suck at groups and parties?
Added 2024-07-30 00:16:52 +0000 UTCa quick, mistake ridden post about struggling to fit in or have fun in groups/parties...
i'm working on a video about this topic. Here's a few things i learnt...
groups don't follow the normal rules of a 1-on-1 conversation. they're chaotic, and everyone wants to bring their ideas to a group of people. sometimes they cut each other off, sometimes it gets loud and heated. that's okay, it's in our nature. we're excited to share our ideas and feelings.
i let go of the idea of reaching a specific goal or saying that 'one thing' i REALLY wanted to say, and just went along for the ride. you don't need to be talking all the time, and even the most introverted people can get away with barely saying anything at all. that's not to say of course that you should shut up because no one wants to hear what you have to say-
i think we should look at groups as a big ball with ideas in it that are bouncing off the walls. it's a team effort.
active listening- yes, i LOOOVE active listening, is an excellent skill set to be used in groups.
generally, i focus on one person at a time. you cant really respond to the group or talk to the group as a whole, and besides, they'll hear you when you're talking to even a single individual, so in a way, you're already talking to the 'whole' group. plus, if you're listening, you can come up with some really thought provoking questions.
but the big thing was becoming a team player. sure, good storytelling and good jokes make an entertaining family brunch or housewarming party, and they're good skills to have, but the big mindset to me is being a team player. bringing a positive vibe to the group, being inclusive, and expanding others ideas or adding fuel to the fire is the way to go in my eyes.
it shouldn't be a popularity contest; trust me. most get annoyed when the 'popular' person yells about their day at work, but at the same time they feel a sense of warmth and acceptance when even the reserved person asks 'what do you think about that?'
just relax, become interested in others, and be a team player.
that's what i did anyways, what are your thoughts? what are you struggling with socially?
Comments
you're a gem, and your youtube channel is growing fast! i really appreciate and like your authentic advice -- we need more of that sometimes. i haven't been in many huge, chaotic friend groups in real life, and the ones i have been in, i was never able to stay in for long. for me, personally, i struggle the most with just being more confident in myself and taking the first step to reach out to others and make new friends. i also struggle with starting a conversation and keeping it going, and it's a bit difficult sometimes to translate some of the feelings i want to convey into actual facial expressions. i feel like it's easy to say to let go of the desire to be liked as your main goal when approaching conversations but it really is difficult for me to *do*, but i'm excited to hop on that journey of discovering/changing what i value most in life. anyways this verged a bit off topic but i really hope you go places with your channel and work :)
sunquilibrium
2024-08-02 06:16:21 +0000 UTCit also helps to sorta steamroll what you have to say- the sad reality is if you get cut off mid sentence, people will start to do it more often. dont let others walk over you!
Jay
2024-07-30 00:35:50 +0000 UTCI like this. Definitely speaks to how my group conversations often are. Half the time you don't even have to say more than 2 sentences if there are more people who talk, just standing there and looking at the person who's speaking really helps too. Then when you have something to say, you say it and keep it going.
SerialSharp
2024-07-30 00:25:05 +0000 UTC
