Patreon, R&P Q&A #287
Added 2024-10-02 17:29:01 +0000 UTC
Comments
Reviewing this a week later, and yeah my leadership in the relationship (regarding now/future/vision) is shit. Assertiveness is what I need to work on regarding my own wants here.
Joker43
2024-10-10 05:35:08 +0000 UTCIt's funny, you say you threw a bday party for the kid, and the proceed not to mention the kid at all. It's all about the wife. why bother sticking around for the meltdown. "are you going to say anything", well, besides the fact that for some reason you were listening. Remember you attention is a gift. "no",
Op Sec
2024-10-03 18:02:20 +0000 UTCTalk to everyone... you will miss some. that is ok. next thing you know you will be talking to woman of interest and you wont realize it till mid conversation. sec guard that is occupying real estate in your wife's head. I like what you wrote. also try: "Nice. " and just move on. "Sweet, sis is going to get the sec guard pension money! gold digger!" and move on. Vents: "Did you get those vents set up just right. wait!!! the middle vent needs more adjustment. get on on it quick!!!! This shit would never fly in (your favorite topic) a twitch torat stream! for F Sake....ramble" have fun with it .
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-03 17:56:46 +0000 UTC64 ish Handling a Bridzilla and post party emotional tantrums. Threw a bday party for kid. Holidays, family gatherings… anything where people are coming over the house is the Superbowl of a woman’s life. The hype, tension, bridzilla energy is enormous (for them.) I did not do anything except what I wanted to do. Which was sleep. Though, on thinking back I did invite 60 people, coordinate kids rides and presents, org a post party slumber party, tidy up the house, direct the wife's servants in cleaning, grand parents, order stuff, and be a straight up backyard bbq and host with the most bad ass. WTF, I did at least 75% of the work. I forgot to pace the house historically and drive everyone nuts. Social game examples: two couple debate a mundane topic that is emotionally akin to a dentist drilling ones teeth. They turn to me for input. Me “I am glad you asked. This court will now come to session on this good day sept 26 2024 in the name of our lord… A cardinal sin was made and the guilty will be doing push ups at the end of this ruling, or should I send all four of you to a joint couples therapy session!!! …” At some point I am pounding a wooden kitchen spoon on a chopping board and yelling "Order,order in the court!" Rp: All emotion. Avoid logic like the plague. Don’t get sucked into females Bridzilla frame The next day the old battle axe (hung over and tired) is yelling at me that “she cant ask me to do anything, and I am sleeping through life and …” First I close the windows so neighbors and our child are sheltered from this filth emanating from her mouth. Then I stfu. Her “aren’t you going to say anything?” Me “you talk, and I listen. That's how these go.” Her: “That’s how THESE, these things go!?!!!! Get out of here…” as she cry's and stomps off. I leave as fast as when a police officer says you are free to go. Head off to do a solo trip to a movie. She gives me a hug when I get back. The old battle axe has transformed from being a 40 year old frumpy version of The Hulk, back to being Bruce Banner. And the house is happy again. Interesting how that works. Rp:On a regular basis girls reboot by taking a giant elephant size dump out of their mouth. -Don’t feed into it. Just step back and pinch your nose.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-03 17:40:36 +0000 UTCI would do catch and release. Overcome approach anxiety, have some success, get uesd to it and have much less anxiety and then feel like I didn't need to do as much. Then I would start getting approach anxiety and the cycle would repeat without me feeling like I was getting anywhere. It all felt like a chore. I had come to realize that I've been approaching this like a thing to overcome. Anxiety, do the thing anyway and just bust through it. What I started to do instead, is instead of trying to suppress the anxiety, I allowed myself to feel it. Sure it's unpleasant, but it's really not that bad. When I stopped trying to control my emotions the anxiety stopped mattering and is mostly gone. I've made ton's of approaches since, and non of them feel like work. I had a few days where I didn't get out, and afterwards I don't think the anxiety came back, or I didn't notice because all this has taught me that I don't need to worry so much about my retarded feelings. Trying to control them wasn't helpful. This is owning the frame you have. Now it feels like there's a few things I have to do over again.
Op Sec
2024-10-03 17:33:18 +0000 UTCYes: watching comedy, sitcoms is great for material. Anything that is an authentic passion is good. Ex: you get into space exploration. Talk to people through the lense of nassa. “F sake, that would never fly in nassa!” 😂. Yes… less controls, open up, get the stick out of your ass. I would have approached the locked door differently. Nock, nock.. “ I have the secret code” lol. “I just need to get my socks and foot lotion. … look at FaceTime…oh hi Betty. You need clearance to come I hear. I am special“. And Locked the door got on the way out. “ we should get a padlock as well on this door. Steel reinforcement..”lol Let her do her thing…?you do you. Don’t opologize… just move on… Complaining to mom: In general if you are complaining you are not in your frame. Everything outside of your frame is entertaining and that would be how you talk to mom. Keep it light and move on to subjects that are within your funbus. Do you have a fun bus? A life that is exiting with things to talk about. If wife asks: your reply “ oh ya, mom has alot of sex tips. She thinks you need to give me more head” lol. Ramble: She said you need to arch 1 cm higher when I pound you. Great tips. She still got … the old lady! “Lol
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-03 16:49:10 +0000 UTCStfu She is processing by talking and you are making things worse when you feed it. “I say I'm working on making myself a better man” You are negotiating love. Stfu She will say: why are you not talking. You: “I hear you”. …” … learn to fog. She will keep doing this because you gave the dog bread. You ‘communicated’ If you keep this up: “communication”- she will eventually try and take you to counseling, … negotiate love…. view her as a 13 year old girl having an emotional tantrum. And just stfu. Dam: riding horses in the mountains chasing cows sounds so cool!
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-03 16:30:21 +0000 UTCStarting to recognize shit tests and damn, I’m getting a lot of them. At times I confuse shit tests for my wife just being bitchy and nagging. Other times I catch myself trying to respond in a charming or cocky funny way, but this is a covert contract of me hoping she responds how I want and hopefully means it’ll get her turned on and wanting to fuck. I still catch myself worrying about keeping the peace and being afraid of making my wife mad. I’ve observed it a lot the past few weeks and now realize how I’m letting myself be manipulated by this tactic. I also caught myself being affected by my kid doing this too, but quickly corrected by letting the kid have the tantrum then having them talk to me when done being upset. Getting better with more naturally using negative inquiry and agree and amplify. This has helped me respond in a more natural way and not seem like I’m reading a written script. I need to use cocky funny more. Also hit or miss on fogging as I still fall into my habits of wanting to talk more instead of just leaving it at “okay” or “fair enough.” Likely struggling because I’m afraid of her being upset or feeling like I’m being “dismissive.” Also apparent I still lack an abundance mentality. —— Was waiting to get off the train and saw an absolutely gorgeous Asian woman who looked over at me. She looked back 2 more times before getting off the train and figured this was an IOI. She got off ahead of me but we both were going the same direction. I saw her glance at me again as I caught up to her but chickened out and didn’t open her. Too afraid of rejection and worried about the outcome. Regret not saying something after the fact; even if I bombed the interaction it’d still be practice being okay with rejection. —- Driving in car and wife starts messing with vents and sun roof Me: “When I’m driving the car please don’t mess with stuff” Her: starts to hamster “I was just….” Me: I know you like being in control but when I’m driving don’t mess with the vents. Her: I’m not trying to control. You don’t have to say that. You could have just said it once…… Me:when I’m driving don’t mess with the vents, windows, and music Her: continues to hamster… Me: l give her a look and just STFU and get out of the car. Pissed but decided it was good practice to not start rambling when she’s clearly not listening and to not let these comments from her affect my mood. —- Wife scheduled a doctor's appointment to learn about getting her hemorrhoid removed but the only availability was with a male doctor. She mentioned she was nervous about having a male doctor look at her ass and that it was even worse because he’s hot too (she works at the same medical facility). I said I’m sure he’ll be professional. She was getting ready today for the appointment and put on a red sundress after doing her makeup. I get out of the shower….. Me: “Ahh trying to impress your crush I see” Her: “No it’s just easier since I have to take my clothes off for the exam” Me: “haha, sure it is” (with a playful smirk) I go to get dressed then walk over and pull her in to me… Me: “you do look real sexy though” Her: “thanks” I slap her ass then go take care of our dogs. We drop our kids off then she drives me to the train. Her: “I’m so nervous and uncomfortable for this exam.” Me: “for the exam or the doctor?” Her: “he has to touch my butthole” Me: “well, hey if it goes well maybe he’ll take you out for lunch after” I give her a smirk and kiss her before getting on the train. —— Pick her up from work and wants to show off our kid to her work friends. I wait in the car and they come back.. Her: “kid saw Ashley and Megan” Me: “wow ‘kid’ that’s so fun!” Wife gets in car Her: so I think I’m going to try matching my sister (single) and Dan (the chad security guard at her work who flirts with her) together Me: oh really? you think he’d work with her? Her: yeah, he……(goes on about how great he appears and how attractive he is). Me: “He seems like the complete package.” Yeah I told Me: Well guess it’s up to your sister and Dan. Her: backing more about it. Me: guess it’s up to your sister.
Alligator_Snapping_Turtle
2024-10-03 16:12:55 +0000 UTCNoooooooooo! Want to win a game debate: stfu and fuck. Fuck a lot. Don’t ever, ever talk about rp. Not even in a glancing, casual way. Let me tell you where this leads. They will see you change and pin it to you being a brain washed follower of Andrew Tate. Probably gossip to others about your mid life crisis…. And you will at some point be Thrown under the bus. Guys are supost to be born with this knowledge: to just get it. If they like your gains they will convert on their own, Never bring it up again. Just call them pussy whipped bitches and move on. Trust me on this. Frame You just creat a fun bus. It is gravity. … Forever. You don’t need to set up frame. Shift the to more narcissistic…. World revolves around you. everything else is amusing. Just read some of the comments above: they are pilling on: Harsh, but you need it. You just went into an underground fight club and told everybody you talked about the fight club book you read and that was kinda cool.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-03 16:04:50 +0000 UTCYou are probably signaling bf (beta) traits. Take steps to project alpha: don’t ask for a bj. Push her head down…. Elude to it in conversations. “Glad we came out for a walk on this dock. Great place for a bj”. Then change topic. If anything you say: “I am just the guy you f till you find the man of your dreams”. … All girls(healthy ones) want to eventually lock in the relationship. Same as guys wanting sex. Long term Job : it is your decision to determine what the value of your time is and the performance you will do. It is their job to do the same. Either entity can ask the other to see their way to the door. Same as dating: abundance, be attractive, be congruent… Make sure you are changing your performance because you feel you are underperforming… Maybe you will actually like your work if you proceed in this manner. I know people that get pressured into 80 hrs a week. Are litterly dying for their job and others are promoted. It all comes back to social dynamics….
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-03 15:49:21 +0000 UTCClasses coming from the Md school. You are best to actively avoid all their classes. That is if you actually want to help people get better! From my experience.
Cousin Eddie
2024-10-03 15:41:16 +0000 UTCShe didn’t trap you, you could leave right now if you accepted the consequences. Sounds to me like you are angry and lording it over to her with just shy of ultimatums - ‘for now…I’m not leaving’. I’m gonna keep it to observation because I’m too new at this. But since when do ultimatums work? And work for what? What’s your goal, sex? Are you being sexual or waiting for her? Maybe the entire blubberfest could have been better dealt with a little negative inquiry and amused mastery. “Why do you think you trapped me? lol, go get my cow babe.” It looks like you’re creating fear and anxiety by your changes. But you’re providing no leadership from there.
babykiller
2024-10-03 14:59:45 +0000 UTCSo you’ve made being red pill an identity. That’s the first mistake. Ironically you failed to live up to that identity because all this shit is about taking action. The trap you are in is where you acquire what you think is knowledge and then substitute it for taking action. That’s the common daze that everyone who watches the news is in.
Op Sec
2024-10-03 13:40:51 +0000 UTCYou are letting her set the frame. You are DEERing. You can absolutely disregard her bs. “Don’t come in the room when I’m on facetime?”. “My what a juicy conversation you must be having”. Then when she starts bitching, just leave. You don’t have to listen to that shit. You don’t have to explain yourself. Refuse to accept any conversation where she isn’t submissive and on your side. “I don’t like that power display stuff! What is your deal?!” leave. She’s not asking for information. She’s dressing you down. As if you care what she likes, as if it matters. you guys have a sub dom relationship right now. She’s the dom.
Op Sec
2024-10-03 13:37:52 +0000 UTCIt’s the last year of med school, I don’t have tests anymore. But passing is good enough.
Owning My Shit
2024-10-03 06:51:10 +0000 UTC---Stuff--- watching some stand up comedy to get a better quick wit with my wife. I'm trying to pass shit tests and comfort tests effortlessly and i think some decent wordplay can help. I've been funnier than usual lately and I'm noticing that taking her less seroiusly is coming more naturally to me. just need to perfect it. It also occurred to me that I need to work on other ways to increase my SMV. Moneywise, increasing it is a given since I'm making more money now, but the alpha side needs some work. Up till now my wife has been doing my hair for me so I'm practicing giving a shit about my own looks by taking charge of it. I've been taking spoonfuls of olive oil too for the extra fat it can give me. ---Wife stuff 1--- so my wife is on facetime with her friend and I come in the room her: "dont just come in the room when I'm on facetime, you know to ask to come in." Me: "I didnt know you were on facetime. I should be able to walk around my house whenever i want." She decides to lock the door when I leave the room and I forcefully unlock it from the outside to show her that I can go wherever i want in my house. her: "I dont like that power display stuff! What is your deal?!" To be honest I was being a little petty and I did say sorry but as usual she likes to go on and on about things so I stayed mostly silent as she went on her tirade. some moments later she brings it up again. Her: "Sorry isn't enough! Why can't you just acknowledge what you did and just say you were annoyed and being petty?!" Me: "Yes I do acknowledge that." Still she goes on and on. Me: "Okay that's enough." Her: "why?" Me: "This is what you do, I acknowledge my behavior, but you go on and on and on. You just want to relive it." Her: "I just want to know that next time you won't barge into the room when I'm having a conversation." Me: "Hopefully it won't" Now she goes back into the room and asked to shut the door. Me: "Go ahead." I don't even know why I instigated this whole situation to begin with. It served no purpose at all. It was unlike me I was a bit annoyed and I took it out on her. I'm working out a lot more often now so I can stop acting like an angsty bitch. An overall shitty mood is screwing up my interactions with my wife. It's a recipe for unforced errors and unattractive behavior. that power display could've been used in a more playful manner. but then again im not sure when to use that kind of thing on her. The one thing I did right was not allowing myself to go down a spiral of emotions. she can do that by herself. ---Wife stuff 2--- My wife asked me if l complained about her to my mother when I went to visit her house. Me: "Why?" Her: "Just answer the question" Me: "Yeah I did" I think that was my first mistake; feeling obligated to report a personal conversation with my own mother to her. It was none of her business. Now I got to listen to a whole tirade about how I ought to communicate better with her about issues I have with her. Now me, I try to leave the door open to see if I'm wrong about something. Her points pretty much boiled down to me addressing what I'm angry or upset about directly with her instead of huffing and puffing and complaining to other people while doing nothing about it. Fair enough, so I acknowledged that. While I still struggle to make using assertive techniques second nature, I fogged her enough so she could say everything she needed to say at the time. I had the urge to say a bunch of things in response, but shutting up and fogging was better not to escalate things. I'm glad I didn't apologize, it would've felt wrong to do considering I'm allowed to complain about something to someone else without talking to her first. It being right or wrong is an afterthought. I made sure to have a memory if a goldfish for the rest of the day. The I love you's and the kisses came back in due time.
Enock
2024-10-03 06:20:42 +0000 UTCHad to round up cattle and work calves last week. That all went well but had a cow get away. Wife starts asking what to do and normally I say dont worry about 1 cow but I told her to go back up the mountain and bring her back or get a tag number so we can cut out her calf. She agrees and leaves. Rest of us go to working calves. Rest of the work/day goes smooth. That night wife corners me and starts crying and getting kinda hysterical. Says she doesnt understand whats gotten into me and that I'm different I dont normally get so anal about 1 cow (among other things). Goes on about how she doesnt know how to navigate my attitude, I say I'm working on making myself a better man. She says she knows I havent been happy for awhile working with her dad and her and that she feels like she trapped me which, if she's gonna be a nag and not put out, she has. Goes on about how if I need to leave she'll make things right businesswise/financially for all the years/work I've done here. I realize this is some kind of test so I say she's a little neurotic right now we'll talk more about it tomorrow but I do say that for now I'm not leaving (though I've thought about it) and that for now I want us to work on making each other happy. Probably bombed this I'm not sure. I felt a little indiferent and anxious towards the split up talk. I figured I'd see a different wife the next day and did. She's been more affectionate since. I haven't lost control of my emotions or gotten angry with any of this which is an improvement. Keep contemplating OODA with situations. Doing more of my office work in the shop instead of the home office to create space and I notice this seems to keep her behavior a little better. Its still not where I'd like our relationship to be but its a little better. Wife's overall treatment towards me is improved some but sex has not as of yet.
Joker43
2024-10-03 04:19:52 +0000 UTCYou are Larping. Taking zero action and acting like the authority. I bet you are a teacher or professor, because this report reads like this “those who can’t do teach.” What is your goal? What do you actually want to achieve? What action have you taken in the last month to reach that goal? Are you closer or further from that goal? You might not have tried to “red pill” your friends, but you sound like a guy who read a book. Then wants to tell everyone about what he read to sound interesting. I did this in the very beginning of my journey. I was just larping around like a douche and so are you. Cut that shit out and get to fucking work.
Validation Junkie
2024-10-03 04:06:38 +0000 UTCI hate to break this to you. You aren’t red pill. You might think you are because you compare yourself to some simp. I lied. I don’t really care that I’m breaking it to you.
Op Sec
2024-10-02 22:19:22 +0000 UTCI did that. Then I pretty much missed the semester except for the tests. I passed but didn’t get a good grade. 🤷♂️
Op Sec
2024-10-02 22:17:16 +0000 UTCI bet you’re leaving out your complete lack of boundaries with your ex which incentivized her behavior. I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s more to that story than ‘pounding on your door’. Oh but thank god you and your pussy ass friends got to talk like women over brunch, making sure everyone felt good, and larp about a hypothetical situation you heard on a YouTube video. You sure didn’t ’try to rp your friends’ because you didn’t bring the conversation up! You made that clear for us. Fucking losers. Go do something. Are you even lifting? Trying to fuck your exs best friend -> thirst and scarcity mindset. Go get a new chick, they’re fucking everywhere. Boundary enforcement Validation seeking Fantasy thinking Identity attachments Read NMMNG and WISNIFG “Got to hang out with friends…” LOL bet that feelzz good. It’s so important to feel good. “Thought about BP guys…” what in the absolute fuck is this?? “Figuring out the balance..” you’ve got to be joking me. Do something.
babykiller
2024-10-02 20:34:00 +0000 UTCGirl (my ex’s best friend) I planned on seeing flaked. I had a feeling it was going to happen when I initially texted her and then an hour later, I could hear the pounding on my door from my ex who demanded to know all about my travel plans. Really enjoyed my trip though and got to do a lot of fun things with the buddies – plus it was nice to clear the head. We got brunch, and they got curious about RP. I didn’t bring it up, my three friends who are BP knew I was into RP and wanted to have a discussion since they didn’t know too much about it. We discussed what to say if the girlfriend said “do these jeans make my butt look fat?” I talked about how theoretically I would slap her ass and say, “yeah it looks extra juicy today” and then leave and just keep it light hearted. One of my friends talked about how he would say, “no, you look beautiful” because he would want to make her happy – I absolutely cringed when he said that. He also romanticized how great it was to feel about a crush and obsess about a girl for a year or more. In my head, I thought, “thank God there are still guys like this who have no game”. That was a concern of mine back when I was with my ex and was getting frustrated that there were multiple guys running game on her. I got neurotic that the significant portion of guys in the dating pool knew about RP and pick up and would be too much competition. One thing we did agree on was that relationships weren’t something that could be forced. And despite being BP, they still adopted the philosophy on focusing on having fun and not putting in too much work in the beginning. I then was pondering how to balance between putting in the work during the initial phase of dating/hooking up and setting up the early frame of being the prize. I’m still trying to figure that out. No plans on trying to RP the friends – they have their own values, I have mine. Just trying to learn more about RP and game since I believe they are the tools that will help me build skills with getting laid, dating, and relationship maintenance. Key thoughts - Got to hang out with the friends and discussed some RP topics - Thought about BP guys who don’t have game being great for me in the dating market, but also how it was harder with RP guys who do have game and are going after your plate/girlfriend - Figuring out the balance of putting in the work to initially start dating vs setting the frame of being chased early on
lemon
2024-10-02 19:34:54 +0000 UTCHolding hands - bf stuff Walking and talking - bf stuff Avoiding asking for BJ - nice guy stuff I’m doing too much bf stuff
babykiller
2024-10-02 18:15:11 +0000 UTCYou want sex from her, are your actions coherent with that goal or are you doing bf stuff?
Owning My Shit
2024-10-02 18:05:03 +0000 UTCI already know I’m afraid of their reactions. Knowing that nobody cares is a step forward in me caring less. If I’m “caught”, then it’s the consequences of my actions. Accept them and not DEER.
Owning My Shit
2024-10-02 18:03:07 +0000 UTCWhy is other peoples behavior your lesson learned? What will you say when you get caught being a bad little boy?
babykiller
2024-10-02 17:53:32 +0000 UTCGiving my injury time to heal, working out around it. Not worried about a progression right now, ill recover then keep going. I’m clear on what I’m doing, have plenty of experience lifting and managing injury. Signed up for an improv class this Friday. This morning an old woman collapsed in front of me omw to work. I carried the old women to the couch in the lobby of my apartment building. I told a girl who happened to be there with me to call an ambulance. I woke her up. She began talking coherently. Watched her and kept her talking until help arrived. I didn’t like that I felt rusty and slow to react from my previous first aid training from lifeguarding. I’m going to find a course to retrain. Work: In my job I report daily manufacturing issues in a standing meeting every morning from the last 24 hours, which includes night shift. My leadership has questioned me too much and I had to say ‘I don’t know yet and I’m collecting data, I have to follow up’ or some variation of that, too many times. It was excuses on my part, DEERing and buying time to solve problems instead of solving them. I was making myself a target for criticism. I changed my schedule to give me more time in the mornings to prepare. I’m not new to this, but I neglect the fundamentals out of spite for the job, stubbornness, or laziness relying on my knowledge to armchair it. I want stability so that I can work on next career step. Dating: I’ve been sick. I didn’t go out at all this week. The grocery store Asian continues to want to see me. She’s come looking for comfort because we had sex ‘so fast’. I deferred her from texting. I told her ‘I think after only knowing each other a few days it’s natural for you to feel this way. I’m happy to talk to you about this in person when you feel like it.’ She asked for my schedule. I think this route was way too much for someone I want to plate and gave boyfriend implications of comfort. All I want from her right now is sex and pleasant company. I’ve historically made shit weird at this point because I try to manage their expectations and feelings to keep them where I want them without overtly ‘making a decision’. I think this was a covert contract ‘if I keep her emotions in check then I don’t have to be available for her, she will be available for me, and my life will be problem free’. It fits the avoidant nice guy persona I was listening to Rian’s WISNIFG summary sitting by a lake when she called and wanted to meet up, she drove to me and we walked around. I wanted to fuck her there in the dark on a dock but I didn’t have a condom. I also noticed I was hesitant to be overtly sexual right there, maybe ‘hiding the badness’ of my sexuality and monitoring the possibility of availability, ‘knowing’ she was looking for comfort. Next time I notice that ill directly tell her I’d love it if she gave me head. I’m going to make it a point to be very direct and open about my desires and see how that goes. She’s being very affectionate, grabbing my hand to hold it often (seems like I’m giving too much validation), seems like she’s angling for a relationship. I’m purposefully not asking her on any dates. If she asks for something I’m just gonna tell her no. I want a second girl now.
babykiller
2024-10-02 17:38:32 +0000 UTCClasses are a waste of time, didn’t want to go ⊶ Did not go ⊶ Felt bad for missing classes + fear of being caught (of judgement/abandonment) ⊶ Nobody noticed ∵ Nobody checks anything and nobody cares. Made a substack with book reviews/summaries/discussions: https://blinkgreatideas.substack.com/?r=4j3ccg&utm_campaign=pub-share-checklist
Owning My Shit
2024-10-02 17:33:48 +0000 UTC
