[Starting in Naruto with a Daily Login System] Chapter 59 The Accidental Godhood of Kakashi Hatake

Look, I don’t ask for much in life. A little peace, some good food, and preferably not being worshipped by an entire village.

And yet, here I am.

Standing on an elevated platform, in front of hundreds of bowing people, while Shisui is grinning like an idiot, Genma is wheezing with laughter, and Tokuma looks like he’s about to walk into the ocean and never come back.

How did this happen?

Oh, well. Let me tell you.

It All Started with an Itch.

We were passing through some random mountain village on our way back to Konoha, and honestly, I wasn’t even paying attention. My mask was itchy, I was tired, and the sun was way too bright for my liking.

So, naturally, I scratched my head.

That’s it.

That’s all I did.

One casual, lazy scratch.

And then—chaos.

Gasps.

Whispers.

A collective gasp of religious proportions.

The next thing I knew, people were dropping to their knees, wailing in reverence.

"Oh Divine One! You have blessed us with your sacred gesture!"

"Sacred what now?" I said, but my voice was drowned out by the sheer devotion radiating from these people.

Shisui, to his eternal shame, immediately joined in. "Our Lord has graced us! Rejoice!"

Genma was already doubled over, absolutely losing his mind. "Oh my god, this is the best thing that has ever happened. Ever."

Tokuma, on the other hand, was staring daggers at me. "What. Did. You. Do."

"Nothing!" I hissed back. "I just scratched my head!"

But the damage was done.

Before I could blink, they were throwing flower petals at my feet. Some guy ran off shouting, "The prophecy has been fulfilled!" I don’t even know what prophecy we’re talking about.

And then, because the universe clearly hates me, someone rang a massive ceremonial bell, and the whole village erupted into celebration.

Somehow, by the time we reached the village square, things had escalated.

There were banners with my face on them.

There were crowds chanting my name.

There was a statue.

A stone statue of me, looking all mysterious and wise, as if I had planned this. As if I was not currently considering jumping off the nearest cliff.

Shisui was living for this. "Do you think they’ll name their children after you?"

Genma was cry-laughing. "Oh my god, there’s a parade. A parade, Kakashi."

Tokuma was glaring holes into my skull. "Fix this. Now."

And me?

I was considering my options. I mean, sure, this was a catastrophic misunderstanding… but on the other hand…

"Think they’d give me free food?"

Tokuma almost throttled me.

Before I knew it, I was being paraded through the streets, people throwing rice and flower petals, chanting some nonsense about the "Holy Gesture of the Blessed Head Scratch."

A priest appeared from nowhere, holding an actual sacred scroll.

"We have waited generations for the One Who Scratches," he intoned, deadly serious.

Genma choked. "The One Who Scratches—I CAN’T."

Tokuma pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am leaving. I am defecting to Suna."

Shisui, meanwhile, was eating this up. "Well, Lord Kakashi, what are your divine commands?"

I stared at him. "You do realize this is all nonsense, right?"

Shisui shrugged. "They don’t know that."

And that, my friends, is how I ended up sitting on an ornate throne, sipping free tea, while villagers proclaimed their loyalty to the great and mighty Kakashi.

Tokuma finally snapped.

"We’re leaving," he declared, grabbing my arm.

Shisui looked deeply offended. "But he hasn’t even received his offerings yet!"

"THERE SHOULD NOT BE OFFERINGS."

Genma, still recovering from laughter, managed to say, "I kinda wanna see where this goes, though."

Tokuma turned on me. "Kakashi. Tell them you are NOT a god."

I considered it.

I really did.

But then… a servant arrived. With a platter of food.

"Divine One," the villager said, bowing low, "please accept our humble feast."

I looked at Tokuma.

I looked at the food.

Then I took a bite and said, "It is acceptable."

Tokuma lost all faith in me.

Eventually, after hours of Tokuma dragging me out of there, I finally convinced the village to "celebrate the holy scratch annually, without my presence."

(They agreed. So… yes. There is now an annual Kakashi Festival.)

When we finally reached Konoha, the moment we entered the Hokage’s office, Tokuma immediately threw his mask on the desk and said, "I quit."

Hiruzen sighed. "What happened this time?"

Genma, barely holding it together, said, "You’re gonna wanna sit down for this one, old man."

Shisui pulled out a handmade "HOLY SCRATCH FESTIVAL" poster from the village and slapped it on the desk.

Hiruzen blinked.

Then he turned to me. "Explain."

I shrugged. "I scratched my head."

Silence.

Hiruzen took the longest, deepest breath I have ever seen, as if reconsidering his entire career.

Then he just…

…rubbed his temples.

"Out. All of you. Out of my office. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know."

We left.

Genma laughed the entire way out.

And Shisui?

He was already planning next year’s festival.