Patreon, R&P Q&A #293
Added 2024-11-13 22:11:31 +0000 UTC
Comments
Excellent example of frame and calling bluffs. It feels like your wife wanted you to beg/try to win her over to come to the film festival. When you didn't and she saw she missed out, she understood she fucked up. Both a really cool thing to do - making a horror film and demonstrating high value behavior
lemon
2024-11-18 19:42:35 +0000 UTCOp sec dropping gems! š.
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 18:40:03 +0000 UTCwho would you have voted if you could? your mama no seriously ok you got me, your papa come on now. Trump (better to be decisive, none of this, it's a tough choice vagina shit) you don't care about women's right or minorities. Fuck Indians seriously you don't care about women Nope. your terrible. yup. then show her just how terrible you are.
Op Sec
2024-11-14 18:31:11 +0000 UTCHey Rian, field report here. I continue on the path of running OODA loops faster and faster to guide my actions with the girl (and with people in general, it's extremely useful in life in general I'm finding). But specifically for the girl, in my estimation, I'm going from mostly running OODAs too slowly in most situations, to about half the time. An example recently: It's shark week now, and last week she was PMSing. However, despite how it was before when I wasn't holding my frame at all, now shesā¦ keeping it together. Idunno if you remember but a few months back during her period she kept baiting me into having big blowout fights that I didn't want to have but I allowed to have. These days this happens not as much, and whatever shit she sends my way its small. An example: Last week as her period started, she sent me a picture of one of my necklaces that she pretty much appropriated for her own, around her thigh. For context, I'm a burly, if a bit thicc, and she's a slender and short woman. My neck is as thick as her thigh. I texted back "hell yeah, my neck is thick as hell" and she somehow took that to mean that I was calling her fat, and started blowing up my phone with texts that I didn't read. I was able to catch this in time and I just texted her "look, that wasn't meant as a put down for you, it was meant as a compliment for me. I'm not having this argument with you. See you later today." and all she replied was with "okay." Then she comes over my place and, memory of a goldfish. She sucks me off, and then when we're cuddling, she starts telling me how thankful she is that I can help her with her emotions especially when she's on her period. I'd say itās a small win for me. And these situations are largely replacing the big blowouts that I used to have. In short, I'm having stable, if slow, progress. I do have one situation that I don't know how to resolve. We both like to watch porn, but since we started dating, we don't watch as much. She's been wanting to watch porn with me. Her own initiative. I'm all for it. We will sometimes just pull up the laptop and either ill put something that I like or she will put on something she likes. We then start to fool around and she's either sucking me or im fingering her and she's stroking me. At one point she said she doesn't like looking at other men's dicks and only wants to look at mine. So I asked "what about lesbian porn? She said she enjoys it and can get off on it, but is not a lesbian. Ok, so we start looking at lesbian videos together. While we watch, she sucks me or I will finger her and she strokes me. Eventually though, she'll get pissed off and claims that she's feeling super jealous cause I'm enjoying the women in the movie (well duh) and her mood is soured. We've had like 3 or 4 episodes like this. I'd like to enjoy this activity with her, but I'm at a loss to how to approach it. It may be that she just can't handle me looking at other women, and I guess that would be fine. I'm just wondering what other guys have done in this situation. Also, I'm wondering if she's bisexual at some level. I'll be honest, I certainly hope so, because I would love to see if I can leverage that into a threesome. I am starting to have suspicions that she is bisexual, at least a bit. It's clear she likes men. She fucks enthusiastically, has never turned me down, and will do the kinky things I enjoy without complaint. The reason I think she may be bisexual is because of, well, what I described with the porn AND I know that she watches lesbian porn on her own time sometimes. She's even shared how one time her former roommate caught her watching lesbian porn on accident. I asked her to show me the video and it was some hardcore lesbian porn (it was very good too). She's even shared some videos she likes. All lesbian porn. But all just two women, never more than two. Idunno man, what would you advise given the situation with watching porn with her? Also, do you think I could pull a threesome with her or am I just wanting to see what I want to see? I know I'm making a mistake somewhere but I'm too inexperienced in this angle to see what it is. Cheers.
Diego Verga
2024-11-14 18:30:09 +0000 UTCYes I realized I entered her frame as I started explaining myself. I'm not sure if I should've stopped explaining myself or pivoted to cocky-funny/agree-&-amplify in-between my defense
Ban Mido
2024-11-14 18:28:36 +0000 UTCI would have treated this as a shit test. When you explained yourself you lost. You entered her frame. You failed to say ānoā because you felt guiltyā¦ Better to handle this with cfā¦ a and aā¦. Or just tell her you donāt talk politics with tds chicks and stfu. Ex: āI voted 18 times for Kamalaā¦ hail Kamala! Hail the uteriāsā. āI will tell you. But first you need toā¦ā. Never tell her.. āI was not happy with your performanceā¦ā.
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 18:22:07 +0000 UTC* The indian girl asked me who would I have voted for if I could (I can't vote in US elections but she decided to shit test me). Told her it's a tough choice but probably Trump. She then kept pestering me why I would vote for him and kept accusing me of not caring about women's rights or minorities. I initially joked that if the bad orange man attacks her I'll defend her but she brought it up again later in the evening. I ended up being on the defensive and had to assuage her fears that the US system has lot's of checks and balances that it won't be easy for him to pass abortion bans, etc. I'm glad I've come to a point where I can recognize navel-gazing from actual problems to fix. Told her to focus on her immediate problems in life instead of worrying about hypotheticals in the future
Ban Mido
2024-11-14 17:57:55 +0000 UTCFR 31 I got feature on my favourite Facebook group again a few weeks ago. I honestly think my ex girlfriend made the post, it definitely got a lot more comments this time, but I didnāt read them; Iāve finally accepted the fact that itās just part of the game now and out of my control. I had a few first dates planned that week who cancelled and a young plate that I had for about a month dropped off. She said there wasnāt chemistry, but it was obvious she saw the post. I said, ātake careā and moved on, it was actually freeing to quickly move on for once. With the ex girlfriend plate dropping off, Rian I didnāt go back like you saidā¦ because I already did exactly what you said in August. She didnāt want anything to do with me, and I made a fun bet with myself to see if I could plate her up again, which I did, but you were right, once I got there I was like, āwhy did I do this again?ā Iāve been very consistent in the gym. The recomp/lean bulk has been very difficult as every time in the past that I hit the gym hard Iām usually trying to cut. This time is different Iām focusing on getting calories in and getting more sleep. Iām seeing gains, but Iām super tired during the day and I hate being/feeling chubby. Iām down to just having the one long term plate (hot blonde) and Iām fine with that. She saw the recent FB post and it made her sad, but sheās still putting in so much effort, (cooking meals, changing work schedules to see me, etc) and wants to be exclusive. Iāve still been dating a lot but theyāre mostly duds. I fucked a slump buster from out of town in her hotel room last week, and part of me was like, āwhy didnāt you just fuck your hot blonde plate?ā I like the chase and I like something different once in a while, but itās starting to get old. I like the blonde plate (technically an FWB, I moved her to a level 2 in the summer), we go on hikes every second weekend when I donāt have my kids, see each other at least once during the week, and she doesnāt cause me any drama. I know I canāt drag her on forever (itās already been 7 months) and Iām starting to ask myself why not move her to a level 3, at least through the winter while I focus on the gym, then I can decide if I want to party next summer again.
ErikTheRed
2024-11-14 17:47:12 +0000 UTCIf you are here to āsave your marriageā. You will fail. We are here to build a fun bus (the man your wife was attracted to.). If she wants back on board the ltr will continue. Otherwise the fun bus moves on. No dramaā¦ Ops quote: āi am getting myself ready to leave her. ā. I would not frame it that way. It is still a function of her. I would say: āI live life by my terms. Welcome aboard or so kindly see yourself to the door.ā But op sec is not wrong. Tomato tomoto
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 16:23:41 +0000 UTCāā¦ it was a total non event in my lifeā. Feels like you have pushed the Overton window to narcissism. (In a good way). No more fake it till you make itā¦. You are it. Like saying: bitch, I have a life. What is this so called drama you speak of? š
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 16:13:24 +0000 UTCAgreed. It probably will end. And I need to accept that. Not many guys in LTR save their marriages once they discover the red pill. I have noticed the vast majority of Nice guy coaches have been divorced and then woke up. Their are not many guys that I am aware of that turned the relationship dynamic around
Back2Basics
2024-11-14 16:13:20 +0000 UTCDEERing is a bad habit I have. I always catch myself doing it.
Back2Basics
2024-11-14 16:08:35 +0000 UTCSo Iām in my office, working. Wife comes in. her: āIām sorry I was so snappy with youā me: āYou were?ā hug, kiss, pat on the head I have an idea, of what prompted this, but it was a total non event in my life. She asked me which shoes to wear. I told her. She wanted to know why. idk. She wanted more, no. I think she said more stuff, but I left for a coffee shop. Iāve made it a point to leave the house and go to a coffee shop at least once a week. I enjoy it, and thereās some dread in it.
Op Sec
2024-11-14 16:03:28 +0000 UTCI do remember a guy with 3 kids. š¤·āāļø maybe it was you. I would never read her journal again. Even tell her:āI found your journal on accident. I did not read itā¦ you should find a new hiding place.ā Not a moralizing comment of being good or bad. I would not read it because they are drops of tears in the ocean. Who caresā¦. Build your fun bus and she can get on board or not. No journal espionage needed. There is a lot of deering in your diolog. Ex: āI am feeling great,busy at work chat later if you wantā. Better: no respons at all. Later.. her: ā did you get my textā. You: no. ā¦ then check it and do the conversation in person. Another note: when she says she is exhausted. She might be correct. Rian might say: ā is she right?ā 3 kids at those ages are exhausting. So how can you steer the ship to correct that? (If you think she is correct). Ideas: Hire a. Maid.. ā¦ā¦ā¦ get her away from kids for a little bit (part time jobā¦).
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 16:01:44 +0000 UTCcalling her out is a type of validation seeking. focus on ignoring the tone. Herā are you taking our son to soccer training nowā Me āyeahā (ignore the tone) Her ā what about dinner will I get something on?ā Me ā yeah that would be greatā (this was good) Herā so Iām at home all day and you want me to cook now Iām wreckedā Me āyeah, that would be greatā (broken record would have been better) Herā I can handle it but I never get a break around herā My Son ā but dad always cooks mumā (give your son a high five) Herā just get out the two of youā (lol) Meā Iām okay for food just cook for you and the kids I had a dinner at workā (not necessary, or maybe this was just logistics) Her ā at least your feed Iāll take care of the kids soā Me: STFU always let her have the last word, it is validation seeking behavior to want the last word. The person who says the last thing is lower status. She's not the best or even close, you aren't feeling it, but trying to manipulate. ignore the text. at most reply with "k" > Running dread is really my last attempt to see if she is invested in the marriage and itās not my job to keep fixing it and instead I just need to detach from her and act as if she is dead. no, no no. The attitude should be. I'm getting myself ready to leave her.
Op Sec
2024-11-14 15:47:37 +0000 UTCI did some negative inquiry. There was more. She gets blank faced and tries a different angle. It is easy to spot and change my position. After I told her my position and she wanted to do the manipulation dance I did fog. And broken record. Basically: these are the factsā¦ (repeat) .. these are the factsā¦. N inquiry: are these the facts.. am I wrong. (Your example is well worded. But I did have to step back often and directly say: your mind is made up. Why are we talking? ā¦ Stuff like that. Ty
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 15:20:04 +0000 UTCI thought it came off as agree and amplify. I simplified the conversation in my writing. Basically I was having fun with it and her. And she laughed (and lurked my ig more, lol). ā¦. But I see your point. Could be stronger to go simple and a straight definition. āThey are girls with big boobs that the ācameraā loves.ā š
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 15:12:38 +0000 UTCOkay nice, stuff seems more streamlined here. Thanks for the notes I'll implement these things.
Aqua
2024-11-14 14:06:47 +0000 UTCāYou canāt make a good horror film without t and aā. You know thatās a DEER, right? Own it, (and sometimes I have trouble with this too). āWho were those girls?ā, āhot chicksā.
Op Sec
2024-11-14 13:43:41 +0000 UTCāThis is not a conversation, you have your mind made upā Instead of deering, āyupā. Look sometimes they want to know you can still be an asshole. Maybe she wanted to talk logistics of the lease, but I donāt have any reason to think that. You could always do negative inquiry to sus that out. āDo you need me to show you the math on why it is a bad idea?ā Usually when asking something like that, I get a ānoā. They know.
Op Sec
2024-11-14 13:40:50 +0000 UTCI need to Be okay Being an Asshole. I was here last year and posted regularly, but to be honest, I was just using the space as a confessional box to get validation but didnāt apply the tools. Fitness, clothes and chatting with other woman arenāt an issue. Iām 45 and I think I could pull a 30 year old woman in the morning. Woman are giving sex away now. Iām married wife 43, 3 kids 11,9,3. My wives tits are sagging, her looks are going and she blames me and kids for her being tired and exhausted all the time which I am sick of listening too. You said it last year my issue was tolerating shitty behaviour and rewarding it and not setting boundaries. So for the last month I have being calling her out on her shit and the shit tests are non stop. I am just prioritising myself and I am being called an asshole a lot, which I laugh at now and I would usually get defensive. She tries to start fights in front of the kids so she can switch on the tears and get them to sooth her but I donāt engage and walk away. I am spotting manipulation very quickly now. Herā are you taking our son to soccer training nowā Meā yeah like I do every Tuesdayā Her ā what about dinner will I get something on?ā Me ā yeah that would be greatā Herā so Iām at home all day and you want me to cook now Iām wreckedā Meā if you canāt handle it Iāll cook when Iām back, it wonāt be an issue for meā Herā I can handle it but I never get a break around herā My Son ā but dad always cooks mumā Herā just get out the two of youā Meā Iām okay for food just cook for you and the kids I had a dinner at workā Her ā at least your feed Iāll take care of the kids soā Me ā thanks your the bestā Came home to the silent treatment so put the kids down to bed and jumped on Xbox and ignored her. She is texted me today saying she doesnāt like my attitude and wants to know whatās going on. I nearly started to DEER but just replied āI am feeling great,busy at work chat later if you wantā I need to stick with the process in your book and get out of her frame and kill the covert shit and I think posting here weekly will keep me on track as I donāt even see the covert contract at this stage. I found a diary of hers last months which kind of knocked the wife goggles off and I was tempted to show her but there is no point. It basically reinforced that my retarded Metal model of setting myself on fire to keep her warm would get my need meet me was a Load of shit. Running dread is really my last attempt to see if she is invested in the marriage and itās not my job to keep fixing it and instead I just need to detach from her and act as if she is dead.
Back2Basics
2024-11-14 13:31:08 +0000 UTC67 b planning a trip. Beach hillbilly (new) wrote about a common nice guy pattern. It reminded me of my past and where I have come to. This fn is for me, but for him aswell. I made a plan to go to a film festival that I was in. I asked my wife: ā I am going to thisā¦ do you want to come?ā She hemmed and hodded. Me: ājust let me knowā as I backed into my man cave of coolness And closed the door before she could finish her gasping. Festival date comes up and I am gone. I get a text from her: āwhere are you?ā Me 2 hours later: āat a film festival with my team. Be home late tonight.ā I post a few photos on my ig. Just happens she lurks. š ā¦red carpet, 12 of us, a nice looking group with some key hotties placed throughout. āYou canāt make a good horror film without t and a. ā I told her when we shot the film earlier that month. āNot my fault:Its in the horror genre rules.ā Of course I am in the center of the red carpet photo..ā- writer, director, producer. (What a narcissist I am) Somebody was well behaved when I got home. Main point: i am driving the fun bus and she is welcome to join. No deering, asking for permissionā¦
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 07:08:18 +0000 UTCI wrote a second field note for you. (And me) It is aboveā¦
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 07:07:32 +0000 UTCWelcome. my comments are common for new people: Note: we write comments to teach ourselves. Learn what ooda loops are. Write past tense only. You are operating in others (your wifeās frame). Ex: ā-ā My biggest issue with my wife is her weight and her lack of redeeming qualities, although she is experimenting with medicine for the formerā ā- Change: I allow a fat bitch to hang around in my life. . Getting her on ozempic. Building dread. Moving on if no change. Your Goals are vague. Some navel gazing, crying and future tense writing. The only field note here is about the old lady hitting on you. Here is a link to great verbal escalation: Tod v dating on yt has a playlist called verbal escalation. What you call āescalating like a manā needs to be broken down to specific parts: https://youtu.be/o_k55geMKkU?si=dhsV8IN2iOMupa-N If the link does not work search: tod v dating- Todās super simple flirting method. Basics. 1: general comment. Cool dog. 2. You statement: you look like a dog person. 3. We statement: I am a cat guy. We would never get along. Memorize the steps and practice. Customize. Then you will āescalate like a manā. š
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 06:35:46 +0000 UTC67 Mom and pop business I work with my wife: We have to make a big decision. We need to open a location. She found a brick and mortar location she liked. Came home and tried to sell it to me. My spider senses told me better. I did some homework, wrote down my thoughts. I was going to email them to her. Basically take it or leave it. But I decided to talk with her. Of course I was cut off mid sentence, tears flowed and I was attacked for being dead weight. I observed manipulationā¦ oodaā¦. stopped her. And said: āThis is not a conversation. You have your mind made up. So why are we talking? ā And: āyou signed the last lease without me so go do what youāre going to do. (I refused to sign it and it was and still is a money drain) I warned her: if this goes south we need to sell some property fast. I also explained our strategy in the past and why her departure from it is not needed. That She is moving to many chips inā¦ to high stakes.- and changing our business model!!!? Was responded with Tears and manipulation. After she consorted her friends, real estate people, the future manager we hiredā¦ they all agreed with me. (But did not want to confront her before) She went out with her friend for dinner. Came back and had changed her mindā¦ and was happy. Me: ā you look like you are feeling betterā¦ you get your shit together. Nice.ā She laughed and thanked me for telling her straightā¦ and apologized. (Subtext: I may be health handicapped but she is a blubbering shit show that canāt do math) Me: ā okā (gold fish) Point: Canāt be afraid of wife My frame: take it leave it. I am not going to debate you, fightā¦ cryā¦ deer about healthā¦ This fn describes how to deer without deering. Meaning: we had to have a conversation with a conclusion. I had to explain, describeā¦ Directly communicate. I did it in a take it or leave it maner. I refused to accept her frame and deer regarding the throw up coming out of her mouth.
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 06:11:19 +0000 UTCHey Rian, been following you for a year love your stuff. I've been posting on MRP for a while now and want to speed up my process by posting here as well. Going to give mostly background info with some recent info. Read: WISNIFG, MMSLP, TRM, NNMNG, Dread1-3, PFPFTPM, Book of Pook, Day Bang Stats: Age 25, 5'11", 160.6 lb., 13.7% Bf, Married for 3 years with two boys (4 and 1) 1RM: Bench 255 , Squat 275, DL 315, OHP 135 Bear mode: 2 day full body split routine. Looking to put on as much mass as possible. Average Daily Calorie Target - 3882 Kcal Daily Protein Target - increased to 300g Top Sets: BP: 210x7, SQUAT: 225x7, DL: 250x5, OHP: 105x6 Adding 5 lbs. if 7+(6+ on OHP) reps on Top Set School/Work: Still working 60-65 hours between both jobs. 3 classes, Week 3/8, All A's. Graduating with bachelor's degree in the spring. Looking to make more money after that. Finances: Starting to realize I'm not gonna be making quick progress on saving and paying off debts anytime soon so I'm better off making baby steps towards these goals rather than try and bite off more than I can chew followed by backsliding. That and being consistent and disciplined with my Budgeting. Social/Game: Still making small talk with strangers while out and about. I never have any trouble holding conversations with women but I can't push past the resistance to escalate the situation like a man. Cut out a bad habit that was providing me with unearned validation. This put me in a social rut for a few days. I was my normal self after that, though. Better, even. Older lady chatted me up at the gas station the other day. She wasn't much to look at, but I could tell she was into me. I should have escalated anyway. If I can't knock those easy situations out of the park, then what chance do I have someone who I'm attracted to? Relationships: My biggest issue with my wife is her weight and her lack of redeeming qualities, although she is experimenting with medicine for the former. I keep blaming my wife for things that I should be handling. Need to keep reminding myself to STFU and pretend she's dead. I've been letting my emotions run loose lately as well. Don't know what the cause is, but I'm learning that I need to harness these emotions into something productive or else I'll just end up rambo-ing. Misc.: It seems like the more progress I make, the more work there is to be done. A part of me finds it depressing at times, but it is what it is. Nobody said this shit was going to be easy anyway. The best I can do is optimize and automate things that are important to me to the best of my ability, so I'm going to focus on that.
Aqua
2024-11-14 05:50:21 +0000 UTCFixing the name and pic was an easy fix! Also, I did not see the covert contract until pointed out. I have done the reading, suck at applying. Thanks for the feedback
Beach Hillbilly
2024-11-14 04:12:54 +0000 UTCBro, Are you the guy who fucks? Or her friend. If friend: then why does it bug you: call her on her bulshit and call her a cum dumpster. (Thatās what her gay friend would do). In this situation (obviously you want to f her): If it comes up. Leave. Immediatelyā¦ go source new chicks. Delete her number. Abundanceā¦. Another note: realize when girls do this shrink , gossip, boy talk: You are in their frame. That is how women relate. - basic bitch 101 gossip stuff. I am around women oftenā¦ my wifeās clucking groups. These are platonic relationships: my go to: Women: Billy is hotā¦ what do you think about himā¦. Me: could I take him in a fight?! Then ramble. : I got good ground game. (I just flipped the frame) Come here: let me show you the headlock I would put him inā¦ (put her in a headlockā¦). Or hand lockā¦ whateverā¦
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 04:12:06 +0000 UTCAgree with all of op sec: Trips: I plan trips, for myself. And often my child. And friendsā¦. If she wants to join then great. I am going and having a good time. This would extend to planning your weekly calendarā¦.and Your day. āI will check with you firstā. Never say that again in your entire life! Read no more me nice guy. Asap.
Cousin Eddie
2024-11-14 04:03:58 +0000 UTCAre you fucking this girl? Are you fucking other girls? Why is she your mental point of origin? Treat it like she's talking about the most boring shit you could ever imagine. Anything you wish she hadn't said, act like she didn't say it. Tease her, make fun of her for it. And yeah, if she's mad at some dude, she is fucking him or really wants to.
Op Sec
2024-11-13 23:35:40 +0000 UTCCurrently working on handling responses when girls bring up another guy during conversation. Itās easier for me in the scenarios where I can tell sheās using it as a way for her to make herself look more enticing or if sheās doing it on purpose to make me jealous. Generally, I notice that the girl is watching for my reaction, which clues me in. I usually just tell her good for her if sheās just trying to build herself up, and if sheās trying to make me jealous, I laugh it off. However, Iāve encountered a few situations where it feels like the girl is genuinely interested in the other guy. The first situation is when sheās spent a lot of time with him ā my example is her talking about a personal trainer that she started seeing recently and meets with twice a week. When we hang out, she gushes about him and brings him up frequently and in some cases in the middle of conversations where it doesnāt fit. It doesnāt feel like itās to antagonize me, it feels more like she likes him. When this kind of thing happens once or twice, I keep quiet because it might just be a momentary thought. But if it keeps being brought up multiple times, is the only solution to leave and withdraw my time with her? The second situation is when a girl has an exaggerated emotional response to a guy. Another girl has a guy friend that she put in her friend zone, but ever since he got a girlfriend, sheās been more eager for his attention and has been flirtier with him. Itās a cycle of her hanging out with him, getting his attention, and never bringing him up in conversation vs when he doesnāt talk to her for awhile, Iāll pick up on it because sheāll pinpoint something he did like leave shoeprints in her apartment. Leaving shoeprints in the apartment is such a minor thing and usually she wonāt care, but when she talks to me angrily about it and over multiple times, I figure this is more about him not talking to her recently. On the surface it seems like sheās trying to get reinforcement that heās terrible for tracking prints in her apartment, but I think sheās really trying to figure out if heās in the asshole category or nice guy but made a mistake category. Sort of like figuring out whether or not he passed a shit test. I handled this situation by replying when her friend visited me, the friend was anxious about her reaction and wanted to know if he was being insensitive about tracking in shoeprints (which did happen, but I added him being anxious and being concerned about her opinion). In my head it was a way to lower his value and give her reasons to put him in the nice guy category. When I told her this, she immediately felt a lot better and was less emotional. Iām not sure if this is the best way though because I generally donāt like giving more of my attention talking about other guys with girls and think it sets up a bad precedent for future conversations. Key Thoughts - Working on understanding how to respond when the girl brings up other guys in conversation to me. - When itās about raising her status or trying to make me jealous, I just give a positive response. - When itās her genuinely gushing about another guy, I just minimize the attention I give to the topic. Do I just continue to minimize attention given to the guy or is there something better I can do? - When the girl the girl has an anxious emotional reaction about something a guy did, I say something to decrease his value and try to put him in the nice or weak guy category.
lemon
2024-11-13 23:20:21 +0000 UTCFirstly: hopefully that is not your real picture and Lee is not your real name. You lack a mental point of origin. The field report starts with "my wife". https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/ylkt2h/i_take_your_she_statements_and_turn_them_into_i/ Would be a good practice to rewrite your report(for yourself, leave this as is). You haven't mentioned if you have done any reading. Praxeology volume 1 by Rian would be a good place to start, though Rian won't push it, and will probably tell you to read NMMNG and WISNIFG. I see a ton of nice guy behavior, so NMMNG wouldn't be a bad place to start. Your diet is fucked by your sleeping patterns. Get to the gym and lift as the top priority, diet is second priority. Women complain and say they want shit, it has nothing to do with you. What does have to do with you is that you had a covert contract. I doubt you were going to take her out and expect nothing in return. At the very least you expected her to go. I've got concert tickets for this weekend, if wife doesn't go, I'm still going. I'm still going to have a great time. Your wife doesn't fuck you, why did you think that she deserved any of that shit you were going to do for her? What you were doing is giving to get. What you did well though is went and did other shit that you wanted to do. Start with that. You instead trained her that some bitching and moaning is all it takes for you to give her validation. That's all she really wanted from you. You booked the trip and were ready to go. She wins, and doesn't give a fuck about you. Don't worry about sounding bitchy or not, own the frame you have.
Op Sec
2024-11-13 22:54:05 +0000 UTCMy wife has been saying I should just plan some activities, and that she would like it if I planned a vacation, just decided on where to go for dinner, etc. This was not a discussion, just came up in conversation from time to time lately. On Thursday, I planned an overnight trip to a small tourist town about an hour and a half away. We have been there before for weekend trips before, and both like it. Most people would be consider this pretty nice. Stay in a really nice Inn, have a really good dinner at a restaurant that we both love. The next morning, I booked a boat ride to a small island that has wild horses, for a tour. (We have wanted to do this for several years). She does not do well with any last minute plans, so I called and told her we were going the next day. She stated she has been so stressed lately, with some minor health scares, election, and just did not feel like this was a good time to go. (We are happy about the results, our side won. She is a big Trump fan) I was disappointed, and quite frankly, I was irritated as well. In addition to the loss of the good time, I also lost about $300. It was too late to get refunds. I did not really know how to respond to this. Did not try to act angry. I just avoided her for the afternoon. Went out to the garage for a bit for workout, and also upstairs for a bit for gaming. Her son from first marriage is still living with us, I hung out with him. She said she thought it was really nice, she just didnāt feel well, tired, and not up to it. I said that since she did not want to go, so we would not go. Also, I said I will not be making any plans in the future without checking with her first ( Iām sure it came across as bitchy) Iām not sure if there was a better way to handle this. Also, since Iām new to this area: Iāve been struggling for years with different issues. Overall get along. But no passion in our relationship. Also, I have given into her multiple times, on big issues. Iām sure this has made things worse. Also, I have not dialed in my health. I am overweight, my BMI is 32. The weight is a problem I have had for the entire duration of our marriage. I was heavy when we met, did not seem to be an issue at that time. (14 years ago.) I know lift and get slim is step 1, but I have been spinning my wheels on this for a while. It would take a book to discuss all of the issues that have come up with a second marriage, kids, now with adult kids, career problems over the last 14 years, etc. I make great money, but I used to work all the time. I have recently changed positions, and now work much less. We are still doing great financially, make a good living. ( I went from 60-70 hours a week, to five 24 hour shifts a month, starting in September). But, the little incident above is a good example that there is something more wrong, and I need to figure out how to manage myself better. (to pour a little salt on this: I got up this morning and binged on some chocolate, instead of sticking to the 16 hour fast I had planned. I am trying to get into a 16:8 fast cycle.) This post already too long, will stop here.
Beach Hillbilly
2024-11-13 22:23:58 +0000 UTC
