Patreon, R&P Q&A #284
Added 2024-09-11 17:00:10 +0000 UTC
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Document, document, document... Write down all the details, and I mean every little detail (time, location, who is wearing what, etc...), and send an email to somebody you trust. A chick that is willing to get violent with you is a risky chick that could later claim you're the violent one. After you document it, I would send her a written email under the guise of fixing the family dynamics. In that email, I would document that she physically attacked you. The goal is for her not to dispute that she attacked you or even better, to acknowledge that she did. You could ask her to apologize for hitting you. The audience for this email is going to be a judge. Write it in a way that sounds natural and normal for how you communicate. But the basics of her attacking you need to be documented in there. Get the facts cemented first before you start telling her that you're going to leave. Make her think you're not leaving for now. But in parallel make plans so you're in a position to leave. If that doesn't work sign up for Andrew Tate's War Room class on how to confine and beat chicks up.
Dave
2024-09-12 18:04:21 +0000 UTCField report 26. Whats up boys **General ** LTR- 6 years (Age 30 both of us, no kids - engaged) **Physical ** Current weight – 91.5KG down by 0.5kg from last week Goal – I want to get to ~15% body fat; I want to fuck at least x2 times a week, fix my knee pain and improve my cardio Gym – today will be my 2nd time this week. I aim to reach a BP of 90kg+ today. Current BP is 90kg. Doing Knee's over toes exercises. Thanks to one of the community members for the remaindering me about him from last week. MMA / Thai boxing going well- Hard sparing this week. Coaches mentioned that I should start hitting harder when they saw my max power on the pads. I have been thinking about this this week as it relates to showing my masculine strength. I often use to hide it, and I’m scared or harming others during sparing. So, this week I showed 80/90 of my power compared to the 60/70%. I went to the chiropractor on Tuesday to fix my body after hard sparing and I will be resting and just do technical sparing for the next 3 weeks before my 2 weeks holiday Sex – Fiancée’s IUD is out. Fucked x3 this week. Condoms are not so bad after all. First time using them in 6 years. I noticed that I last x2 longer. On Monday I initiated, got turned down (as she was tired) and then I whispered in my fiancée ear before going to bed ‘ I want some morning suckie suckie’ as a joke. I was surprised that I woke to a morning suckie , suckie on Tuesday morning and then we fucked. This is not the norm for us. Whilst fucking all I kept saying to myself fuck I was just joking, and I was throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. Emotional (Starting to come together) This week. I’m handling this pillar better than ever before. I stand my ground mo. I speak my mind more and I am more honest and direct to people. I have not argued with my Fiancée for a whole month. In 6 years, this is the longest that we have not argued, it feels like a brand-new relationship and healthy too. Question. I can genuinely say I don’t what changed and made it go away this month My observation. We have not gone to church for 1 month We have not had church pre-marital counselling for 1 month I know I STFU more, I don’t fall for shit test as much. I tease / prank people more. I have dialled up the intimacy to 10 with my fiancée. More hugs first thing in the morning, hugging her whilst she’s cooking and being more sexual in front her mum and friends and they like it. **Intellectual** I watched “Chris Williamson x Dr. Robert Glover” on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-CEp5ty4Gc&t=1002s . It was a nice refresher “. One of the things that stock with me was his statement on nice guys suffer from the “Ruminating Brain”. I will be looking into this. My observations sometimes during the day, I will find myself replaying old embarrassing events, missed opportunities, not feeling like I am where I should be at 30. Question has anyone taken the ruminating-brain course before. https://www.drglover.com/tpi-university/ruminating-brain.html **Vision**, Since the pillars are slowing coming together. I have been thinking to develop a solid vision for my life. Funnily enough my fiancée has been testing this. “Babe what’s our plan for the future, where do you want us to live” “Babe, I’ll be happy if said let’s move to US, from London. I know this is your dream, I will follow you”. The “I’ll follow you part” made me think oh shit, “My life is starting to come together, and I have a woman who is willing to follow me”. Action – Create a vision for myself.
Cocky_funny
2024-09-12 17:55:52 +0000 UTCClassic: latter in the closet to face in the boobs!
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 17:04:41 +0000 UTChttps://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b3v7pg/we_dont_do_that_you_dont_want_us_answering_that/
Op Sec
2024-09-12 16:45:13 +0000 UTCMd suck with chronic health. Not sure your stats. Be in shape, stop jerking, and there are supplements that can help (see an acupuncture dr). Has this always been an issue? Trip: one thing I am noticing about my wife and my style of traveling: She has a vision of how things should go. If the trip lives up to that (magazine photo) she says they went great. I am much more prone to real traveling. Which is what you experienced: wait, hurry: Constipation, stomach…. Shit happens and you deal. I just tell her: that is traveling. And establish that frame. “Shit happens, enjoy”. And she buys in or not. I don’t care,—- next flight. Let’s go.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 16:44:22 +0000 UTC1st: this is a Dear Abby question. Only you can make that decision. Asking the internet tells me you have work to do. Thoughts: -are you willing to keep people in your life that occasionally attack you? (I don’t think you feel actually threatened?) - if it is tolerable then treat it like any other emotional outburst. How would you treat your teen daughter if she attacked you? Therapy, grounded, loss of? Wife, you punched me, no tv for a month! (You are establishing there are consequences) -If not, are you prepared to leave? Papers on the table… I’m out. I expect to see a fn on leaving preparations. Boundary discussion with wife…
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 16:30:12 +0000 UTCMm: adults want to act like kids (stress free, un-encumbered, in the moment) Booze is a portal to that. Booze CAN BE rocket fuel for sex as well. But not necessarily. Burn the idea that women drinking, in public are throwing their pussy At people
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 16:27:57 +0000 UTCFirst and foremost only you can decide if you want to stay or go. Personally I would quietly get my shit in order to divorce. To me it’s a sign of a deeper issue of her lack of respect. Now you let that slip and that’s your issue to frame up, it’s still a sign of a lack of respect. I have had my wife throw a small stool at me in our new home. I told her she was going to fix it and left the hole for a better part of a year. My dad caved and fixed it but I held my ground. Never had anything thrown at me since. So you just have to decide where and what your boundary is and enforce it.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-12 16:21:26 +0000 UTCI did, unfortunately. I figured the best bet is to go see a specialist. And since my appointment isn't until a few weeks out, I figured ok, let me see what I can do NOW, and consult with the guys here. I imagine I'm not the first one to have this issue. And yes so far I've gone a little over a week without masturbation or sex, and no porn. It's been rough but I've been able to stay on it. I don't know if it works because I'm still servicing my girl orally and with my hand while this 'reset month' is taking place. Thank you for the links OpSec, I'm going to read them right now.
Diego Verga
2024-09-12 16:09:04 +0000 UTCThe bitch attacked me physically with fists and kicks. I told her to stop screaming at the oldest kid. She says he has been on his phone the whole day. Skipped his swim practice and neglected to pack his school bag correctly. Forgot one of his workbooks. I closed the door behind her and told her to stop screaming at the kids. The bitch flipped out. Went to our bedroom and told her if she had a problem with him on the phone then she has herself to blame by not taking it away. This is the third or fourth time in our 14 year marriage when she has attacked me physically. Should I dump this bitch? Am I completely delusional when thinking I should stay? If I would advise a woman whose husband has raised a hand, I would tell her to leave immediately. I do not have a similar perspective when it comes to me.
Eric Roberts
2024-09-12 15:52:53 +0000 UTCMy observations at these bday party monstrosities: 1st: the party has got 2-2.5 hours. Then I’m out. 2nd: the men (maybe) and the kids will be the funnest people at the party. 2.5When bored always resort to talking trash to kids (cocky funny) “I bet you can’t even hit the piñata!” 3: it is where women go to “show off” their shit. (You would be included as their shit) 4 avoid the food. Don’t go hungry. Pizza and cake. 5. Bring a beach chair (park events) 6 great place for magic tricks (or all the social tricks that mystery does). 7 great place to squash logical conversation (resume talk) and escalate with emotional spikes. The question: “what do you do” will happen. 7.5 everybody wants to behave- feel like a child. (Why we booze). Avoid logic like the plague. 7.75 avoid flexing beta traits: cars, watches, clothing, talking about accomplishments …. You get lumped in with all the other dads and moms chasing the Jones’s . Lowe’s your value. 8 other wife’s (and husbands,grandparents) buying into your frame will get you laid by your wife. They all want the same toy.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 15:50:56 +0000 UTCDid you just tell us you masturbate too much and don’t know how to stop? Did you try stopping? https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/timeline-escaping-sex-for-validation-and-quitting.739017 Girls don’t really care all that much about getting off. It’s a beta behavior that shows you care. They generally loose their shit if they can’t get you off. It makes them feel undesirable and they fuck because they want to feel desired. You want your woman to feel validated by the sex. https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/validation-needs-that-can-poison-your-sex-life.197499 Which means it’s ok for her to be validation seeking not you. https://therationalmale.com/2018/03/07/transactional-vs-validational-sex/ The sex that women want is validational for them. You can’t get less validational than not being able to get a dude off.
Op Sec
2024-09-12 15:50:03 +0000 UTCAgree with opsec. Add: here we report in an ooda fashion. Observe, orient, decide, act. Then we can all chime in. Also note that comments are to help the writer not you. When you read them think: he is writing a : what would I do. In general: every time you feel frustration, anger you have a covert contract. Will: normal to pass things to kids. Just Write your side to be the same. Mba may mean somthing or nothing. Usually the later. Be attractive, hang out with your male friends. Gym bag. You can’t negotiate sex/love.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 15:46:25 +0000 UTCHey Rian, I'm back from my trip to Greece! It was a success. A lot of things did not go according to plan, but the trip was awesome. Lots of things happened like we got constipated for 3 days, we took the wrong bus out to a different town, so we ended up in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, I caught a stomach virus at one point (that harissa sauce will fuck you up) and lots of other things like that. But, my girl was a trooper. Sure she got frustrated from time to time but managed to hold it together and put up a cooperative, team player attitude. This made it easy for us to just laugh off the things that didn't work out and enjoy what did. But I'm sure she was just taking cues off of me, because during the whole trip I was focusing on what you told me last time: Be prepared, and deal with things as they happen. On the way back to the states, she couldn't stop talking about how 'magical' the trip was, blablabla. So it was a great time. This vacation did bring something to the forefront that I guess my ego has been pushing back and it's starting to become a problem. Long story short, I take way too long to finish from natural vaginal sex. 30-40 minutes and of course I'm very tired by the end. But that's IF I cum. I'd say 3 out of 5 times I just can't get it done. Before I got in this relationship and was spinning plates, I just justified it away like "oh I'm just not attracted to this girl right now, besides I'm wearing a condom so it kills the sensibility, etc." But being in now for a little over a year with this girl, I can't deny that it's a problem. Midway during the vacation we were having sex about once a day, every now and then sometimes twice. When I could cum, great, but it was after a long time and lots of concentration. When I couldn't, I did everything else to make sure she was taken care of, but still, the money shot wasn't there and she started to notice. One day of the vacation, after sex, she was distant. We talked and after I pulled it out of her, she told me that "she feels sometimes that I'm not attracted to her because I struggle to finish when I'm inside her and it's starting to get to her." (I guess she just ignores the fact that every time she touches me, I get erect, and I'm always manhandling her and talking dirty to her and initiating. But I guess a woman will focus on this point over everything else, that would make sense). We talked about it, I reassured her about my attraction to her, spoke about the points above, and I promised her to go see an urologist when we got home because it's bothering me too. I think that did it for now because she got back to her good attitude and it wasn't a problem since. This is fucking with my head though. And yes I have an appointment with an urologist in a few weeks (America, fuck yeah). In the meantime, what can I do? I looked up some stuff online. It seems a lot of guys are having this problem, called "Death Grip Syndrome," because it's basically de-sensitization of the dick with a combination of porn, dry masturbation, and masturbating with the hard, iron grip of one's hand that a vagina will just never match. And it makes sense cause while I was spinning plates, and before that when I was a total loser, of course I was watching a lot of porn and masturbating a lot. Even during this relationship I've continued to watch porn and jerk off. Have any other guys here had this issue? I want to regain the sensibility in my dick so I can consistently cum and keep it under 15 minutes (Jesus, writing this is making me feel even worse about this shit. I should have addressed this a long time agon). I've found some blogs of guys who have had this issue, and am following one of their plans that involves no sexual activity for a month, quitting porn cold-turkey, and once the month is up, to start fucking again and take my time. I don't know how that will work. My girl has agreed to no penetrative sex for a month (I'm still going to use my hand on her and eat her of course, just for me, my dick is off limits while I do this 'reset'). I don't know if it will work, but I'm trying things for now until I get to the urologist. WHAT DO I DO? Any advice? This is fucking with my head. Thanks for your time.
Diego Verga
2024-09-12 15:31:29 +0000 UTCMaddona-Whore: I thought I had completely overcome the complex, but I haven't. The other day when I saw my girl drinking in a social event I felt a kind of "disgust" (really resentment) toward her. I realized I didn't feel this towards the dudes, but more towards the girls. It's another manifestation of MW complex. Alcohol = "Slut Behavior" = Bad When I noticed this, I stopped thinking like that and acted normal, socializing and not letting it change the way I act.
Owning My Shit
2024-09-12 15:25:44 +0000 UTCI've had this one before "what, your just pissed and your going to leave?" I typically nod my head and leave. You can also say "yes" or "k". My report from last week might be good for you to read. It's hilarious but also, shows how it's ok to be mad. Being "not mad" is a chick value. It's ok to be mad, own it. Eventually you won't get mad, but allowing yourself to be mad and owning it is the step to get there. I do remember "overusing"(validation junkie makes a great point which is why overusing is in quotes) "I can see why you feel that way", "What did your man group teach you to say that, are those some magic words meant to pacify your wife?". Now, I would probably go cocky funny, smile and say "I can see why you feel that way", again. Or just withdraw my attention. You can get mad. You can withdraw your attention. By staying in a conversation like that you are putting yourself below her on the status heiarchy and she is against you. Why would you want to stay in a conversation like that. To fix her? That would be a covert contract. You can refuse to have any interaction that you don't like. This is what I'm doing in last weeks report. "Where you going", I roll my window back up. I'm refusing the interaction, I don't see how it could benefit me. Now perhaps if I was a little more quick minded, I might have come up with "to get a prostitute". However, you don't need the perfect come back each time. There was an old RSD opener we used to play with. "I like Caesar salad . . . but I don't like croutons". Lower the bar for yourself in terms of what technique you are going to use. Instead focus more on what you will and won't accept.
Op Sec
2024-09-12 14:49:16 +0000 UTCStop letting your wife be the determining factor oh what you do or don’t do. You chose what tools you want to use and when. STFU is good because it keeps you from loosing, after you get good at that you can start to put points on the board. Walking away and removing attention is a dread strategy. If I am not here, I can’t fight or deer. The point I am making is make yourself the mental point of origin on how and when you use your tools. Your wife is going to say all sorts of shit to get you to act in her best interest. You need to act in your best interest. Make a few AA canned responses and try to use them over the next week.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-12 14:30:26 +0000 UTCI smelling what you’re selling. Just adding a touch of funny asshole to it.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-12 13:36:25 +0000 UTCOp Sec your right it is I thought I had some specifics but not real recent stuff. I'll put more in as I go along. When I get shit tested I STFU too much as wife sometimes says "what, your just pissed and your going to leave?" Or I try to AA which seems to have better feedback. The little bit of fogging I do is the same phrase "I can see why you feel that way" which she says she feels better about but I rely on it too much as she says I say it all the time now. I'll put more specific events in next week. Gotta go.
Joker43
2024-09-12 12:44:21 +0000 UTCI would expect a field report like this if it is your first one. The only proactive thing you did “left her standing there” and “started cialis”. the rest is about what happened to you. For anything to work, you have to be an active participant in life. Instead of just letting shit happen to you. Focus instead on what you are trying to work on.
Op Sec
2024-09-12 11:58:02 +0000 UTCSeparating sex from intimacy was on my mind. The physical stuff, I already do. I’ll grab her ass, play with her tits, or whatever as we encounter each other. However, one way to view separating sex from intimacy is to do the stuff you do before sex and then not have sex. Before sex, I talk and hang out with my wife. Talking to chicks for an hour always got me laid when I was single. Which is to say that this is a strong suit of mine. So this time, let me try talking to her with no expectations. 30 minutes in. I’m thinking this plan is retarded. Oh well, the point was to see what happened. After an hour, I was done and ready to make dinner. Wife did something in the closet and was on a step ladder. I “helped” by picking her up and putting her on the ground. I exaggerated the motion and buried my face in her tits. The physical contact gave me a hard on. I said, “That gave me a huge hard on”. We had a great fuck afterwards. Perhaps it wasn’t so retarded. Another night. While having sex, I was letting her know how much I was enjoying her body. She was on top. I said, “Oh my god, you’re going to make me cum so hard”. When I said that she got even more into it, and made sure I did.
Op Sec
2024-09-12 11:51:00 +0000 UTCThis is a batman origin story and there’s not much else. You actually have to do something if you want feedback on it. Sounds like you are trying to improve your feedback but don’t know how. What does it mean that you are using AA and STFU too much? Examples? Fogging is in When I say no I feel guilty. you said you read the side bar, so what are you having trouble with. Why do you want to not be too much of an asshole? What is too much?
Op Sec
2024-09-12 11:28:16 +0000 UTCField Report #25 Focused this week on separating sex from intimacy and was physical and flirty with the wife even when I wasn't wanting sex. The previous couple weeks I had turned sex into a chore activity throughout the week instead of being physical with her (smacking her ass, random kisses, physical touch) and just having it happen when I was in the mood. Result of this approach was more physical reciprocation on her end. I stacked 2-3 days together of being deliberate in my physicalness but not projecting an expectation of sex. Got a text while at work saying she was horny and could I come home before it was time to pick the kids up from school. Work schedule timed out so I went home and we had a good fuck session. Next day had a friends kids birthday party. Used it as a chance to talk with some dads and line up a golf trip in the future. Didn’t follow my wife along like a puppy like I used to and used it to meet some new people. Kept physical contact a constant over the weekend and escalated on Sunday and had another good smash session. Work schedule was busy with early mornings and late nights but still was in an upbeat mood when I was home. I am noticing that wife’s mood is more reactive to the energy I bring when I get home.
Amos_Durden
2024-09-12 06:48:35 +0000 UTCMarried 15 years 4 kids Marriage been good til about 2-3 years ago when our family business went through some succession planning. We live/work on her family's ranch. Wife says she is going to leave her shares to our kids in her will and I say I'm fine with it then, later, resentment sets in. I am acquiring shares every year and own a good share of working assets (cattle) but the "will" thing struck a chord. Bedroom was good (2-4 times per week) but has been spiraling down to 1-2 per week, if that, sometimes. I work out twice a week and sometimes more and always have since I was in high school athletics plus our job is fairly active. I'm in pretty good shape and so is my wife so there is no slacking in the physique department. Stumbled onto RP and MRP little over a year ago and have gone through almost all the side bar content. Still studying terminology and working on some concepts. Seems I have identified some mistakes I've made such as covert contracts (being butthurt over the will ordeal) and letting wife run family finances. I am pretty much over the will thing and see it as a CC now. She can do what she wants with her shares, they're hers. Looks like I need to start managing our immediate family finances but will let her keep books on the larger family business as she has an MBA. I have trouble navigating where/when I should take over more responsibility and interjecting in the business. I am doing so tactfully and doing more each passing year. I also think coming back to her family's ranch may have been a huge mistake but you don't just go out and buy a ranch a couple years out of college so it seemed logical at the time. I want to keep the bedroom alive like it was cause it is spiraling right now. I know I struggle with frame but am using AA and STFU way too much sometimes. Would like to learn more about fogging and how not to be too much of an asshole as I get this from her a bit. I feel like I am analytically dislexic when it comes to applying MRP strategies. God it used to be so easy, maybe I've gotten lazy in some ways I don't know. I contemplate divorce and a year ago it was abhorent to me but now it seems more viable if things dont improve. Could use help with a MAP. Rian, thanks for the content cause all the other stuff looks like bullshit to me.
Joker43
2024-09-12 05:53:05 +0000 UTCFR 1 43yo wife 40
Joker43
2024-09-12 04:54:01 +0000 UTCYour conclusions seem correct. More abundance… plates. Ssri’s : you will not win. Similar to making a hoe a wife. Can’t be done. She needs to understand the dangers and powers she is under and change. You need to leave or you are being a co dependent. ….. Conversations gone wrong… stfu or agree and amplify… And walk.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 04:48:37 +0000 UTCThe package return delema: Mm: view her like a child/teen. Me:” just get out of the car and drop the package!” Or “…what you do is move your finger half an inch to the right to the email button. Then click it… now get out of the car!” lol be cheeky. I don’t think women are retards with tech (at least not their phone). They are phone savants.
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 04:37:45 +0000 UTCAmen! 😝
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 04:11:28 +0000 UTC@Cousin Eddie Amen dude.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-12 03:46:22 +0000 UTCFuck them both, fuck them all. Fuck fuck fuck! Dont ever put a girls Batman origin story in your field report. Who cares if she is selfish, wants kids, has a divorce going. Your sole prerogative is fucking! … Just fuck!!!!!!
Cousin Eddie
2024-09-12 03:40:06 +0000 UTCThe beginning of this field report is your girlfriend’s report, and a fucking sad one at that. This thing is a fucking huge emotional mess. You are navel gazing what you could do. Tell us what you did to improve your position. If you spun plates you should at the least understand passive dread. Which leads me to this. With normal healthy women a good filter to go by is; passive dread should be enough to provoke fire in the bedroom. Which makes me think you are an emotional mess yourself and turned to a beta provider type right after making her your gf. Unless the sex has always sucked dick for Cheerios and then I would say why did you GF her up? Or you just have a dud, and should next this one on into never-never land. Because it’s not going to get better. Nice guy behavior-I can fix her. Then she we see me for the good guy I am and love me forever. With the office shit just STFU, no one cares about your woes at work either. Work on being an oak at home and at the office. Make sure your shit is in order if it’s not, working out, going out with friends, gaming and consider demoting the bitch back to plate. Plates come and go, so do shitty girlfriends, not saying she’s a shitty person just might be a shitty gf.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-12 03:35:56 +0000 UTCI did not have sex with the girlfriend for the last 2.5 weeks. That’s the longest I went without sex for quite some time. Told me she does not have a sex drive at the moment because of her depression. She is on SSRIs. She saw her psychiatrist 4 weeks ago and got a new prescription where she could experiment with the dose. She reduced the dose and it did not go well. Resumed old dose a few days ago, but no changes in sex drive yet. Although other symptoms improved. I am not happy about the situation, but on the other hand I also fail to provide any consequences. I treat the situation as if everything was alright. Besides the occasional butthurtness about rejections. And told her once that I feel sad that I can not turn her on, seems like negotiated desire and also pretty whiny. I limited my sexual options by trying the girlfriend thing with her and going exclusive. Nothing forced me to do so of course. This is the bed I made and I am now laying in it. The positive is, now I know better what I give up and what I gain when stopping to spin plates. There are multiple routes for me now. I could just ditch her. I strongly consider that. Could learn dread. Is she really worth that though? Feel like I went over it the wrong way, should have spun her as a plate longer and not committed so easily. ———— Still deering… Talked to colleagues complaining that I did not sleep well, because the nights are too warm. Later one of them asked me if she could cheer me up, as I looked grumpy. Told her she could buy me AC for my apartment. She asked me why I don’t buy it myself. Started DEERing about financial priorities and budget. Should have just said something cocky funny like „it's more fun if you buy me it“ or shut it down with „I’ll think about it“. But no, she is now questioning my budget and financial priorities, a topic I don’t want to discuss with her so why open it? And the cherry on top is that I then said half jokingly „I feel a bit pressured now“. She responds with „You should talk with a therapist about that“. I finally got some sense and said „You’re right. Anyway, see ya“ and left her standing there. ———— Started the daily cialis (5mg), side effects are manageable, can not report on effectiveness yet as per first part of this report.
Am I red yet
2024-09-11 23:44:42 +0000 UTCYah more on the shitty comfort test side. I couldn’t think of anything really witty to reply about the tv thing. I also don’t really think it was anything, I did forget to add that a few years ago I would have gotten weird about the tv porn thing and decided to leaned it to it. Chicks are bad with tech except she has a masters in a tech field and know she knows how to navigate that shit like a pro. I would have deered my ass off before when she hit me with the “this is your time just to say yes thing.” Where I really almost lost frame and my guard was down was while on the walk. That was clumsy as shit.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-11 22:23:34 +0000 UTCidk if that email/text thing was a big deal, chicks are just bad with tech. Could have gone either way, but you acted assertive and it worked out well. that wasn't a comfort test, but you did hold frame clumsily, so it's ok. I would resist saying "your vagina would be huge on it". > She replied with “I am surprised you even want to be around me. bait, shitty comfort test, or shit test. whatever it was, you handled it well.
Op Sec
2024-09-11 22:06:30 +0000 UTCyou got your shit on backwards. That "red flag" means she is more likely to fuck. It's really your ego fucking with you. Why are you acting like you are already her boyfriend. you're logistics suck if you are ending up back at her place. You aren't leading, the report reads more often like "hey guys look what happened to me", it should read, "this is what I did, this is what happened", which only happened when you talked about inuendo. you've got a scarcity mindset. There's some college friend bullshit. You aren't trying anything and are playing things "safe", but it's all bs.
Op Sec
2024-09-11 22:01:31 +0000 UTCThis may help from the frame side. Think “I am a high value dude that chicks are willing to fight over and pay for spending time with me.” You are playing on house money. Enjoy. If you don’t want to be in the friend zone-escalate, escalate and escalate. Spin and see what comes to the top. Chicks talk and the hot chick never likes the chubby ugly one getting attention over her. Consider slow playing the hot one and raise that buying pressure.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-11 20:43:36 +0000 UTCField Report #15 I needed to return something from Amazon to the local store. I drove my wife and I there after working out. I asked my wife to hope out and return the item for me. She was more than happy to do it. I forwarded the QR code to her. She looked at me and said “take a screen shot and text it to me.” I replied “I already forwarded it to you. It’s in your email.” I watched as she cocked an attitude and started to say “you know how you just want me to say yes, and not argue when you ask me to do something, right now is that time, I need you to do that for me.” I took a few seconds to contemplated the request…thought about it and replied “did you get it or not?” (The email) She sighed heavily and checked her email. “Yes I got it.” Me: “awesome” I watched her get out of the car, and when I chose my parking spot I made sure not to get the closest one to the entrance. She’s got legs, she can walk. I saw this as one of the death by a thousand concessions, and decide “fuck this bitch she can navigate email.” Later that day Sitting on the back porch she brought up how she feels like there is tension between us, I said oh yah. Then she went into a little monologue. I just sat there and didn’t say shit. I know how this ends, with a giant Mac Truck T boning me. Plus I wanted to let the tension build and purposefully didn’t release it. Was on a walk and she brought up something about me being upset. I started to deer, I replied “no” I caught it and followed up with agree and amplify. “No, I am not mad, I am fucking furious, so mad I am still holding your hand. (I laughed). I tossed her hand back to her playfully. Her: well now you aren’t even holding my hand. Me: I laughed, grabbed her by the shoulder kissed her head and then smacked her butt. Ended comfort test. Next day At the store and saw a huge fucking tv on sale. I was considering buying it. I told my wife “think of watching football on that thing.” My wife says “think of watching our homemade porn on that thing” I replied “my dick would be huge on it!” Haha. I could tell she was super turned on by the thought. Got back from the gym/store. I was hanging in the garage, my wife came by after mowing the side yard. I told her hey hurry up and get the front done so we can smash. She replied with “I am surprised you even want to be around me. I replied with “are fucking crazy lady?” I slapped her ass pretty hard. Her: that’s the most love I have gotten in days. Me: well if you do a good job mowing there is more where that came from. Got done mowing and smashed like we were in our 20’s. Started the week with what I think was an attempt to pull me into her frame with the death by a thousand concessions. Rolled into trying to get me to emote. Followed by some comfort tests. I let the tension build to raise the buying pressure. I don’t like starfish sex and she’s better when there is some anxiety.
Validation Junkie
2024-09-11 20:11:00 +0000 UTCHad the second date with nerd girl. Plan was coffee then mini-golf w/ bar then pizza. Escalated during mini-golf up to touching her back. Also made sexual innuendos – one course was one of those trick ones with two holes that are tunnels that led to another part of the course. I said, “I love choosing between two holes” – she giggled. Ended with me walking her back to her apartment. She stopped outside the building and before she headed in, we kissed and when I pulled away, she placed a hand on my chest and let it linger a few seconds before she went inside. Plan for next weekend is for her to come back to my place for us to watch movies with drinks and have sex. Saw a potential red flag. During conversation, she said she’s leaning on not having kids (she’s in her early 30s) because she’s selfish and still wants to do a lot of things for herself including traveling. That part where she directly said she was selfish gave me bad vibes. One of nerd girl’s best friends is an old college friend of mine. The two of them talk and hang out frequently. The college friend has been texting me more recently asking for us to hang out. She sent a long paragraph text about wanting to maintain our friendship so she wants to make more of an effort to hang out with me. I proposed getting coffee or seeing a play – she later scheduled a night for us to see the play and bought both our tickets (I do want to add that I’ve bought both our tickets to another event in the past so it could just be a reciprocity thing). She has made no mention of inviting nerd girl, and I have not brought it up. Never hooked up with the college friend although I would like to. But I’m not sure the best way to navigate the situation. The part about her bringing up our friendship is something that makes me unsure if she’s friend zoning me or if it’s her giving plausible deniability. She knows her best friend is into me and has gone out with me a couple times. The other thing to note about my college friend is that she separated from her husband around 9 months ago and is deliberating on finalizing the divorce papers. She caught him emotionally cheating with texting another girl that he loved her. The husband accused her of having BPD, is uncomfortable with her constantly making guy friends, but wants to get back together with her. Key Thoughts - Interactions with nerd girl are progressing. And it’s also easier to be more detached to the outcome with her. Nerd girl is cute, but a bit chubby. So while I do want to hook up with her, I don’t have that emotional desire linked to the outcome like I did with my ex who was the most attractive girl I’ve been with and an 8 out of 10 (definitely brag worthy). - My college friend is nerd girl’s best friend. She has been wanting to hang out with me more ever since I’ve been going on dates with nerd girl. I do want to make her a plate, but am unsure how to navigate the situation or even if it is possible given that she has brought up the label of us being friends.
lemon
2024-09-11 19:10:50 +0000 UTC
