In Reverse, Part 14

Story 2 of 3, post 13 of 33 for April

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It's a huge relief that the serum is working, but I'm afraid it's not working fast enough. My regression has slowed down, but it's still happening. I've noticed my legs are weaker. I can't walk for as long as I used to, and I'm not as steady. The lab told me today I'm down to about 20 months old. It's the first time anyone has ever given me my age in months, and it terrified me. I couldn't help it -- I started crying on the spot, and I had to be held and consoled. Outbursts like that are more frequent as my emotions grow out of control. If I keep regressing, I'll eventually end up crawling. All I can do is hope the serum does its thing before that happens.

Getting back to my emotional regression, I caught myself sucking my thumb yesterday as I thought about what's going to happen to me. I wasn't aware of sticking it in my mouth, and I had no idea how long it had been in there. Of course, my adult mind knows this is an oral fixation that small children often develop as a way to comfort themselves. So, now I'm a thumb-sucker.

My bladder control is completely gone now, and I've begun to notice I'm wet without knowing when I did it. I sat down to play a game today and felt a squish in my crotch. It surprised me because I had no clue I was that wet. I immediately jumped back up, found Sophie, and got her to change me.

She's really good about that and sweet as she takes care of me. She lays me down and coos at me while she untapes my diaper, and she talks to me while she cleans me up. She says cute little things and acts playful. Before I know it, I'm wearing a fresh diaper and feeling better as she smiles down at me, telling me how cute I am. Now that I'm over most of my embarrassment over this situation, I can enjoy things like that. Most evenings end with me curled up in Ethan's or Sophie's lap on the couch while we watch TV before someone changes me and puts me to bed. I even get tucked in. It feels good.

Ethan caught me sucking my thumb today. "Hey, Mikey, I don't want you sucking your thumb. It might mess up your teeth, and you could get sick because you touched something dirty before putting your thumb in your mouth."

I pulled it out. "I don't know why I started doing this, but it feels good."

"Yeah, I get it. Don't worry, I planned for this after I talked to Director Wallace. I have something for you."

He produced a pacifier he'd bought and handed it to me. It was red and blue, and it had a picture of Mickey Mouse on it. I put it in my mouth and started sucking right away.

"What do we say?" Ethan asked.

"Thank you," I mumbled with the nipple in my mouth.

So, now I have a pacifier.

I was sitting in on a meeting at the lab today when I messed my diaper. The urge came on, and I involuntarily raised up in my seat a little and gave a little push, filling my Pampers. My former co-workers who were sitting next to me knew right away what I'd done, and one of them announced that I needed to be changed. "I'll get him," said a woman named Beth. She stood up and carried me out to the bathroom, where she cleaned me up.

"It's not your fault, sweetie. You can't help it," she assured me as she wiped me off.

"I know. I've gotten used to it. It's better than trying to use the bathroom and having accidents. This way, I know what to expect."

"That's a good way to look at it."

None of my emotional regression so far could prepare me for what happened today. I was playing with my toys in my room when Sophie came in to check on me.

"Hey, Mikey, how's your diaper doing?"

"It's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm not that wet."

"I'm not convinced. I know you've had trouble keeping up with how wet you are lately. Why don't you let me check you?"

"I said I'm not that wet!"

She paused a second. "Well, just let me check you. It'll only--"

"No!" I yelled.

"Mikey, I don't appreciate you yelling at me like that."

"I don't need to be changed! Why won't you listen to me?"

"Because like I said, you've not been the best judge of that here lately."

"Well, I know what I'm talking about right now."

"It'll just take a second, and if you're right, you can brag about and go right back to playing."

I sighed heavily, "FINE," and stood up while she unsnapped my onesie and squeezed my diaper.

"Oh, sweetie, you're soaked. Come on, let's change you real quick."

"No, I can wait." I heard myself whining but couldn't stop myself.

"Mikey, if you get any wetter, you could leak. We don't want that, do we?"

"Just let me wait! Just for a little bit!"

She wasn't angry, but she was firm. "No, we need to go ahead and change you before you get any wetter."

"No, I don't wanna be changed right now! I wanna wait!"

"It'll just take a few minutes. Come on, lay down for me."

She bent down and started to ease me onto my back, and I erupted into wails and sobs in a full-blown tantrum. Sophie grabbed my pacifier dangling from my onesie and put it in my mouth, and I calmed down a little as she untaped my Pampers 

and started to wipe me off. I continued crying until she was done, though, and didn't stop until she hugged me to her afterwards.

"See, that wasn't so bad. It was just a little diaper change. If you hadn't argued with me, it wouldn't have taken as long as it did, and now you're all dry and can go back to playing."

But it wasn't just a little diaper change. It was me uncontrollably acting like the baby I've become.