Patreon, R&P Q&A #291 (FRIDAY, missed day)
Added 2024-10-31 17:38:53 +0000 UTCMy bad fellas. I don't know how but I thought today was Wednesday. I'll delay the cast to Friday at 2PM EST (same time)
Happy Halloween
Comments
Outcome independence and catch/release that developed abundance mindset. Agree and Amplify, which sometimes I get mixed up with amuse mastery. Though I think my response landed more on Cocky Funny.
Validation Junkie
2024-11-01 20:20:56 +0000 UTCI have experience with the adderall and ssri's having the opposite effect. It caused psychosis, and commitment to an institution.
Op Sec
2024-11-01 19:46:05 +0000 UTCI'm not Rian... "Dominant" in what? in the bed room? Are you starting to be the captain? What is a "validation act" ? Here are some resources for you regarding "narcissism" The last psychiatrist - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8lQqTFaFS0 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6xPGriEDIM https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/10/the_story_of_narcissus.html
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 18:01:25 +0000 UTCare you trying to fuck?
Op Sec
2024-11-01 17:54:06 +0000 UTCQuestion- What changes did you make that resulted in statements like this? Outcome independence?
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 17:54:04 +0000 UTCA/A ? - Agree and Amplify? https://theredarchive.com/dictionary/A&A
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 17:49:43 +0000 UTCI had a work trip. I made sure to make the most of it, by talking to every one. Stood up in front of a room of 300 people and laughed away the idea that I need a microphone. This was the top people at the company and it was full of chicks and mostly hot chicks, I guess they really are killing it. So something I noticed about myself. I can talk for hours. Something about that seemed try hard to me, so I started shutting up. Open, talk for a while, and then see if they want to continue the conversation. Less dancing monkey, more screening. Doing all of this for two days straight had put me in a great state for a little bit, but it didn’t last. Wife wanted to talk about something from two weeks ago(previous report). She came to my office saying she wanted me to talk. First she had a different idea of what had happened than I did. Ok, I didn’t care. I used negative inquiry, to figure out what her issue was. The rest of the time was me reflecting her feelings back at her, I said very little. Briefly I tried having a normal conversation, you know both people saying shit, but I didn’t need it and I noticed a change in her demeanor when I did. After all that reflection she thanked me for talking to her(Again I said very little). Said she really needs me to talk, and that she needed that. I patted her head, kissed her forehead and sent her on her way. I kind of knew that women just want their feelings reflected back to them, but I really experienced it. The funniest to me part was how thankful she was that I talked. Then she went on to try to validate my feelings. idk if that has ever happened before, and I was basically thinking how weird that was. Which was the reflection on myself, a couple of years ago, I would have loved that.
Op Sec
2024-11-01 17:47:34 +0000 UTC*Chef's kiss*.
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 17:47:12 +0000 UTC"I ended up getting the new job and accepted. On Friday I informed my current employer of the decision, my boss was conciliatory given the circumstances. He said if it doesn’t work out, I could call him. In a wild twist, I was forwarded an email from a seperate executive at the company who sent out a message to the organization dragging me. He told everyone I just couldn’t cut it so went the easy route and joined up with a competitor instead. Very unprofessional but it says more about him than me. I debated sending them a cease-and-desist letter to protect my reputation but decided against it and will just move on. Time to look forward and start my new job with a clear mind. Thankfully I have a week break before coming aboard. " Nicely Done with the job! ------ "I noticed during the last episode you pointed to my gas station drop off story…there’s someone else who keeps bringing that one up = the wife. I’ve stood my ground in response to her constant calls for an apology. I’m being given ample opportunities to work on the feeling that I am responsible for keeping the peace, should “break the silent treatment”, or my boundaries can be run over. Being tested each day at this point. " Dude it sounds like something that i went through at the beginning. But it will get worse before it gets better. Here is some resources that might be useful for you. 1. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/q8rzv9/replacing_apology_with_appreciation/ 2. https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/never-apologize.202314 ------ "Case in point - 2 days ago, she found a watch I bought in the console of my car. She asked about it via text, it was clearly in an accusatory tone, I just ignored the texts. The moment she walked in the door an explosion kicked off – she angrily asked what it cost, and I laughed it off with some amused mastery. She then asked where it came from, and I simply said: “the mail”. Should have gone with cocky funny to highlight the absurdity of her emotional outburst – then came the yelling, screaming, accusations of me being “shady”, “constantly withholding things”, “lying”. I went with “I’m not going to answer any more of your questions, if you want to speak to me you can act like an adult.” -Good, setting your boundaries and doing something different here. More yelling, but I STFU and ultimately walked out of the room which predictably led to silent treatment. " Its sounds like the dynamics of the relationship is changing a lot. Stay on course. Reason for my approach was to firm up this boundary with some of the things you said in episode #289. Learning that I’ve enabled this behavior and trained her to take this course has really helped me change my mental model. Now I’m just going about daily life, enjoy my kids, smiling, having fun, and recognizing her yelling for what it is, but I do know I need to have the memory of a goldfish and overcome the feeling I will want to punish her when this inevitably blows over. Just be aware of the results that you actions have by ignoring your wife. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTb8uj6x_e0 ------ "Madonna / whore complex example on Halloween...I obviously haven’t been getting laid and she looked good – wore some tight jeans and a revealing sweater showing her mid drift to take the kids around the neighborhood. I had an instinct to make some passive aggressive comment, but decided against it as it would reveal my jealousy and mate guarding = be attractive / don’t be unattractive." This is fucking good, great calibration here. ------ Next step over these coming days is to stay the course and hold firm to my boundaries…especially with both kids having been hit with a bad stomach bug this week. The oldest got it last night so I’m on zero sleep and zero sex. I know I’m going to be tested today and will keep an eye on my desire to blow up while mentally and physically exhausted. Bigger macro issue is this concoction of her newly prescribed SSRI’s, Adderall, and prosecco each night. They are not having the desired zombie effect…instead there are more frequent emotional outbursts, manic episodes, and likely a chemical imbalance that’s bordering on psychosis. Long game on that one, but I have begun the question of whether or not I want to stay here any longer with what is likely ahead. Are you on your way up captain? If you jump ships, will you repeat the same mistakes? Have a think - with this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu8m05yxVfE&t=219s
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 17:42:24 +0000 UTCField Report #20 I was talking to my wife and she made a comment about me and other girls. It had something to do with almost saying some other chicks name. I leaned into it and said “yah it’s hard to keep you all straight, what’s your name again?” I laughed and moved on. I started out months ago using only STFU and feeling uncomfortable when they subject got brought up. Now I have gotten good at using A/A in this situation without feeling guilty, or I am saying something damming. When she says things like; I have to make sure I look my best for you, I got to keep you wanting to stay with me, I got stay in shape so you want to keep fucking me. I take the opportunity to use A/A. Even if it is a simple “yeah, exactly” or “better not stop.” In the beginning I had to fake it to make it, now I don’t have to.
Validation Junkie
2024-11-01 16:12:38 +0000 UTCDear Rian, How do I tell the difference between a narcissistic fantasy of mine and a preference? In one of books or talks you mentioned white high heels or blondes and that the guys didn't care what they looked like so long they had the right hair colour or footware. I've lost a bit of fat, still more to go but it's moving in the right direction. I'm more confident and dominant and getting more sex and it's good. Now if I'm thinking of more kinky stuff, am I looking for validation acts, a narcissitic fantasy or just something I like? How do I know?
P-O-E
2024-11-01 15:53:23 +0000 UTCMy father was tired and asked me to walk the dog. I had time and agreed. It started raining a bit and he changed his mind - now the dog couldn’t go for a walk. I told him I was gonna walk the dog anyway. He started yelling how it was “an order” from him to me not to walk the dog. I broken record that I was gonna walk the dog anyway. He pushed me and I told him “push me again. come on, do it”, totally prepared to fight him, not because of the dog, but because hitting/pushing me is a hard boundary and I won’t start a fight, but I’ll defend myself. My mother came and calmed him down. He managed to make himself the victim, saying how I was gonna hit him (which, if he pushed me again, I was) and my mother tried to manipulate me into apologizing to him - basically asking me to reward his bad behavior. I removed attention and affection and did memory of a goldfish. When he came back from work he didn’t say anything and neither did I and we were cool. -----------------//-----------------//----------------------------- I was at the gym and teased a friend saying the weight he’s pushing is for girls ⊶ there were 2 chicks around (including one that I had approached that day and showed IOIs) and a guy I know heard it and started saying half jokingly how bad it was to say that ⊶ I focused on not DEERing and agreed and amplified “yeah, I should be cancelled after that one” ⊶ after a while he told the girl he was working out with that her weights were “for girls” and I told him jokingly “don’t steal my line!” ⊶ I did a quick memory of a goldfish and acted like nothing had happened (because really, nothing happened) and I knew that if I made it a thing it would become a thing ⊶ no one said anything else about it and we were cool ∵ Something I realized was how much I cared about what the girl I was doing catch and release with thought about it; that was the first thing that crossed my mind: “is she gonna think I’m a retard for making that comment?” ⊶ validation seeking and caring about the judgment of a chick I don’t even care about -----------------//-----------------//----------------------------- Right now I don’t enjoy going to clubs, much more prefer dinners etc. There’s going to be a college party in a week and I go every year, but this year I don’t want to go, so won't. My girl is going and that made me resent her, because I had a covert contract that if I didn’t go, then she wouldn't either. Now, this is no girls’ night out. It’s a party with a friend group that we attend every year, so it’s not a boundary nor a red flag that she’s going - that would be another conversation. But there will be other people, and that also triggers mate retention on my part, which is normal, but not useful, especially since she’s always on best behavior and has never given me any reasons to worry. This is something similar to that FR I wrote a couple months ago about being resentful when she was drinking (in a social way). Because I don’t drink anymore, I expect her not to as well (covert contract). I realized this, shattered that covert contract and acted normal: me moving on from partying and drinking doesn’t mean she will do the same. If she wants, she’ll eventually do it. It doesn’t change anything on my side though. -----------------//-----------------//----------------------------- These last 2 weeks I wasn’t with my girl, so there was more texting. Even though we exchange like 2 texts per day, all of them teasing/nudes she sends me, I felt suffocated by this daily “interaction”. Once I realized this, after replying to one of the photos of her boobs, I said “Now leave me in peace until Saturday”, which is when we’re going to be together again for the weekend. ∵ text is for logistics: even if she was sending me nudes and the teasing was fun in the beginning, and despite the low amount of texts we were sending, this continuous “conversation” doesn’t allow for absence and therefore for the build up of tension and for me wanting to see her again. ∵ it’s one of those situations where it’s important to listen to my feelings and to be honest and tell her to leave me the fuck alone ∵ I wish she would give me the silent treatment ;)
Owning My Shit
2024-11-01 15:03:15 +0000 UTCSilent treatment is the best thing ever. Reading and chilling without her annoying you? I wish my girl did them more. Have you done catch and release?
Owning My Shit
2024-11-01 14:51:06 +0000 UTCI ended up getting the new job and accepted. On Friday I informed my current employer of the decision, my boss was conciliatory given the circumstances. He said if it doesn’t work out, I could call him. In a wild twist, I was forwarded an email from a seperate executive at the company who sent out a message to the organization dragging me. He told everyone I just couldn’t cut it so went the easy route and joined up with a competitor instead. Very unprofessional but it says more about him than me. I debated sending them a cease-and-desist letter to protect my reputation but decided against it and will just move on. Time to look forward and start my new job with a clear mind. Thankfully I have a week break before coming aboard. I noticed during the last episode you pointed to my gas station drop off story…there’s someone else who keeps bringing that one up = the wife. I’ve stood my ground in response to her constant calls for an apology. I’m being given ample opportunities to work on the feeling that I am responsible for keeping the peace, should “break the silent treatment”, or my boundaries can be run over. Being tested each day at this point. Case in point - 2 days ago, she found a watch I bought in the console of my car. She asked about it via text, it was clearly in an accusatory tone, I just ignored the texts. The moment she walked in the door an explosion kicked off – she angrily asked what it cost, and I laughed it off with some amused mastery. She then asked where it came from, and I simply said: “the mail”. Should have gone with cocky funny to highlight the absurdity of her emotional outburst – then came the yelling, screaming, accusations of me being “shady”, “constantly withholding things”, “lying”. I went with “I’m not going to answer any more of your questions, if you want to speak to me you can act like an adult.” More yelling, but I STFU and ultimately walked out of the room which predictably led to silent treatment. Reason for my approach was to firm up this boundary with some of the things you said in episode #289. Learning that I’ve enabled this behavior and trained her to take this course has really helped me change my mental model. Now I’m just going about daily life, enjoy my kids, smiling, having fun, and recognizing her yelling for what it is, but I do know I need to have the memory of a goldfish and overcome the feeling I will want to punish her when this inevitably blows over. Madonna / whore complex example on Halloween...I obviously haven’t been getting laid and she looked good – wore some tight jeans and a revealing sweater showing her mid drift to take the kids around the neighborhood. I had an instinct to make some passive aggressive comment, but decided against it as it would reveal my jealousy and mate guarding = be attractive / don’t be unattractive. Next step over these coming days is to stay the course and hold firm to my boundaries…especially with both kids having been hit with a bad stomach bug this week. The oldest got it last night so I’m on zero sleep and zero sex. I know I’m going to be tested today and will keep an eye on my desire to blow up while mentally and physically exhausted. Bigger macro issue is this concoction of her newly prescribed SSRI’s, Adderall, and prosecco each night. They are not having the desired zombie effect…instead there are more frequent emotional outbursts, manic episodes, and likely a chemical imbalance that’s bordering on psychosis. Long game on that one, but I have begun the question of whether or not I want to stay here any longer with what is likely ahead.
RUIN
2024-11-01 14:16:33 +0000 UTCFair!
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 13:31:00 +0000 UTCWhat you are doing is trying to fix her instead of fixing yourself. It's not your job to fix her. You're lack of sex isn't her problem, it's yours. > Am I willing to leave my misses If worse comes to worse: Yes, How bad does it have to get? I was ready for divorce when I didn't get for a week. You have low standards. > Do I run away from conflicts: Yes, it makes me anxious of some people’s negative emotions. Good, you don't need that shit. You don't have to engage. My wife starts being unpleasant, I'm doing something else. Why should anyone get attention from being unpleasant. Are you trying to reinforce unpleasantness. Instead of acting, you are talking. "I don't like this, I don't like that", nobody gives a shit. Cars stop for the pedestrian holding a brick. So what that your heart rate rises when you argue with a girl. Feelings are stupid. They do that shit. You don't have to act on them, or have to find a way to handle them for yourself. Leaving is a good option. Fuck it call her a cunt, out loud and storm off. It would be better than the pussy shit you are doing.
Op Sec
2024-11-01 12:36:58 +0000 UTCPart 2 - I was going to edit my field report so I thought I would just add a part 2. My Holiday – Context It was my first time traveling to my father’s birth country in west africa and finding about his history and meeting his family and my grandma since he passed away when I was 7. It was intense. I experienced all types of emotions during this trip. Perhaps this is what made me emotionally unbalanced. ----- Sex and attraction This Thursday I open my mouth and said some of these unattractive traits - “Hey, we have not had sex for the past 1.5 month”, - “I miss feeling desired and wanted by you. Other people in my previous relationships made me feel wanted, desired and they initiated sex more”. Surprise, surprise, it didn’t go well. I can see why STFU is such a useful tool. - “I would love her to just give me a blow job out of the blue” Can I fix this? Yes? How? Being more intimate. Showers together, morning walks? Dinners together? Sleeping naked and grabbing one boob for comfort to help me go to sleep. Lool ----- Attraction: I have lost a little of attraction for my misses. I think her ass has gotten flatter and she has lost a lot of weight since her tooth started hurting her. Can I fix this? Yes? How – Tell her to eat more, soups, shakes and smoothies? I apologised for her feeling like I undermined her during arguments and making her feel dumb at times. I thought this was what she wanted to hear and regret apologising. When I expressed to her Me – I really don’t like when you brought up our argument to your dad and started yapping away. Her- I know you don’t like that stuff, I did it because I wanted someone else to hear me out. I was upset that’s why I did it. I knew it would make you upset. But I should have not done it. Me- You never take accountability for anything you have done. (I wanted to say, why aren’t you saying "sorry" or taking accountability for crushing my feeling and stepping over my boundary.) Her – I have. To me, hearing this was a light bulb moment. This girl literally just used the fogging technique on me. This made me realise that she is way more verbally assertive and aggressive than me and she will crush me verbally each time and knows how to get on my skin). It genuinely feels like I am writing my first field report here. Lool. I have a lot of work to do. I cannot get into a marriage or into another relationship with this weak frame, it will not end well. I just had a weak frame that got shattered after my holiday. This makes me wonder if I have been pretending to be someone that I am not this whole time. Am I willing to leave my misses If worse comes to worse: Yes, Am I scared of doing it or losing her? Yes Have I attempt to do it before? Yes, x3, x4 When does this happen? during arguments. Then fix the arguments and see how it goes? How? Dont be a victim all the time. Stop being defensive constant. Dont treat your misses like your arch enemy. Not trying to win an argument. Question. I just don’t apply it in these situations well enough. Any tips here Can I get other girls? Yes, I have old day game, best in my social circle. I have no approach anxiety. Having lived in London, Meeting Yad, Andy Yosha, Johny really helped me out this. Marcus from “yourcharismacoach”. I know how to use all these tools. I have these skills locked down. I use these when I want to be charming, attractive. I must say it sometimes feel like a facade, like am pretending to be someone else, even though I enjoy approaching woman for fun. Question – what skill set I can borrow from my day game experience that will help me with my assertiveness during argument, specifically? Is there a boot camp, a men’s group for “When I say no I feel guilty” ? At this point, I don’t know of any other option but to practise using Chat GPT pro voice conversation to practise these tools and technique. During the past two weeks I also noticed that every time I argue with my misses. My heart rate and stress levels go up on my Garmin watch. Last night (Thursday) when I was having dinner, after writing my field report part 1, my fiancée and her mother were having a bit of a disagreement and once again my garmin device notified that my stress levels were going up. Do I run away from conflicts: Yes, it makes me anxious of some people’s negative emotions. I honestly think my two weeks holiday without experiencing any conflict or confrontation made me put my guard down and mask off. I have not truly adopted the mental model, and the skill sets to handle these day-to-day life events. I can defend myself, I can fight well with my MMA experience, but not verbally. Have I read when I say no I feel guilty. Yes How many times- x2 Did I understand it and the mental model? Some of it I really thought that things were sticking, and I was making some progress with being more assertive, being more attractive. After coming back from a two lovely two weeks holiday made me go back to my old ways. To me this is an indicator that things are not sticking like the way I thought. Did I take my feet or the peddle. Its seems like I get true reflection and calibrate when I write a field report. Question- is this something to keep doing until things stick.
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 12:26:55 +0000 UTCBusiness ----------------- Not much to comment to make with the business side. But yes you are right when it comes to making money, us men/humans need to have our best interest at heart and of course you need to rely on yourself. Who else can you rely on? Don't feel sorry for yourself or depend on others financially. " Red Meat ----------------- "Course she bristles at that replying with she doesn't get to be sick when the kids are"..... I - just read this as: "when the kids are sick someone (we) have to take care of them. You walking away from the house doesn't show that care that much about your own kids to her. Perhaps a better option would have been, before you left the House, make a concrete plan of actions and instruct how to best execute it "........and I just tell her if she gets sick let me know and I'll come back to the house and take care of everyone" - sounds a bit passive/aggressive here.".... "and then I go to the cabin that evening". - I guess you did set and communicate a boundary here. " "She showed up at the cabin later to bring me a 7up and tylenol. ". - Was this what you wanted at the end? did you expect this behaviour ? Did you reward this behaviour. "Felt better today and got back to work"- did you reward this behaviour so she doesn't treat you like shit next time? Over you set a boundary and it paid off. - Keep it up. "Noticing I'm considering my attractiveness when around wife in general. Can begin to see why I might be a turnoff when discussing issues that agitate me so I'm calibrating my behaviour such as being sick, instead of getting angry at being sick and cussing it I just say maybe it'll be quick and I'll be fine in a day." Dude - There is nothing wrong with being sick for a short period of time. Stop beating yourself about it and thinking you a less attractive for "whining" about being sick. It's human. I would advise you not to adopt this mental model. "Whining" when you are in a hospital could be the difference between life and death. What's not attractive is "whining" about it for too long or for no reason and constantly being or victim and looking for sympathy. "Or if someone does something that is annoying (that wife and I discuss) I just say that's just them being them." - This is being passive and letting life happen to you. If and when you can something about peoples behaviour that you like or don't then do so assertively. "In life if I'm faced with it I deal with it more directly" - This statement here is contradictory to what you just previously said. "but it does no good to fly off the handle over it in a discussion with the wife." - tick, correct
Cocky_funny
2024-11-01 09:45:29 +0000 UTCDon’t tell her “it’s unacceptable” to treat you bad when you’re down. She isn’t stupid, she knows that. Girls always kick you when you’re down. Use that to hate her a little bit and enforce a boundary or simply say “I’ll remember this”.
Owning My Shit
2024-11-01 08:30:14 +0000 UTCBeen thinking about a new business venture for a couple years, insurance. Been considering it for awhile as past experience has taught me to rely on myself for certain financial goals and one of them is retirement. Had lunch with a friend who is an insurance man and discussed getting started in a certain commercial insurance avenue that I have experience in. I would of course wind down my side business, which I already have some, and concentrate on this more while keeping the ranch a priority. The ranch is family owned (in-laws) but I am a minority shareholder in. Meeting resulted in me deciding to begin studying to become licensed in the state. I am pursuing this to become more independent financially overall no matter what happens in my life as I've always strived for independence but have found myself relying on others where it was convenient in business. Shipping went well last week, calves topped the market moneywise as I brokered a decent sale earlier this summer and moving on to year end purchasing equipment/assets for the year. Got sick the other day (kids have been dropping like flies from same bug) so told wife I was going to spend night at the cabin cause of it. She asks why and I tell her it's because of how she acts when I get sick. She treats me like shit when I'm down and out and I tell her it is unacceptable. Course she bristles at that replying with she doesn't get to be sick when the kids are and I just tell her if she gets sick let me know and I'll come back to the house and take care of everyone and then I go to the cabin that evening. She showed up at the cabin later to bring me a 7up and tylenol. Felt better today and got back to work. Took kids trick or treating tonight with wife and she was being flirty and kind. Noticing I'm considering my attractiveness when around wife in general. Can begin to see why I might be a turnoff when discussing issues that agitate me so I'm calibrating my behavior such as being sick, instead of getting angry at being sick and cussing it I just say maybe it'll be quick and I'll be fine in a day. Or if someone does something that is annoying (that wife and I discuss) I just say that's just them being them. In life if I'm faced with it I deal with it more directly but it does no good to fly off the handle over it in a discussion with the wife.
Joker43
2024-11-01 05:11:49 +0000 UTCJust applying my past experience with old gf's here. If things are getting this difficult at this point before being married then marriage isn't looking like a good prospect unless there is a drastic turnaround. Not trying to say next your fiancee but you are right, you have a bit of work to do on yourself mentally/emotionally. Arguing every day: you are not dealing with your life/her on your own terms. Also, she is making you defensive. If you think you are improving and making the progress you want to achieve then why argue? Just say you don't see it that way and walk off, come back later and act as if nothing happened.
Joker43
2024-11-01 04:36:09 +0000 UTCGot it with the subreddit. If I was being honest I'm tired of the anxiousness argument cause. I need to work on this first.
Cocky_funny
2024-10-31 23:05:37 +0000 UTCThe subreddit is full of retards. If you’re so tired of your girl, why don’t your actions show it?
Owning My Shit
2024-10-31 19:08:50 +0000 UTCOYS # 1 (i have joined the MRP reddit and i have posted the same thing . Is this a good idea or not) Field report 25 - (terrex) Health - Food – I am slowly cutting down carbs - Gym – Numbers are getting a bit lower as I was drinking and partying a lot during my holiday. Bench – (-10kg)80KG Squat – 80kg(-30KG), Deadlift – 150(-50kg) – Weight – 93kg - MMA – Four sessions a week (BJJ, Kick/boxing) - Sleep – 7.5hrs on average - Sex life – 0(Yes, I mean zero) for the past month. Compared to x1-x3 a week) - LRT- 6 years Engaged no kids - Material – NMMNG (Read x8) – Exercise’s done it x2. When I say no (X2) I have gone back to some of my unattractive ways. I have not used any of the assertive tools this whole month. Assertiveness is something does not seem to be sticking with me. I need to find a way of practising my assertiveness skills and tools more. I need more reps. I have been practising difficult scenario with chat GPT and google Gimini. What has changed I have written a field report in about 2 months now (Sep and October) During the month of Sep things were going well. Sex life was alright, and we got along was pleasant to be around each other. The night before I went on holiday, I initiated to have sex, and I got rejected. In October I was away for 2 weeks on holiday with my brother and mother. I enjoyed myself thoroughly by spending some quality time them. I was happy and relaxed. Given the fact that my younger brother and I are from England and in a third world country meant that pulling girls was fucking easy. For all the girls that I approached, I assumed that they were attracted to me. I found pulling girls easy, kiss close, number close, and women were often saying let’s go back home together. I didn’t take up on any of the f’ close offers. Some of them wanted my money including prostitutes. If my brother was not there, I would have taken the offers. I guess this is me hiding my badness to a degree. When I was on holiday, I didn’t call and avoided my fiancée much. The arguments give me anxiety and I think I have got some real work to do here. I am scarred of my fiancée’s negative emotions. When I came back from holiday, I was expected to receive a birthday card and present. I am big birthday person, and I know that my fiancée knows that. For the past 2 weeks I have resulted to arguing with my fiancée almost every single day. I seem to have forgotten and not internalised all the mental models that I have been trying to adopt for the past 2 years. I’m having old thoughts like “Fuck this girl, “I can’t be bothered to argue”, “why won’t she just give it a rest” and currently I find my fiancée’s attitude unpleased and distasteful. I have noticed that I have become more defensive with everything that my fiancée says, and I am constantly shit tested. We have not had sex for nearly a month and a half now. I find myself running avoid her and walking away in the middle of arguments. Open reading this field report last night I realised that I am physically stronger, but not emotionally or mentally. Decisions to do after writing this - How to deals with people/ fiancée negative emotions. - Don’t be unattractive - Re-read- When I say no I feel guilty.
Cocky_funny
2024-10-31 18:57:42 +0000 UTC
