Irwin's Journey 431: Time for choices

Irwin grunted in anger, wanting to toss the card to the side.

"Calm down, kid. You are tired. You have been pushing yourself too far and are now trying to create a diamond-rank card that has not a single type overlap with your own soulcards," Ambraz said. "That you even reached ruby can be seen as a testament to your skill!"

Irwin took a deep breath, pocketing the failed card- an eighty-five percent Ruby shadow card. It was his second failure, and he'd already wasted over half the evening. He'd initially worried that he wouldn't get any that became somehow linked to that Naicht folk and would struggle with the Scathnaicht Blade song. Instead of that, he was struggling to even get a perfect Ruby rank card.

"Let's just tell Greldo they can leave the day after so you can have a good night's rest," Ambraz said.

Irwin knew his bonded Ganvil was right, but he just didn't want to. Daubutim had said the current defense was five times what they had, with the ships they had captured and the Accenti now helping. They had far more scouts, with the Shadewalkers Guild having moved into the harbor and patrolling vigilantly. 

All of that meant that he could head back to the Eluathar! Every day he stayed here would be three for his Scintilla and his kids. Worse, he was cutting his active time to progress and learn by two-thirds.

"One more try," he grunted.

He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, glad Ambraz didn't complain. Then again, he knew his bond would be able to feel part of the reason why he wanted to leave.

It took him a few minutes to regain his composure, but just when he did, Ambraz hummed.

"Fine. If you want to keep going, let's try something. Slot that broken Ruby card."

Irwin blinked, momentarily forgetting all his annoyance in favor of being stunned.

"What?"

"Well, think about it. You aren't going to give it to anyone, right?"

Irwin frowned, taking the card from his pocket. It showed a dagger and gave the wielder the ability to create shadow daggers to wield and throw. He hadn't taken the trouble of checking what else it did, but a cursory glance showed it would allow the wielder to shadowalk while wielding the dagger. Combined with the rest, it was a rather lackluster card.

"No," he agreed. "This is better served for Greldo to bring along to absorb or sell."

As he spoke, his tired mind tried to come up with what Ambraz was getting at and failing.

"Well, if you slot it, you have a shadow-type handcard," Ambraz said. "It is obviously not as useful as having a heart- or soulcard, but-"

"It might make crafting easier," Irwin said, eyes widening.

"Yes, and it could be enough to let you forge inside your soulscape!"

Irwin whistled as he looked at the card, then at his empty right hand. 

"Why didn't we think of that before?" he muttered.

"Because usually, you don't waste cards of this rank," Ambraz said.  "Also, removing it hurts."

Irwin dismissed that last part. He had a general idea of the pain it would inflict, and compared to everything he'd been through and his tolerance for it, that would just be a minor inconvenience.

"So, anything else I should know?" he asked, suddenly incredibly excited.

"Well, as you know, handcards have only a tiny influence on your soulscape," Ambraz said. "This is usually a great thing, as it is why you can remove them without going through some torturous hell."

Irwin hummed, distracted as another thought came to him.

Would it be enough to allow me to purify a shadow card?

His excitement grew, and he nodded.

"Alright, let's try this," he said. 

Holding the card above his right hand, he was about to let in when he hesitated. This would be the first time he slotted a card, knowing it would be temporary. He'd slotted cards before that were forcefully removed, back when the cursed Titan card had been unwilling to allow anything to be slotted. That, however, wasn't the same. Now, he was going to slot one that would stick; he already knew that and then just remove it, which would cause it to become so unstable it would shatter.

Well, it's like Ambraz said, he thought, sighing. It's not like I'll give this card to anyone. I could try to use its seed to reforge it, but with how I'm feeling right now…

He put the card above his hand, feeling the tiny resonances of his soulforce as it seemed to flow out of the cardslot, wrapping around the card. It was pulled from his grip as it slowly sank into his hand. A few moments later, it disappeared while a new tattoo-like outline appeared on his hand.

Almost immediately, he felt a connection to the tiny new card appear within his mind. It was different from the others he had- the last of which had always been perfect. It felt uneven, the song slightly disjointed and almost as if it had jagged edges.

He hesitated, wondering if he should try summoning it.

"Don't use it," Ambraz said as if he were reading his mind. "The more you use it, the more it's going to hurt when unslotting it."

Irwin ignored the slight disappointment he felt at that, trying to feel the card's difference compared to the others. It was easy enough, as the song had elements none of his other cards had. Odd rhythms, changes in the speed of the melody that none of his other cards had, and a general sense of an all-encompassing blanket wrapped around it.

I don't like it, Irwin thought, frowning as he felt the song clash slightly with many parts of his existing soulcards. There wasn't the pushback that he'd sensed from the Titan card, but he already knew that if he tried to create a heartcard with this card in the mix, it would either fail, or he wouldn't be able to take any part of it… 

Well, except the summoning type, he thought, feeling the only parts of the song that showed any sense of familiarity. As he felt those tiny things, he realized they were also the only reason he had been able to slot the card in the first place. That overlap was what made it so that the card hadn't been rejected outright.

"Alright, let's move into your soulscape to continue," Ambraz said. "It's a shame that Rachias isn't there anymore."

No, it's not, Irwin thought. If the young Chaos Whale had still been there, he'd have had even more trouble reforging due to the additional strain.

As it was, the only being in his soulscape besides his otherself was Silv'am, and as he moved most of his focus on his giantself, he heard her begin talking to Ambraz, who just appeared.

"Are we heading to the world now?"

"Sorry, little one, we need to reforge one more card, sleep, and say goodbye first," Ambraz said.

Irwin rose from the bed where his giantself had been resting, while his small body in the real world lay down to rest. 

Silv'am was hovering beside Ambraz, her lips pursed.

"We were going to head back in two days," she said softly. 

"We were," Irwin said, drawing her attention while Ambraz flew to his shoulder. "But we needed to do some final things. Luckily, we are almost done now."

Silv'am was quiet for a moment before flying to his other shoulder and landing on it.

"Okay…. So what are you trying to reforge? Is it one of those ammolite cards?"

"No, we are trying to reforge a card up to diamond for which I don't have any type-overlap," Irwin said as he walked down the stairs into the smithing area. "So I temporarily slotted this shadow card to see if that helps."

He raised his hand, showcasing the faint card outlines.

"Oh. That card isn't very good. Will that even help?" Silv'am asked, her annoyance seemingly replaced by curiosity.

"We will have to see," Irwin said as Ambraz flitted from his shoulder and landed in the forging area.

Sil'am flew to a nearby perch, and Irwin could almost feel her intense focus as she observed them.

He raised his hand and summoned another shadow card to his hand. Like the previous one, it showed a knife, but this one was smaller and had an oddly triangular shape. He'd seen those before, and he knew they were meant for throwing, usually kept in bulk. 

"This one is almost the same as the previous," he said, putting the topaz-ranked card on Ambraz's back. "So let's see what happens now."

Ambraz didn't respond, but he felt his bond's focus increase as he began inspecting the card.

Irwin did the same, listening to the card's existing song while recalling the song he'd used to create Scathnaicht's Blade. There were overlaps, just like with the other ones he'd used, and more than he'd expected initially. As he scanned it, he tried to let the presence of his temporary card flow forward, trying to help with what he was doing. For a moment, all he sensed were the card's inconsistencies with his soulcards; then, the card seemed to highlight parts of the other shadow card's song, pulling them just a fraction more into focus. It wasn't a lot, but it somehow changed his perspective on the card's resonance.

"Oh…" Irwin muttered, blinking in surprise. 

The tiny changes painted the entire song in a different light. Cocking his head, he began humming a song that would bridge the card's current song, making it more like the Scathnaicht Blade one. He couldn't do it in a single try, but if he did half from topaz to emerald, he could do another part from emerald to ruby.

He didn't even notice when he summoned his hammer and struck the first blow. All he knew was that part of him was tired, so he pushed it towards his other, now sleeping self. He did the same with the part that was getting distracted by worry over all the big and little things he still had to do. Then, with his desire to see his children and Scintalla. 

Had he been paying attention, he would have realized he was doing something he hadn't for a long time, not since he'd offloaded his mental pain to his otherself long ago.

But he wasn't paying attention to that. All he was paying attention to were the tiny changes he now perceived in the card, changing his song accordingly. He faintly heard Ambraz join him, taking up part of the low bassline while he split part of himself off, causing his other giant body to awaken and summon his soulstrum guitar. The slight headache that was brought on was mercilessly shoved to his other sleeping self as he created a song unlike any he had before. 

-- 

Silv'am watched from the tiny nook. She watched as the giant-sized fiery smith sang in a deep voice, together with her Proginator, while another part of him was causing a beautiful song to fill the entire soulscape.

I can't wait to try this, she thought, her excitement building.

Am'braz had told her that the smith she would bond with had as much or more potential as Irwin, and she felt an overwhelming desire to meet her, which only grew as the smithing before her continued.

It will probably take a few years to reach this level, she thought. But that is fine!

She had to keep herself from wanting to hum along, knowing instinctively that would cause problems. Just like she instinctively knew that what she was seeing was something many Progeny never did. An influx of ancestral memories washed over her, momentarily distracting her from listening. 

She saw a beautiful world rich in metals, with most life forms being some form of metallic elemental. Green and blue oxidized trees of copper grew from ruddy mud while shimmering water with an oily film flowed along the ground from the rainfall. The water trickled onto the canopy of copper-colored leaves, the new ones looking beautiful and fresh, while the older ones already showed the slightly blueish oxidation of the trunk and branches. 

A gray goat-like being, its fur rich with iron, trotted forward. Its eyes gleamed like greenish crystals as it kept looking up, taking bites from the moss that grew on the ground, while the longer, shaggy, almost black hair that ran from the top of its head to its tail kept standing on edge in a jittery pattern.

Silv'am saw it from above, though she knew it wasn't herself who was watching. She was looking through the eyes of one of her distant ancestors, perched on a branch. It was watching, hungry and starving, waiting for the moment to strike. Silv'am could sense the incredible fear and anguish, the knowledge that if it didn't do this, it would die. For some reason, it feared the goat, or what it stood for, and a tiny flicker of something moved through her mind, a memory within a memory, of living in the dark, underground, hidden and afraid, and alone. Always alone.

It lasted for only a split second, but it left Silv'am reeling. Especially the sense of pure loneliness seemed to settle across her mind like a thick, stifling blanket.

A wave of resolve came from her ancestors, blowing away the moment as it readied itself.

Its mind was filled with a sense of horrible certainty that if it failed now, it would mean the end. The end of what Silv'am didn't know. However, she knew instinctively that, like some of the others, this memory was a turning point, something so simple yet so important that had it not happened, she wouldn't have been here. It was so important that it had been engraved in the ancestral memory of her entire species. 

The moment came as the goat turned to a sudden noise from the far left. Its attention was completely focused, and Silv'am's perspective changed as her ancestor swooped down. Its mind was filled with horror, worry, and steely resolve. She saw glimpses of what it looked like in the reflection of the water, a blurry, squarish, and unrefined shape that looked nothing like herself or Am'braz or any of the other Ganvils she had seen. It didn't even really look like a Ganvil, but more like a chunk of soulforce imbued ore as it slammed into the goat, knocking it down.

The next moments were a struggle as the goat tried to bite down, its teeth stubby but sharp, and somehow creating a deep fear in her ancestor. Still, it managed to act faster, biting down on the goat's neck and holding on. The goat struggled up and began bucking, trying to get rid of the sudden and unwanted passenger. Its eyes were wide with fear, but her ancestor didn't relent. The fear hadn't faded but increased. A fear that others would come and stop it. 

Who or what, Silv'am had no idea. Other goats? Other primordial Ganvils?

Moments passed, and the Goat's movements became sluggish, the green light behind them fading. Something flowed out of it as this happened. Her ancestors only knew it as a source of sustenance, but Silv'am saw it for what it was. Soulforce. But a different soulforce from what she knew. It was more physical, almost like a liquid, instead of the insubstantial resonance she knew. It was also far purer, just like what she knew purified soulforce should be like. 

The goat stopped moving after a short while, and her ancestor remained perched atop it, waiting for something. It took a few moments, then a wave of soulforce flowed from the goat, and her ancestor hurriedly absorbed it all. The fear slowly made way for relief as it flew in the air. Still, mixed within was a sense of inevitability and sadness, as if something had been lost. It lasted for only a moment; then, there was only resolve. 

The memory slowly ended, and somehow, she knew she'd seen a turning point for her people.

Why? 

She had no idea. These oldest of her ancestral memories weren't accompanied by explanations or deep inherent understanding. All they left her with was a sense of… accomplishment and a tiny seed of fear—the fear of being alone.

Perhaps that was the important part, Silv'am thought as the hammering and majestic song of soulforce returned to her. She tried to remember that split second of memory from her ancestry, of being in the dark and alone, but it was already fading, leaving only the fear behind.

As the last fuzziness left her mind, Silv'am mentally shook herself. This had been one of the oldest, and Am'braz had told her that this meant she was almost done. The earliest memories came in order, according to him, becoming older with everyone. She didn't know exactly how many she had left, but apparently, she would know when she reached the oldest one. 

Am'braz hadn't wanted to tell her about it and warned her it was not done to speak about those in any circumstance. According to him, the memory wasn't the same, or equally strong, for every Ganvil, and there had been wars fought over the interpretation of which was correct. She'd been confused about that at first, but she'd actually seen a memory from one of those wars not long after Ambraz's explanation, and she had known immediately that it wasn't worth discussing.

Focusing on Irwin and Am'braz, she saw that the memory had lasted longer and that she had missed more than she had thought. Where they had been working on a card reforge from topaz to emerald, they were now already reforging it from ruby to diamond. 

Wait, is that still the same card?

Silv'am did her best to keep track of the incredibly dense and minute changes she sensed, knowing they were only a fraction of what was happening. Her soulforce senses were clearer than the average Progeny, but it would be years and many rank-ups before she could really understand what was happening.

Still, the changes to the card were too massive; the song was too different.

How long was I lost in that memory?

She watched as the song was slowly winding to an end before trying to enjoy the final moments. 

--

Irwin's motions were like clockwork, his hits perfection and his singing immaculate, and yet… he barely sensed it. It felt like his entire being was hovering above the details, watching only the high-over conceptuality of the song: waves of soulforce, resonating in such tiny fractions that it seemed impossible that someone could control it all.

His weariness was still there, the tired feeling that seemed to pulse from his soulscape, but he didn't care. Instead, he reveled in the sensation of the process. In the way his body moved, and his two minds worked in tandem. At some point, his otherself had awoken and inhabited his other giantself, and he felt like both were an extension of himself. The sensations and emotions he had moved into it were still there, but neither of his selves even noticed them anymore.

Higher, he thought to himself, increasing one of the parts of the melody a tiny fraction.

As his hammer struck Ambraz, the wave of soulforce that flowed out resonated with his song, wrapping around the card and helping it move in the direction he wanted it to. A final strike would be needed; he sensed it, and he also knew he had succeeded. The odd… additional quality of the Scathnaicht Blade card now resonated strongly within the card before him. 

He had no idea how much time was between the single to last and the final strike, but when it finally struck down, he felt the card resonate powerfully with his handcard. 

The song wound down, the resonance that had filled his soulscape fading, and he watched the card summer as the red border changed into one of diamonds. 

"Kid, that was-"

Ambraz's voice faded as Irwin felt his otherself go unconscious, knowing he would follow in any moment. He barely managed to move the falling shape sideways so it wouldn't drop into his soullake, then his mind shut down.

--

"Kid? Kid!?"

Ambraz changed into his smaller shape, shooting towards where Irwin had slumped onto the ground. The card they had worked on hovered behind him, but he didn't care. His entire focus was on his bonded smith, and he only relaxed when he sensed Irwin was breathing normally. 

"I told you to stop," he grunted, landing on Irwin's chest.

He wasn't half as weary as he knew Irwin was, but that didn't mean he wasn't ready to rest. Sadly, he would have to do something else first. 

"Silv'am?"

A flutter appeared beside him as the smaller, silvery Ganvil flew down to land beside him.

"What did you learn from this?" he asked.

Silv'am was quiet for a while. When she finally answered, it was clearly hesitant.

"I… had one of those ancestral dreams, the long ones," she said. "It started halfway through the first reforge, and when it was over, you were almost done. Though I have a question."

What a timing, Ambraz thought. 

"Alright, what do you want to know?" he asked.

"How did that card change so much from Topaz to Ruby?"

"Well, that proves you were out of it for a long time," Ambraz said. "That was the second attempt. He failed the first one, or… well, it became diamond, but it's only eighty-two percent."

"No wonder he went unconscious," Silv'am said.

"Exactly," Ambraz grunted, turning his attention to the new card. He focused his will, levitating Irwin's booklet from a shelf to his back, putting the card atop. A flash later, the card's description was added to the paper for Irwin to read when he woke up.

"I need to rest," he said as he focused on Silv'am. "Can you go outside and explain to the others what happened? Tell them they might have to wait for another day because I don't think the kid will wake up sooner than that."

"Alright. Do you want me to bring them the new card?"

Ambraz hesitated, then sighed. Irwin was going to give it to Dahlia anyway, and he had a recording of the final song and the forging process. Combined with the paper he'd just made, there was no need to keep it.

"Yes," he said, unable to hold back a yawn. "I'll push you out, so just stay with Dahlia and Juul'rish. Make sure they don't leave till the kid wakes up."

"Yes, Am'braz."

Ambraz grinned, hesitated, then sighed. "Just call me Ambraz for now. When I finally reach rank six, I'll probably have that in my name."

Together with something else, he thought, letting the names he'd long ago pondered float through his mind. Grambraz and Rodambraz had been his favorites, but he'd started pondering again now that the moment was closing in. 

Though before that, I need to figure out how to not be locked into a world, he thought.

"Ambraz?"

Ambraz jolted as he realized he'd been drifting off. Silv'am had been speaking for a while, and he'd not even noticed.

"Almost fell asleep," he said. "See you in a few hours."

He ejected Silv'am out of Irwin's soulscape, yawned, and quickly flew to the side. If he accidentally grew in his sleep, which very rarely happened, he didn't want to flatten his friend.  He fell asleep mid-yawn.

--

Irwin woke with a start, jerking upright with two giant bodies at the same time.

"What…" 

His voice came out as a croak while a pounding headache made him flinch in sync. Groaning, he pulled his entire focus into one of his bodies, letting his other self fall back asleep, which took barely any effort.

A quick check showed that his small body was safe in a bed, while the other one was a faint, distant sensation inside Greldo's shadowrealm.

Ambraz stood to the side, no sign of a face or wings showing he was deep asleep. His booklet lay discarded to the side. Picking it up, he quickly flipped to the newest entry.

Card: Scathnaicht - The Dagger of Shadow

Type: Diamond, Shadow, Forged by Irwin Roddington

Owner: -

The owner of a Scathnaicht blade can pull it out of any shadow. Scathnaicht blades grant its owner the ability to overcharge any shadow-type card to double its normal ability. While wielding any Scathnaicht blade, none of the Naicht-folk will harm the wielder.

Passive: Increased ability to learn dagger-wielding skills while in the shadowrealm

Passive: Greatly increased [???]

Active:  Summon a Scathnaicht dagger

Active: Condense all shadows within a hundred feet around the Scathnaicht blade to create a temporary area of pure darkness.

It's almost exactly the same!?

He flipped to the page with Greldo's blade, comparing the two entries to find that the only real change was that the new one was a dagger, while the other had been a longsword.

"It worked," he muttered before noticing a tiny note at the bottom of the page.

"Kid, if you read this, unslot that card before it bonds too deeply! It shouldn't shatter, but in the unlikely case that it does toss it in the volcano. Your own soulforce will consume whatever comes out within a few minutes."

Irwin stared at the text, then raised his right hand, looking at the card. His first instinct was to deny it and keep it, which told him exactly what he needed to do. He had to unslot it before he felt even more attached.

Without giving himself time to ponder it, he moved himself to a space above the enormous volcano that reflected his third soulcard. As soon as he hovered above it, he forced the shadow card out of his hand. Not the simple way used to reforge cards, but the true, physical one where the card was completely separated from him.

A sense of something being torn out of him was followed by a throbbing pain from his hand, then his soulscape. It was as if something had been ripped out, and he shivered. Part of him wanted to shove the card back in, but as soon as he saw it was still stable, he moved it into a small cavern below his house, the place where he kept all things deemed too dangerous.

The pain and sense of loss doubled, and he lowered himself to the rim of the volcano, shivering.

I can't believe Daub removed his first card, he thought, gritting his teeth as he rode the storm, hoping it wouldn't last too long.

In the end, it took half a day, and when he finally felt the pain and loss dissipating, he felt worse than he had before he fell asleep. By now, Ambraz had joined him, sitting nearby. 

Irwin rose from the ground, risking a worse headache to summon a flask of water, which he drained only to refill. 

"Great, I've not had this many hydration issues since we left Scour," he muttered, rubbing his head.

"The others are waiting for you," Ambraz said. "Let's go and say goodbye, then head back to the kids. I'm sure watching Zannia and Silv'am meet will make you feel better."

Irwin nodded as he lay down, moving into his small body, which was still in bed.

As he opened his eyes, the same headache awakened him, taking away any hope that another body wouldn't have it.

Stupid soulscape headaches.

A short walk later, he opened the door to the kitchen, walking in to find Greldo, Dahlia, Juul'rish, Daubutim, and Silv'am waiting for him. There was no sign of either Koudi or Gloom.

"Thank you!" Greldo shouted, jumping up and moving across the room so fast that Irwin almost didn't see him before he was wrapped in a powerful embrace.

He stood dumbly for a moment, wondering if Greldo had ever hugged him before. He couldn't recall, and before he could react, his friend stepped back, eyes gleaming with intense joy.

"Thank you, Irwin," Dahlia said from behind him, smiling widely as she raised her hand, showcasing the new card inside. "It might cause some issues for other shade walkers, but neither I nor Greldo has any problem."

Irwin smiled, glad the card had worked as they had all hoped. He wanted nothing but the best for Greldo, and in this case, that meant helping him with his soulbond -well, eventual soulbond. Not something he'd expected to have to do.

"That card was incredible, just like mine," Greldo exclaimed.

"Damn right, it was," Ambraz snorted, flying from Irwin's shoulder to the perches where the other two Ganvils were.

"Are you alright?"

"I am," Irwin said, following his friend to the table. "Just very tired."

"Well, you will have plenty of time soon," Daubutim said. "But before that, there are a few things we need to discuss… can you bring us into your soulscape?"

Irwin almost groaned, but he held it back. Instead, he sighed and reached out around the room, gently pulling everyone into his soulscape. It caused his headache to increase, but not as much as he'd worried. 

"Alright," he said, leaning in the comfortable chair made of solidified soulforce. "Tell me."

Daubutim leaned forward, his eyes pools of rippling lightning.

"Greldo told me you left one of your bodies with him. Do you have any idea how far you can still connect to it?"

Irwin looked at both his friends and shook his head. "I wish I knew, but no. Why?"

"Do you know how far we are from Scour?" Irwin frowned, cocking his head. "No, why?"

"On the scale of the Portal Gallery, not that far," Daubutim said. "If we flatten the entire Langost branch, we are beyond the outer western edge, as far south as we can go. Scour is just as far south and only a few months to the east. Well, a few months with normal ships. Greldo should be able to do it in under a month."

It took Irwin only a moment to realize what Daubutmi was getting at.

"If it gets that far, you want me to leave my other body on Scour?" he asked.

“Close,” Daubutim said. "It has a time dilation so high that a thousand years there are less than an hour here."

Irwin flinched as he thought about the people he'd known in that world. People like Crithann and the people in the small village of Grianfál. They would have all died long ago, as even if he used merchant time, over a decade had passed. A decade outside meant what… His mind boggled at the immense time frame when another realization hit him like a smithing hammer.

It wasn't just Crithann who had died, but the chances of finding anything in that world he would even recognize were probably nonexistent.

"Atleast they had a good life," Greldo said, drawing his attention.

His friend was staring back with a sad look.

"They never had to deal with the storm, nor with the war we will deal with," Greldo said slowly. 

Irwin nodded, taking a deep breath and shuddering.

"I'm not sure that's even possible," he said. "If I split my mind and do what you ask, what would that mean? Part of me would be in a world where the time would be so different… my mind might crumble."

"Not that bad," Ambraz snorted from above. "The worst would be that your main self would be drawn there, and the rest of your body here would go unconscious. More likely, you would have a constant headache for a day or so."

"A day?" Irwin asked.

"Not even," Daubutim said. "If you can bring your other body there, you could practice for an immense amount of time. Perhaps only a minute will have passed here, and when your other body returns, where Greldo is waiting, you will have learned a lifetime of things."

Irwin stared at his friend, then at the table, trying to come to grips with what was asked. What would that mean? He would have to live an entire lifetime or more in a world without his family, all alone, and-"

Perhaps not! Maybe, just maybe, I can bring them through my soulscape and to Scour! We would have time, nearly infinite time to train, practice, and live. The kids could learn smithing or exploring… 

And they would see Scour as their home, and I would not see Mom and the others for so long.

He lowered his head, staring at the table, not noticing his friends watching him quietly.

Should he do it… with the risk of having to go through it alone?