The Babysitter, Part 46

I was still trying to wrap my head around what was being demanded of me.

Ruby wanted me to wet myself. WET MYSELF. In the middle of the day. Here and now. In public, and also right in front of her. It was one thing to have an overnight ‘accident,’ which I was still 99% sure wasn’t an accident at all. Considering that I ended up magically bare below the waist this morning, Paige had obviously snuck in last night and also caused me to wake up in wet sheets. Regardless, it was something else entirely to consciously relieve myself when not sitting on a toilet.

“ . . . Three . . . Two . . . ”

“Wait!!” I exclaimed. The first couple numbers had barely registered, as my mind had been preoccupied with the jumbled thoughts sparked by Ruby’s sudden suggestion. There was just no time. I needed to somehow talk her down; this was supposed to be a lucky break for me, not an opportunity for my studio peer to take some belated revenge for something that was hardly my fault. “Ruby, come on,” I said, “Something else. Please. What if I ask if you can have my next featured piece? Or, umm . . . ” I literally only knew Ruby through ballet. There wasn’t much to offer her beyond the studio where we would see each other beyond this.

“Hmm.” She gave it a brief thought. Then, likely after concluding my counter was as iffy as it felt when I said it, since there was no guarantee I could convince our instructor to make such a change, Ruby said, “How about this? Strip down to your diapers and let me take a few pictures. That sounds like a fair trade, doesn’t it?”

My eyes widened at that. “No!” I blurted out. Absolutely not. Honestly, I wasn’t sure which was worse–undressing in public, or letting a girl who was barely an acquaintance have photos of me in nothing but pull-ups. It would look so bad out of context. The padded underwear was only supposed to be a temporary punishment, something to keep me in line today. Plus I didn’t know Ruby nearly well enough to guess what she might do with pictures like that. Show all of her friends and everyone at the studio? Post them online immediately? Blackmail me the next time we saw each other? “And they’re not-” I cut myself off halfway through the correction. It was the second time Ruby had referenced my diapers, which sounded more embarrassing than pull-ups for some reason. Except clarifying that out loud wouldn’t do me any favors.

“You asked for something else, Alyssa,” she shrugged, “I gave you something else. What’s it going to be? Have a little accident, or give me a better view of what your babysitter decided to put you in? Also, why are you wearing diapers? You didn’t already have an accident today, did you?”

“Of course not!” I exclaimed. Technically, I wasn’t lying. However, the accusation definitely made me blush. “It’s just some stupid method she’s using. Like, pink and immature to counter Miley’s dark clothes and rebellious nature.” Again, a solid half truth. I didn’t know Miley that well either, but I saw her enough to remember that she wore a lot of black. Obviously that was the only reason Noelle made me wear pull-ups this morning. Ruby definitely didn’t need to be informed of the rest.

“I don’t know, you’re acting pretty rebellious right now,” Ruby said, “Why else would I have to resort to counting down? Speaking of which, you only have two seconds when I unpause that clock. You better decide before I get to zero, or I’m going to assume that you want to do both.”

“Ruby, hold on! Can’t we just talk about this?”

“Two . . . One . . . ”

“Okay, okay! Just- I’ll . . . The first one,” I reluctantly mumbled. Actually saying it wasn’t going to happen; I was still coming to terms with the decision I had landed on. Without any time to weigh the pros and cons of two wildly unfair options, all I could do was rely on my gut. Though having a daytime accident at my age was insane, it was also the one that would cause the least amount of damage. No one would see it. Ruby wouldn’t have something that would screw me over beyond this weekend. She could still attempt to gossip about all of this, of course, but it would be her word vs. mine. And who at our studio would believe that something like this happened to me? I had literally lived it, and still hadn’t fully come to terms with the fact that Noelle believed me to be so much younger than I actually was.

Ruby grinned. “If that’s what you want. Well? Get to it, Alyssa! I don’t have all day.”

Yeah, but I couldn’t just- I needed some kind of assurance first, right? The only way this worked was if Noelle learned the truth before she learned I was wearing wet pull-ups. If Ruby decided to go back on her word and run off, I was going to be in a world of trouble. I was already wondering how I might get away with hiding something like this from Noelle if the worst should happen. Reminding myself to focus on the present, I hesitantly met Ruby’s eyes. “If I do this . . . ” I said, not exactly sure how to phrase it, “You promise you’ll come with me and talk to Noelle? Tell her who I really am?”

“I promise,” Ruby said. Holding up her hand as if she was in court, she stated the deal in a more crass and specific way. Something I had been avoiding, for obvious reasons. “If you piss yourself right here and now, I’ll come with you.”

“And talk to Noelle?” I pressed.

“And talk to Noelle.”

“And tell her the truth?”

“And tell her the truth,” Ruby echoed, “Don’t be so paranoid, Alyssa. It’s not a good look on you. Hmm, should I give you another countdown? Or . . . ?”

No. That would be the opposite of helpful. After a lifetime of using the bathroom properly, I doubted my ability to merely let go on command. As desperate as I was for Ruby’s help, I probably wouldn’t be able to do what she was suggesting in a matter of five or ten seconds. “Just- Give me a minute.” What were the chances she would be amenable to letting me sit on the toilet for the ritual of it? Probably not very good, considering her ‘here and now’ condition.

Ruby just sighed. “Fine. You’ve got one minute, or I’m out of here.”

I didn’t know what else to do. Without Ruby’s help, I’d be subjected to Noelle babysitting me for the rest of the weekend, and Paige loving every second of it. And with the time pressure that was barely better than what I had just been worried about, I had to act quickly. Swallowing my pride and making triple sure Ruby’s phone wasn’t in one of her hands, I bent my legs slightly and did my best to focus on the task at hand. Squatting was out of the question, because dignity, but I also couldn’t do it while standing.

Then, trying to imagine that I was in a bathroom stall and/or in an embarrassing nightmare that I’d wake up from at any moment, I prepared for what was easily going to be the most mortifying experience of my life.