golden light without smoking (preview)

In the later afternoons the sun light fell very golden into my living room in Barcelona, leaving a decorative grid of light and shadow on the floor. If I remember correctly I took those photos of Alice before I took the additional ones when she was smoking sitting on my table...

And that's the topic: smoking.

As you maybe know, I try to stop smoking. I had my last cigarette 11 days ago (I could almost tell you the hours or minutes...) and I must confess that I am not at all - and less and less - convinced that this was a good idea. I feel no betterment in anything, but a lot of worsening. Apart of having to fight the urge to smoke all the time, I now also have to fight hunger (I feel hungry all the time), I feel extremely exhausted and tired, I could sleep day and night - and that despite of that the doctors said that my lack of energy was due to smoking. Right now it feels as if smoking would give me energy...

But the worst is my lack of concentration. I am simply not that productive and creative anymore. As an example: I have this series uploaded since 3 days, but I don't have any idea what to write about it. My head is empty.

Now, empty heads, of course, are best for governments who fear nothing more than thinking citizens and at the moment I ask myself if there is so much anti-smoke propaganda because it helps to lessen brain capacity. It may sound cynical, but you know there is really not one lie from "above there" that would surprise me as I cannot remember that I ever heard a word or two from a politician or a pharma company that wasn't a blunt lie.

Well, ok, my nicotine turkey makes me feel bad and bad-humored and so, despite of the feeling of having been cheated into something useless, I'll try it during some more time - 3, 4 month is my plan, if I am able, and then see if there are any of the promised advantages of being a non-smoker of if all was just - smoke.

I truly hope that my brain capacity, my creativity and my concentration betters in the next few days. There's a lot to do, a lot of images to edit, a lot of my new scripts for the gallery to test, a lot of the changes in my Patreon pledges to overthink, a lot for which I really could use a working brain...

So, I ask you to have mercy with me and a bit of understanding if in the very next future I am a bit slow, if my texts don't represent my usual happiness and positivity, if maybe something doesn't work as it should. I am going through this situation in the hope that it is worthwhile and that my energy will come back or even better (that was the idea...) without tobacco.