes, ...and I left the room. First time I used BR for such "high stakes" arguments. I was not ready to let it slide, my views were important to me. I was not sure how it would go, as I usually end up compromising on the issue. This time I could make my point without compromise. After that the kid found a small job. He is happy doing it and earning "a lot of money" (for him). All good to me. There is also this situation were I fail to handle it properly. In the sommer there are a lot of events/happenings in the city. I usually do: "hey there is this band playing I go see them playing, you join ?" and I get usually a "No". I still go. Once there I end up meeting friends and aquaintances. Each time they ask "But where is your wife ?", then "hooo what is she doing ? She didn't came ? ". People don't get that I am here alone without her. In those situations, I don't know what to say really besides a plain answer like "No" or "she is home". I see it sending strange vibes accross. Even to the point my face is telling more than my words and some people understand that I am no longer good with my wife. I don't want to send those vibes. I don't want to find excuses "oh she is busy with work" or some other fake excuses. I don't want to change what other thinks. I don't want to send wrong signals and later have to deal with shit that are not necessary. What is a better strategy here ?
Mac
2024-01-18 16:23:39 +0000 UTCI was busy, wife looked like she sick of something. I wanted to try something out. I wanted to initiate get shot down and act like nothing happened. I asked if she was up for sex but in a way like I didn’t expect her to say yes and that I was going to be fine with it, and didn’t push. If I just asked normally, I had the feeling she would have made herself do it. “You’re not up for sex are you?”. So that evening, I was in a strange mood, like not giving a fuck, but sort of grumpy. Was in bed, winding down. I put on my headphones, and asked her to talk so I could make sure they were not in noise canceling mode. She said surprised, “You want to hear me?”, “Yeah, I want to hear you . . . well . . . we’ll see”. I found it amusing. her: “You don’t have to be mean”, “ok”. First thing in the morning, she wanted sex. On another day I jerked off. I think this got me in that similar mood and wife initiated again that same evening. I think I found something within myself that I would like to cultivate further. It’s a relaxed not trying for anything. I finished reading Emotions Revealed. It was interesting, about the different faces we make to express emotions. Would recommend.
Op Sec
2024-01-18 14:48:25 +0000 UTCNice one Stripper, that's a great call. A new OODA loop for me!
So Woke da Wookie
2024-01-18 13:52:08 +0000 UTCYeah @Stripper - the act like your wife is dead reveals so much and you get ontop of your shit and the kids learn Dads standards in a much clearer manner.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-01-18 13:47:19 +0000 UTCCumming 'on' her ass requires aftercare?
So Woke da Wookie
2024-01-18 11:09:07 +0000 UTCGet your wife back to work as a high priority. And as Opsec says - Catch and Release.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-01-18 11:07:54 +0000 UTCHey All, So the 30 year old is still loads of fun. These younger women are up for everything. This week I would say I went to places sexually I hadn’t been before. It was the most feral and intense sex I have had in decades. It was also the roughest I’ve been too and her response was wild to watch. She loved it. The most intense orgasm I have ever watched in a woman. And it set her up for all sorts of sexy shenanigans for the next 24 hours. We bunked work the next day and spent most of it in bed. In the evening, I sent her on her way as I need to start prepping for my week with the children. Now another point of note on the sex with this younger woman, the joy, fun and pleasure she took in giving me pleasure. The time she took - wow - this girl has set the bar. I won't go into details but I say this - she took care of the details. With that be said, your comment that this affair is “on a timeline” was inspired and really pulled me back from over investing and just having fun. I am using the abundance to line up new dates and cocky funny and AM are much more natural with a set of well drained balls. The consequence of this change of attitude, combined with using TRA you recommend in relation to my career was that I came back down to earth. I came to accept that I had been using the Startup as “hopium” to get me through the rough patches in the divorce. It’s just a fucking job - with upsides and downsides. The adjustment in attitude was anxiety inducing at first and now it's liberating. So I set about a set of new processes and practices to that I can run OODA loops: 1) Morning Routine 2) Financial System review - this is the first time in 20 years that I am fully in control. Before I was fighting for control. Now I have it. 3) 7 weeks no booze - follow by a 10 days of boozing Doing this with a bunch of my buddies - on day 20 and I feel great. 4) The above meant I just could not get enough sleep. I feared this was my new normal (old guy tiredness). It took about 2 weeks but finally I am waking up earlier and earlier and feeling more and more energised. Probably all the restorative sleep from the hard partying of the last 6 months with my own place for the first time in 20 years. The main thing at the moment for me is I am really zeroing in on what I want. And it’s becoming clear to me that the baseline of what I want really requires nobody's help, assistance or participation. This makes it much easier to articulate what I want to myself. I don’t recall such clarity ever before in my life. My energy and confidence levels are up. Added to this, the RP praxeology really reduces the chances of me stepping on my own dick. All is good and improving and I don’t need anyone else’s agreement to get what I want. Except, the gurls, obviously they need to agree - haha.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-01-18 11:04:33 +0000 UTCR&P 254 Wife mentions something about some weirdos being out at the local shops and being wolf whistled at one night.. me: are you sure it was at you?. ….. Yeh I guess there are some crazy about Been taking the kids out each morning for some holiday activities, taking a couple hours off work each day during holidays. Smashing, ...not as much as last week, but coming on her ass and giving aftercare.
Fez
2024-01-18 07:24:49 +0000 UTCOn all these adventures: remember women are emotional junkies. Learn to put them on a rollercoaster and all these nuanced issues will go your way, Ex: push pull, misinterpret what the say, make it sexual then scold them for it. Be outcome independent. Be in the moment. Build mystery… Note: this does not necessarily mean to be a clown or whatever cliche.
Cousin Eddie
2024-01-18 03:14:08 +0000 UTCFairly classic situation you are in. Dead bedroom. Start building dread. Gym bag routine. Never schedule sex or date nights. Do you have friends? If so, time to start going out and having fun. Don’t deer. Catch and release. If not, get some. As mentioned by opsec: go to a gym. It is more than just working out. It is leaving the house. Scorched earth is also important. Also: 3 times a week for a 15 year marriage is pretty ambitious. What happens at 1.5 x. But spontaneously happening. Is she into that? Also, don’t bother trying to figure out what your wife is thinking. “My wife is not attracted to me.” Swiss watch… You are in here frame.
Cousin Eddie
2024-01-18 02:56:26 +0000 UTCWell done on catching your covert contract and validation seeking behavior.
will zill
2024-01-18 01:34:54 +0000 UTCIt's better to go to a gym if you are able to it creates dread because you are out of the house. ROI frequently isn't there on a home gym anyway. You didn't STFU, you opened your big mouth and told her you don't want her to feel obligated. Do you know why? approach more women? have you approached any?
Op Sec
2024-01-17 22:53:27 +0000 UTCMy weight lifting coach gives me a program to follow. I trust him because he is way more knowledgable than I am. He tells me he likes me as a client, I do the work outs and don't bitch. Sure I give him feedback, I pushback against him wanting me to do powerlifting when I want to have more of a body building or athletic tilt. What I don't understand are the people that hire the coach, get the program and then end up doing whatever they were going to do anyway. You can do that for free.
Op Sec
2024-01-17 22:37:54 +0000 UTCThis is my first field report so feedback is appreciated how I can improve. 37, married for 15 years, wife is 38, college sweethearts. Both of us come from religious backgrounds. Two kids; 8 and 5 both in school, wife is a stay at home mom. Been red pill aware for about a year and I am crawling out of the dancing monkey improvement program but know I have more grinding. Still in the anger phase with most days being better than but it’s still come out as bitterness for my wife. Where I am at now? Fitness I’m 203lb at 6’1 and my focus is cutting weight while lifting. Doing low carb and tracking my macros daily with a goal to be at 185. Hit my limit with my home gym of dumbells and am purchasing a squat rack and barbell this week. Relationship My wife isn’t attracted to me and I see this in her eyes most times we fuck. Mostly starfish and even the once a month enegetic sex with her cycle has dried up over the last 4 months. She cums maybe once a month with me, not from lack of trying on my part. Usually get a “skins sensitive, it’s that part of my cycle”. Since the kids were born we had a sex schedule twice a week that moved to three times a week for the past 3 years. I knew this was negotiated desire but I was/am thirsty and I was getting laid right? Finally blew up this week with my wife saying she can’t do this anymore, she wants to miss sex, feels it’s a weight on her shoulders, etc. Her girlfriends say the same thing, they only give it up once a week and this isn’t her fault I STFU and didn’t DEER like I would have 6 months ago. I knew talking about it with her wasn’t going to change anything, it is on me. I then told her I don’t want her to feel obligated to do anything and I appreciated her honestly. What a kick in my egos nuts man, wife doesn’t wanna fuck me and I am clearly not creating the tingles. I know I have been negotiating desire with her and it finally blew up in my face. This has been the hardest things for my ego to swallow and it’s confirmation I have been the dancing monkey. Looking in the mirror I need to get more attractive ( see fitness) and build my game skills to create abundance and use my wife as a sparing partner. I have started the Mystery Method this week to help build my skills and approach more women.
Amos_Durden
2024-01-17 21:27:21 +0000 UTCI went against your advice and still met with the girl that kicked me out. She kinda felt bad for it so I leaned into that and teased her about it and made her pay for the drinks so at least I got something out of it lol. Why did I go against the advice? I think I wanted closure myself. To see if she is going to tear me a new asshole or apologize. We met in a bar, talked a little bit, sat close to each other and I was touching her arms and legs and the face a little bit. We talked and I at least had fun. I went home early as planned, as I was still a little sick then. But she also was a bit combative. She told me a couple of times that she would not take me home tonight (But at least she was thinking about that). But as I was not planning on going home with her anyway I joked that she would kick me out again anyway. But the last time I told her just „Yeah that’s fine“ and she was like „I don’t care if it’s fine for you“. I tried to laugh that off, but damn that's brutal lol. Yeah anyway, I don’t feel like putting effort into that chick anymore. If she hits me up again fine, but nothing from my side. I set up a date with vacation girl on Saturday, but she told me a couple hours before we were meant to meet that she was going to be busy with writing applications as she is currently looking for a new job and if we could meet on sunday. She was worried that I was going to be angry, so I jokingly told her not to worry, I‘ll just ask another girl to hang out. She texts me after midnight, if I am still awake, and acts surprised that I was. She asked me if I am busy with another girl. I asked if she really wanted to know. She said why not. I said I was just about to go to bed. Then she said good night, and I said “Good night, looking forward to tomorrow”. I waited a bit, but she did not respond anymore. I’m kinda angry but then get angry with myself as I recognize I just said that to make her say it back. A needy covert contract. On Sunday evening, I picked up vacation girl from the train, went to my place, we cooked, watched like 20 minutes of a movie and had sex. Used viagra and my erection was very solid. She even commented about it several times. In the past, there were a few times it was just “good enough” even with viagra, so I am currently moving in a good direction on this issue. (I am sure you guys love hearing about my dick) While cooking, we had a very interesting conversation. She told me how everyone in her life thinks she is an asshole, as she has no time for them. Then she told me that she is kind of scared, I will not be able to handle it well when she is going to move away for work soon. (And a few weeks before she told me she is scared that I am going to fall in love with her and she won’t return it.) Then she pressed me, if I am really seeing other girls, because that would actually take a lot of pressure off of her. So I admitted “I am seeing other girls” (this was pretty hard for me, as everything inside myself was screaming to hide the badness) and she appeared relieved. I joked that she isn’t the only asshole now. And she joked that she will feel much better now, when she is going to take advantage of me in the future. Time will tell if it was the right move, but it started very promising, as sex was very good afterwards. At the very least, seeing other girls feels no longer dishonest. Earlier that Sunday, I had a date with a new girl from an OLD app. We met, got a coffee, and drank it while walking in the park. I was too ambitious, as I planned the route so we would end up at my place. I asked her to come in for some tea, but she said no. Then I walked her back to the train. It was not as bad as it sounds, hear me out. What I did DiCarlo wise: When we met, I hugged her to say hello. Then as we were walking, I pushed and pulled on her arm to “give directions” while walking. (Something I stole from vacation girl, she was doing that on our first date and it definitely made an impression on me.) Then we arrived at my place, which was too early in the escalation ladder, I was just doing class 1 stuff so far. Anyway. On the way back I rubbed her back a few times, when I made fun of her and patted her on the head once, as I was teasing her for being short. When her train arrived we hugged to say goodbye and she waved at me from the train. I did better, but I could still be more bold. But it’s kinda hard while walking, which is totally on me. We will meet again on friday, after work for a quick bite and drinks. Let’s see how that will go. Do you guys pay when also grabbing something to eat or do you split the check? Or is eating something on the date “blue pill” and you always eat before meeting the girl?
Am I red yet
2024-01-17 21:19:31 +0000 UTC
