letting go </3 sad horsegirl summer
Added 2023-07-27 03:17:25 +0000 UTCDepression feels like being homesick for a home that never was. I try to reason with myself when I feel that dark cloud stand over me. I tell myself that it's just a wave, and it will pass under... as long as I stay on top of it. And it always does, eventually. But if I fight with it, try to outrun it, or ignore it, it will creep back in.
For me, having a clear and *realistic* goal keeps me in a routine and helps stave off that sadness. If I let my depression go unchecked, it will develop into low self-esteem. If I let my depression turn into low self-esteem, I don't believe I can feel better so I won't even try.
I have lost years of my life to low self-esteem caused by depression (no really), sitting around in self-pity waiting for something to change so I can feel better. Yes, I am thankful for the miserable times, because they taught me that I have all the tools to get to a better place. But holy sh*t, when you have experienced the kind of darkness that swallows up all the joy in your life, there is a deep fear that it will come back. And that fear creates the type of tight-grip-on-everything that bottlenecks all the magic out of life.
Fear can manifest in ways you might not expect: perfectionism, controlling behavior, inability to trust, anxiety, and panic attacks. The result of fear is that we become rigid and inflexible, unable to enjoy life as it constantly changes.
So in a way, making content while I am feeling feels is cathartic and allows me to "release" that tight grip I keep on my emotions. Making off-brand content also releases my expectations! The further away from perfectionism I get, the more creative I become. For me, Creativity is my antidote to depression- it's the "tool" I use to claw my way out of sorrow. I cannot be creative if I am not willing to let go.
Sorry for getting all deep on y'all. Maybe this will help someone.
-Nat
"I took my life from negative to positive, I just want y'all to know that. And tonight, let's enjoy life." - Pitbull
Comments
Loved this, thank you for sharing Nat, that was very cathartic ❤️
Fresh Zombie
2023-08-15 15:59:49 +0000 UTCMy dream was to live in Japan someday. Now I'm living in Japan and I'm still sad. Sad in Japan.
marylizabetha
2023-08-05 10:32:13 +0000 UTCNat - thank you for posting this. What you wrote sums up my life experience to a T (the part about losing years of your life to depression really resonated with me). It makes me feel less alone but I’m sorry you are going through this. Any time you’re debating posting something that might be a bummer — please post it! Sometimes life is a bummer and you’re just being real about it.
AprilMae
2023-08-03 02:30:51 +0000 UTCStop making me cry. Thank you for the genuine content
Rhiannon Reece
2023-08-02 22:32:41 +0000 UTCI related to this so much Nat 🫶🏻 thank you for sharing 💕
Julisa D
2023-08-01 01:21:50 +0000 UTC❤️ 💙 💜
Korki Miller
2023-07-31 18:54:21 +0000 UTCLove you Nat 🩷
Anya
2023-07-31 18:12:46 +0000 UTCAw Nat :( at the end you dedicated to a friend, I’m not sure if you’ve lost someone recently to the omnipresent death, if you did there’s no healing the type of hurt that only comes with the loss of a loved one. There’s no words that can be said or actions that can be done to make you feel better. It just sucks, it just is what it is. The sadness comes in waves and sometimes they are small and soothing and sometimes they crash into you, jostling you around, making it so hard to catch your breath. But you’re right, sunny days always precede a storm. And life without suffering is not a life to be lived. Life without happiness and beauty is also not a life to be lived. Enjoy both, and cherish the fact that we get to experience so many different and opposing emotions. It’s what makes us human. It’s what makes us magical. Hope your summertime sadness eases up, and if it doesn’t that’s okay too. Sending you lots of love 💕
Kelsea K
2023-07-30 00:31:56 +0000 UTCI lovet his type of vlog. it was just what I needed today.
Robyn Vedder
2023-07-30 00:02:40 +0000 UTCNat, your words and your editing were both so soulful and beautiful, you illustrated longing so well ❤️❤️❤️
Meg Tisdale
2023-07-29 20:26:39 +0000 UTCNat thank you for being generous and sharing this with us! <3 Creativity is the same for me and this is a great personal reminder for me to lean into it
Arielle G
2023-07-28 17:30:15 +0000 UTCThat was so beautiful❤️
Aya(h)
2023-07-27 22:30:01 +0000 UTCSo beautiful ❤️
Tabby Justice
2023-07-27 19:16:53 +0000 UTCI really like the vlog Nat! It was like a documentary and if the edit was made to sound less sadder then it was great. That both you and Aly have some level of Spanish bring so much joy.
Omar Mtz
2023-07-27 19:12:01 +0000 UTCNat that was such a beautiful way to process your feelings. You made me cry and contend with my own life and obstacles. It is really inspiring to see you explore the range of your emotions in so many creative ways. Thank you so much for creating and charing.
Jess Mashburn
2023-07-27 16:40:57 +0000 UTCAs always, thank you so much Nat for sharing your feels with us! I can definitely relate to the struggle of staying ahead of depression focusing on a goal has always helped me get through the dark times. I’ve watched you since the SP7 Days and it makes me so happy to see you creating a life that brings you joy!! 💖
Ann Marie Taglavore
2023-07-27 12:28:20 +0000 UTCThanks now I’m crying 🥲 It sucks that other people are going through the same shit, but at the same time it’s so healing ❤️🩹 Thank you for sharing!
Jacky Ginger
2023-07-27 07:41:06 +0000 UTCWe love you. I am glad you are vlogging and that you share them with us!
James Hall
2023-07-27 07:29:12 +0000 UTC💜💜💜
Mars
2023-07-27 06:06:45 +0000 UTCWe love you Nat 💕 your thoughts & feelings are so important
Ariel Martin
2023-07-27 04:09:40 +0000 UTCLoved it!!! Also your vlogging skills are off the charts amazing, also your little family is so cute 🥰
Chaotic Volary
2023-07-27 04:07:12 +0000 UTCNgl the title scared the shit out of me but I loved this ❤️
Savy
2023-07-27 03:43:54 +0000 UTCFuck, Nat. This is great. I think your very last point was right on. It works with anything—if you’ve been through the storm (any storm really), you can help other people through the storm. I know you and Aly have gotten me through some days. I know the haunties get you guys through some as well :) We’re all just semi trucks rolling down the hill until we find the right piece of private property to sneak onto.
Alissa Schneider
2023-07-27 03:34:33 +0000 UTCloved the zelda fairy fountain music btw
Lauren Baiza
2023-07-27 03:30:54 +0000 UTCwe love you nat! thanks for sharing this with us. never stop creating ❤️
Lauren Baiza
2023-07-27 03:30:23 +0000 UTCthank u for sharing with us Nat :’) 🩷🅱️orse forever
JennySquidy
2023-07-27 03:18:36 +0000 UTC
