RP QNA #269
Added 2024-05-15 22:05:31 +0000 UTChttps://rianstone.substack.com/p/how-exactly-do-you-take-the-red-pill if you're new, start here.
Comments
I used to be afraid of being the “bad guy” too. Crush the covert contracts you have. Recognize when you are deering. You know the feeling you get when you start. Then start STFU.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-17 21:44:14 +0000 UTCYour right. I want to check out but seem to be waiting for her permission so I can do it guilt free and tell everyone I am the victim and she is a cunt. It’s pathetic and even if she cheated I would probably still take her back so I could play the good guy. I need to drop this mental model but it’s I can’t seem too. I am staring with this week with learning to say no and stop DEERing. That would be a big step if I could even do that. Cheers for the feedback your on the money.
Back2Basics
2024-05-17 12:48:07 +0000 UTCOnly reason you want to tell her about the diary is so that you can get permission to check out too. I use to play this game, well if she cheats then I can demote her to a plate and fuck other chicks guilt free. Instead of owning my shit. I was playing not to loose, instead of playing to win.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-17 05:36:29 +0000 UTCYou are checked out, got it.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-16 23:06:29 +0000 UTCCopy that
Validation Junkie
2024-05-16 23:05:19 +0000 UTC@Eddie, my dad has never been good at socializing with people or picking up social cues. But I can see he's using his way of communicating as a way to establish some stronger bond with me (whether he's aware of it or not)
Ban Mido
2024-05-16 18:23:12 +0000 UTCRead your article. I don’t fear divorce. I run the show at home probably too fucking much, which gives her too much time to pursue her goals. I get the concept that she is dead but for me that would mean I no longer facilitate me taking on all the shit to give her free time. This sounds like chore play. My instinct is pull back let her go solo and then offer my time and attention to her when she gives me hers.
Back2Basics
2024-05-16 18:13:49 +0000 UTCYour dad is using open communication (in a way.) Could he used closed? Yes—- Interesting thought experiment.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 18:01:52 +0000 UTCBuilding a life independent of others. Nmmng 101. Nice
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 18:00:15 +0000 UTCTy. 😝
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 17:56:31 +0000 UTCHey Stipper! Good to see you too and thank you
TheSilver Bishop
2024-05-16 17:52:13 +0000 UTCBedroom has been solid. No starfish, good stuff. 1x week but trying to push that up. Having fun. Sexualizing lots of the conversations throughout week and having fun with it. Read wisnifg for 2nd time. Getting better recognizing it during interactions but still more so after the interactions with people. Need to get better on the fly so still working on that goal Started taking private horse lessons this week which was an old Hoa of mine. Did not tell wife, did not find it relevant to do so. When she found out I was taking them she asked why I was doing that? I just said because I wanted to. Good start but should have left it there. She kept poking asking but what’s the point. I said I have always wanted to do so and had the opportunity. Didn’t deer any further but Looking back should have broken recorded and repeated because I wanted to that’s why. Taking her to rodeo sat night for date night. Just told her yesterday don’t plan anything we are going to rodeo for date night sat, have sitter for the 3 kids lined up. She was pissed that I didn’t tell her as she said she hates surprises and wants to plan for it. I just said no prob, we can skip I’ll just do something else. She said no I still want to go just wish you would have told me. Lol. I have done that several times over past couple weeks. Just going about my business and doing my own thing to a certain extent. Manufactured outrage to a certain extent? Random question: I love the references in both wisnfg and nmmg to be parenting. I find myself guilty of some bad behaviors inadvertently while parenting. Are there any other resources that your aware of on these topics with regard to parenting? Cheers all.
Volare Alto
2024-05-16 17:42:48 +0000 UTCShe’s doesn’t place her phone face down. I’ve haven’t searched through her phone much, mainly cause it’s always on her. I’ve checked her messages a few times when she was in the other room with our kid and didn’t see much besides her bitching to her woke therapist about me, her girlfriend at work, or her friend from college. Could be a ton she’s hiding in archived messages, another app, or her work chats, but I also don’t want to project my insecurity off not being good enough onto her. I also came to the realization that it ultimately doesn’t matter because she’s already telling me through her actions (well inaction) that she doesn’t want me. I’m honestly just going to focus on the debt issue, my fitness, practicing social skills and raising a good kid
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-16 17:25:53 +0000 UTCYeah, rationally I know that it's not my problem but doesn't hurt to hear it anyway. Nope no children in the picture. I think I have put her before myself for so long, that I need to relearn putting my priorities first (NMMNG strikes again). Funny that I thought I could manage it within the relationship when I struggle to do it outside of it. Good point about the consequences of her actions. The problem is I think ultimately it was my actions that killed the attraction and therefore the relationship. But I can't turn back time and I didn't want her to break up with me so now she has to deal with it.
perseus
2024-05-16 17:03:08 +0000 UTCFR: * Been more conscious about asserting my boundaries with my dad. Growing up I never had a "voice" against him and until recently I would let him walk all over my needs and wants because I thought it was easier to maintain "peace" than argue with him. Now I'm much more assertive of what I want. There were 2 such examples in the past week: 1) I'm trying to get back into a cut and I know exactly what I need to do and what to eat everyday to shed fat consistently. My dad is also into fitness but likes more tastier food while I'm fine with adding hot sauce to everything. While shopping he was suggesting to add butter and oil to cook delicious food. Normally I'd keep quiet and then live with resentment. This time I told him clearly not to add butter/oil to my food; he can add to his and I'll cook my own meals. He was fine with that 2) My dad is at the age of giving "advice" that he has repeated a million times. He would start with some specific unsolicited advice on something I say then loop into stuff like spirituality, meditation, handling stress, etc. This sermon can go into 1-2 hours. Normally I would tune out and internally be frustrated with the time wasted (I might have some work that gets interrupted or I just want to sit in silence to relax). I also know one day he won't be around and I'll miss his goofy sermons. Now I give him 5 mins to let it out and then I tell him I have work and we can talk later. He is fine with that
Ban Mido
2024-05-16 16:59:15 +0000 UTCI used to have a problem with orgasming from sex until recently. Things that have helped me; * More wetter blowjobs. I make the girl use more spit; deep throats are great. Lube before putting on the condom * With this one girl, I was hitting from doggy and the angle was perfect for me to cum twice even with the condom on
Ban Mido
2024-05-16 16:56:15 +0000 UTCBeing mean Got flowers a day early for mother’s day. Left them on the table in plain sight. She got home; “Nice flowers.” Me from a different room yelling, “Those are for mother’s day. You are not supposed to see them till tomorrow.” Her: “Well you did not hide them very well.” Me “Love ya. lol.” Mother’s day we had some family over. I was not feeling well so after an hour I disappeared and fell asleep. The next day she tells me she was “disappointed in my behavior.” Me; “interesting.” ... “I hear you..” her: “Is that all you have to say.” Me “I am not going to apologize for bowing out.” Her; “were you not feeling well?” Me; “I am not comfortable talking about my health with you.” Her… angry… trying to fight. Me… fog. I hear you. Sometimes I feel mean. On mothers day I showed up to the family rendezvous and did not contribute except by being fashionably late. There are many other examples where a covert contract is not fulfilled by myself and I get a hint of feeling mean. Ex: Her: “we have to do this, and $$$, and get that car…more” me: “No. I am busy walking on the beach. Planning my next amateur short film … No. No. not interested.” Rp: the feeling of being mean is a normal nice guy rehabilitation experience. It means I am putting myself before others. It also means I am being boldly honest. If this were a real fight club (90's, underground parking garage) I should be beat to a pulp for having any 'feelings' at all. More gym (testosterone) is needed.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 16:38:59 +0000 UTCI agree. Will keep doing my thing and the pain will fade away at some point. Also agree on the DEERing. Almost wanted to explain myself right now (DEER about DEERing I guess). But I'll leave it at 'agreed'.
perseus
2024-05-16 16:37:53 +0000 UTCGood things tend to happen last few weeks to me: The spineless worm who blocked me from getting more jobs at the club venue has lost all chances of getting any more jobs there. He is also a waiter and worked for the owner of that place in another restaurant. The owner has sold his restaurant and now the worm can't complain and work his head up in the owners ass to get more dj jobs. Of course it helps that I work well together with the guy who makes the djing schedule there for 5 years. I have allready more jobs in there and more are lining up. Being competent at your job and being socialy competent with patience wins in the long run. At the bar venue I got into a fight three weeks ago with the chief barkeeper, who turned out to not be the chief barkeeper anymore, because he did stupid shit and stepped on his own dick. It was about the the music and how I played it so cleary my working area. I told him, he should stick to his work and I do my work. He is a wannebe dj. My believe is when I fail at my work I fail because of me making a mistake and learning something and not because of somebody else. He later gave me a kind of apologetic speech that everything that gets wrong there falls on his head anyway and I agree with im just so that not another argument would break out. Flash foward to last week and he got fired for stepping on his dick some more. It's funny that people who don't have their shit in order try to put their noses in some other guys work when they should work on their own stuff. I'm not unhappy about the development. Last week I worked at my club venue with the guy I work together for five years. We had karaoke night. I was doing the karaoke part. He did the music part. He is kinf of antisocial. The karaoke part includes talking to people, which I like very much. Doing it together in that way makes working so much more stress free. During the evening a chick started to talk to me. Problem was she was trying that over the equipment stuff. So i signalet to her she should come to my side and she did. Funny thing was she did more game on me than I did on her. I was in work mode. Which means I normaly do the music for which I need an as calm and as emotionless state as possible, to feel the people in the room and make the best decisions. On this night I wasn't doing the music so no need for work mode. I generally need to get in a more positivly emotional state when I'm out and I don't feel it. Talking to people helps me a lot with that and even when I don't have anything to say I just like to listen to people. When I have fun people leech on to my emotions like, well, leeches. The thing with the chick ended in a bit of funny way. She later talked to a drunken lawyer guy and no touching was going on between them and she said to me after they finished talking that she needed lawyer advice and I said so that she could go throught with her divorce. She answered that we (me and her) aren't married yet. She also refused me giving her money to buy her a drink with the argument I was working and if anything she should buy me a drink. She then left cause of her girlfriends left. To make one thing clear: Work for me comes always before chicks. So if I never fuck again but do always a good job I prefer that. Doing stuff good makes my happy and fucking alone doesn't. Still it is nice to have both.
TheSilver Bishop
2024-05-16 16:12:41 +0000 UTCSome things that distinguish married rp vs unmarried rp. Married: you are bound to things. Such as your kids. Weathering the storm. .. being the oak is the truest test of frame. Kids get sick, wife is on female auto pilot, broken arm…. Shit happens. Bend… then snap back. Oak. Unmarried: nuking things out of your life is easy.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 16:06:35 +0000 UTCYou need to take some action.
Op Sec
2024-05-16 15:57:38 +0000 UTCyour ex isn't your responsibility. If you want to stop feling guilty about your ex, you have to change your actions first. Feelings change later. Feel guilty and do the thing anyway. You are still DEERINg in the diet section. What do you want to hear, "the diet is fine". Fuck your reasons, you want feedback on your diet then write about your diet. You think it's going in the direction you want, don't write about it. I'm not going read your whining.
Op Sec
2024-05-16 15:56:19 +0000 UTCType ctr-F and type in "she". It will highlight the problem. Re-write from your own point of view. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ylkt2h/i_take_your_she_statements_and_turn_them_into_i/
Op Sec
2024-05-16 15:51:43 +0000 UTCThere are two reasons to be doing intimacy without sex. 1. because your wife earned it 2. to practice a skill. If you aren't getting laid, you may want to practice something else. It sounds like you can do intimacy without sex just fine and it doesn't sound like your wife has earned it. Those hand held testers are bs, and can be misleading, even directionally misleading. Tape measurements, weight scales, or calipers are the things I found to be useful. Catch and release is what I would be focusing on in your situation.
Op Sec
2024-05-16 15:49:33 +0000 UTCYou had a month of sickness, no sex, and unpleasantness. Who wouldn't be in a funk. I'd be grumpy as shit. There's two kinds of feelings that nice guys are afraid of, everyone else's and their own. How not to get in funk, continue to do whatever it is you would do if you aren't in a funk. Also what does it mean to be in a funk, was it just feelings(who cares), did you not do something because you were in that funk (next time do it anyway), did you do something but with less energy (yeah, you were tired). I don't think you've accepted how much in your wife's frame you are. When she's happy you're happy. Judge yourself by the actions you are taking not by how others are judging you. Are you happy with the way you behaved?
Op Sec
2024-05-16 15:44:09 +0000 UTCyour frame should be, when wife is gone you get the whole house to yourself. you are starting to get it, no reason to pay attention to someone not giving you value.
Op Sec
2024-05-16 15:37:05 +0000 UTCWhen she is asking you if she looks fat in some shorts. 1. make fun of her for asking her that. "Did you just ask me if you look fat in these pants?, could you get anymore cliche." She's asking if you find her attractive. Some good answers. 1. Go put on something else(and be specific in what you want her to wear). 2. You could stand to loose a few. 3. Your ass looks thick, and then grab it. > I don’t need to do or say anything you want me to. What I need is you not to be such a pain in the ass and question every little thing I’m doing. You don't need to explain the game, just play the game. "Shut the fuck up".
Op Sec
2024-05-16 15:34:37 +0000 UTCWorked with a Nice guy coach who is Red pill aware as I wasn’t grasping the advice here as I think my situation is unique but it’s not. He pointed out a shit load of blind spots. I thought I was living in my own frame but my idea of my frame was “I will Control my wives behaviour by never upsetting her and putting her needs first and this means I am in control and then I have a right to get my needs met” I told him about him about this space and he agreed that applying dread is probably my last chance to try and salvage things at home or at least it will end then faster then dragging the shit out of the marriage. I am aware that’s a covert contract to do this to save the marriage but my preference would be to stay married, watch my kids grow up and get regular sex off the wife instead of duty sex. Her actions always tell me that she’s not interested but her words are starting to match, and I recently found a diary that she conveniently left lying around that confirms she is checking out. Playing the nice guy, avoiding conflict and letting her moods and emotion run me are what have got me here. I easily fall for all the classic manipulations she applies and if I get an ounce of affection I jump Back into Mr Nice Guy. Step one for me is go back through side bar again and really commit and accept that shit will get a lot worse or may even end. I think she is hitting that epiphany stage you have mentioned. Mid 40’s kids are 11,8,3 and as you have said she seems to think life has passed her by and it’s my fault. I train regularly, and find it easy to game women but act like a bitch around my wife. I am riddled with anger and think a lot about finding a fuck buddy and then just use my wife to help raise the kids and bring in half of the income. My life would be easier if I stopped relying on her to get laid. Also I haven’t a clue what I want for myself, I always puts others first and feel like a selfish cunt when I say no to people especially the wife as the manipulations kick off with her and I buckle. Anyway that’s my problem. Will try and stick with the group and check in regularly to stay on course and hopefully in a years time shit has gotten better or else I have a viable exit plan. I want to let het know that I have read the fucking diary and and thank her for it, because it’s a relief for me to finally just accept that I am Wasting my time trying to please her. Your chapter in Frame entitled “it’s not your job to keep the peace” literally sums up the best mental model I need to internalise.
Back2Basics
2024-05-16 14:56:25 +0000 UTC# 3 LAST WEEKS FEEDBACK I think you hit the nail on the head with the deering / validation seeking in my field report. I have deleted entire paragraphs before I posted it because it felt like I had only written them to impress you or the other guys. I am aware that this is a big problem of mine and will try to shut it down in future FRs and other interactions. However many reads of NMMNG it takes. SOCIAL LIFE Almost chickened out of the dancing class this week because I was really nervous. I realized that big part of my anxiety is rooted in the whole "if you don't succeed at first, hide the evidence" nice guy thing. I'm terrified of trying something in public and failing. Always have been shy about it. So I went anyway and it was great. Even more cute girls than last time, got some unexpected compliments for my skills, and just had a great time in general. I have to admit that the dancing monkey thing is also applicable to me. I've always felt the need to entertain people, mostly for the sake of validation. I'm (at least) not self deprecating about it like you asked, but it's validation seeking none the less. Which is stupid because I'm probably even funnier when I don't try so hard. Lately, however, when I felt like girls were interested in me, it was in situations where I was doing my own thing, just being authentic. So with the dancing class I am more focused on nice guy stuff right now. Like you said in my first FR, trying to live like no one got to care about what I do. This I definitely haven't mastered yet. Especially in the light of personal insecurities, but I'm making progress. E.g. I sweat like a motherfucker (regardless of weight, always have). Doesn't matter, still going dancing. I just bring a towel and no one seems to give a fuck. Some girls were even shy about their 'sweaty hands' when we danced while I stood there, basically drenched. With others I could have a good hearted laugh about needing to wipe my face in between. I really like the idea of practicing game skills one at a time, though and I have ordered a copy of the mystery method. Should arrive soon. Still think NMMNG should be my focus right now, but it can't hurt to at least dabble a bit in the game stuff at the same time. Getting laid sooner rather than later would be great, too, but I will try to keep my expectations down. DIET Average weight last week: 97.9 kg Average weight this week: 96.7 kg Weightloss since last week: 1.1 kg (target: 0.7 kg) Total weightloss so far: 7 kg Slightly overshot my target this week. Even a bit more then I fell short last week. I'm ok with this, actually quite happy. However, my trainer said I should only keep up the pace for 2 more weeks if I really want to. Then I should definitely slow down. If necessary I will add a (big) meal or two each week then, as I need to increase weekly calories by about 2000. The criticism about my dieting method is fair. I know it's not perfect. I just do it because I like it better that way and think I can sustain it for longer. I have experience with strict counting but it tends to make me a bit perfectionist and somewhat autistic about going out with friends for drinks or food. Definitely don't want to go the monk mode gym rat route. If my method stops producing the desired results, I will adapt it. Side note: yes I factor in calories from beer. Half a liter of beer has around 250 calories in my country. I do know the approximate values for many things I consume and when I don't I do glance at the nutritional values if I can. Since you asked last time, I am 183cm (6 feet) but I have a very broad frame and sturdy build. Also I might be a noob in the gym but I'm already quite muscular from training at home (where people can't watch me fail) for many years. GYM Had trouble falling asleep on sunday because I was very agitated from meeting my ex to sort out the remaining things (furniture, money,...). Therefore got out of bed late on monday. Usually a great excuse to skip the workout in the morning. Got to the gym anyway and did a shorter one, trying to build the routine. In this regard I'm on track this week. Only went once so far, but second time is scheduled for friday. Second priority is the building strength / hormonal balance thing. I don't expect too much on this front for the remainder of the strict diet though. Right now I am trying to reach my old numbers from before my last gym break (about 2 months long). Those were e.g. bench pressing 85kg / ~187lbs for three sets of six, so nothing to write home about yet. MISC Meeting the ex last sunday and seeing her suffer sucked a lot. Stayed with me for a few days and still does a bit. (Yeah I know, my own fault) Definitely need to find a way to overcome the guilt I feel for the outcome of the relationship and the responsibility I still feel for her. Lately the idea has been haunting me, that in the future I could have moved on and she could desperately want me back. I don't know if it's just my stupid feelings but I want her to be happy, she's not a bad person. We were just codependent and couldn't fix our respective problems in the relationship I think. She got her last things on monday while I was at work. So that process is over, at least.
perseus
2024-05-16 14:41:06 +0000 UTCFR #4, QnA 269 In short : Had a fight regarding fun times with my girl. Left her at her place alone for the weekend and went back to mine. No contact. Only logistics. So the situation is that she's temporarily broke(money got stuck) and I've lent her some for use and the necessary payments like EMIs etc. I've done theater/acting/Dramatics for 4 years while I was in my early twenties and late teens and have a keen interest in acting as a skill. So i was planning an outing to go watch a show this weekend since the tickets are also cheaper and it's been a while since we've done something together. So i brought it up. She was fine with it in the night. The next day she brought up things like we never do anything. We don't do any fun anymore. I'm getting bored and more along the same lines. Also was very blame throwing with it. Like it's my fault that she's miserable rn. Which I thought was very shitty on her part. I've helped the bitch financially, taking care of the expenses and planning something which I also enjoy. I generally don't go out for fun. So I'm trying to ease myself in to be more outgoing and had fun things planned. But her behaviour made me snap and I got angry(which I realised that she influenced my emotional state) and said I don't like being taken for granted. And if she has to convey something to me, she needs to find better ways to do that. I'm not taking her shit after all my support. But I realized it was going nowhere, she started crying. I remembered some YT video of yours I watched long ago where the message was, "don't talk, walk". So I walked out and came back to my place and stayed here for the weekend. For her it got ruined probably, but that's fine, she can behave better if she wants peace. I got shit done at my place. Read, actually READ NMMNG. She tried calling me, sent voice notes asking what she had done so wrong and all, that I'm overreacting, and it's not that big of a thing that she's asked for. Basically trying to shame me about how bad of a human being I am. I told her over the call that I'm mad at her and don't want to talk about it to her and not to call me to bother with it. See you on Monday at work. Met on Monday, she had a long face. Went about my way there and we returned back to her place we also run the studio. On the way back she started crying and acting desperate and things like I only want you nothing else it's okay we don't have to do anything. I said I don't like being taken for granted, and I don't want to continue this conversation. She got calm after we reached back. We sat together had tea and then had sex. Things came back to normal after that. She hurt her lower back while working out and right that night got her period pain added to that. Became miserable. Now I was confused for a bit whether I show care or not cause NMMNG says caretaking behaviour. But thought I was being stupid and she's clearly burnt out. So I decided I'll help and plan the logistics. For food and cleaning she's got house help. So I sorted her meds and stuff. Served food etc like logistics and left after sorting all that to my place. I've tried not to seek any validation and it kinda stopped once I had a flow with the tasks if that makes sense. Like one task to another now it's something I am doing and not doing it for her, it's just cause had to be done. She has gotten better now with the pain and on her own doing her shit. Which is good. But lately she's been seeking a lot of comfort all of a sudden. But I am very bad at comfort test. Sometimes STFU works till I process things. Sometimes I'm just clueless. Is there a general mindset keep while dealing with comfort tests. For ex. I told her I'm staying cause have an early day tomorrow and need her help to wake up. Later she asked me to not add a reason for my stay cause sometimes she wants to feel that I'm staying for her. I mean I'm being honest. And if I lie then am I not seeking approval and trying not to rock the boat by saying what she wants to hear? Apart from this : Workout, im on the same weights and will stick to these plates till I get all 5 sets in proper form, from there will add. Need to improve diet. Also need more knowledge about nutrition and calories. Also will go out this month to watch a play alone. Not asking her to join.
Duke of the Dunes
2024-05-16 14:34:14 +0000 UTCAll Mother’s Day weekend I practiced being intentional with sexual initiation versus the act of flirting and touching my wife without initiating sex. This helped me to be more genuine when just flirting and not as butt hurt when I got rejected when actually initiating for sex. I got a “Hard no” every time I initiated so I did something more productive each time. Mother’s Day was swim class, other errands, and dog park which I used to practice blending sex and intimacy. No chance to hard initiate while we were out so I initiated once our kid went down to bed… Usual bed routine on Mother’s Day. Put the kid down and went into my bedroom. Sounded like my wife started a shower so I went in and she’s in the shower with her phone watching TikTok while she’s washing her hair. I walk up to the shower and slide the door part open. Me “kid is down and asking those funny ‘I don’t want to go to bed yet’ questions again.” Wife: “good I’m glad” Me: “ let me wash wash your body for you” I should have been direct here saying: “I’m washing your body for you, move over sexy” or hopped in and when she pushed back say “relax I’m not trying to fuck you” and then waited to initiate after we both got out of the shower before she threw clothes on. Wife: “no thank you” Me: “don’t put anything on when you’re done showering” with a sexy smirk/smile Wife: “I don’t want to do anything.” (Hard no) Me: k. I leave and go downstairs to clean up from dinner and type this out. —- Last night I went in to initiate while my wife was taking a shower. I tease her about reading a book on her phone while showering Me: you look sexy Her: thanks. She turns off water Me: done already? Her: yeah already washed my body. Me: don’t get dressed yet. Her: I don’t want to do anything. Me: right now or not tonight? Her: tonight. Me: k. I go grab laundry and fold it in the bedroom (what I was going to do regardless). Silent the whole time while folding besides me talking with my dog. I put the clothes away and leave to go be productive downstairs without saying a word (STFU). Not sure what specifically clicked for me this past week, but finally accepted that my marriage is dead and has been for a long while. Might have been the one word answers I got to open questions or the multitude of conversations that went as follows: Me: “what are you reading?” Her: “doesn’t concern you.” I started laying out a plan and defining an offering for consulting services using skills from my day job. Will work to develop something that can help pay off our 50k+ debt. I took over the treasury, created a budget, and I’m tracking all our spending. I’m working on getting access to all her credit card accounts and will add them to my spending/budgeting app account. I assessed myself physically and decided I’m not where I want to be physically so adding a 5th day of lifting back in (6’2” & 191lbs.). Poor posture, fat legs, and underdeveloped chest/arms. Also limiting my calorie intake to 2250. I might add cardio days in to help with the deficit and lose some of the fat I have. Last body fat reading was 16.5% on my hand held tester. Setting a goal of 15% by July 1st and 13.5% by Labor Day weekend.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-16 14:31:23 +0000 UTCDeering: also undermines your argument. Mm: think of a pilot logically explaining extreme turbulance. It is open communication in a place where only closed will do. Pillow fort: this is a great place to stfu. Or, “I’ll think about it”. Or aanda: “… pillow Fort Knox. 😂 ”
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 14:21:00 +0000 UTCI am viewing relationship as over, wife dead, divorce proceedings almost ready to launch, keeping peace and doing better beta divorce guide philosophy until its time to drop papers. I have not tried blurring the lines, and dont want to reward her with any comfort through intimacy.
Ground Hog Day
2024-05-16 14:18:35 +0000 UTCYou are writing a dear Abby question. Make a decision, take action and report from past tense. Ex: I decided to be blatantly honest with fish girl. Told her she was a plate and no more. She ghosted me for two weeks and then sent me a dm. Lesson: girls like to chase…
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 14:12:49 +0000 UTCA lot of she statements. It becomes more apparent on the later end of the field note. This means your actions are still a function of her. If she did not fuck you would you have had a good day? Would you be butt hurt? (Covert contract) Home alone: The butt hurt feeling indicates a covert contract is lurking. You did the correct ooda: Notice it, lable it, reorient …. Repeat this and it will go away. Pulling your attention (as stripper talks about.) might have affected the power. Depends how it was done. I get lost. Litterly. Wonder off and do my own thing. Somtimes with the kid, somtimes on my own.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 14:06:44 +0000 UTCWay to stay on point with your health and wellness. Have you considered blurring the lines between intimacy and sex? Why not sleep in your own bed?
Validation Junkie
2024-05-16 13:56:20 +0000 UTCIt will take time…. Keep writing…. Think: I determine what is acceptable in my world. For everything: friends, work, how I communicate, the tone/frequency/vibe that I bring. I also live with the rewards and consequences that result. She will embrace it or not.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 13:53:35 +0000 UTCI agree, when I read it back to myself it objectively reads like I am still trying to incorporate her into it by “running” it past her.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-16 13:48:51 +0000 UTCFrame needs more work ( 4th report: that is normal). ——— “I fucking knew this stupid conversation….”——/- This is anger phase. At some point all this will be so outside your frame it will be interesting and entertaining to you. Your last sentence is insight into the frame you are building: ——-“ I don’t want fucking philosophical debates every time I talk”——- It will eventually be written: as gravity: as “is”: “Philosophy debates don’t happen when I talk. “
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-16 13:31:26 +0000 UTC269 I was in a real funk last post—dealing with a solid month of sickness, no sex, and general cuntiness. The day after I posted, it was the weekend, and we smashed, bringing back the good times. Since then, we’ve smashed a few times, and there’s been lots of affection and fellowship. It’s like typical Mother Nature stuff: the storm comes with wind, hail, rain, and thunder, then it’s just calm and awesome. The problem is how to not get in my own funk when things go south. I know that, at the time, I was in a funk but kept telling myself, “This will pass; it’s just a phase.” But after so many days or weeks, it gets really damn hard. I’m not really sure what I’m asking here. Maybe it’s just a dump.
Fez
2024-05-16 12:17:41 +0000 UTCMaybe I have this super fucked up, yet it seems like the Red pill is a praxeology of mental models designed to aid you to get what you want, not a paint by numbers. You choose what you want and adapt the mental models as needed. You are probably right. It depends on the motivation that determines if it comes from a “red pill” mental model.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-16 11:57:12 +0000 UTCField Report #12 2024-05-16 Another slow week this week. Had a big week of working on my business and working out at the gym. Goals & Status – 2 Goals: (1) Health and Fitness (2) Assertiveness practice, No DEERING (1) Health and Fitness – abbreviated status this week. Lost 1 lb. - Workout and walking regimen were on point this week. Worked out 6 out of 7 days. - Macros were on point for 6 out of 7 days; however, I had one shit day where I overate pasta by 500 calories. - Neighbors, family, friends, etc. are noticing the weight loss and people are constantly commenting. I still have about 30 lbs to go, but halfway there is a nice milestone. (2) Assertiveness practice, No Deering Conversation #1 - Wife brought up my weight - Wife: (sees me getting ready for the gym). You look good. I don’t think you need to lose any more weight. You could just stay this way and be comfortable. Eating won’t be that difficult, but if you lose more weight, it might be too hard to keep it off. - Me: Great, thanks! - My attempt to translate her womanese: Don’t lose any more weight and become too attractive otherwise other women will want to fuck you and I could lose you as my slave. Conversation #2 - Guest Room Conversation - I am still sleeping in the guest room and am overall sleeping much better. However, this weekend we had people in from out of town, so I had to go back to my bedroom w/the wife for a couple of nights. When I got back the pillow fort in the bed had been rebuilt larger than before. I left it there. I did not try to fuck her. After the guests left on Sunday, I went back to the guest room. On Monday Morning had the following conversation: - Wife: Why did you sleep in the guest room last night. I thought you were done with that. Why don’t you sleep in our room. - Me: What would be the benefit for me to sleep in our bed? (I was attempting to do negative inquiry here but not sure if I got it right) - Wife: (gives me a stunned look) Uh, I don’t know. Anger Report - My anger has been really subsiding and I am enjoying a peaceful existence (except for the sexless part). There have been no fights or arguments with my wife. Simply roommates living separate lives and chit chatting in the common areas of the home. I would say that I am angry maybe the equivalent of 1 day out of 7....which is a big difference from when I started here a few months ago where I was angry 24x7. DEERING Report - 1 time I caught myself DEERING to my wife when she asked me a question about the dog. Irritated at myself but at least I caught it. 1 Question My question is as follows: Are there any times in life where DEERING is appropriate? (For example – in the workplace such as when a boss or client is requesting your rationale on why you took some action, or when there is true open communication.) Note: I understand why DEERING is bad in relationships – because it’s a covert contract - “If I explain myself, the other person will understand my logic, and agree with my logic and wisdom, and then we can all be happy...and when that doesn’t happen, I will become upset.”
Ground Hog Day
2024-05-16 11:44:33 +0000 UTCYes, herpes of the mouth. I guess I would want to know if there is a „correct“ choice red pill wise and I need to be set straight or if I just have to pick a option and go with it. But that probably depends on my motivations behind the choices
Am I red yet
2024-05-16 11:00:48 +0000 UTCWhen I read this I heard; I like having options, I want the value of experience, and I kind of want to play house. Which do you want more? I am going to assume heroes girl has herpes of the mouth?
Validation Junkie
2024-05-16 10:31:59 +0000 UTCThanks will try larger condoms, the still rolled up part sometimes leaves a small indent, so maybe they really are to tight. The other points are good as well, but I am not sure if I want to try out the bf thing. But maybe that’s just a way to rationalize going exclusive with one girl and soothing my fear of being the asshole
Am I red yet
2024-05-16 07:39:10 +0000 UTCI assume you’re using condoms with the other girls. If you can’t cum it might be the condom choking your dick. I had the same thing and switching to XLs helped. “Feels morally wrong” - no it doesn’t, you’re afraid of being an asshole, but surprise surprise, if you look after your best interest you’ll always be the asshole. https://www.forums.red/p/TheRedPill/94436/yes_virginia_you_do_have_to_be_an_asshole If you don’t want them to see you like a bf stop doing bf shit: don’t eat breakfast together, kick them out after fucking etc. Right now your words and actions are incongruent.
Owning My Shit
2024-05-16 07:16:46 +0000 UTCHaving options is great. A few weeks ago the chubby plate dropped on the same day we were supposed to meet. But fish girl asked me if I wanted to hang out, so my plans changed seamlessly. A week later herpes girl got another outbreak and wanted to stay in but fish girl asked me again if I wanted to hang out, so I fell back on her. Experience is valuable. I picked up another girl, first night lay and then she came over last week for the second time. She was on her period but gave me an amazing blow job. I want to make fish girl and herpes girl do the same as she did, maybe then they can make me cum more reliable as that is an issue with me currently, not being able to orgasm with them so easily. I was thinking about going steady with herpes girl but the two points above about options and experience kinda changed my mind. And I am not sure if I am over fucking new girls yet. But I am having second thoughts. I did some boyfriend-ish stuff like kissing foreheads and cuddling, and I think fish girl and herpes girl now expect more. Especially herpes girl. She says things like “If I met another guy on the apps instead of you, I don't think he would’ve matched up to you” and tells me stuff she likes about me. Or that she hates going for walks but loves going on walks with me. Last sunday she prepared a fruit picnic and bought me pastries. Fish girl also asks me to hang out a lot and gives me breakfast. She still doesn’t talk much but she also wants to cuddle more. I was sleeping at fish girls place last Saturday to Sunday. We fucked on sunday morning, then we had breakfast together and she told me that she will be gone for a bit more than a week. I joked that I'll need to find someone else for breakfast then, and she answered a bit butt-hurt something like “Yeah, but tell me about it if you do, so I know”. That made me feel a pang of guilt as I was leaving her place shortly after to meet herpes girl for the aforementioned picnic with fruit and pastries. So I am thinking about ditching the other plates besides herpes girl. At this point it feels morally bad to see other girls and string fish girl further along even though I can not really imagine something serious with fish girl. Maybe things would feel a bit better if I told fish girl I am not seeing this becoming something serious. But it also doesn't feel super great seeing other girls besides herpes girl. But I guess one reason for it is that I fear she’ll find out and stop seeing me. Because I kinda like her and think she's a good girl.
Am I red yet
2024-05-16 06:42:04 +0000 UTCIgnoring her shit test about the parking spot was a solid move. I have preloaded amused mastery and agree and amplify responses I use to combat this silly shit. “Keep it up and I will park you in the next county” “You right, probably go quicker if I dropped you off here” (break check, laugh and drive on) “I know I love taking all day, in fact I was thinking about taking a victory lap” shit like that. It usually stops the nit picking and, or we both just laugh.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-16 04:32:54 +0000 UTCField Report #16 Weekend involved taking the kids to a parade in our local town while the wife rode her horse in the parade. Did projects around the house getting ready for summer. Found myself preoccupied with my wife being gone most of the day since it was a weekend. Thought about why this was making me butthurt and it had to do with "how dare she not put me first and spend time with me on my free time". Realized this was a retarded way of thinking, I have the house to myself with the kids so I should be filling it with things I want to do not waiting for her to be here for me to do them. It was a a brief thought but previously I would have been stewing all day and lashed out in some passive aggressive way. On Mothers day I took the kids to get donuts which is our tradition and let her sleep in. Got her a few gifts a one from my kids. Went out to the local rodeo and starting getting a pissy attitude about where we were parking and that we were going to be late from her. I ignored it. Throughout the rodeo she acting bitchy which happens more once she has a buzz going. Not huge blowups but enough for me to pull my attention which was my approach. Let her interact with our friends and the kids and just pulled my attention. By the time we got home I was pleasant but didn't go out of my way to pay attention to her. When the kids went to bed it was like a lightswitch turned on and she was super pleasant and cuddly on the couch. We started a movie, made out on the couch throughout it and she kept rubbing my dick. Movie was done and went to the bedroom. Had an intense sex session, normally the type of sex we have in a hotel on vacation. After she even said that was like hotel sex. Earlier in the day was I passing shit tests and not realizing it by pulling my attention? I know by the time the kids went to bed I built off of the energy and kept escalating but she was more receptive than she normally is.
Amos_Durden
2024-05-16 00:29:03 +0000 UTCField Report #4 Weight loss down 1 pound. I went camping and I chose to eat like a total heathen. So it’s Monday and I am back to my regular intermittent fasting. Employing the gold fish method so that I don’t sit in my guilt and continue to eat like shit. My main focus is dialing in my diet so that I don’t have to outrun my mouth. I fucking knew this stupid conversation about my oldest daughter would rear its ugly head again. Big surprise it got brought up the day I fly back to work for two weeks. It started out innocent enough, asking what the plan was. I told her hadn’t made my mind up yet, told her I have a couple of plans I am mulling over and will let her know when I make my mind up. (This is more of a long term plan concerning my oldest than the visitation part, but has a some relevance to one another.) This is where it turned into me being told what I need and should be doing. It goes like this “If we are going to do x than I am going to need you to start doing y” and “you need do this and that” statements (in the past I made the mistake of making plans concerning my oldest daughter with my wife, this was my attempt to have a problem free life, that just lead to living in her frame full time.) I have switched to “this is what I want to do” and “this is how you can help me…” So I am in the car stuck listening to her go on and it was fucking annoying, and just didn’t want to hear it. So I said “ I don’t need to do or say anything you want me to. What I need is you not to be such a pain in the ass and question every little thing I’m doing.” Cue the water works. This was perfect timing because I just pulled into the store parking lot. So I took the opportunity to just leave and go get the shit I needed. I When I got back 10 minutes later it was like nothing happened; no tears, not even a sniffle. Just clear eyes and a calm composure. I knew it was all for show. Which made me laugh to myself, and want to unalive someone at the same time! I can’t believe how many times that trick has worked on me in the past. Taking the tears at face value and jumping right into nice guy mode. What a chump. I do believe I have to keep an eye out that this doesn’t keep producing on demand drama. (Me telling her to STFU and her getting off on it) I will have finalized plans by this week. I am going to tell her what I am doing and how she can help. I will use broken record if I need to. The rest of the car ride was fine, there was an attempt from her to explain that she wasn’t trying to tell me what to do or get me to agree to anything, and that she wants us to be on the same team. I said “great, feel free and be on my team then.” Got back to the house to grab my bags. This is where I got a comfort/double bind test. (I believe) She asked me if her legs were too thick in these shorts, I smiled and chuckled a bit. I said “come here and let me see.” I took her arm and pulled her onto my lap. Kissed her and grabbed a handful of ass under the shorts. I think there was attempt to double down because I got asked “is this your way of telling me yes.” I didn’t have a witty remark so I just said “we should smash before I leave” and without any hesitation she agreed. Did the things I like and I had fun. Plus it was 2nd time that day. Earlier was in the shower which was a complete duty booty bang. I got asked if I would put up curtain rod holders before I left (asked on the day I was flying out). I told her it would cost her. I have found that when this comes up I make sure to get what I want and I get it first. I also lean into it and call it what it is. It’s a trade, work for sex, but the sexual favor comes first. So I caveman and call her dirty names, tell her things like she’s nothing but a warm hole and I am going to use her. Some reason it just works, even she seems to get turned on by it, and if she’s faking, fuck it I got mine. Maybe we all like to be objectified from time to time. Can’t Swiss watch it and ruin my fun. I think if I had to do it again when she asked me about the plans I would have just said “nope, not yet”. Looking back this seems more closed loop than what I said. I want closed loop, I don’t want fucking philosophical debates every time I talk to her.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-15 22:36:20 +0000 UTC
