R&P Q&A #275
Added 2024-06-26 19:10:00 +0000 UTC
Comments
Yeah I hear yah on that one.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-27 21:22:22 +0000 UTCWhat I have done this week Gym – x3 times a week MMA – Four sessions a week (BJJ, Kick/boxing). I have dropped MMA for now too many injuries Work – Is going well. LTR- 6 years (Age 30 both of us, no kids - engaged) I have watched 20+ of the mid-watch videos. This is more observing and reflecting than a field report Goal: Working of Deciding and Acting What have I done this week: 1. As I mentioned last week, my sex life has been down to x2 times a month. So, I journal each day first thing in the morning after doing my 5 minutes plank. In my journals, one of questions that I ask myself each morning is “what am I avoiding” or “what do I want to face head on”. I find that some days this helps me have one MRP goal is mind that I can focus during the day. For example, I wrote “Not handling my low sex life at the moment” helped me calibrate by not being as unattractive. This resulted to me smashing the next day. (From last year, when I was doing some of the breaking free exercises. I did something different. I cooked all week and cleaned the house, she never asked me to, nor did we discuss this, but during that week we smashed 6 days during the week and sometimes twice a day. That is the most that we have had sex. But this was a giant convert contract and I was still experimenting with things. I didn’t want to the man that did the chores all day every day in return for a great sex life (Putting me to work, then it will be become a routine). I even remember her saying “Babe you have been so good this week what I have gotten into you, I like this you”) An idea just came to my head whilst writing this, why not have a MRP Journal notebook to track progress each day. I think that asking myself some questions each day will help me grow quicker. E.g. Start of the day - What tools that I want to practice today? - What am I avoiding? - What do I want to learn today? – This can be videos, books, Reddit Post, etc. End of day: - Where did I accomplish today? - What could I have done better? Thoughts on the questions above. What other questions can I possible add. I can see that the downsides to this might be me being super micro about my decision and over thinking during the day. ----- 2. I have watched 20+ of the mid-watch videos. “Captain and First Officer is a bad type of relationship? | 43 | Mids Watch” This made realise that: 1. This might be a model for me to use, because I would like my LRT to make decision by herself when I’m not there and use her intuition more. One of the biggest things that frustrates me is, I must take on the lead on most task for her to follow. E.g. What to cook, tidying up the house, I must tell her these things a lot of the times. I would just like her to follow her intuition, but I don’t know how to get there yet. I know that one of the things that I must “consistently” do is lead by example. But I am not consistent. Things are almost predictable, if I don’t cook for a day or two due to work of something, if I don’t tell me to cook dinner, I will come to no food. Her- You have not cooked all week babe, I have been busy with work too. She often miros my behaviour. This kind of put’s me on edge because it means that I must often be sharp with everything. I know Rian has given an example of keeping away food away from his dogs, keeping the tables and counters free some food and the day that food is there, they will go for it. Been on game and not letting things slip can be tiring at times. 2. I have been using the dictator model (treating her like she is the oldest teenager in the house) for the past 6 years. I must admit this part of the narcissistic and control fantasy that I have in my head. My LRT likes been told what to do but she will not admit it. She will argue with me sometimes and state that I should stop telling her what to do (when she is mad or in an argument). 3. I would love to get to a place where she just follows my lead and also use her intuition, for example Rian gave a good example in or of the mid-watch; on of how he move houses with my LTR whilst they were away from each other. This will be a dream for me as I know she has these skills set within her; I know this goal is far away now. ----- Since learning that I cannot fight with a woman and the only tools that I have at my disposal is to remove my affection, attention and time. I find that I use these options too often during the week. E.g. on Thursday when I was analysing the prices and budget for our wedding, and I got mad at certain prices Me: “I can’t believe the price of the photographer and videographer. I can’t take this anymore these prices are too much.” Her: “Babe I have been telling you about the prices for the wedding before you even proposed to me, since last year” (This is true, she has been, and I have ignored it over the past year) Me: I’m expressing myself to you and you’re not getting what I’m saying. Her: I’m getting you. What do you want to do about it. We need good pictures Me: “You are making things worse. Why is it every time I express myself to you things get worse”. This is a line that my emotional self goes to every time I can’t handle her reaction, don’t get the reaction I wanted, or she does not comfort me. Once I said this, I knew I fucked up. Her: “Why do you always blame me for things. How am I making things worse.” Me: No response. Her: “This is why I can’t tell you anything, you act like a child, I have things that I want to tell you, but you can’t even handle the small stuff babe. Me: No response. Her: Babe Me: “I’m going to bed”. (I could not handle the situation) Her: “Why are you always walking away from things. I do not want this for our marriage babe. You are always walking from things” This is true, till his day I walk away from situations like this 40% of the time. It used to be way more. I went to bed: She comes to bed 3hrs later Her: “I know you things are bit too much price wise and I agree, but this is how the wedding industry is. You need to realise how you come across sometimes and stop blaming people for your stupid mistakes. I don’t want you to do the same with our kids” ME: STFU, sleep The “I don’t want you to do the same with our kids” made me have a flash back of Athol Kay books. “What is good for me, must be good for the kids” refence. I did to myself shit Athol Kay is right. The next morning (Wednesday morning) before going to work Me: “I know I could have things better, my bad. I was not trying to blame you. I just found the videographer and photographers too expensive” (Fogging) Her: “That’s all you had to say, rather than blaming me” Me: Kiss her After listening to Mids Watch 43, it does not feel right to be doing this anymore. I should be able to handle 3/10 situations without walking away. I know I have not demonstrated leadership in this stictions. I know couple of months back I use to tell myself “This is a 3/10 situation, turn it down to 0 and it worked. I think one of the main reasons as to why things take me longer is that I must have that self-talk with myself o journal thing down all the time for things to stick. I’m getting there, but some of the biggest thing I struggle with being consistent and congruence. It sometimes feels like 2 steps forwards, 1 step back.
Cocky_funny
2024-06-27 18:01:08 +0000 UTCIt is a weird example of broken record because you both are on the same side. I usually think more antagonist when I think br. Ex: Getting the unwilling neighbor to do something. Your example is more: Emergency—> you Cary out a plan and she is getting emotional about it. But it is ok to relish/gossip with the wife about the hoa.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-27 18:01:07 +0000 UTCStripper: This is why every time a girl gurgled on my cock I felt gay! 😝
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-27 17:50:34 +0000 UTCPay attention to: “I don’t want to get drug into this drama.” Change to: “drama is unacceptable in my life. “ Any reason to walk and you walk.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-27 17:46:47 +0000 UTCAgree with both op and stripper. In person is best. Lurking in venues with attractive people is another maxim’. (Book of pook) I do both of those things. The tarot show is hours of straight talking. It has helped my real life social game immensely. “what do I want?” A fun bus. The more fun (congruent, polished, filled with interesting things…) the better my life, and the life’s of people around me are. Stripper: “ummm, mom. Since you technically paid for some of this house. You also ow us for the monthly mortgage payment!” 😂
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-27 17:37:44 +0000 UTClol, so gay
Op Sec
2024-06-27 16:22:49 +0000 UTCI'm the same way, I like to get reps wherever I can find them. However, I like to think about it in a different way. So I'm going to have to go buy groceries and go to the gym. Get my reps there. I like going to work events, get different reps there. I like going to coffee shops get my reps there. Hmm, I think I'm not getting enough reps. The question becomes enough reps for what? What do I want? Fuck doing Tarot online(not my preference, you do you). So then it becomes a question of what sort of person you want to be. I'm thinking of learning piano, can I do it in a social setting, hmm that's going to be difficult, also considering pottery, well that has a much better social element, so it gets a plus. A wholistic view of what sort of person you want to be and what it takes to be that person. If you want to be someone that does tarot online, great!
Op Sec
2024-06-27 15:37:36 +0000 UTCsometimes it's about the girl, but in general girls will tend to want to lock you down if you display too many beta traits.
Op Sec
2024-06-27 15:05:47 +0000 UTCShe didn't skirt around the issue, she talked to process her feelings. When she starts rambling about how much she does, fog. "Yeah you do those things", or if you think it's true "yeah, you've been really doing allot for us", or if it is warranted, "Yeah, you're the best". No she won't behave like a man. Instead of "“Yes, I can pick them up if you just ask.”, if you feel like offering, "I'll pick up the kids up", and then do it without a covert contract but rather because it either needs to be done and she won't do it, or because she's been doing so much that you don't mind helping. Never accept blowjobs, they are gay.
Op Sec
2024-06-27 14:58:23 +0000 UTCIn laws next door are turning you off, so. She rolls her eyes at you, maybe that's a turn off for you. Calling yourself a bitch because she rolled her eyes at you, now you are in her frame.
Op Sec
2024-06-27 14:53:21 +0000 UTCYou’re right. I definitely see my self falling into old patterns, especially putting too much value on this dating bullshit. I also feel like if one had perfectly adopted these mental models, they wouldn’t be here seeking advice.
ErikTheRed
2024-06-27 13:56:52 +0000 UTCIn your opinion what do you think I’m missing? I know I shouldn’t care so much about this drama, and I should just let it go, it’s out of my control anyways. I still find it tough when plates drop off, whether it’s ego, or losing that time and investment, but I guess that’s what I signed up for.
ErikTheRed
2024-06-27 13:33:45 +0000 UTCThe post text reads like a deer. Obligatory or passionate sex both work in my book.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-27 08:37:03 +0000 UTCGetting off the bed is often my go to. No squeaking. Keep in mind most of the world lives in 2-3-4 generation household’s. there are ways to make it happen
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-27 08:33:08 +0000 UTCCreating a ‘gym’ to build persona (voice) I needed to find a way to get more reps being social. More reps means more congruency, and a maturing of my voice(persona.) I am a bit limited right now and I don’t have a social job so I started lurking in live tarot streams. I learned how to cary a believable tarot swagger. Once a week I do a live tarot show. The stream is anonymous with no video of myself. It is all tone, voice and talking (and tarot cards.) It gives me lots of reps…. I have to fill the air.. ramble… bullshit… creat a vibe from reacting to a chat for 2-4 hours. The voice I have been building is comparable to Will Arnet (Gob Booth - the shady magician from arrested development) meets Danny McBride. Ex: (my daughter often try’s to sneak into my shows): “go to bed child, cant you see I am busy fixing Lisa 7654’s love life. …. Sorry Lisa, where were we, (pause… deep breath). yes, Taco Bell and PROPER first date edicit… ramble….“ Point: -Reps, reps, reps. -Creat a box (live show) and put yourself in it. Your style, voice, confidence, and swagger mature form being in that box. Emotion vs content The forum is woke central. they challenge me with basic shit tests. Me: “of course I messed up your pronouns. (Pause). The cards were testing you!? (Pause). And you passed! what were we talking about; how to get rid of the curse your mother in law put on you…” Rainbow warriors love me. They dm me even though my show is supposedly misogynistic, white privileged, and red pill laced. They keep coming back because of the emotion they get. Point:Always lean into emotion. Content is around 37th on the list in social interactions. How does this translate into real life: I accidentally embezzled 80 k from my mom when I bought my recent house. Joint account mix up by me. At a family dinner. “Mom, the embezzlement was a senile old age test, (pause) and you passed! That is how much I am looking out for YOU!” (Laughter, positive vibe) Then I point at my brother “How much have you embezzled from mother? … See mom, not one penny! He isn’t even trying, no ambition! Remember that when you revise your will.” (Laughter,energy… vibe) Point: Congruency: when building a voice (a wrestling character) it has to be done from a place of being yourself. Think of it as releasing your inner child that does note care of judgment . Which is different than creating a no congruent fictional persona. Put another way: When I make fun of myself for embezzlement everyone knows I am actually indicating I am a honest person. Only a person with an impeccable history of being honest can brag about steeling from his mom in front of family. Rp point: Similar to working out I created a social gym where I get lots of reps to build a powerful voice. This translates directly into my social game. From family to business to all areas of being a social animal.
Cousin Eddie
2024-06-27 08:07:32 +0000 UTCFR 28 My last FR was in April. Since then I’ve been very consistent with hitting the gym. I’ve been sticking with push pull legs, and I’ve had great results. After just doing barbell work in my garage for the past couple years, switching to machines and increasing reps really increased the hypertrophy; I would recommend this to anyone who’s done strength training for a while. I’ve had this running tally since my divorce when I moved out in March of 2023, I haven’t gone more than a week without having sex. To all the guys who are on the fence about divorce or are depressed thinking there’s nothing out there for them, there is. Read the sidebar, try the recommendations, find what works for you, and you will be just fine. I’ve been dating a lot over the past few months, I currently have a few plates and a few orbiters. Most of my dates are from OLD, being a single dad and working in a male dominated industry makes day game very difficult. I’ve noticed recently that all of my plates suddenly wanted some kind of commitment or have the talk about “where are we?”. Well it all came to light last night. I went on a first date with a girl I had been texting with over the past week. She’s the type of girl whom you click with right away and just have fun with instantly, this is rare as I find a lot of girls are dull and suck at having conversations. The night was going great venue changed three times; night market, bowling, drinks and appetizers. So well that she just had to come clean with me, she posted me on a FB group and had been talking to one of my plates. Last week I had rescheduled our date to last night, so I could fuck the plate on Sunday. Well of course she had to be talking to the plate I rescheduled her for. Anyways after her venting about how I lied and blew her off for another girl, I just owned up to it and moved the conversation forward. We ended up making out before heading home. I find it interesting that all these plates want to lock down harder when they find out I’m saying around. Like this new girl who had never met me in real life, knew I was fucking someone else, knew I blew her off for that other girl, and yet she still met me and made out with me. Also I’m not really sure how to play this with the new girl, memory of a goldfish and move forward? I really don’t want to get drug into this drama, I’m almost ready to just play it out until all the plates fall then back to focussing on the gym more, so I can start fresh and get hotter plates on the future.
ErikTheRed
2024-06-27 07:26:28 +0000 UTCField Report #6 Ac went out at the home while I was gone. I called a couple of different hvac companies to come look at it. Got some quotes, all of them pretty steep considering the repair is pretty straightforward. So I called a buddy of mine who knows a union repair tech. Long story short he can come out in 4 days and fix it. Which will save me $400. I felt guilty at first and almost paid the $800 right then and there to have it fixed. I recognized that it’s an ego investment I have. “How dare my women and babies go without ac! I will fix that!” My father in law is visiting and my initial reaction was “I don’t want to look bad to him”, like I my ego didn’t want him to think I don’t take care of things. Which is hilarious because he doesn’t fix shit. It’s a total promise keeper thing. “I am not going to be a lazy fuck like her Dad, or absent like my own Dad was, I will show them!” I shifted to my own mental point of origin. It’s in my best interest to save the money and need everyone to be a little uncomfortable for a few days to achieve that goal. Added bonus, they will have a new found appreciation for air conditioning. Hahaha Situation 2 Got a text from a friend of mine who is on then HOA Board. We are not allowed to park our vehicles on the side of the road for longer than 48 hours. I called my wife and told her to move the vehicles. Me: hey I talked to Eric and we can’t have to vehicles out overnight and need to move them into the driveway. Her: that’s a ridiculous rule, who is complaining about us!? Me: not really sure, I just need you to move them. Her: well your Dads truck is going to have to go back to his place. We don’t have room for it. Me: I’m sure it does, either way I need you to park them in the driveway. Her: ok, I will move them. Me: thanks Have had lots of success with broken record when my passionate to complain.
Validation Junkie
2024-06-27 07:03:27 +0000 UTCHaha yes it’s gotta be 💯 authentic enthusiasm birthday bj or I’m kicking her to the kerb Good points on the comfort test line.
Fez
2024-06-27 01:34:57 +0000 UTC274 Last Friday morning, my wife got into a huffy fit. She started rambling about how much she does, her big day at work, and needing to pick up the kids at 5 PM. Instead of directly asking for help, she just skirted around the issue. So I said, “You can just ask me to pick them up.” Typical woman logic (non-existent) kicked in, and she started complaining about how she shouldn't have to ask and how she picks up the kids seven days a week while I only do drop-offs three times a week. I played along for a bit but probably should have just fogged. “Yes, I can pick them up if you just ask.” “Well, I do work full time” (she only works part-time). “Yep, I do pull in a significant amount more than you.” I could have handled it better with some fogging or better Agree and Amplify (AA). Later, I sent her a text with a song my 5-year-old loves, “Stinky Stinky Poo Poo.” Not sure why, but I thought it was funny. Logistics and shark week blocked sex, so I was a bit cranky later in the week. We smashed on Wednesday night, and in the morning, my wife wanted to go again but was cockblocked by the kids. My birthday is coming up, and I'm wondering how to handle the obligatory “birthday sex/head.” Should I just accept it if it appears enthusiastic enough?
Fez
2024-06-26 23:57:19 +0000 UTCField Report #21 Week two of vacation with the family and in-laws. I did not have enough time away from the family doing my own thing other than going for a run each morning and reading by the ocean. Sexual frustration usually kicks in for me around day 5. Escalated with the wife a few times when the kids were out of the house but got hard no’s. Parents watched the kids one night so we went out to dinner and drinks. Escalated when the family went to bed and had sex. I got In my head about my in-laws being next door and stopped a few times cause I was losing my boner. I knew I came across like bitch cause I said I was horny but kept stopping, finally took her to the ground after I saw her roll her eyes. Cavemanned her from behind. Reactive, yes but I mentally was like you wanna be treated like a warm hole then fuck it, I’ll treat you that way. I should have not given a fuck in the first place and just gone full on or reset and tried again the next day. Still came but didn’t really feel any release in the moment. This second half of this vacation had too much downtime for me and I didn’t fill it with enough time away for myself or time with just me and the kids minus the wife. I am planning how I can treat these future trips like the logistics of planning a date with more deliberate action on my part to fill the day. Ending the trip by mapping out my week back at work in my new job and diet plan
Amos_Durden
2024-06-26 23:09:29 +0000 UTC
