Patreon, R&P Q&A #266
Added 2024-04-24 21:47:41 +0000 UTC
Comments
Nice! I usually give them a heart and then a couple days later tell her (usually through text since I am away a lot) that I used the photos to pleasure myself. Then tell her “it was hot, too bad you missed it” That’s usually it.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-30 17:24:06 +0000 UTCThe wife sent me nudes for the first time in our 15 year marriage. No prompting, just our of the blue. Luteal phase 😁 how do you guys like to reward good behavior...I don't want to fall back into my ways. She sent the nudes so I gave her a full body message and then gave her the happy ending. Then the next morning I brought her fancy coffee after my workout.
Iron_hanz
2024-04-30 14:30:00 +0000 UTCI'm going to try this on date night and report back.
Iron_hanz
2024-04-28 19:18:48 +0000 UTC🤣 hopefully it helps
Validation Junkie
2024-04-28 19:18:04 +0000 UTC🤣 I genuinely had a pretty good laugh. This actually sounds like a lot of fun. I will definitely give this a shot. Anything at this point.
Iron_hanz
2024-04-28 12:42:59 +0000 UTCSometimes to win a game of chess you have to flip the board over and not play. That sounds fucking painful man. I will say 5 am is early, and I have found that most times I am shot down is in the early morning. Women are like a diesel engines, they time to warm up and are noisy as hell. I did the same thing. I spoke it out in plain English like an autist, then I watched her dry up like a raisin. “Women like marketing, not sales.” So I quite trying too hard to get any in the morning, instead I sent a sexy texts from work, smacked her butt and kissed her when I was home ect. and then initiated right before bed. Success increased. Also if you haven’t, learned the difference between intimacy and sex I suggest you do. I was an idiot that didn’t understand that concept when I was younger. If she goes for it, skip the fore play and go straight to smash, like smash smash! It’s the concept “everyone has a plan until they are punched in the face.” She will expect the routine and you hit her with your game plan she might just go with it. If she does the usually visible irritated thing, then employee the “you know what, this just ain’t doing it for me, maybe another time” speech. No talks, no explanations…nothing. If she try’s to initiate later, smash! Blow yours first and exclaim I win and roll over. Hahaha ok maybe not say “I win” but if you do it and it works let me know haha Now that I think about it this routine it’s like broken record but for sex. Not saying to do this but it’s an idea. I went through a similar thing and used this process.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-28 06:08:44 +0000 UTCThat's a interesting idea. So usually what happens is I will initiate during the day, first thing in the morning or if I'm running late, in the afternoon when I get home from work. I'm usually turned down. Then she wants to initiate at night when we are in bed. If I deviate from the script. I go down on her until she almost climaxes then she will go down on me, then she gets on top and climax that way. And after that she rolls over and it's my turn. So if I deviate from this she gets visibly upset and wants to do it her way. I've told her that if we're just going to do maintenance sex I just don't want it as much. And I have literally written it out for her what I want. She just won't do it. Like initiate on the day for a quicky, wear lingerie, sext me on the incripted app. Play a spicy board game. ... nothing sticks. So I think that perhaps the this isn't working is the way to go
Iron_hanz
2024-04-28 03:35:33 +0000 UTCI think Riane calls it, “f me or f you” which only produces more timely duty booty. I think that’s the result. Clearly you’re experiencing the increase in duty but still feels like grape. I know this sounds crazy and it seems like a boundary for you, but I am curious what would happened when she initiated after 9, and you just went blast wild on it each time for like 5 min. Did your thing and then just rolled right over and passed out. I wonder would happen after like a month of doing that. I know you are an arborist, and I got a dangerous job that has me up early too so I get what you are saying. Still curious if you turning her down is giving off a lower value signal to her. Oh yah open communication I did the same thing and it’s worthless. I had a similar deal for a while when I first amped up the juice, “topping from the bottom” very unattractive. I had to stop a few times midway through and tell her it was lame and wasn’t into and and that we could try again later.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-28 03:21:32 +0000 UTCIt wasn't very great after that. Felt gross. Like she knew I was right and she never turned me down after that but like they say felt like grape. To the point now that I just don't even want it anymore. She will initiate but it's pathetic. Like waiting until 10pm when I have to get up at 5 to workout and grazing my junk and then rolling over but hurt after I tell her you had all day to do this, I'm sleeping now. We had lots of open communication in the past didn't do jack. I've told her I am not interested past 9 because I need to sleep. I'm a arborist so my job is very dangerous. She has this need to gate keep the fun in the relationship and it's very un attractive. Like we have a specific way we can do it and that's it. I just need to try the "this isn't working" thing see how that goes. I've been "cave maning" a lot.
Iron_hanz
2024-04-27 14:06:01 +0000 UTCNot familiar with the story but I do know taking the keys back is liberating.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-27 05:49:24 +0000 UTCI told her that if she was going to gate keep intomesee then I had no other option then to gate keep fidelity. I told her that I deserve to have a woman in my life that desires me. And she has a choice of that's her or not. That was about a year ago and actually before I came to red pill. I read the story Iron hanz and it changed my whole paradigm on life. You have to take the keys out from your mother's pillow. That quote woke me up
Iron_hanz
2024-04-27 02:37:17 +0000 UTCIt’s good when the result of you being attractive is others taking notice. It sounded like you had to use active dread? What did you do?
Validation Junkie
2024-04-27 01:37:45 +0000 UTCDude this was so helpful, thank you for the reply. Makes a lot of sense. You shame it in other women then don't understand why you're wife turned into a pride. Golf clap 👏. For sure. I'm dressing way better now. Buying shirts that are way too tight. I've noticed I get looks a lot more and that has helped the passive dread. I realize now that it's going to take a lot of time to get that program out
Iron_hanz
2024-04-27 00:10:11 +0000 UTCThis is what I did and it changed our sex life. After I married I started the modonna/whore complex with her. Shaming over sexualized women in front of her. Slowly I started to notice our sex life became a little bland. I was always pretty sexual so I got frustrated, and went to the internet. Long story short, I found the red pill and learned about the modonna and whore complex. So I stopped shaming other sexual women in front of her. When I would get asked or told that some chick was acting like a whore or dressing slutty I would respond with a smile and a “ha I bet she knows what she likes” or “I am sure she’s a crowd pleaser, God bless her,” or “the world would be a happier place with more of them.” Showing that I didn’t think it was a big deal. Then I slowly started to unleash my desire. Sending naughty texts, told her what she would look hot doing “x” in a fun playful way. Texting sexually suggestive clothing telling her she should wear this and we could do x. No matter what, I didn’t shame her for anything sexual. I encouraged it verbally and physically, re-enforcing the positive loop. Just make sure the positive re-enforcement is not “oh hey thanks for that baby.” More of “oh damn baby you are such a naughty little thing, that was hot” and then leave it. Or like “where did that come from, you naughty little minx? You just moved up one notch in my book” Trust me I know, she’s going to resist, call you a pervert, even tell you straight up I hate that kind of language and don’t use it around me. Stick with it if you want. You should have heard the crap she tried to shame me with when I told her I was into bdsm, and we are Christian’s that go to church. It takes time yet I went from vanilla sex, doing shibari, choking, spanking and a D and S model in about 2 years. Going on year 3. No matter the level of deviation you want, you will have to lead it there by showing her your unleashed sexuality, not shaming and proper (alpha not beta) encouragement. At the end of the day “she get’s first crack at the libido, not soul custody”
Validation Junkie
2024-04-27 00:04:21 +0000 UTCMaried 15 years, read your books, Rollos, before that I read tons of crap! The proper care and feeding of Merige, love and respect. All the Christian duty booty bulshit. I had to revert to overt dred to get any from my wife. I've been doing crossfit for 4 years now, down to 19 percent body fat at 190lbs. I still hold on to covert contracts at times. I'm realizing that I can't expect her to be expressive and creative in bed she never had been so why would that change. Learning to channel that desire into my business and more revenue streams. Not sure if I want to kill date nite every Thursday last night was actually pretty fun after reading pook and treating her like a little girl.
Iron_hanz
2024-04-26 12:32:34 +0000 UTCI don’t know if it’s the best way to figure out if you are boring or not. I do know it’s a good way to build social skills and abundance.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-26 07:40:26 +0000 UTCReally good question. If she miraculously turns around, would I stay? The short answer is that I would be "tempted" to stay to fulfill my blue pilled fantasies, and to save money. But my logical mind says that the marriage has been so shitty for such an extended period of time that even if things miraculously got better I would be constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't trust that she can turn around her side of the equation. She does almost nothing from a personal development perspective; she is a fat, bored, angry, wine Mom (that I had a large part in creating and enabling due to my poor leadership and beta behaviors). I guess that it is possible that the shock of divorce papers will cause her to wake up and take massive action. But even in that unlikely scenario I'm more inclined to leave, make a clean break, and cut all ties. I guess I could consider turning her into a plate, but I'm really having trouble envisioning what the benefit of that would be.
Ground Hog Day
2024-04-26 01:23:39 +0000 UTCAh FFS, I didn't even think of that on the number thing. I can see her on instagram, private account, is it super-bundle-of-sticks to look her up and follow after a Hinge unmatch? I could be all "you obviously made a mistake when you unmatched and forgot to ask for my number so you can do it now? I'll wait" - gives her an out and is a bit fun? Thoughts?
So Woke da Wookie
2024-04-25 18:28:28 +0000 UTCI'm doing better and better djing vise. I ran into drouble in the one bar/restaurant I work at least two times a month. Wasn't even my fault. The second boss at the place was there one evening, I was working there. He was allready fully drunk cause he drank since noon. Also he hadn't fucked in two weeks or so and gets in very bad mood when he hasn't fucked. Than he got angry at me for reasons nobody knows. He wasn't telling me he could articulate to anyone. He went to the office and the guy who makes the appointments for the djs. He told them to look for a new dj instead of me. The guy told the boss he needs me but the boss would budge for now. The guy needs me for some other Dj jobs too and I'm reliable compared to other djs. One and a half months later the boss finally budged and now everything is back to normal. Only costes me two paychecks in February and March. It pays of to make yourself irreplaceable. The better news comes from the club venue I tried to get in for a time. I wrote about that in a prior Field report. My situation is that I now work there at least once a month with another guy who can't and doesn't want to work alone there. Pay gets split and that's fine. The nice guy idiot who still block my road for the next bigger part is prone to stepping on his own dick. So I have allready a foot in the door and bring good result. So I only have to wait till the guy makes himself gone. When it comes to girls. I discoverd that I need peace and silence only if I sleep or when I'm buisy with something. Since I have enough time I could take spenting one or two days a week with a girl. I like talking anyway. I now need to find one that is pleasant enough. If I don't find one. I'm more than fine too. I spent yesterday more than two hours eating with my best buddy and talking. He is a dj too did pua more than ten years ago so I can really talk to him about chicks nature too. When I compare the social skills I have now to when I started 10 years ago to when I began going to the, club venue I work now too, it's day in night. I think peopke nowadays would consider me a kind light autist back then.
TheSilver Bishop
2024-04-25 18:17:29 +0000 UTCTrying to decide what I want after scrapping my covert contract of getting my wife to want to fuck me. Realized I’ve lived my whole life according to what others want (wife, family, friends, society) and not myself. Now I'm not even sure what I actually want aside from sex with women who don’t take me for granted. Hard No every time I initiated since last FR. Did the gym bag routine every time and at least felt better getting shot done that I had to do. Birthday dinner for my wife’s sister was eye opening. Observed my wife’s sisters and mother berating my father in law with shit tests and bs the whole day. Same with my wife’s younger sister when talking with her husband. I was fine and practiced fogging , STFU, amused mastery, and negative inquiry a bit. Q: Is talking with other women the best way to tell if you’re boring or not? I don’t have shit to say to my wife outside of asking her about her day when I get home, letting her hamster for 20 minutes about her work drama, kid logistics, or things that need to get done. Reading side bar again on the train and started working out in the mornings.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-04-25 18:05:21 +0000 UTCGirls showing iOi. …inter, at gym. You need to open them, and escalate. To the point that is appropriate…. They will reciprocate.. qualify if they are in to you. Otherwise it could be delusion. Which is not the worst thing if you are working on confidence. Not sure your exact goals here.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-25 18:04:42 +0000 UTCField Report 2, Video 266 28 years old, ad filmmaker, Indian Since I last wrote things have been mostly good. I have started working out and have been regular. I'm doing 5x5 stronglifts and 10 rounds of swimming 50 meters laps as cardio. I don't track weight. Slacking. Been listening to NMMNG on repeat, whenever I have any work I don't require to put my attention to, I play NMMNG. Helps me remember that I'm working on this. Also makes it easy to observe my behaviours. Honestly had to tune down it a little cause at a point that's all I was doing. Listening to the book on repeat. But now I actively choose when is a good time which I can utilize better by listening. Like at gym or rendering a video while putting right settings etc. Also idk if I'm doing something wrong but I'm kinda hyper alert of my behaviour now only it's not in my control. For example I would do a validation seeking action I get this thought every time saying you did it again just now, you fuck. So my responses have become slow with everyone I interact with. But that's how I learnt to ride bike too so I guess that's the same with this? Last week there was a financial crisis cause the clients delayed payment. So me and my girl had to pay to our vendors for the time. She was panicking how we'll survive and how she always finds her in no money situations. Her panick was transferring into me. Usually I run away from the situation. I feel like I'm being blamed. But this time I became conscious and asked myself why am I panicking. Is it worth panicking. I thought it's just a delay and I still have enough saving to get by this month at least and no delay is more than that. So I relaxed and told her, " I can see why you'd feel that way. But relax, we got this. Dont stress, we'll be fine. " She became relaxed was aggressive during sex that night. Came a lots. Earlier this week she went to drop me to my place where I had to pick a few things since we had a meeting the next day so I decided to stay at hers after work. She saw some old condom packets on my table, bought them years back and forgot in a bag and took out while cleaning and kept them there and forgot. Driving back she asked me if I've slept with someone in the past few days. I used you'll be the first one to know but why? She said she saw the packets. I laughed at her face. She angrily asked tell me why. I laughed harder. Said it's a showpiece for decoration. Then didn't wanna stretch so told her its old packet. Good thing I guess she's been jealous since. That's why I decided cardio as swimming. Other women check me out there. She can also see it. It's a building pool. We went for an office meeting one day where the interns were showing interest in me. She was also watching. I remember one of your videos where you were saying don't shit where you eat, so I have no plans like these at office. But I enjoyed the attention. Girls been good. And I'm reading and following the NMMNG stuff on reddit and discord.
Duke of the Dunes
2024-04-25 17:58:51 +0000 UTCAs covert mentions. This will take time. I want to add: some of these thing strike me as blue pill fantasies. Your ideas on marriage and your wife being on your side…. It works to frame them as mental models. Might want to think of them as delusions you were trained to think. My understanding of mental models is more: wwjd (what would Jesus do). That is a mental model to follow. Mapping how I treat my 9 year old onto my wife when she (wife) ‘throws a tantrum.’ In that case the mm is: what would I do if this person yelling at me was a 9 year old. This is in the weeds… but a delusion is different than a covert contract… is different than a mm. Keep writing. Looks good.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-25 17:49:20 +0000 UTCField Report #9 2024-04-25 I appreciated last weeks discussion and listened to it several times (discussion on flawed mental models, Catholicism, how mental models get programmed in early, and how they affect our life. ) It was also was a massive relief to me that you could understand what I was saying, and had clearly seen all of this shit before from thousands of other field reports – because it means that my situation is nothing new, and that I can reprogram it if I just continue doing the work. This week I am focusing in on some smaller manageable chunks. So here’s my new go forward plan to improve overall fuckability in prep for my exit from the marriage. I am going to continue focusing on the physical pillar, and also the emotional pillar: Physical Pillar: Status: on track. Workouts and eating are going well. Not going to report on the details this week in order to save time. Emotional Pillar: Focus on replacing my flawed mental models with new mental models from Prax: Frame. I journaled alot and came up with the following flawed mental models coming from the Catholicism. These 2 big ones have caused me a huge amount of cognitive dissonance. - Flawed Mental Model #1: Marriage is Permanent Bliss: I had the mental model that marriage was this mystical state that would deliver all of the love, romance, happiness, and contentment that I would ever need...thus making me happy forever. Of course, this is childlike thinking, and that my marriage clearly sucks and so this isn’t actually true...but there it was, a flawed model underlying all of the anxiety, fear of abandonment. So if I leave the marriage I will suffer. Of course this is not true. There are a bunch of covert contracts hanging off of this: - Unlimited Sex Covert Contract: Since we are married, my wife will deliver to me unlimited sex and romance and desire my entire life. - On My Team Covert Contract: Since we are married my wife will always be on my “team”, and thus, will take care of me and do things for me that I want (whether or not I ever mention it or ask for it) - Respect & Happiness Covert Contract: Since we are married my wife will always treat me with respect and be happy and pleasant, because that is what wives are supposed to do. - Giving to get Covert Contract: Since I am married I should give constantly, and I will get unlimited love, sex, and appreciation. Flawed Mental Model #2: I made a Promise and I have to keep it (this is a different kind of promise keeper than what you describe in your book). Because I got up in front of all of the people at the wedding and made a promise, and I have to keep it no matter what, even if means living in misery and in a life of quiet desperation. Never mind the fact that if I had a crystal ball and could see what my marriage turned out to be like I never would have done it. It’s kind of a moral absolutism – “I always keep my promises.” Thus, if I leave the marriage for anything other than infidelity or violence or something “extreme” that would make me a bad person. There are a bunch of covert contracts hanging off of this: - If I keep my promises Covert Contract: If I keep my promises, my wife will do what I want to keep me happy, provide me with validation, and love me forever. Haha, yeah right. - Avoid conflict Covert Contract: If I avoid conflict with my wife, this will make her happy and I will have a problem free and enjoyable life. This is similar to the flawed mental model tht you discuss about seeking approval to surrogate mothers. - Family respect Covert Contract: If I keep my promises and stay married, then my extended family will love and respect me, and view me as a good person. Damn, this is some fucked up shit. Whenever I see these models in operation, I think of the following mental models from your books to replace it with: - 2/3 rule – give 2/3 of what you receive - Everything valuable – treat everything that I have as a man as though it has value - Emasculation paradox – once I read and reread this it made me laugh – gives me a clear understanding of why I should not worry about her emotions, and should continue to be assertive. - Do not argue with women - Women cannot love you the way you want - Ask myself – “WHAT DO I ACTUALLY WANT IN THIS SITUATION”...and figure out how to get it through directness, assertiveness, or some non-covert contract-oriented way. I find myself doing this constantly asking this now...in business situations, when going to the store, talking with a random stranger, talking with family members, etc. It's like a big broken record: What do I actually want? What do I actually want? What do I actually want? For some reason, after doing all of this psychoanalysis on myself, I feel alot better and have gotten 3 consecutive nights of really good sleep. Not sure why this is but I am taking this as a sign that I am on the right track. ...this is enough for today.
Ground Hog Day
2024-04-25 17:13:15 +0000 UTCI had 2 dates scheduled for Saturday. A new bar opened up in my little town so Friday night was a heavy one. So I flaked on date one and took date two. Date 2 was the sexier one. Day time date. We meet on a sunny day in the city. First stop is coffee at a hipster cafe. Then an art exhibition. Then a walk in the city park. Kino begins and then she can’t stop herself. She has been talking a mile a minute, touching my arms, I know she is into me. I grab her and pretend to throw her in the duck pond. She’s fit and has a sexy little belly. She gives a scream But gently covers my hand with her hand. Holding it against her belly. Then I take her to an exclusive shop and we mess around trying on sunnies. I only realised after how much game I have internalised. I take her for a drink. I don’t buy alcohol for myself because I tell her I am driving. In the park, I say, exasperated, “Go on then, get the awkward first kiss out of the way” I just and sit there and don’t move. She say “No not here”. I say yes, right here. She say okay but no tongues. I say, there has to be a little bit of tongue or there no fun. She moves in and we kiss. Then she suggest we go for a drive. I jump at the chance and drive up to mountains to show her the city but it’s half the way to my house which is an hour outside the city. As we’re driving she says I am really confident and cheeky. I say how cheeky, she says I held a door open for her and put my hand on her ass and gave her a little shove. She says it was public and bold and she'd just met me so she didn't know what to think but she liked it. I didn’t even remember doing it. After our mountain stop, I suggest we go to the new bar in my town and she says yes. She says she’ll stay the night but she is not fucking me. I say of course “I’m not that type of girl”. In my house I grab her hair close to her scalp just above the nape of her neck. I do this quiet roughly. They go crazy for it. I want to go to the bar so the women in my area get to see her. She is striking looking. Black Bob and blunt fringe and hipster tattoos. All the girls are dressed up girly in the bar and this girl stands out. The whole town is looking at her. My own personal style is cooler than anyone in my town so this girl really makes it pop. My game here is to let the young women in the town know I’m out about and there’s a guy who fucks in the town. I catch a lot of eyeballs. Women like me I know that, but when they see you with a woman that stands out they go bonkers. Some of the girl friends of American Girl were in the bar I can see them look at me. First there's this slight look of outrage and then you catch them staring. We leave the bar and we are hitting a bottle of poppers and have a laughing our arses off. I get her back to my House and we go for hours. Everything you can think of but no PiV. Great body. Same thing next morning and then I drop her home. Anyway I was wondering what is the best way to follow up with her was. I forgot to ask for her number and we are connected on Hinge. I give it a day and then I decided I would wait until I asked the question here but then…pooof She either unmatches or she deletes the app. I was a bit taken aback because I want her on the roster, though she was wild, so I did think I could get myself in trouble here. This is definitely my type, the Cool Chick stuff high energy and raunchy, like my Ex when we first met. I know I am supposed to be trying to go for other types. So that been said I have 3 dates next week. 2 new and one from the past. The one from the past is Banker Chick. She was great fun in bed. She was also the most calm of all the girls. American Girl was chill too and wild in the sack. I dropped this plate because she was part of my first rotation and I was been silly and moody. I should have keep her simmering but I was too in my own head. I had seen she looked at my status on an app and then I saw her on Bumble the other day. I do have her number so after swiping her, the next day I texted her. “Get off that app. Otherwise creepy guys are going to start texting you”. This got the ball rolling and I said I would contact her next week and make arrangements. She liked that. She is Middle Eastern, petite and rolling in cash. I have to get her down to the new bar soon and get the local girl tongues wagging. It would be great to have some of the young ones dropping over to my house for more erotic fun with an older man. We know a 1/3 of them go crazy for it. I've already noticed them looking and greeting me in more girly way now as do my local errands or when I go into the bar. Having a a glamorous middle eastern rich chick will be great. It's so fun to watch the girls not being able to hide their curiosity. Then after that I think I'll throw in geeky chick. The other thing of note is on the apps as soon as some one says “Hi” I immediately propose a date and a time. I have no idea if I actually will have the time but they love it. And they all say it to me how confident and different it is. They clearly find it very masculine. This I found surprising.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-04-25 16:44:33 +0000 UTCFitness Started creatine about 3 weeks ago and feeling some extra push on bench and squat, could be placebo, doesn't really matter. I hit 250 on squat and started to get some pain in my right knee. I've been switching over to bulgarian split squat holding two 45 pound DBs. Plan is to do bulgarian half the time and stay at 250 on reg squat until the knee has less pain. Dating Set up a date with a blonde 5 years younger than me. I got there a bit early and ordered a drink at the bar. In comes a large woman that kinda matches the pictures. She spots me and my first thought is "ah fuck I got tricked". She was double the size I was expecting, proportions way different than what the pictures showed. I considered telling her something came up and that I gotta go, then thought fuck it I need the practice anyway. The main thing I wanted to work on is kino and leading the conversation into more feelz instead of logic by teasing, accusing, etc. She had a tattoo on her wrist, kino by touching her hand and talking about the tattoo. Got it when she was young her parents freaked out: "I thought you were a good girl and you got a naughty side dont you?" - blushing, a lot of hair touching She told me she golfs all the time: "I don't golf but if you need a caddy to tell you you're cute and keep things fun I'm here" What I didn't do well - she talked a lot about her work and I found that part of the conversation dry. I had a logistics plan: we bounced from the first bar and walked to another bar/cafe around the corner. I told her about a bowling spot down the street and she said "so thats what we're doing next time." At the end gave her a kiss on the cheek, she called her own uber and we parted ways. I gave her a fun Tuesday night. This was new logistics than what I've been running. If I did want to smash they are about a 15-20 min drive from my place. Covert Contract I have a good beer and taco spot 2 min walk from my house - the reason I haven't been using it for dates is that I think my neighbourhood can come off as rundown and gritty. I don't live in an "upscale" part of the city, and my thought is that it doesn't give a good first impression for a first date. I've realized this is a covert contract - hide the bad. I'm going to lean into it and use the beer and taco bar for the next first date I set up since its so close to my place then suggest going back to mine and taking my dog for a walk. Reading A Liberated Mind by Steven Hayes It's about ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. As I'm reading through it and learning about ACT I've been drawing similarities between ACT and the Red Pill. The core of ACT is: Letting things be what they are and moving into a direction that you deem worthwhile based on your personal values and what you want out of life. Mainstream thinking is that "bad" feelings need to be cured and happiness is a default state. ACT operates on the idea that feelings like depression are a normal byproduct of being alive and treats them like the common cold instead of cancer. Instead of trying to solve a "problem" it focuses on skills to pivot towards the life we want to live (frame) and developing mental models to accept the thoughts that pop up as what they actually are, just thoughts. I've been applying this more in daily life. For example: before a date, I have thoughts like "I'm boring and don't have good stories" and then seeing that as an interesting thought and pivoting to what I'm actually doing (taking action anyway): I'm going on this date to have fun and meet someone new. Why? Because I value being social and having an abundance of women in my life. Divorce Divorce Order issued by a judge. I pay child support and STFU. Now I wait for her to come after what she wants, time is my friend here.
4thMostImportant
2024-04-25 15:35:05 +0000 UTCNot allot of time in nature (without shoes.). Hi hike a lot. I put grounding stickers on my shoes (this earths you.) I started going to the beach more, and taking off my shoes. Yes: being in nature is the same idea. And even .5 to 8 hrs will help a lot. I am probably grounding around 20 hrs plus now. @oms Def a report with some navel gazing. But it is a fn — action taken that had an unpredicted result. more about noticing the change than obsessing about it. lol: no Jung or shrooms.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-25 15:27:57 +0000 UTCThe good ol' "come to me" fingering always works wonders
Owning My Shit
2024-04-25 14:46:10 +0000 UTCThe one thing my girl likes about sex with me is that I fuck hard. That's the one thing I got right. I think it's everything else that I need to work on. I used to do oral on the ex, but it's a no for her. This chick tho taught me how to finger her properly. Will try it on the main when she comes around.
Dante Panda
2024-04-25 14:39:46 +0000 UTCYep, you pretty much got it for the most part. I have read them, and it’s been a while. I will dust them off and re-read. I like the fixes you suggested, and will implement them. My wife’s Mom was an alcoholic, so she had an abandonment style relationship with her mom. Had good relationship with father. Like any women the swings are like chocolate crack to her. My problem is I am making it swing high to low in a dis-functional way though. (Fights stared from alcohol). And my own neurotic ways. I’m into bdsm (probably from my messed up childhood, judge all you want) and she responds well to shibari, and the things that come along with that. Funny you should mention it because it’s been about a month since I broke the rope out, and she’s been dropping some hints, soo you are probably onto something there.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-25 13:41:41 +0000 UTCBro, relax. You are not your thoughts. If you like fantasysing about killing half the world and that helps you to sleep, do it. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. Jesus Christ Barbarian, stop navel gazing like that. Have you been reading Jung or some other bullshit? The earthing whatever, if it works for you it works for you. Analyzing dreams and earthing, have you been taking shrooms? ;)
Owning My Shit
2024-04-25 11:16:34 +0000 UTCPerfect: reward good behavior and not reward bad behavior. Standard comfort test. Yeah, everybody sucks. It’s what I always say: I ain’t that good, the bar is that low. Now don’t forget comfort is not the only way to reward good behavior and don’t revert to unattractive behaviors as a “reward”. This new attractive you is her reward.
Owning My Shit
2024-04-25 11:12:02 +0000 UTCYou guys hit the nail on the head. Will do
Validation Junkie
2024-04-25 06:43:35 +0000 UTCYou are in her frame. Lots of she statements. And you are Swiss clock mental model- ing this. Trying to figure her out. Also navel gazing.. future broad nebulous goals. It’s your first report. Zoom in on an ooda loop. Break down the orient part : what were my options, mental models… Drinking heavily … similar to being on ssri ‘s , you are operating under a frame that is not yours. Meaning you are not your mental point of origin if you are buzzed every night. So slowing down is very good. Read other, keep writing.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-25 06:10:36 +0000 UTCIt’s so funny how big boobs are just not what you would think they are haha, more of a butt guy. The trick is to keep them out of their head and in their bodies. Like Stirlimg Cooper says to chicks, “ you are only allowed to say four things. Faster, slower, softer, harder.” Helps keep us from being autistic and keeps them out of their head. Used it with the misses and seems to work well.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-25 06:08:10 +0000 UTCStayed at 196 this week. Planned a weekend trip for me and the wife for our anniversary. Took care of all of the logistics and told her general items to pack and when to be ready to go. Sex over the weekend was great, fucked twice a day, got blown, fucked in the shower. On day two she made comments like she doesn't deserve me, "I need to try better", she needs to lose weight, etc. I didn't deflect by saying no she didn't or overly comfort her. Told her I am here to help her if she wants to work on ways to lose weight. I have been leading by example and not being overt with suggestions or options for her in these areas. I havn't figured out if this is the right or the wrong approach yet but I am conscious that whatever advice I give I can't have a covert contract around it where I expect her to change. She has to make those decisions for herself. Was out of town for a work trip and had dinner with a buddy. I am seeing through the code more and more each day. He explains how his wife who used to be maniac in the sac now doesn't want to fuck at all and he doesn't really care anymore (he is on ADD meds) cause he doesn't want to try anymore. I didn't try to convince him about the redpill but I saw my old self in him. Next night went out to dinner with a girl friend from work and heard the opposite story from her. How her husband sleeps late, has no job and doesn't even like him anymore. In both situations I see what they are going through and why its happening. Realizing most people are living boring lives and seeing how they react when you engage with high energy has been fun.
Amos_Durden
2024-04-25 05:37:33 +0000 UTC54 Covert contracts and the subconscious. and Health bucket. Covert contracts For decades, when I have had trouble falling asleep I would fantasize about perpetrating acts of mass viol nce. I never understood why. I certainly do not have those thoughts or impulses normally. Bizarrely only when trying to relax and go to sleep. It was some unctuous frustration manifesting. It has been 6 months + since I have had those fantasies. Sometimes I have trouble falling asleep and think…. Just do the mass (* ) fantasy technique. But it does not work, and I have no interest in it. My conclusion is that I was strapped with covert contracts and nmmng habits. My subconscious was pissed off which manifested this bizarre relaxation technique. Focusing on covert contracts, I think I am pealing the second layer of shedding them. I still have weird thoughts of anger towards my wife. An example: I am doing some mundane parenting thing and I noticed thoughts of anger at my wife that were unwarranted. This is me not taking responsibility for my actions. Blaming others… Health bucket I have been earthing for two months. This means I put my feet on the earth and I sleep on an earthing mat which is connected to the building ground wiring. --It has improved my sleep dramatically. -- I was able to increase my health protocol 25%. --One surprising effect is it drastically reduced the pain in my knee. Letting me be able to wear shoes with less support (cooler looking shoes.) Bucket summary: humans lived in contact with the earth through eternity. When we touch the earth we carry the same charge as it (negative.) The 1900s was a century of isolating our bodies from earth. Housing, pavement, raised beds, indoor jobs, electrification… being capped by rubber soled shoes that came out in 1960. Inflammatory diseases increased in tandem. Simply put: think of lightning hitting a house that is not grounded: it blows up all the TVs. Map that to microscopic biology with chronic exposure to electricity. My wife said her painful arm tendonitis came back. She begrudgingly let me put ekg grounding patches right on the pain. I was shocked when she wanted to ground it again the next night. She said nothing has ever stopped the pain like that. I grounded a friend with a freshly broken arm and it de- swelled it. I am 100% telling Rian to put this bucket on his head before his allergies go crazy. It helps the adrenals-> hormones that manage allergies (adrenaline, cortisone.) Though I am entertained by ‘allergy Rian’ you tube videos.
Cousin Eddie
2024-04-25 05:32:33 +0000 UTCI would like to keep her. I get the distinct feeling it’s starting to wear on her. The ups downs are even wearing on me. Fight, fuck and make up. Makes for hot sex but it frays the nerves haha. I do just enough red pill to get by. Sick of being average, knowing just enough to be dangerous. My goal is to write field reports. I want to see the world without rose colored glasses on. So I can make an honest assessment of myself and make the right changes for my life.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-25 05:17:23 +0000 UTC23y old. Cs. Same-day approach-date-lay. Wasn't that hard. Disappointed again that bigger boobs are not firmer boobs. She was tight down there though. I had an easier time getting her into bed than the other girls I've fucked. She was definitely more "game" for sex, I think. It became clear that she had a lot more experience than I did. I thought I would be shamed for it (aside from the usual shit test), but she was happy and willing to give me some pointers. I asked a bunch of questions after we fucked (two rounds, which is a first for me) and she was more than willing to answer. She gave me valuable feedback that my foreplay and overall sex was "average". So I'm glad someone told me before I resigned to what I usually do. Even if this was probably a hookup, I enjoyed it. Not only was the sex great, the conversation was great too. If ever the current relationship does not work out, this girl will be the first one I'll hit up if I can get her again.
Dante Panda
2024-04-25 02:49:16 +0000 UTCUnderstood, that makes sense. I am not interested in going Rambo and nuking the relationship. Almost did that the when I first started red pill three years ago. I want to be calculated this time and less of an r tard. She provides a lot of value, sex is good, attitude towards me is good most of the time, a little neurotic and low self esteem. I want to improve myself and learn how to be the captain I would respect.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-25 02:29:33 +0000 UTCMy unattractive behaviors are feeling like I have to defend, excuse and explain most of my decisions. Definitely use sex as validation. I drink too much. Talk about changes and don’t act on them. If I was at home I would do the huh, kiss thing. I am gone for two to three weeks at a time. Sounds like I have two choices of nuking it or just figuring out a way to “slap her ass” through text. Main point is be deliberate and calibrate? I do give too much comfort, or like too quickly. Op sec I see what your saying my devaluing myself by asking what I could do. I didn’t see that until you pointed it out. We had phone sex the next day but that could have just been a fluke. I thought it was an indicator of passing the test. I am super autistic at knowing how to provide a path out. I was raised with a domineering single mother so I was always deering my way out of stuff, and caving to her shit comfort tests. I might be off about deering which I thought it was the act to defend, excuse or explain your actions to get someone else’s approval that you are doing the “right” thing? OODA Might be the same thing, what I understand that it’s a way to identify an issue,
Validation Junkie
2024-04-25 02:19:56 +0000 UTCThe first thing I notice from this report is the incessant self qualification. This sounds socially stunted. The second thing I notice is the abundance of she statements. When you actually get to the report. Don't have these conversations on the phone. So what you do is provide comfort to her on the phone and get nothing back. Be deliberate, e.g. "I acted like the same bitch I always did, her mom just died, didn't think it was a good time to nuke a comfort test for the first time". you do realize you offered comfort got nothing in return and devalued yourself, right? You are using too much jargon and not enough examples. I don't know if you know the meaning of the word DEER, OODA, etc. Why are you trying to ease her hamster maize? You don't ease it, you amp it up and maybe provide a path out.
Op Sec
2024-04-24 23:46:36 +0000 UTCField Report #1 This past week I took an inventory of my unattractive behaviors, and prioritized the ones I want to work on first. Wrote them down and applied OODA Loops to them. Will visit them once a week to adjust actions if needed. I am coming on three years of the dancing monkey improvement program and had moderate to decent success. I re-entered the anger phaze and for some reason I realized it’s not that I am upset with her, it’s that I am upset that I did it as a huge covert contract, and I did it half ass at best. Bad diet, bad drinking habits, and all around lack luster effort. So here I am enjoying my own lack luster results. Oh boy do I want to throw a huge tantrum. Instead I am working on ripping the contracts up and putting a plan into action. Actually using OODA Loops. This last week I reached out to good friend of mine that’s in the program, and asked for help in cleaning up my over use of alcohol. 1 week no drink. Cleaning the diet up, nothing crazy. More veggies, less beer. I have always been an avid lifter, do the adult karate (bjj) and help coach my kids classes. So I am not a complete degenerate, just play one on tv. This last week my wife has been neurotic low self- esteem. Her Mom passed a year ago and she has been having a tough time this last month or so. My mom passed ten years ago so I get it and try to give her some grace. We also had an argument before I left for work on the way to the airport. Wish I could say I stfu and Oaked up but I didn’t, I cracked a couple of times and deered. Got to the airport she went for a half ass kiss, I told just to save it. (Duty kiss) She’s been pretty neurotic since. She’s vocalized on the phone that’s she’s feeling insecure and feels like she is loosing me and is terrified of that. Basically this has been a re-occurring theme on the phone lately and knowing I blew it on the way to the airport I made it a point to listen to her talk in circles. Finally at our last phone call she did it again and I just asked her if there was anything specific that I was doing that made her feel like she was loosing me. She was able to articulate a few things. I get into “business mode” and leave her in the dust, and she doesn’t feel connected to my vision. When that happens it seems to kick some dread up in her. I didn’t really fully get it until now but looking back I kind of realize she’s always been pretty insecure. I told her thanks for letting me know and we went on bs-ing about other stuff. I did make it a point to cut the thread and pivot to a better thread. Mystery method move. That was my attempt to let her talk in circles and use negative inquiry to see if there was any actionable item or just an anxious mind. I didn’t say one way or another what would do, but thought that I would act on brining her into my vision a little bit to see if that eases her hamster from the maze. Open to any and all suggestions please.
Validation Junkie
2024-04-24 23:06:11 +0000 UTC
