Patreon, R&P Q&A #271
Added 2024-05-29 15:03:58 +0000 UTCI have to start early for this one, it's scheduled 2 hours earlier, for noon EST
Part 2: Tomorrow at 1300 est https://youtube.com/live/r2WRKM_fAeE?feature=share
Comments
Sheesh! Place this bucket on head moment for me. Agree with stripper. Alot on that plate. Assertive Bill of rights. You have the right to judge if you are responsible for finding solutions for other people's problems. Found that with parents and elder family,friends and acquaintances the decision to find solutions tend to come with different unforseen struggles that you can only figure out how to handle after going through it and even still tends to be simple to decide to do just not easy to process. Hats off to you for making that decision. You can handle it and no matter what you will handle it. Great job at S.T.F.U. with the wife's rant. May I ask why not amused mastery, negative inquiry, positive inquiry or fogging. Man someone Wheaties got pissed in. Come on champ let's give Mommy a moment to herself... Can definitely see if he doesn't or didn't (insert belittling comment here) how that could..... but I don't understand what about belittling him is good.... Might make for a great sparring partner on the way out the door to someone younger tighter and more fun.
bruce dunn
2024-06-06 02:53:09 +0000 UTCGreat job on recognizing the ioi's after the fact. Happens to us all however slight peck on lips+shared drink+proximity= you can do that math backwards and forwards in hindsight but in the moment with lights flashing, music playing, heart rate up all great ways to D.E.E.R. away the self doubt. Did you want to make a move if so what did happen and why did it work. What was the worst that could happen? Her:(puppy dog eyes) can I have some of your smoothie You: perhaps but this cup is only for girls who like to party. Take it at your own risk...(hold cup out then pull it away as she reaches for it, then so "no hands") You: what type of guy do you think I am of course you can but this is only for fun girls know anyone like that... You after first kiss: ah ah ahhh listen here little girl those usually come after the first drink(hold out hand) come with me now let's get me a drink your treat... Yes it's corny. Yes she knows you're corny. Yes she assumes you'll be butthurt if she turns you down. Now that that's out of the way. Who initiated the first touch. Out of all the people at the bar she could've asked for a drink from, who's drink did she ask for. Something got done right to get you kissed and get your drink asked for or maybe nothing you did. Maybe you were just there to help provide a night of fun plausible deniability to someone who wants to have fun without accountability or responsibility for that night of fun who knows. Again great job recounting the nights events and recognizing those ioi's. Keep at it. You can handle it and no matter what you will handle it...
bruce dunn
2024-06-06 00:13:07 +0000 UTCHi. Was told to join this group from someone off Reddit. They said there was a Discord or other related chat group I could join. Could I please have a link? Feel free to DM if not sharing the link publicly. Thanks.
R2
2024-06-05 02:11:51 +0000 UTCMore in the moment and don’t be afraid to isolate, and escalate when you get enough IOI’s. Sounds like your lack of inner game did get you fucked up. You probably stalled out and she got bored. It feels like this report also leaves out some of the middle details of you gaming her. It’s hard to tell where the sticking point were.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-03 03:14:41 +0000 UTC**using fake names cause there are a couple of people in the situation and itll get confusing quick without names** i planned to meet up at a festival with a friend of mine (mike). when i got there mike was with one of our friends(esther) and a girl i didnt know. my friend and i went to get a smoothie while the girl i didnt know went home and esther went somewhere. after getting the drinks he said theres a place with music and thats where esther went. we got there and see her with 3 girls. one i had met before(mary) and one hadn't. introduced myself the the new girl. as i go to greet mary she hugged me and pecked me on the edge of my lips. the interaction left like an IOI. esther said they were going to the bathroom so mike and i went to take a look at more of the festivities. when we got back to the music place the girls were at a table and dancing. we joined them. mary did her best imitation of puppy dog eyes and asked if she could get some of my smoothie. i said yeah and gave it to her. immediately after i remembered a part in the mystery method where he wrote about what to do in situations like this but it felt too late at that point. i got my smoothe back the girls took some shots. the dancing continued. mary said a guy was videoing her and stuck really close to me after that. i remember that proximity is also an IOI so im thinking im interested in her, shes interested in me do something! but i panicked and eventually did nothing. then i started rationalizing why me doing nothing wasnt stupid. i now realize that i wasnt being honest with myself because i know i find her attractive. ignoring what i feel is a nice guy problem and i need to work on that. at some point mary left the table. and i knew id fucked up. i think that i need to be more in the moment and not over think things, still working on that.
WanderingDrake
2024-06-03 02:40:47 +0000 UTCDefinitely have seen evidence to back everything you said. The way the de-shaming consequence tails from feminism and the other major red-pill talking points have pushed to get rid of any type of shame while the push for mass acceptance of almost anything unless it's found to not support (the hive-mind) Although one could fight against it and perhaps should, is why I like the red-pill approach. Male sexual strategy and a positive male identity. Adapt with times but with your benefit first in mind.
bruce dunn
2024-06-02 13:15:39 +0000 UTCHoly shit man, yah that’s definitely a life altering situation. To be honest I think the world has always been this way. It was like after covid everything went from marketing to overt sales. Come to find out it’s not just women that don’t like sales. Now that the manipulation is out in the open I think it makes it easier to be more out for yourself now than it ever has been. I dare you to try and shame me now hahaha.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-01 15:00:32 +0000 UTC89.5kg 28% 38"
P-O-E
2024-06-01 08:55:43 +0000 UTCAhh yes the time when redpill content was at its purest. Although I wasn't apart of it or was there to take part in I often hear mixed but mostly good things about that time. No to similar story as yours however grew up with a single mom. Lower income in the states(don't know if you're from outside the states) taught by way of psychological double binds and character attacks to induce guilt or shame to keep me in line. Taught me some valuable lessons that connected once I got really deep into redpill content. Wife and I were living life trauma bonded through failed parenting strategies for the both of us. All came to a head when finding out before covid daughter had been diddled by father in law. Whirlwind of events happend that ended in a separation. Not to long before finding out about this place. Separation sent me into redpill deep dive. Started seeing things from less of an ego standpoint. Wife asked to come back. Been on my journey to live life the way I want to ever since. Appreciate the sharing with a stranger. What I get from this place is a way to keep myself sane. The world changed on so many different levels after covid. It was nice to know that what got seen was what I thought I was seeing and being able to come up with strategies and questions to make me make decisions with my benefit in mind, which was different from the nice guy I once was. Not saying he's all gone however he's here because he took a whole lot of bullets while gathering tools for me to decide how to use. That guy earned the right to get treated well.
bruce dunn
2024-05-31 22:16:35 +0000 UTCAwesome, now start tracking your weight daily and log it. Measure your waist This will give you something to go off. Lifting and losing weight isn’t necessarily red pill. More of a MAP to get more abundance. So maybe ask yourself what part of red pill have you been half assing?
Validation Junkie
2024-05-31 21:50:27 +0000 UTCIt’s totally in order. What brought me here was when the love of my life told me she didn’t feel anything when we had sex and I begged for sex like a good little simp. I was r aised by a single mother (Dad was a 1% President) she taught happy wife happy life. So I become a promise keeper. The last straw was one day I cleaned the whole kitchen and she bitched me out for putting the sponge in the sink. I fucking snapped! I searched the internet for help, and found NMMNG. After that like most soft R “artists” I devoured everything that remotely pertained to the Red Pill (Rollo, Riane, Neil Strauss, Mystery, Superior Man…on and on.) Fresh and Fit, Samuels and Tate weren’t even really a thing then. It was actually hard to find red pill shit on YouTube to be honest haha. Did a lot of red pill on my own and got sexual results and ran my home, still had covert contracts, so two months ago I decided to take my game to the next level and start fine tuning it. That’s when I signed up for Patreon. Best fucking thing I have ever done.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-31 21:16:38 +0000 UTCThe more you do game and converse with people the better you will get at it. Less neurotic and autistic you will become.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-31 20:58:50 +0000 UTCI completely agree with Stripper. Getting with your chick boss is career suicide. Set boundaries. No work talk at home period. Broken record that shit. Talking about work outside of work turns her into your boss. Not to mention she should make more money than you, why is she burrowing anything from you? No sharing of finances, again broken record that.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-31 15:38:55 +0000 UTCAppreciate the feedback Stripper. I know physically I’ll get better as long as I progressive overload in the gym and stay consistent. I’m strictly counting calories so that will also help with aesthetics over time. I know I’m autistic when it comes to game and conversation. I’m reading everything in the side bar then trying to practice it out being social with my wife and people I meet, even if it’s something as simple as small talk waiting for the elevator at work or getting coffee. I know I simply need to push past the discomfort and anxiety about saying the “wrong thing” which is also my nice guy validation seeking behavior.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-31 15:23:44 +0000 UTCNot your problem to fix or to help fix if there's no detriment to the family. What's the benefit for you to fix someone else's addiction. How does that happen without the belief that anything outside of you can and may be under your control. How can that get monitored 24/7. Why do you want to be responsible for that addiction. Has there been classes or meetings set up by the addict that the addict has attended on regular basis. Went through a time where my wife and I were both heavy drinkers. Mainly weekends which turned into morning hair of the dog that bit you shots to "make it through the day." Welp 2 years of getting either carried out of bars or asked to leave because no bar wants a person passed out from relentless shots. The decision got made for me to stop. The wife didn't see the benefit in stopping and I was to much of a nice guy to call her on her bullshit not to mention she was functional. Nothing missed a beat. Went to work. Bills stayed paid. Events got attended and I had even gotten to the point where I could tell when it was time too leave because of the behavior cues displayed by her. Bunch of drunken tirades and shame tactics, comfort tests, shitty comfort tests, shit tests, all on the ride home to protect myself from embarrassment. Long story less long. Found this place. Started working on myself. Focused on making myself more fuckable, worked being not unattractive by getting rid of my behaviors and made my stay plan the same as the go plan. Whoever aligns with this train in motion is more than welcome however if a decision gets made to not be on this train totally fine, the sun will come out tomorrow and tomorrow is just a future yesterday however the train will stay in motion and I don't know if you've ever tried to jump on a moving train but it's quite dangerous and the train has no responsibility to stop for the passenger attempting to jump on the train with out a purchased ticket. The wife and I both have been sober for over 3 years now. No alcohol in the the house, bars are avoided for the most part. An occasional glass of wine for myself when out with friends. The wife took initiative. Read books, went to some meetings, put a tracker app for how many days she had been sober, got into sewing and crafting anything to keep her mind and hands busy. All I did was encourage her to keep going. Overly praised for the accomplishment but reminded her that no one gets points for un-fucking up their life however the hardwork, discipline, and consistency is someone that is a value add which is what turns me on(slap on the ass, kiss on the forehead) Would I suggest anyone else take that approach perhaps however what's in it for that person. You will figure this out ,for yourself, in the long run. Your already here listening to random strangers about what to do who don't give two shits about you or your situation. No one is here to save you, this is a tool box full of tools they may or may not be of use to your situation. Take everything everyone says her with a grain of salt, we don't know you...
bruce dunn
2024-05-31 15:01:57 +0000 UTCThat was alot but when looking for needles in a stack of needles what can you do. The goal is not to fuck your wife but to be more fuckable. Don't know how much of the female psychology book you've read and it probably won't help but double binds tend to make it feel as if the space couldn't get left. If the goal is for sex then own it. Unless your wife truly doesn't know that not you but husbands in general tend to want sex. If that's the case then totally understand not wanting to seem as if you're the type of husband wanting sex from his wife "often." However do women care about objective truth or what's true to them in the current moment at that specific time... Do women need for the environment and what they feel to match as a feature or a bug. Can you operate whether the environment matches your feelings or not. When was there a playful butt pat while walking by without an attempt to escalate to sex. Her: You don't (insert random feeling or complaint) me You: Yeah, give me a high five;or scratch my back ;or there's a sale on steaks let's get some and throw them on the grill you'll never guess what side I'm thinking about(which ever one gets said by her was right answer) You: woman get out of my head. How'd you know? Man I must be with a mind reader. Quick do it again what am I thinking.(agree and amplify) Does that sound similar to what got done in the shower. Can't control anything but your actions does that not include the types of verbal intercourse you desire to have? If not shouldn't it and why not.
bruce dunn
2024-05-31 02:30:16 +0000 UTCMay I ask why not cocky funny when the chastising started. What was the chastising about? Did the chastising have some truth within it? If so: for one, so what if it did. For two: if it was some truth within it was there a plan of action in place for whatever the chastising was for that did make it something to joke with or perhaps fog away. Her: chastising, chastising, chastising You: probably right sweetie. If that (thing the chastising was bout) Didn't get done, could definitely see how that would make things(whatever feeling got expressed during chastising) Anything outside of your frame is intriguing or funny. If whatever the chastising was about got looked at as a gift how would you describe it. Assertive Bill of rights.. You have the right to offer no reason or excuse for justifying your behavior. You have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. (Not held responsible for them and if there's an attempt to hold you responsible for them, is it not your choice(right) to own it how you see fit? Does that make it ok to know there's a choice to decide to own it. If not shouldn't it and why not... Kudos for standing up for yourself in front of the friends,however recall attention is currency,don't want to reward bad behavior with it. Takes balls to put yourself out there for critique. Bravo for wanting to better yourself and having a plan in place to get it...
bruce dunn
2024-05-31 01:00:26 +0000 UTCCongrats on that hopefully is in order for that accomplishment. Didn't get a chance to check out any of your field reports, but my path to Couch came by way of Kevin Samuel's then Fresh and fit( couch's favorite white claw power hour) and finally Rollo, what was your path to this place of soft "R" artists' artiststs...
bruce dunn
2024-05-30 23:09:55 +0000 UTCYeah I have been married for 13 years.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 22:16:24 +0000 UTCYes definitely agree with cousin Eddie. Getting with the Lawyer to hash out the difference between what's wanted and what can get attained may release from the anxiety felt when divorce gets brought up if the goal was to not let a divorce threat exist as a bother or attack vector...
bruce dunn
2024-05-30 22:00:25 +0000 UTCWith the old man I would consider a full body work out 3x a week. Have him use leg press instead of squatting. After he gets stronger he can squat the bar and deadlift the bar to strengthen his posterior chain. No one likes a perfectionist anyways. Good enough for you is good enough. You set the standards. Also it doesn’t give you an excuse to be a lazy piece of shit, I think you get that though. I agree, don’t outshine the master. Though I do suggest making what you do look easy.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 21:42:25 +0000 UTCI write them down right after the interaction. Basically write my report through the week and then condense it.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 20:39:36 +0000 UTCThanks. The way you phrased this made me realize I’m making sex the ultimate goal of my life and pushing everything else aside.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-30 18:36:58 +0000 UTCYour personal security should be your Number 1 priority. That matters more than the business and chicks. If somebody is willing to come to your property and to fire shots through your window, there is a serious risk he will escalate his behaviour. The guy could throw acid in your face, throw a molotov into your house, cut your brake lines, attack you in public, etc... I would take a number of safety precautions. I would get a bunch of cameras around your house to record everything. Get an alarm. I would carry a good knife and learn how to defend yourself with it. I would change up your routines... don't leave for work at the same time, shop at different places, change your appearance, sleep in a different room, have weapons in each room that are accessible. I would tell your employees what is going on so they can watch for anything strange. Talk to all your neighbours. Learn how to record phone conversations quickly with your phone and practice doing it. He may call you from different numbers, but capturing it on audio could help convict him. I'd get a lawyer on it and push for a restraining order. When you deal with the police, make sure you take their names. Take notes and let them see you doing that. They're going to feel more accountable because it's all being put on the record. I would check my cameras from the prior night before leaving the house in the morning to confirm nobody has been walking around and doing shit. I would be ready to act. If for example, your cameras caught him walking around your house at 2am, I'd be hiding in the bushes the next night at midnight waiting to see if he would come again. Do what you will with him if you catch him off guard. The homeowner almost always wins when it comes to use of violence. He came to your castle. Play up that he was fucking with your animals too because everybody loves their pets and will sympathize with that. I'd consider hiring a PI to watch him and see what his patterns are. Find out where he lives, works and all that. I'd consider installing a remote camera near his place so you can watch him coming and going. Put a tracking device on his car. I think you can buy those fairly easily. Buy a burner phone and use it for covert stuff. Don't install any shit on your normal phone. Learn his patterns. You could confront him by surprise in a public space but make sure there can be no record of you having done so. If you take covert actions, keep it all 100% to yourself. My ex-wive's sister was being stalked by a crazy lady once. The police told me the best thing to do was to beat the shit out of her. They said I had a free pass from them to do that. The cops are on your side for the most-part, but again, keep it all to yourself. These are just some quick thoughts, but I think you're nuts if you don't up your security and talk to experts on the subject.
Dave
2024-05-30 18:36:40 +0000 UTCYes I definitely have trouble identifying the core issues.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-30 18:35:16 +0000 UTCYes I haven’t felt like I’ve been able to identify what’s important and what’s not. I know it’s right in front of my face but I struggle seeing it. I know I have an internalized and irrational fear of being wrong. Also validation seeking and irrational need to be liked by anyone.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-30 18:34:26 +0000 UTCDidn't give it this time however married going on 2 decades. Married as well?
bruce dunn
2024-05-30 18:03:27 +0000 UTCIt can't be said too often how much the serenity prayer encapsulates the key to getting out of the nice guy mindset and becoming an assertive person.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-05-30 17:47:43 +0000 UTCUpdate on the weight loss drugs: Down another 10 lbs over the last 6 weeks (total now 35 over 6 months since initially taking medicine). Dosage is now at the highest level, and my appetite is down significantly. Several days of only a dinner consisting of about 1000 kcals and then being full. The gastro issues have generally resolve by avoiding fatty foods albeit stool is still loose at least once or twice a week. My interest in alcohol remains diminished. I still generally am able to stop after a few beverages–a few times I’ve done more but reduced interest as in the past. I’ve also noted that my blood pressure has been reduced by 10-15 on the top line measurement. I attribute that to the reduced weight. Professionally, I’m on top of the world generally. I was sworn into the U.S. Supreme Court within the last month, and I was selected for the directorship for my local bar association. Beyond that, winning cases, resolving matters. The usual CovertContractAttorney stuff. In that arena, the main struggle I have is with managing a younger associate. She is on the radar for the partnership already and I’m documenting as needed. Because of the other personal stuff I’m handling, I declined being put for partnership this year. I still make bank and I know I don’t have the bandwidth to take on the additional responsibilities and the money wouldn’t be a significant enough difference. Personally, several weeks ago I told my wife to stop belittling him while we were trying to get him ready for a morning extracurricular. I then received an explosive rant from my wife running the gamut. The thing that stuck out was a venomous attack on how she hates when I “grope” her. I tried to apply the “...right now” to her statement in my head but I know the corollary “...with you.” That stuck. I shut off, finished getting my son ready, and I didn’t engage with her. She realized how bad she had been and tried to assuage my son that we weren’t getting a divorce and that sometimes mommies and daddies fight. I went to work, and I proceeded to work on the divorce paperwork. After that morning, I played memory of the goldfish. She didn’t bring it up. Neither did. But I haven’t touched her, kissed her, done anything. In the intervening weeks, I initiated once, and I wasn’t rejected. I know that lack of sex reduces a woman’s sex life. I couldn’t be arsed to do more at this point. Since then, I’ve allowed/internally wanted to delay divorce filing by allowing life to get in the way. I’ve had the trip to DC to get sworn into the Supreme Court that I had spearheaded (it was a large group of lawyers who went). I had to handle all the logistics for that and the family. I tried a case. I had to literally baby my father who became incoherent and had massive incontinence for several days while I had the flu. I put him in the hospital (he had a stroke and currently has serious brain infection) and then had to take stock of my boomer parents (lack of) finances, determine their finances, creating a new budget for them and now get to watch that for them. These are all events that I’ve prioritized rather than resolving my marriage situation. I don’t regret those choices. Looking at my actions, it tells me that I don’t want to pull that trigger. I think I’m like that guy you’ve mentioned before that chooses the option where he stays married because he knows he doesn’t have it in him to choose otherwise. Or like with my partnership, I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with it now. Although this has effectively been a long-winded way of saying “everything is great except this one thing,” I needed to document my thought process and what I’ve been dealing with recently. My sense is that I’m still under the mother of all covert contracts in that I thought if I did the RP I’d have a problem free life. But nothing about the above jumps out at me as the covert contract beyond that I let the wife’s comment about groping get to me so much. One the one hand it's somewhat validation seeking behavior. On the other hand, being sexually rejected like that is a real grievance to be felt. Of course, she has a point since I’m still overweight, which may be my answer.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-05-30 17:36:11 +0000 UTCThanks man. She has always had major body dysmorphia issues and I've ignored them throughout our relationship. One major challenge that has never been resolved is her addiction to Adderall. She claims it's for her "ADHD", but that's bullshit. She's incapable of getting off (20 year reliance) and it makes her even more insane than a normal woman. I told her she had to get off it or I wouldn't marry her, then I found a pill on our closet floor (after we tied the knot) and learned she'd been hiding taking it from me for over a year. I figured this piece was outside the scope of Red Pill so didn't mention it. I'm at a loss personally on how to help someone with an addiction.
RUIN
2024-05-30 17:30:20 +0000 UTCFR #5, QnA 271 I kept having fights with my girl, it's like everything is going good we have plans in order and then she would randomly do something and then I get pissed and no plan happens. So last two weekends I spent at my place ignored her completely. She says I do this to punish her, which is true. You ruin my feels I ruin yours, that's how it plays out in my head. As last time I told money was stuck so i had to lend her some. Money is now back she automatically became chill for the day but not for long as I mentioned. Fights. Turned down sex 2-3 times to go to my place and prioritize my routine. Since my girl wanted to argue and vent and kept looking for excuses. So I've decided either she can use that time as quality time Or she can waste it by pointless arguments. Or else logistics don't work for me. If that means no relationship be it. Like today were supposed to go out in the evening. But then we were discussing work and she started behaving condescending and i kept quiet at the moment finished the business talk and then decided to leave and cancel the plan. She started crying and sobbing and saying shit like she has nothing left why am i punishing her. Said she wanted to kill herself. I was also angry I was looking forward to going out. Now I don't want to and she wants to blame me. Now if i go out with her am I not rewarding bad behaviour? And for some reason she only does it when the day is there where she will get what she wants as decided. Now I know the whole week she'll be fine. But when the weekend comes near she would start her thing again and i get angry and nothing happens after that. The problem is we have a corporate job where she is my boss and we keep it hidden from everyone there. But I'm sick of being around there all the time. She's not happy with how they are treating her there. I've told her to switch her job and this time i won't move with the rest of the team. We move in with our team of three everywhere. There's another guy. And then we have our business running on the side where we are partners. The good things are that I have quit social media and have started to look how can I upskill myself so that incan change my job. I don't want to be with her all the time. Have quit smoking hash/pot. Used to smoke daily with my girl. She wants to continue a joint or two daily. Fine she can do whatever she wants to. I become dysfunctional and lazy. So no more for me. Also it costs a lot. Also I wanted to know what that placeholder vision thing you mentioned while reading my first field report you guys called it catholic confession, you said we can work on a placeholder goal or vision till I am good enough to think for my own. I get blank in the head and procrastinate and day dream in my free time. Though lately atleast I'm reading and dont watch long YouTube videos any more. Only reading as form of content intake. High retention of info but also makes you sleepy. Substack and Reddit posts. And marketing books and concepts for my work.
Duke of the Dunes
2024-05-30 17:19:37 +0000 UTCRecent actions: high protein and salad diet. Aim to reduce snacking crap in the afternoon at 4 or at midnight. These are my weak points for diet.
P-O-E
2024-05-30 17:04:56 +0000 UTCOh man, I missed this one. I'll still leave my report here in case anyone has any suggestions. Thanks all! FR: * Realizing I need to learn to stop trying to control outcomes and processes that involve other people. Similar to how you can't control if a girl sleeps with you but only control how you present yourself; I need to let go of thinking I can control outcomes with other people. Case in point: currently mentoring a summer intern at work and the project involves GenAI. My manager is really into the AI-hype and is also a micromanager. He keeps getting involved in the design/project decisions with the intern project and trying to steer it in a different direction; when I point out flaws in his reasoning he gets defensive and tries to obfuscate and double-down on his approach (he has a chinese accent and it's hard to understand him sometimes. I'm sure he finds my indian accent hard as well). I'm realizing I can't waste time arguing with him and also concerned if I bring this up in our 1-on-1, he'll take it as a hit to his ego and jeopardize my own promotion. 2 points that I keep in mind in all this are: * "Never outshine the master" - Robert Greene * "pathos ethos logos" - Rian * For now I told the intern to go with the manager's approach but have a backup plan ready if the first approach fails. Also do my best at work with other people and get ready to leave the team/company by the end of the year (hoping the Fed drops interest rates soon) * Another thing I'm realizing is the value of just being "good enough" in most areas of life. I don't have to hit the gym/cardio everyday or stick to my diet 100% or be a top performer at work or a ripped gigachad with Mystery-level game on dates. As long as I'm "good enough" (depending on whatever context), I can manage to get the outcomes I want in life; I can be in a decent, fit shape, date cute enough girls and still get promoted at work. Stop trying to be a perfectionist in everything; life is imperfect and that's fine. * Also taking my dad to the gym with me. Teaching him basic compound movements like squats, bench, deadlifts, with some isolation for his biceps and forearms. Does anybody have suggestions for fitness principles or programs for older adults (65+)? I started my dad off with a modified StrongLifts 3*5 but he's having difficulty squatting properly without using a stool (he looses balance when going down)
Ban Mido
2024-05-30 16:52:57 +0000 UTCA) Everyone else is correct, you don't understand what's important so you think everything is important. You vomit it on the screen for us to dig through. Then we can tell you what to do, and if it goes wrong, it's not your fault. B) To resolve that, go back to square one. Read NMMNG and WISNIFG.
CovertContractAttorney
2024-05-30 16:13:54 +0000 UTCThanks, coffein in check. Preworkout during training, few cups dark coffee during day and full stop at about 14-15. No problem getting to fall asleep
Architect
2024-05-30 15:37:41 +0000 UTCMake sure you have a lawyer and are prepared for divorce. A woman resorting to open communication is a big sign.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 15:30:21 +0000 UTCWriting needs to be distilled. Shortened. Doing this helps you and lets the reader know that you are able to see the core issues. You are dragging out the argument. Learn to stfu. You are using logic with an emotional creature. Your wife fantasizing about other men is not good. As a relationship evolves women turn to drugs, luxury spending and cheating. That is where that fantasizing will end up. More dread is needed. A woman’s word is dog shit.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 15:26:09 +0000 UTCThere's so much free shit around. Go to a park, see some sights, go to the most scenic place around take it in. Museums are cheap. You can buy a cheap coffee at a coffee shop and talk to everyone there. Go for a walk. Nurse the hell out of a beer at a bar and chat people up. Join a sport. Find a place for pick up basketball. You figure out the stuff that resonates with you, or the stuff that you are afraid of.
Op Sec
2024-05-30 15:22:54 +0000 UTCI read some of this. In answer to your question, how often do I initiate with wife, once a day at most with exceptions. You are overdoing it, no exceptions for you, over do it the other way to find the place. Your wife is giving you silent treatment and you want to give her a massage. No you want to fuck. There's a covert contract in there as well as nice guy behavior. There's a chapter in NMMNG about this. You were giving your wife all this attention for what, you give her attention when she acts right, reward good behavior not bad.
Op Sec
2024-05-30 15:19:24 +0000 UTCYou read 48 laws of power and feel powerful. I can apply this shit in my office. It doesn't go anywhere. It's just Robert Greene telling a good story. There's a reason you don't see field reports, "Here's where I applied law 23 and I got a successful outcome". Gervais principle, be slightly evil, The Boyd books they reccomend, work well in an office. However, the best tools, are WISNIFG and NMMNG.
Op Sec
2024-05-30 15:12:05 +0000 UTCWant to do cool shit, but trying to avoid spending money. We’re over 50k in debt. I’ve pulled a list of free things to do that’s I’ve been doing with her
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-30 14:59:40 +0000 UTCI missed your Batman story. Are you single?
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 14:58:12 +0000 UTCCondense this. Did you have fun verbally fucking your wife? Deering and verbal intercourse. Yes you need to just get it. A little un-calibrated. Blur the lines between sex and intimacy. Sounds like you are a bit heavy on trying to escalate. Think hey lady I am going fishing with my buddy until x time. When I get back be ready to go out, I got some cool shit planned for us. Do cool shit.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 14:53:37 +0000 UTCField report #8 First update since last year. It has been hard for me to clearly define goals and conduct OODA loops, but listening to the field reports of others and Rians comments has helped immensely. That has helped me put in words what I have been noticing and attempting as well. This in turn has helped me go through the OODA loops. My financial situation is still dire, but I have experienced progress in other areas like basic boundary enforcement and nice guy behavior like saying no and recognizing manipulation. How are so many people able to correctly recall interactions with their wives from last week? By the time I write the field report I have forgotten most of everything. Even if I would make an effort to write down what was said immediately, I am sometimes too emotionally pumped up to write something meaningful. What I have been up to. - When the wife starts arguing and gets upset, I simply remove myself from the situation. She used to get her way by being aggressive. - I have cooked more, but there is still no regular weekly initiative besides a daily breakfast and pancakes on Sundays. Meal prep on Sunday might be an option. I help out with cooking dinner almost every night. - I now ignore her threatening with divorce as I now don't immediately follow along her emotional roller coaster. Neither am I surprised when she mentions casually how she loves me two days later. - Long time friends were over for an impromptu dinner a month ago and the wife started acting bitchy in front of them. Chastizing me and I told her to stop it. Core issue: our past and current financial situation. Some time later I went to the toilet and found an argument when I exited. Turns out my friend had asked her not to nag that much. She almost had a fit and went upstairs. The friends girlfriend went to console her and recommended breaking up if its not working out. The friend asked me how long I plan to put up with this as all of our time on this earth is limited. I told him not to worry and that I have a plan. Sadly, they are no longer invited for dinner. I am now able to stop myself and to ask whether she has a point and act accordingly. -Read the Gervais Principle by Venkatesh Rao. Jesus! Took copious notes and boy, did I get a lot to think about. Like a veil has been lifted from my eyes. This explains so much about what I have seen in organisations and why I have had and mostly not had success in professional settings. I will now read the Wisdom of Psycopaths. The author has some later books as well. Which would you recommend I start with? - Whenever my wife sort hints at me meeting with other women when I am out, I use amused mastery and tell her its more than one. She has been on vacation with 7 of her girlfriends (all in their 40s and 50s, all in LTRs) multiple times in the last two years. Sometimes I wonder if its projection, just her anxiety or both. - When I think back to where I was mentally last year, I am filled with relief. This place has lifted a huge load off my back. Progress is much slower than hoped, but the direction is correct. - Still need to initiate intimacy and sex, but feel that is such a chore as I don't find that overweight nag to be attractive. She might nag less if I initiated, but who knows. Last time we had sex two/ three weeks ago, she initiated one morning.
Eric Roberts
2024-05-30 14:52:48 +0000 UTCRecent actions: high protein and salad diet. Aim to reduce snacking crap in the afternoon at 4 or at midnight. These are my week points for diet.
P-O-E
2024-05-30 14:40:19 +0000 UTCLifting, getting some projects finished that I’ve put off at work and building case studies to help get clients on the side. Actively tripping to start conversations with people through the day to practice being more social and get over my social anxiety. —— Saturday morning I dropped my kid off at my parents with my wife. Driving home after dropping our kid off: Her: what time are you meeting your buddy for fishing? Me: don’t know. Didn’t plan a set time. …. 15 minutes of silence…. Her: I’m happy you're going fishing with your buddy but I’m upset you didn’t ask me first. Me: STFU and waited for her to keep talking Her: we talked about you spending the weekend with me since our kid was going to be with your parents all weekend. Me: we have plenty of time. We have this evening, Sunday and Monday Her: I work Monday. Me: well we have tonight and Sunday then. Her: silence then turns music on for rest of the drive home. At home I got the silent treatment as I was packing my fishing gear. I said goodbye, and went fishing with my buddy. When I got home, my wife was gone and I assumed she was helping her dad with an event. Texted her but didn’t get a response so assumed she was alright. Went and got shit done. Later when my wife came home: Me: what were you doing? Her: helping my dad at the event. I told you I was. Me: I don’t recall. How was it? Decent turnout? Her: it was good … she started walking up the stairs. Me: cool. I finished what i was doing then went upstairs to try initiating, got a hard no and more one word responses. Went and did something else. —- Sunday was similar to saturday. I practiced sprinkling in intimacy throughout the day and initiated several times to a cold no, then went and did something else. Q1: How many times are you guys initiating in a day? I think I may be doing it too much and that it might be coming off as overly needy and nice guy behavior. —- Memorial Day I dropped my wife off at work. Silent treatment still, so I STFU and let the silence weigh heavy. I picked her up that afternoon: How was work? Her: it was okay. Not too busy. Me: Anything exciting happen? Her: just another day Me: you’re mine when we get home. Her: I’m having dinner with my parents tonight. Me: I wasn’t aware. What time? Her: 6:00. You can come if you’d like. Me: yeah that’d be nice. And that’d still give us about two hours together. Her: what'd you want to do? Me: we’re having a shower together when we get home and then giving each other a massage. Her: I already showered yesterday. I don't want to shower again. Me: okay, then we’ll do a massage then. Her: no response. Get home and go upstairs to fold laundry (what I was doing before I left to pick her up). She changes in bathroom then sits on our bed near me and fiddles in silence on her phone for five minutes. Me: Alright cut the bullshit. I’m not a mind reader but it’s clear something’s bothering you. I’m not playing this game with you. Tell me what's on your mind so we can get back to being adults and actually have some fun tonight. Her: silent for 30 seconds. Her: I'm tired. long pause….. Her: I can’t do this anymore if nothing changes. I’m just so tired. Me: what do you mean by that? Her: you know what I mean. Me: what do you mean by that? Her: you know what I mean. Me: then say what will happen Her: we won’t be together. Me: and what would that mean? Her: why do you want me to say it? Me: why don’t you? That’s what you mean, isn’t it? Her: ……silence….., Me: what’s going on that’s making you feel this way? Her: I feel like you only want to be around me if we have sex. Like nothing else matters to you. Me: I value a lot that you do but it’s hard to appreciate it fully when we don’t have sex. Her: yes, we don’t have sex. but we also don’t have sex because you don’t spend time with me. If I say no to sex, you just leave and do what you want. That makes me not want to have sex with you. Me: yes I often go do other things when I initiate sex and you say no. Her: sometimes I want you to just come sit next to me and hold me or talk to me about my day instead of leaving to do something else. Me: i don’t ask you about your day or what you have going on? Her: no you don’t Me: so me asking about your day in the car or asking open ended questions at home to hear what’s going on in your life isn’t me expressing interest? Her: you don’t do that. Me: really? so me asking about your day or sharing things that our kid did while you were working isn’t me trying to talk with you and initiate a conversation? Her: you just ignore me Me: Are you aware how often you flat out ignore me, give a one word answer, run upstairs and crawl in bed, or start watching TikTok after I start talking to you? Why would I continue talking to you when you’re indicating both verbally and non verbally that you’re not interested in talking with me? Her: I just need time to decompress after work sometimes. Me: so why not tell me you need 15-20 minutes to decompress before you’re present at home? Her: I’ve told you before (she hasn’t, but this might be a “just get it” moment.) Me: I don’t remember. But I can give you some time when you get home. Her: if I’m in bed I just want you to come sit next to me and talk about things. You always just come up, say something, then ask to have sex. Me: why would I sit next to you and if you’re not talking or engaged with me? Her: because I’m stubborn and take a while to not be rolled up from work. Me: I have no issues talking with you or being next to you if you’re present and I have your attention. If you have stuff going on then or your stressed, tell me. Tell me you need a long hug or want me to hold you. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not going to always notice every time something bothers you. Her: okay, I can try to let you know. That’d be nice Her: also, you touch me all the time. I don’t need you grabbing my ass every time you kiss me or hug me. You sometimes I just want a hug or a kiss. You always push for sex and it makes me not want to do stuff with you because you always push for sex. It makes me feel like you only want me for sex. Me: yes I do touch your ass a lot, it looks sexy and turns me on… but could the issue be that you're always assuming I’m going to push for sex? I can tell you for the past month, 80% of the time I’m just coming over to flirt. Her: possibly… Me: my guess is you’ve been so used to me not being flirty and only touching you wne i want to have sex that you still think I only want to fuck you if I touch you. Her: okay. Me: What else are you thinking about? Her: You spent time fishing with your buddy which is fine but you didn’t even check with me. Me: I don’t need to ask you to hang out with my friend. Her: why shouldn’t you ask me as your wife? We’re married. You should be thinking what’s best for the family and Me: I don’t need you as a mom, I need you as my wife. When you tell me I need to ask you first, that’s you “momming” me. I’m a grown man and can decide how to spend my free time without needing your approval. Her: but you agreed to spend the weekend with me before you planned to go fishing. Me: I don’t remember committing to the weekend but if I did then I can totally understand why you’d be upset that I went fishing instead of spending time with you. Besides that point, which is valid, I need you as a wife and not a substitute mom. Her: I’m not trying to mom you I just want you to check with me first. Me: it comes across as you trying to control my actions. Her: you just do what you want. You have the mindset of a single guy. When you’re married you need to think about your family and wife first. At least ask me first. Me: I agree that you and I should check to make sure no family activities or events were already planned if we want to do things with friends. There’s a difference between checking if something is going on and you, my wife, wanting me to be in the position of granting me permission to do things that interest me or decide if I can spend time with a friend. Her: that’s not what I meant, I just want you to ask me. Me: …. I pause….. Me: it’s possible I’m misunderstanding your desire to feel included in my life as you trying to control me. Yes, I could be better at remembering my prior commitments like spending this past weekend with you. Her: that might be it. I’d appreciate that Me: I’ll consider that next time. Me: what else is bothering you? Her: You’re never on time and always late. Do you know how humiliating it is when I drop our kid at therapy and the staff jokes that they know who’s dropping our kid off based on when she gets here? Me: I imagine it feels like shit and it’s probably embarrassing. Her: it is. All I can do is play along because they’re right that you’ve been late all but two of the times you’ve dropped our kid off. Me: yes that’s true and I realize it’s not acceptable. Unfortunately I can’t change the past, only be on time if I drop her off in the future. Her: well you’re also late all the time for everything else we have planned……it’s a huge ick and pet peeve of mine…. she hamsters on here…. Me: STFU and let her get it out …… Her: …. Finished hamstring about times I was late prior to last month (when I realized I was acting like a man child and started being on time). Me: I completely understand how this would bother you, I would be pissed to. I was upset the couple times you’ve been late the past month and it made me think about my own behavior. You have a point and you’re right. I have no excuse for being late. About a month ago I reflected on what you’ve said in past conversations and realized how irresponsible I’ve been. A month ago I realized I need to grow up and hold myself accountable and set my own standard. As a result I’ve personally made a point to be on time for everything the past month, not to make you happy, but for myself and to be a responsible adult and man. Her:….. kept trying to bring up past times I was late…. Me: “yes, I know I was late all the time in the past but I’ve been on time for everything the past month and will continue to be on time. I’m not going to have you berate me more about past behavior that happened. You’ll have to trust I’ll be on time, and only my actions will show if this is true or not.” I then Broken-recorded this a few times until her hamster cooled down. She eventually agreed that what I said was accurate. >> She does has a point on this and I’ve been actively working on showing up early to everything. I have been acting like an irresponsible man child up to this point by being late for things in the past. This is one of those “act don’t tell” things that I added to my own map after realizing I needed to grow up. It’s fixed now. ——- Her: You’re Forgetful too and don’t listen. I can’t trust you to do anything. Goes into a rant about her asking me to do something “small” on the weekend (choreplay/putting to work). Called me out doing it on my own time which I agreed and amplified then she doubled down pointing out a past “task” I said I’d do then she mentioned how she waited a month then did it herself. She has a point about me leaving things unfinished for too long so I agreed but told her I’ll still do them on my own timeline. I do tend to automatically view her asking me to do things as me losing frame of I agree to help. This is probably me being uncalibrated combined with trying to not be a nice guy. There’s times I probably could do a few things here and there to help her out as part of our relationship and not always view everything she asks for help, as a test of my frame. I’m likely trying to “over alpha” this part. She also mentioned how she shares things with me and I respond with “I can see how that’d make you upset” or “I can see why that’s make you upset.” Basically makes her feel like I’m dismissing her feelings. I might need to play it up more like Jack10ofHearts has posted about, or like Rian has mentioned in the mids watches about how a boss can respond to budget cuts at work. Basically get better at agree and amplify so she feels heard without taking responsibility for her emotions. ——— Q2: Am I just uncalibrated and not “getting it” by immediately leaving after getting a hard no? This could be my nice guy conditioning but I’m wondering if this abrupt behavior is what’s coming off as unnatractive, me seeming too butt hurt, and giving her the feeling that I only want her for sex. I’ve been viewing the act of me staying near my wife after a hard no as seeking validation from her and further being in her frame, which could be flawed thinking. I’m gathering that she’s seeking more comfort but I think it might just be that I’m not acting in a calibrated way and being too black and white which comes off as unattractive. —— Day after Memorial Day I worked a half day from home. Got done working then started feeding the reptiles I keep and breed. Get a text from my wife who was downstairs reading a book: Her: Get my vibrator and a towel and come downstairs I go down and she’s soaking wet and we have sex for the first time in months. After we’re finished she says: Her: want to know what I was reading in my book that got me so turned on? Me: I’d love to hear Her: it was a mfm threesome and the woman was sucking one of the guys while the other was fucking her. It’s so, so hot. Me: oh that’s hot (not trying to shame her about sex) Her: yeah that really turned me on. Me: thanks for sharing! Let’s go take a shower now. We get in the shower… Her: yeah reading about that threesome really turned me on. Me: so what do you like about it? Her: it’s just so hot and sexy. makes me feel a little naughty too. Me: you really got wet Her: yeah, that’s something that’s really hot. I Forgot what exactly she said next but it was basically her alluding to being okay having a threesome with another guy without feeling like a slut. I’m 100% not going to willingly let another man rail my wife, but I decided to play along with her to see if she’d divulge more information. I also didn’t want to shame her about sex and sharing what turned her on. Me: okay so let’s say I was okay with another guy joining us and you had to pick someone, who would it be? Her: ….. probably “Dan” “Dan” is the chad security guard at her work who games all the women. He’s the guy I mentioned in previous field reports that was flirting with my wife. Me: what do you like about Dan? Her: his muscles, his tattoos and he’s attractive and flirty. Me: oh yeah? Her: yeah but he’s a ladies man and flirts with all the women. Besides He wouldn’t choose me over the other hotter women at work. Me: He’s the one you flirt with at work right? Her: he flirts with me but I don’t flirt back. I joke with him but it’s just silly and I don’t go past casual conversation. Me: ahhh I see Her: I wouldn’t ever do anything. Me: I trust you know where the line is and what’s not acceptable. Her: yep I don’t let it get past casual conversation. Me: Cool Obviously not what I wanted to hear but really hammered home “she’s not yours it’s just your turn.” Nothing I can do except work on being more attractive and practice game. I can’t control her actions and that’s okay. I think I’ve been having a bit of the Madonna/Whore complex too. What concerns me is my wife only seems to want to have sex after reading her romantic books, usually Involving threesomes. I’m trying to not care what her reasons for having sex are, just focus on whether or not we have sex. That night I re-read everything in the sidebar about divorce. I’m saving money to go consult with a divorce lawyer to be prepared, just in case she decides she’s “not happy.” I also got my direct deposit set up with my new checking account that I only have access to. I’ll start setting money aside in my account just in case. I now accept my wife isn’t a special snowflake and realized my wife would in fact leave me. She did make a valid point that I need to stop being a man child. I’ve already fixed my timelines, as this was on my MAP, but I do think I need to calibrate the comfort I give her.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-05-30 14:39:03 +0000 UTCField report. Been lurking for a while. Let’s see if I can recall how to do this. 43 6’ 210lbs Bench 175lbs Squat 180lbs Rows 115lbs Press 85lbs D.Lift 180lbs Skip the batman origin story this time… After tucking my tail from an ego bruising from the chat (thanks fellas). Did some self analyzing and decided to go back and do what I had success at. Read the side again the trinity of NMMNG, WISNIFG and the T.R.M. plus all three of Couch's books as well alug with some suggested books(Tempo, How to write a sentence)Re listened to the side bar along with the books(still waiting on the rational Male sidebar video, not holding my breath though,)Got back into the gym. Went back to 5x5 started with the bar and have progressed to the numbers listed above. From there took what got learned here and kept track of my lifts which also started me to Journal on a daily basis. Didn’t want to make this a long report but wanted to get back to a consistent field report regiment where I can get an outside view from people who don’t give a flying, insert insult here, about me (feelings mutual fellas. Just another kid who’s bus had tinted windows a.k.a. the coolest bus) while keeping myself on track at getting what I want(male sexual strategy and a positive male identity). Goals: Weight maintain between 185-195lbs. Got a calorie deficit plan in place to reach that goal by 2025(holidays included) Days set for fasting and daily Intermittent fasting as well along with a workout schedule and goals for lifts to be hit by 2025 as well( may list on future reports) Finances: So far almost done with getting out of the probationary period to get the mortgage payments current plus a plan to work hours to keep bills current and build a war chess. Got rid of a car payment and a lease payment in the process to get that goal accomplished. Personal growth: Continue to Journal. Decreased phone and time in front of T.V. applying a focused effort to touch grass and finish unfinished projects around the house added in some time management while devoting more time to reading. Ended it with applied to University of Phoenix to get a Bachelors in Social Work degree to ultimately get out of my factory job by 2030.
bruce dunn
2024-05-30 14:30:56 +0000 UTC@chicken. Sucks when you sign something and you need for things to go your way and they do the opposite. Finances in general: time to circle the wagons. Buckle up. Corrections are due. Crazies. This was written like a diary. Dating: a quote comes to mind: “ this is the part of the story where you get to deal with the consequences.” Unlike most in this space you are trying to developers beta traits. Traits that make a girl want to stick around. What are the actions you have taken to do this? It appears none. Certainly nothing you have reported. So, you get to ride the vag carousel. Many guys would be envious.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 14:20:59 +0000 UTC@bruce This was posted in the comments of chicken shit. If you read this before the stream you should move it to the main thread.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 14:08:57 +0000 UTCOnce again all caught up on the Patreon. This week is going to read like a contradiction, because it is. A tale of last month vs. this past week. Home life / marriage has been solid since my last FR. I’m having more fun with all of this and enjoying the testing of different approaches to daily interactions. Reached the point where I largely catch myself being unattractive, 85% of the time I avoid it naturally and have started to think to myself “that would have been a place where you’d have previously Deer’d). Sex 3-5 times a week, never turned down, and tried things I’ve always wanted to. The madonna / whore complex is a thing of the past. Example? I’ve always wanted to cum on my wife’s face - finally just did it. She was surprised but laughed and even said “do you want to take a picture?” afterwards. Gave her a compliment and some comfort. Maybe this can be our 2024 version of last Christmas’ “try to cum on your wife’s tits”? We attended a banquet for our child and I enjoyed myself with the other mom’s and dad’s. Recognized friends saying / doing things that consistently make me cringe. I see my previous self in their comments and how frustrated they are with their wives emotions. It takes everything in me not to proselytize. I know it’s a lost cause so just STFU. When we got home I could tell she noticed how I was being treated. Laid on her stomach in just a thong and a shirt talking about the night. I interrupted and admitted I wasn’t listening at all, too distracted with ‘the light glimmering off your smoking hot ass'. Put her into doggy and bit her neck and cheek…had the instinct to put my fingers in her mouth and pull like a fish, she sucked them which was hot. Also added more dirty talk and assertiveness which has gotten uniform receptivity. I'm not just an animal, attempting more intimacy without sex as well…took a shower and just cleaned her. I always slap her on the ass randomly. Also come in for a kiss at times and try to hug her when sweaty after mowing the yard. Laugh when she recoils. Any other intimacy ideas you guys find fun? All in all, satisfaction and enjoyment for several weeks straight. Now comes the current week - PMS started and shark week not far behind. The signs of wanting to pick a fight were all there and building up. Just laughed it all off as the pressure built. In retrospect I should have set the narrative with something like: "look, I get you're really needing to fight with someone and I'm here, but how about we make it last for less than an hour and have makeup sex?" Boiling point hit when she once again demanded a mommy makeover and told me she was booking it for October. The truth is I'm not even opposed to this in principle, but I'm not going to reward the bad behavior she's been showing around it for a while now. I told her NO and she blew a gasket. Shame, attacks, accusing me of broken promises, saying her friends got it without any issue from their husbands, everything but the kitchen sink. Shame, insults, guilt…I just STFU. Her: “You’re not going to say anything?!” Me: ”No, I am - the answer is no.” Her: "You do know that I'm not just going to drop this, right?" Me: STFU Her: "You're not going to like it." She stormed off and we didn’t talk again that night. Fast forward to the next morning around 6am. I woke up and made a move. She gave a half hearted “no” and turned her ass to me. I took it as a very common soft no and noticed she was wet. Decided to try sex and she just laid there like a dead fish. So, I stopped and stood up to get ready for the day. She turned and asked “did you finish?”. I said “no, it’s just not working for me.” An hour later - she went off about the mommy makeover again and then accused me of “grape”. It was so absurd that I couldn't help but laugh. Her response was anger and said “it’s my body!”. I walked away. Later that morning she made the accusation again and I again STFU, mostly in shock at how ridiculous this all was. Hours later she acted like nothing had even happened and told me she had invited friends over for the day to go swimming. I wasn’t in a great mood, but she had a great time. During their time over she texted me “ur making us uncomfortable”. I just ignored it, was feeling nauseous (unrelated to the above) most of that afternoon. The next morning she came in while I was getting dressed and said “You know I am in this forever, but I don’t know what to do, you’re saying no and I’ve wanted a mommy makeover since before I met you and I gave you beautiful children.” I said, “okay” and she walked out. For the last 3 days I’ve decided to focus on me, not speak to her, and make sure I’m going to the gym / working / taking care of my kids. We haven’t been communicating at all but she’s still cooked dinner, did all of my laundry yesterday, and even folded it neatly. In the past I would have had this urge to "fix it", but as it stands I'm good and don't feel the need to solve the problem. I know it will happen when it happens. Part of me believes I should just have the mind of a goldfish and move on without bringing this up. The other side is concerned though. Women do crazy things and she needs to know this is a major boundary to accuse me of an awful crime to win a fight.
RUIN
2024-05-30 14:02:03 +0000 UTC3-4 hours per day! Wow. I don’t think I would log that time but I need to try. Sleep is critical. I think it is smart to prioritize that above everything. Pay attention to caffeine and downers as well. Those are putting acceleration and brakes on your adrenals (amongst other energy systems).
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 14:00:58 +0000 UTC“…more navigating office politics so I have started reading the 48 Laws of Power and and looking for ways to apply tools …”. At fn 18 I would start paying attention to when you write future goals. Look at the difference: this happened at work. (Past tense) I had option 1,2,3. I read this in laws of power. I chose this action and here was the outcome. Then analysis. Vacation fn was in past tense. As your focus becomes more on you (more narcissistic) the neediness will continue to go away. Creating more attraction. Vaca: get lost, get in trouble. Basically keep up the gym bag routine ( replace gym with local tiki bar).
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 13:46:29 +0000 UTCField Report #5 I don’t have a ton, I have been gone for the last two weeks away at work. The last couple of times I have been home things have been really good. I have been a lot less neurotic about the little things. Which seems to have calmed the waters. Been fucking on the regular and the quality is right where I want it. We did have a couple of quickies that ended with me winning the race. I didn’t feel compelled to offer an orgasm back. This used to be a big nice guy contract for me. “She will love me forever if I can get her off like a pornstar every time.” Last night while in bed the wife says “hey I have a serious question to ask you” Me: uh huh Her: no really, it’s not a loaded question I swear. Me: bullshit hahaha, ok hit me with it. Her: I can’t tell but is my ass getting fat. Me: (I busted out laughing) (she’s laughs too) Not a loaded question my ass hahaha. Look when it does get fat I will tell you to lay off the Cheetos, or up the intensity in the gym. Her:ok but I just can’t tell. Me: if you really care buy a tape measure and track your numbers. Until then I won’t let you turn into the Pillsbury doughgirl. She snuggled in tight and we went to sleep. Over the last two months I have improved on recognizing the difference between comfort, and shit tests. Which has made it a lot of fun to smash them. I actually think she kind of has fun giving them and loosing. I have calibrated most of my “come backs” to cocky funny or agree and amplify. They seem to give me the best results. Fogging always seems to get me a long drawn out situation that makes me feel like reverting to my deering ways.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 12:40:13 +0000 UTCI think this field report is all about pace. I am an older guy who looks at least a decade younger than my age. And I have a youthfulness that is younger and more edgy than that. Also, I have like most men here, fitted a few lifetimes into half a lifetime. Not a flex, just the accidents of birth, anyways… Sometimes, I think I might be the slowest person to RP ever. As an artist and Entreprenuer with strong IT, communications, and technical skills, I've been able to live a life outside the mainstream life. This has led to a narrative in my head that was so comprehensive I had to unplug from external gyno-order and from my own enchanted story to myself. The story I had scripted was filled with false correlations and causations. A literary life no doubt, but I was also away with the fairies. That said, I've had an awakening this week. I've reached a point where I'm the person I'd trust decide on and implement my mission. I realized that getting to the top 20% was hard work, and I never gave myself a "break." By break, I don't mean taking my foot off the gas but rather incorporating recovery time as part of my self-care. When I had space, I would start new initiatives, push forward, or go all-in on wild living. I'm focusing on basic self-care, optionality, self interested lying and self promotion. I can handle it if crises occur. After sprinting for so long, just allowing for recovery time in my schedule seems revolutionary. Realising that I'm not digging myself out of a hole anymore. No longer buried, I'm living above ground now. Here's a simple example: I needed a new car. I looked at the cheapest options, been as economic as possible - because ‘what if some unforeseen expense arises”. Then, I found one I really liked but didn't want to treat myself. Well, I bought the nice one. I had it delivered to my door on a truck, which was a mini-event. I was cooking steaks for my daughters while it arrived. It's slick compared to what I had. It's sparkling in my driveway, comfortable to drive, and great for meeting chicks and other business people. While also been a sensible car for the family. I had to laugh, a RP midlife crisis is “sensible cars coupled with a deep commitment to fathering, spiced up with some roguish self interest, because we look hot”. I have new dates lined up for this weekend, and it will be nice to arrive in my new car. Last weekend was mine with the kids. My son, 17 had arranged to go away and work for a week, with only a nudge from me but he took the initiative. I spent it with my girls jumping in rivers, playing sports with them, eating out and bringing them to hair saloon and enjoyed all the tarty girls telling me what great daughters I had. I have a thing for hairdressers. That’s my spot for the girls now. It would be a goal to get one of them to slip me their number. Anyway back to this weekend. My dates will want to party, which is cool, but I don't want to drink because if I'm up late on Friday having sex with Blondie, I want to be rested for BJJ on Saturday. Plus, I plan to go into the city and buy some clothes for updating my style and go on a few new first dates. As you put it last Saturday, the freedom in being ‘Mid’ is life affirming. I'll work on my house, garden, and artworks and collaborations I am launching in a relaxed and conscious way, doing it my way to get it done in a restful manner. This week, a few days I worked half the day from bed or in my PJs with no guilt and I realised - OK, the game is different now. The guilt and fear is dissipating. One short note is that I rediscovered some NLP stuff I had done before - because of the annihilation method - and that is getting me over some hyper vigilant tendencies. And further, on the lying and the self interest, I am getting paid while I write this. About fucking time, right. It took me long enough to get here, but I'm going to give myself the space to enjoy it and be well as I go. On the lying, I realised I am 100% believable. Sometimes I have used it to get out of trouble. But I rarely get into trouble, now I will use it to increase my optionality and shave of more time in my working day to increase my opportunities, social life and cash-flow. Have a good weekend men.
So Woke da Wookie
2024-05-30 12:14:22 +0000 UTCRound 9 Things have been kind of a mess over here for the couple months since I last posted. If you recall from before, 2024 had started out pretty smoothly. Business was back up, my event series was low drama and didn't lose money, various girl things were kind of coming and going and rolling off me without too much drama in any direction, workouts were good and I wasn't really worrying about too much. Fast forward to the middle part of April and I was feeling confident enough to make additional investments in my event series starting in Spring 2026 (which is the first year that I fully take over for the family of the previous owner). No more than 48 hours after the ink dried on that, out of nowhere, my company was dropped by our three largest clients, all within a week of each other, for what seems to be completely unrelated reasons (our performance definitely wasn't down). Since then, it's been kind of a mad scramble. I dumped tons of money into marketing and we're in the process of trying to pivot into different industries in hopes of saving jobs, but clients of this size are going to be virtually impossible to replace (as the replacements that we would need just don't exist). So far I'm basically just hemorrhaging money and nothing is working. As of Tuesday morning, I signed the paperwork to put the "old car that Im never going to sell" as I've been referring to it as for the last 2 years here up for auction in August, which feels like a major, major L. Either way, unless something drastic changes pretty quickly, that still isn't likely to help all that much (other than to maybe keep me personally afloat a little longer if we do go under completely) Probably the wrong way to approach this, but I really don't want to lose any of my people. They've all been incredibly loyal to me for a really long time, the job market here is bad and the cost of living is very high. They deserve better than what's coming. Hopefully we can figure this out, and in the past we've usually been able to, but this time it feels really different. Additionally, I also now have a stalker - and it's a 49-year-old fat guy who I've never even met before. This fucking lunatic found me through a non-profit that I co-chair and has somehow convinced himself that I have embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from this organization and as a result have caused a certain group of people (who literally has fucking nothing to do with what this non-profit does - I bet you can guess who he's white knighting here) to die as a result. It started pretty minor with crazy emails, slamming my business with bad reviews and dozens of crazy phone calls per day to our receptionist and that kind of shit and then moved on to him showing up on my property and fucking with my animals (that I'm also starting to sell off, which is fucking brutal), to now as of this morning, firing gunshots through the front windows of my house. The police from two different cities (the one where I live and the one where he lives) have been very much involved from the get-go, but they can't seem to pin this guy down for some reason. I suspect that will change after this morning, but the stress level is definitely not decreasing. Whenever they arrest him, I'm assuming court proceedings are also coming which, I have no time to fucking deal with right now either. On to girl shit..... There's not really much to report here other than the fact that I am slamming dating apps basically all night long instead of sleeping and have thrown every fucking standard I have out the window (with the exception of obese women and trans creatures). Tattoos, single moms, you name it, who the fuck cares? I'm going for all of them right now. I'm almost 100% certain that this is going to bite me in the ass at some point as well, but it's almost like compulsive at this point. Swipe all night, go to work, stumble through the day, go out with some fucking disaster immediately afterwards, fuck about half the time, feel like shit, go home and repeat. Yes, I'm aware this is a giant victim puke, but I'm sort of just like completely unsure how to process anything that's going on around me right now. It seems like the only control I have over anything is running through trash heap women on dating apps. Maybe I'm starved for dopamine hits, I don't seem to know much right now. Nothing I'm doing seems to be working for the first in a long, long time. That's all I got for now......
McChickenshit
2024-05-30 10:47:37 +0000 UTCThe relationship between me and my wife is the best it has been in at least 5 years. Still not at the level I want it to be ideally but lighyears from the mess it used to be. Don’t remember when was the last time I got butthurt about rejection. Just go the the next best valuable thing – work, training etc. If I get a hard no to sex then she is most of the time offering at least a handy. Sadly she is not giving BJs. The kind of girl who is grossed out by them. But let’s see, I have the feeling when my SMW is still increasing she might reconsider it because it has been this way a couple of times before when she almost lost me. Hysteric bonding or just doing her best not to lose a top guy? No covert contract – I am perfectly aware that she might never blow me and that’s ok because I can accept it or find a girl who will do it. On leadership - Never making important decisions on her own, always asking me if that is ok, what do I think, do I confirm etc. Still work to be done but steady progression all the time. Yelling at kids – also miles away from it used to be. I lead with my actions – no bullshit yelling at the kids. When she slips up She is reminded real quick that we can do so much better, we are not the children and we have self control and must act like a proper adult. At the beginning of the year I set out a goal to buy myself a new car. Calculated and came to the conclusion that I need to grind out extra hard this year to achive the dream. The plan was to use the time I was chilling on social media or watching TV as an extra way to do paid work instead. So I deleted all the socail media and news apps from my phone. The first week was strange because the brain was used to pick up the phone and go on autopilot to scroll. It was about an extra 3-4 h each day including weekends. In retrospect could have put one less hour in work and slept one hour more – would have been better in the long run. Was consistant and had the money in the bank by may. Test drove tha car, got a good deal and closed it. Should recive it in the end of the year. A good lesson for me on having a definite goal, plan and hunger to achive it. Have been off the news and social media for about half a year now. If I want to catch up with my friends I will call them. If its important news, I will hear it anyway from somebody. If there is something happening in my social circle my wife knows anyway and will let me know. Sleep – now I priaritize the shit out of it. At least 8 hours every night no matter what. Had evan a sleep study performed to see the quality of the night. Luckyly all good and no snooring. Went on a trip with the family. For one week I went to sleep early in the night and woke up in the morning sleeping 10-12 hours straight. Was a great way to relax the mind and body and to get back the sleep I was missing. Diet and training. Was bulking all winter long and started to cut again about a month ago. It is not hard. Adding muscle is hard. Cutting is real simple if you have the plan right and keep to it. Intermitten fasting on training days – staraight in the morning to the gym. First meal at noon, stop eating at least 20 o clock. Down about 10 lbs. Fist month is always going fast, expecting the cut to go slower now. Eating mostly lean protein and no crap, carb sorces potatoes, rice and buckwhaet (ultra filling – no carbo crash). Only thing sucks is I can get to sleep semy hungry and get sleeping but when a kid wakes me up at 4-5-6 in the morning it has been tricky to get back to sleep because of an hunger instinct. Last week it seems to be gone, I think the body is adapting. In the gym I look around and see that I am easily in the top 20%. I have worked years to achive it and I am proud of the results. Also the more I dive into what excersises are really working, what is the proper form to the perfection and how to work smart on how to be the most effective in my training and diet – I notice how almost all the people in the gym don’t really know what they are doing, how they are waisting years without any results etc. Feeling like again cracking a code.
Architect
2024-05-30 07:12:59 +0000 UTCField Report #18 Didn’t get the job I interviewed for but promoted into an expanded role in the company. Opportunity to be assertive about negotiating pay and benefits package with HR. Not talking about the pay increase with the wife. A new approach for me but she just sees dollars to spend anyway so the less she knows the better. The new position involves a lot more navigating office politics so I have started reading the 48 Laws of Power and and looking for ways to apply tools learned in this space to the office. Vacation with another couple over the Memorial Day weekend without the kids. Had a routine of running in the morning before everyone else got up, got coffee on my own and made my way back to the house. Realized I was building an expectation of vacation sex since we had a room to ourselves. Pivoted my mentality to relaxing and not forcing sex to happen and if the chance was right I would try to close and not get butthurt if she turned me down. Had a quickie later while our friends were in the other room changing. Seeing more just how needy my old self was and how much the expectation of sex was drying her pussy up. I catch myself shifting into needy mode and stop being mad at myself for feeling it but seeing it as a chance to move to another mental state. The neediness is happening less frequently but I still find myself going to that space mentally occasionally through the week.
Amos_Durden
2024-05-30 06:17:54 +0000 UTCMoving to our new house brings big emotions. And more woo woo. Lots of communication and moving parts that can go wrong and create tension. New home/nesting brings out the dark side in woman. Akin to bridzilla. . I bought a basic bed set for a guest bedroom: Her:” you are so simplistic.” Me: “ by simplistic you mean easy going and cool. Ty”. Me ,kid and a furniture sales man were waiting for wife at the furniture store for about an hour. . She finally calls me back and I ask “where she is… we have been waiting. “. She says she was waiting for a text from me… she did not know…. It is my fault…. wants to get in a fight on speaker in front of sales man. I stfu, hang up on her mid sentence. Look at the sales man and say, “that’s how you husband.” We have a laugh, Later she came to her senses. She dropped it. (It’s all emotions) I delve into woo woo science because it is the only thing that has helped me. My earthing (past report) helped me so much I have looked at rf (radio frequency) shielding. I bought an expensive meter and I have been checking radiation around town. electric smog is everywhere in mind blowing levels. I also bought a bed canopy which creates a faraday cage. Currently I sleep in radiation that measures 40-300. Ideal number is less than ten. The new house is around 20-100. The canopy will reduce this to zero. I am seeing numbers between 5k- 100,000s around town. I have seen one residence with radiation in the bedroom at 1000-7000. (Ideal is less than 10) The person that sleeps there does have health issues. My new found interest creates bad emotions in my wife. “You are crazy… you are a tin foil wearing…. “ She yells at me when I bring my scanner around town. Somtimes I agree and amplify…. Somtimes I ignore her. When it gets old I have also said , “you are being a bitch.” In contrast, my kid embraces my frame. She spots towers and says “let’s get a radiation number.” A social animal side note: rf meters are great for opening … they see me looking at my meter (small box gadget with lights) and ask“ what are you doing?” I point to the tower across the street, “ do you know we are standing in 500,000 units of radiation right now…. “ Her,” what’s radiation?” Me looking at her tatoo, “ Somone with such a cool zodiac tattoo must know about energy transferal….”😊 😂 ⚡️
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 06:08:35 +0000 UTC—-I made her a deal already, she cleaned the car with me so she is getting the toy”——. wife: change the deal…. I stfu and just do what I was already going to do. Wife gets mad later.” Why did you get her a toy…” Me: i (or you) will make that deal next time. Over time my wife has learned I am going to do what I am going to do.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 05:58:09 +0000 UTCSetting goals is future tense. Field note is past tense. Why won’t neighbor fork out 500$.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 05:53:30 +0000 UTCFor some reason I thought you were a math academic. But 7 figures… you must work in tech. I think making bank at a job you like sounds better than karate and piano! 😂. To each his own! Daniel san! 🥋 🎹
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 05:51:29 +0000 UTCThat article you sent the link to hits the nail on the head. I do seek validation from sex and attach too much of her of my need for her approval to it. I want to fuck her regularly but take it personally when she doesn’t enjoy it which is my issue that I’ll have to get over. Best to learn to fuck her the get my rocks off and not overthink it
Back2Basics
2024-05-30 05:50:43 +0000 UTCThis is a confession not a field report. Next time: action you have taken in past tense.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 05:47:26 +0000 UTCThis is long. It meanders all over. Distill this. Simplifying to the core issues will help you.
Cousin Eddie
2024-05-30 05:40:14 +0000 UTCI'm fucking up diet and exercise and I am disorganised and untidy.
P-O-E
2024-05-30 04:56:13 +0000 UTCIt sounds like you half assed this field report. The only progress you made is sex and that’s not a great metric for success. Plus a “bit better” doesn’t sound like much success. How are you fucking things up and what do you want to do better?
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 04:46:56 +0000 UTCI can’t remember but why not tell goals. Is that navel gazing?
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 04:23:15 +0000 UTCFirst post here. Early fifties, wife a few years younger, kids nearly flown. 90kg 25%bf. I've been half-arsing MRP for years. I've made some progress. Sex is a bit better: twice a week with a bit more adventurous stuff, but now what? RP works when I apply myself and do the work but I don't feel like the MRP Ubermensch. I feel better than the crushing depression of five years ago. I've had a lot of anger and occasionally it flares up but I'm still bitter at a lot of wasted time. I realise this is pointless so why do I hang on to it?
P-O-E
2024-05-30 03:58:56 +0000 UTCSTFU’d Agree and amplified Fogged Gold Fish Memory Good fucking work Only thing I would ask is what good behavior did she display to you that made you thought she deserved to get her legs rubbed while on Aunt Flow? I did like the suck my dick comment. Fuck, other than that, it sounds like you smashed her shit tests out of the park!
Validation Junkie
2024-05-30 03:23:42 +0000 UTCIt's possible based on what you described here that she always wanted a doormat and you aren't filling that role. In this case it can never work, assume this worst case scenario and act appropriately.
Op Sec
2024-05-29 22:26:38 +0000 UTC> “ You can’t expect me to be sexually with you when you are acting like this, I don’t know what you are playing at but if you want this tension that’s your decision and don’t expect any sex from me, I need to feel loved and respected” I just replied “ Okay no problem” I was about to deer but I stopped. and fucked off. > Not sure how to respond to this shit. Not the worst response. Would just go with "K", or nothing and just fuck off. Any attention she gets is a reward. No sense in engaging when this is the type of dynamic. She's acting higher status here, while manipulating and lying. > Wife got period yesterday and was moaning on the couch and her legs being sore. She asked me to rub them and I did. Ask yourself why you do this. You aren't getting anything from it. > I froze here and stopped myself from saying” it’s okay babe I am happy I married a NUN” but I chicken out. Let your anger out. My relationship changed when wife said, "Sorry to be such a disappointment", I was mad enough that "Well at least your realize it". was my response. Other times, I felt like saying a line and instead of chickening out, I made myself say the words, it wasn't congruent at all. Doesn't matter, the point is to practice getting out of your comfort zone, it's ok you'll fuck up saying this time, and it will probably work better than it has any right to. > she lies there like a dead fish when we fuck and then acts like a rape victim., I had this too. Keep initiating, caveman, and realize this isn't your problem. What you don't like here is the hit to your ego that this is causing you. Get over it. Initiating and fucking her isn't for her, for you, it's to learn to stop getting validation from sex. https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/validation-needs-that-can-poison-your-sex-life.197499 You say you see the manipulation, but you are still responding to the post sex manipulation. When it comes to getting out of her frame, it's about continuing to build your own.
Op Sec
2024-05-29 22:25:32 +0000 UTCCovert contracts coming out my ass. Seem to always filter my decision based on how my wife will react instead of what I want. I don’t know how I went for an approval seeker to someone who just tries to avoid disapproval now. This week was about saying No and not caring about her feelings Starting saying No to some shit this week and was meet with shit test, tears, drama all the manipulations, so used broken record and made myself scarce. Promised my 8 year daughter I would get her a toy from town if she helped me clean my car. Wife decided to barge in after car was clean and tell me that I also need to get our daughter to clean her room before she gets a toy from me. I told the wife “ I made her a deal already, she cleaned the car with me so she is getting the toy”and we went and got it I had to say this about 5 times. That night I was told by her that I was setting a bad example to our daughter by not backing her up so again I used broken record “ I made her a deal and she deserves the toy” Wife would not stop going on about and was trying to get me angry so I went to bed. Next day I use goldfish memory, acted polite to the missus and she ignored me so I fucked off and went to the gym, got a haircut and ignored her. Next day she was acting okay I asked her to smash and was meet with this bullshit. “ You can’t expect me to be sexually with you when you are acting like this, I don’t know what you are playing at but if you want this tension that’s your decision and don’t expect any sex from me, I need to feel loved and respected” I just replied “ Okay no problem” I was about to deer but I stopped. and fucked off. Not sure how to respond to this shit. Went to a staff party this week, a lot of girls 10 years younger in their 30’s were openly flirting with me commenting on my clothes and physique which was nice. My training and diet have me looking lean and muscular. A young hot blonde asked me if dads still do anal. I told her “only on the first date”. She smirked and then I exited the conversation as she was pissed and I am her manager. Wife got period yesterday and was moaning on the couch and her legs being sore. She asked me to rub them and I did. Then I said my dick was sore and could she suck it, she told me to fuck off and find a young slut that is into that and then she said “ I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you sexually, you must want something else” I froze here and stopped myself from saying” it’s okay babe I am happy I married a NUN” but I chicken out. The manipulation is unreal how a woman’s ability to reframe shit to meet her narrative but I can spot it now. She basically doesn’t find me sexually attractive but will somehow blame me for her feeling like that. It’s mental. Today I had time off, went surfing, met friends, had a good day. Got home to cunt face who started bitching so I got the kids and took them off for a cycle which was fun. Got home she started bitching that I left a hand print on some fucking window she cleaned I replied “ you know me I am a dirty bastard” and walked off. She ran after me telling me not to walk away when she was talking and I replied “ I have better things to do right now” she kept coming after me and said I was worse than the children for the mess I made I replied “ our kids are amazing thanks for saying i am like them” This week. I have to stay on point with the assertive behaviour catch the manipulation tactics quickly and just stop caring about her feelings. Sex and anger I have to be aware that to not get mad and lose my shit so she can apply shame, so I need to keep using tools and not get sucked into a fight I will never win. I am going to a stop looking for sex her for a while, it’s not worth the hassle, she lies there like a dead fish when we fuck and then acts like a rape victim., it’s easier just to pop one out in the shower if I’m horny. I fold too easily back into nice behaviour when we fuck. A big issue I have come to realise it that I have put in a lot of work building the attractive traits but have totally forgotten to drop the unattractive ones. It’s like I have been lifting weights but still eating a shit diet so the results aren’t there, when it comes to getting out of her frame and into mine. Also I always taught I was the first Captain which meant if I fix myself she will jump into the first officer role but this is not the case. Covert contract there. Finally I am full of anger and way too passive aggressive around her and in the past when we fight I act like a defective woman so STFU with a positive goldfish memory seems to be where I need to focus my attention this week.
Back2Basics
2024-05-29 21:39:21 +0000 UTCit is sort of red pill. He probably figures you'll take care of the fence if he just holds out. Do you have any leverage, if not, then that's the way it goes. The one willing to walk away has all the power (that's from rational male first chapter). Don't tell us your goals. Funny enough I used to have a little couch in the back of my head and now it's a little mini op sec. I'll read my report like it is someone else.
Op Sec
2024-05-29 19:37:14 +0000 UTC271 Shark week. We managed to smash three times prior. Got cock blocked one morning/day, breaking the streak on the second day. To be honest, I’m not sure I could have handled three days in a row anyway. The last session felt like a marathon, but I could hear “couch” in the back of my mind: “We don’t want to set a reason to reject sex. Be a trooper and power through.” Homework of the week is to cum on her ass. On a non-RP note, I’ve been dealing with a neighborly dispute about a fence. One guy doesn’t want to pay a part his, which amounts to about $500, even though I got multiple quotes and this one was about $1.5k less than the next best. You just can’t please some people. I’m not going to squabble over a trivial amount, but it’s disappointing when adults act like children.
Fez
2024-05-29 19:08:18 +0000 UTCThings have generally been chill. Wife is making a real effort to lose weight, and has lost a few pounds. I don’t get rejected for sex, but would like more bj’s. Got a shit test the other day. “Why is the dog barking at you like that, what do you do when I’m not home”, “I beat him constantly”. “I’m starting to wonder”, “I hold him down and let the cat bite him”. “You saying asshole things really makes me wonder”, I laugh. It’s funny asshole things are the code for shit tests. Sometimes I get “I don’t need you to say asshole things right now”, usually means this is not a shit test. I’m about to go clothing shopping. The store is 30 minutes away, it’s in a cool area that I thought I would check out. I offer her to tag along if she wants. Before I go, I’m sitting in my office, watching some basketball highlights. Wife comes in being emotional. I listen and fog. her: “Do you even want me to come with you?”, me: “There’s room in my life for you”. Shortly after, more emotions, and I generally listen and fog. Then her: “I said I felt ugly and you didn’t contradict me”, I pause reflect and “Look, I can’t read your mind, if you need something you can ask for it”. “Tell me you find me attractive”. Seems like a comfort test, “Babe, I find you attractive”. She withdraws afterwards, so do I. Her: “Why did you withdraw?”. I wasn’t sure how to handle this(I mean I could tell her to get lost). I want to own whatever frame I have. “Look you asked for something, I gave it to you and you withdrew, so whatever”. Then said something along the lines of ok, well now this feels weird and I feel bad. I talked about random shit. Then I told her, “I’m going to finish watching these highlights, then I’m going to shower and get ready to go, why don’t you get ready and put on that perfume I like”. She did, I took her with me. The whole time I was uninhibited, talking about whatever, finding the humor in everything, but also when I felt my self being too much, I chilled and let the quiet play out, and when we got back home, pussy dripping sex. I’ve been working a ton, and I make 7 figures, but it interferes with my sex life. I enjoy my job but I find it stressful at times. If I didn’t work so much, I’d probably start taking karate and piano lessons. Then again, at this income the temporary pain of working a bunch will lead to a very quick situation where I won’t have to work again if I don’t want to.
Op Sec
2024-05-29 18:21:20 +0000 UTCYeah never shame chicks for the sexual stuff. Want to talk about watching a well dry up. Stop saying you are sorry so much. You are still stuck in her frame, quickly validating her. “Do girls flirt with you at work?” You: “yeah, but I don’t pay much attention to it.” At the very least don’t tell her no. Sorry but not sorry, you bear the burden of “just getting it.” That’s what high value men do.
Validation Junkie
2024-05-29 18:20:30 +0000 UTCThe wife noticed my dry skin. Reminded me to take care of my hygiene more. That’s an overall thing though I want to invest in. Things are tight for me right now. But when I come into some more money I’ll invest in more clothes and hygiene products. It’s not too hard to dress better and take care of yourself better than the average guy anyway. So I have a new job now in the field I want. Been there for a good 6 months. I recently gotten a raise too. Didn’t mention it to the wife though. I gotta keep control of the finances. The wife respects what I do. Before when I used to be hesitant to play video games whenever I wanted. Nowadays the wife pretty much doesn’t bug me about doing what I want to do. In fact, she’d rather try to play too. One thing I’m working on too is not announcing myself too much. I’ve noticed that it’s a thing I do to covertly seek her approval on something. For example, “Should we get groceries today? My money is kind of tight right now.” Or when I open a matter up for discussion when there should be no discussion. I remember not wanting to buy groceries one day when she insisted we buy some. It was only when SHE said no that made it the correct decision. It’s weird considering that I have control of the finances and she doesn’t know how much is in my bank account. Yet I still would defer to her as if she knows what’s best. I haven’t repeated that mistake though. I’m noticing how not communicating assertively is starting arguments with my wife. It always puts me in a supplicative position. I was ignoring her instead of using assertive techniques which led her to have a problem with me and it turned into an argument. Re-reading WISNIFG in addition to NMMNG to solidify my assertiveness and to be more okay with confrontation. A lot of the sentences she gives me that start with “you” often tend to be comfort tests in stead of shit tests for me funnily enough. I adapt accordingly. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even need dread because she has actually has nightmares about my infidelity lol. Doesn’t mean I get to slack off, though. I recently bought a workout bench for me to use at home so I really have no excuse to look good. A reminder to myself about not to talk to my wife about work. I wasn’t even talking about my problems. I thought I’d just share something funny but she still found a way to judge and criticize me. It’s funny, I talked to my dad last night and didn’t even talk about work with him, but decided to talk to her about it instead. I would’ve been better off talking to him. The thought came to my mind: “why can’t you validate me when I want to?” but then again I shouldn’t be seeking her validation to begin with. Rookie mistake. Had to use controlled anger on the wife one morning when I took out the trash in my pajama pants. Despite my pants not touching anything, she wanted me to take them off because she thought they were dirty. I refused to take them off and did a bit of agree and amplify “the toxicity in the air is 20% today so I don’t have to take off my pants. They’re safe“. It’s funny how if I let her talk and she just straight up it admits that her feelings are bull crap but to her I should just do it anyway because she’s my wife. I broken record her little bit, but I had to use a bit of controlled anger to make her be quiet “didn’t I tell you I’m tired? leave me alone lady!” I didn’t shout at her, but I did have a firm tone in my voice. I Eventually doze off and then she joins me cuddling up to me closely. while I hate tiny shit tests like these I do enjoy passing them. My wife and I fuck on the regular. I noticed something particularly interesting recently. so I end up finishing first and she tells me “I want you to do something, but you’ll probably say no”. Me: go for it Her: I want you to use the massage gun down there. Me: I would love to do that! So I’m kissing her and shit while I’m using it down there and she starts to orgasm really loudly and pulls the device away. The both of us were laughing a lot after we tried it. It was really fun. I can’t imagine if I just told her no and robbed her of that experience. She had a religious upbringing, which made her wonder if it was OK, but I didn’t tell her no and leaned into that. Women aren’t madonnas and they’re not whores. I tried being bluntly honest with my wife one time when we were watching a Netflix show. She paused it and asked me if I thought some girl was pretty on screen. I told her “yeah a little bit” then she closed out the window and I started laughing a little bit. Her: “why would you say that?” and started pouting and stuff. I could tell she wasn’t really mad at me, though she ended up getting on the bed and talking about a little bit more with me. So we’re talking and stuff but she doesn’t really let it go which I continue to play off. the ultimate kicker was when I caught her making a face and I told her to make that face again and when she did I enthusiastically and jokingly said “oh my God I love you, babe. I forgot all about her, you’re the prettiest girl in the world!” she busted out laughing and forgot the whole thing. Another time we were watching a movie she was saying “do the girls at your job flirt with you?” notice that she said “you” but clearly she just needed some comfort. I’m beginning to understand that now like I mentioned a little earlier so I did joke around a little bit, but then I just said , “no babe I don’t give any girls my number or anything”. After that she said “don’t lie to me“ and I started laughing. She accepted my answer and we continue watching the movie. We start talking a little bit afterwards. She looks at me and says I love you, and like a judo flip I tell her “you’re lying” and she busted out laughing again. This time she directly acknowledges when I flip things back on her and catch her I’m glad I’m getting better at it. I’m coming more and more natural at understanding her chick behavior. It’s not often that I share my feelings with my wife, but I’m learning to do so sometimes as of a reward for her maybe I’m learning to accept that sentimentality is a part of relationships as well isn’t love in self sentimental? I’m not thinking about it too much. Like recently, my wife asked me how I felt I was getting ready to marry her. I was hesitant to first but I thought what the heck I’ll tell you how I really felt and what feelings were going through with me as I was getting ready for the wedding, etc., etc. wasn’t too bad. At times, my wife goes too far with expecting me to “just get it” when it comes to what she wants from me. I expect her to be an adult and tell me what she wants or needs. I see her go to bed before me while I’m gaming and then she says she’s frustrated. I stop a while after and join her. Me: here I am. Mind you, she’s not doing anything or saying anything when I join her yes I was supposed to do something. Me again: are you trying to go to sleep? Her: I want affection So I start rubbing her thigh and gave her a kiss. But I don’t see her reacting or otherwise interacting with me since we usually talk a bit before wind down for the night. Now I see her sighing and stuff and, not gonna lie, I was getting a little annoyed too because this woman just can’t say what she so desperately needs. Right up until it gets explained to me with her wanting to kissed only, in a specific way, sensual way. I tried kissing her some more but apparently I wasn’t doing that right either. Her: forget it, get off of me, You don’t want to do it so forget it. Me: If you tell me to kiss you I’d be happy to, but you said it not me (controlled anger). After that I withdraw from embracing her and lay on my back which seems to have made her come to her senses a little bit and actually tell me her underlying feelings. Her: I’m on my period and I’m just frustrated right now. I’m not mad at you or anything I just have all these feelings inside me and I’m sorry I can’t explain it. Me: It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry, alright? Now we’re getting into hugging and kissing and stuff. And showing instead of telling me what she wants. Me: Yeah there you go, showing not telling, I like that. Her: you don’t have to be passive-aggressive She was right. I didn’t have to so I acknowledged that. Me: Yeah sorry about that, shall we continue? Our little intimate moment took a pause after that, it was awkward but not too big of a hangup. We get back into it, and I’m letting her tell me how she wants affection whilst giving it to her. I did actually start to have fun with it which, ironically, is the whole point when you have a woman try to test you like this. Her approval or not, it’s not a big deal. Anyway we finish up our little cuddle/kissing session and try to get some sleep. Her: I’m sorry. Next time I’ll say that I need you. Me: Sounds good. Like I said earlier. It can be quite frustrating trying to get her to communicate like an adult. Despite all the bratty behavior from that night I wasn’t going to leave her hanging because I view saying no to intimacy as saying no to sex. After all, intimacy can lead up to sex. I should know better than to leave my hygiene in the care of my wife. She made my hair look really good one morning and while we were out, she says “no you look too cute” I’m not doing this anymore. Me: you can tell me how to do it. Her: No uh uh. It’s all fun and games by I really should know how to take care of myself and make myself more than simply presentable on my own without her help. Me leaving that in her hands allows her to withhold it as she pleases. I actually remember hearing her say that it’s gross when a man takes care of himself too much. My wife saw me playing monster hunter and my female avatar was scantily clad. I DEERed about it by saying that’s just how the armor pieces looked. But she put 1 and 1 together knowing that I made my character look that way. Her: I’m highly uncomfortable with that Me: I really don’t care, lady. After that she pretty much ignored me right up until I had to go to work that day. Before I left she asked me if I loved her, which, of course, I told her “uh yeah?” to state the obvious. We kiss each other good bye and when I came home she didn’t bring it up again. The next morning I was up early, was horny, and my wife on her period so I went to the bathroom to look at porn. This was a habit I developed despite my wife being enthusiastic and initiating sex. I know she’s not stupid so she confronted me about it when I came out. Then used that as an excuse to bring up the whole female avatar thing. Mind you, I did make up an excuse that she bought so she didn’t know what o was doing in the bathroom, but obviously she still thought it was weird. Her: When things like that add on top of each other it makes me uncomfortable. You lied when you told me you were just using the bathroom. I simply agreed with her on the points she was making and, despitethe two situations being unrelated, I ended up backpedaling on playing the stupid video game as a female character to try and rebuild some trust and comfort. Whatever, there are bigger hills to die on than something like that. At the very least, I won’t play that game she’s around. It’s a shame because she admitted she stopped caring about that before I made her suspicious. I stood my ground the other day and I fucked it up the very next day. I also agreed to not use my phone in the bathroom anymore, which was reasonable considering what I actually do in there without her knowledge. I’m able to fuck my wife just fine and on the regular despite the fact that I do look at porn here and there. But for this relationship to last, my wife ought to have first crack at my libido. To me, it’s not destructive in the sense that it messes up my brain chemistry or some shit like the nofap bros say, but if your wife obviously wouldn’t tolerate that then it’s worth stopping. Women want validation, commitment, security, etc., and me just jerking off instead fucking her more often is antithetical to rewarding her good behavior because she has been good to me. Additionally, I’m better off building some abundance instead of wasting time with shit. I wish I just worked out that morning. Speaking of which, I did invest in a bench to use for working out at home to diversify my workouts. I have a pull up bar on the list of things to get too among other things. At the weight I am now, about 135lb with a fast metabolism, I’m not worried about tracking calories. I need to just eat eat eat which is why I’m investing more money into food in general. I called a college buddy of mine to try and get to together to hang out sometime in the near future. Right now I work 2 jobs: one full-time and one part-time so I work 5-6 days a week. Socializing hasn’t been on my mind since money has been an issue for some months now. I’m still trying to find the time to have a life outside the house since I cut out the gym. We’ll see how it goes.
Enock
2024-05-29 16:13:24 +0000 UTCMy 2021 Don't Want List - A Review I wrote a Don't Want List in 2021 and I think it was a good exercise in thinking about what I wanted. But I realized looking back that it's also a good exercise in the Serenity Prayer: >God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, >the courage to change the things I can, >and the wisdom to know the difference So here is the list sorted into a) what I can change, b) what I cannot change: What I can change - I don’t want my wants and desires to be influenced by people who don’t care about me - I don’t want to worry about not having enough money to support my lifestyle when making an impulse purchase - I don’t want to be forced to eat food I don’t like - I don’t want to have anxiety about things that do not concern me directly What I cannot change - I don’t want to be told “No” when I ask my boss if I can work at a different time and at a different location - I don’t want to be told “No” when I ask a girl to go out with me - I don’t want to be alone when I need someone to talk to - I don’t want the people in my life to be disrespectful to me and the people I love - I don’t want to be told “No” when I ask for something You can tell in 2021, I really hated being told "No" 😂. Since then I've realized that rejection is a part of life, and the only thing you can do is to keep going until you get a Yes, and figure out how to make the Yes more likely. I'll revise this part of the list to something more within my control. - I don't want to work a job with very strict working hours or working venues - I don't want a life where I'm unable to meet and fuck women whether from lack of skill or from an environment that sets me up to fail - I don't want to alienate people from my life, especially if I enjoy their company - I don't want to let people take advantage of me, or to let them hurt the people I love - I don't want to be with people or places that don't give me value I've achieved a lot of the items on this list already. I think it's time to make a new one for 2024.
Dante Panda
2024-05-29 15:24:30 +0000 UTC
