CONTESSA DOESN’T UNDERSTAND DRIVE-THRUS

The car idled in the slow-moving line, its low hum blending with the muffled chatter of the intercom. Ahead, red taillights glowed in the fading dusk, casting a faint glow on the menu board’s list of burgers, chicken, fries, and milkshakes.  

Contessa sat in the passenger seat, watching. “This is inefficient.”  

Maggie let out a short laugh. “You’ve said that about half the things we do.”  

“It would be faster to park and order inside,” Contessa pointed out.  

“Probably,” Maggie admitted, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. “But this way, we don’t have to get out of the car.”  

Contessa glanced toward the restaurant entrance, where a handful of customers moved in and out. “Exchanging efficiency for convenience.”  

“Bingo,” Maggie said with a grin.  

They inched forward. The car ahead reached the speaker, and a garbled voice crackled through the intercom. The driver rattled off an order, then fell silent.  

Contessa’s brow furrowed. “The audio quality is poor.”  

“Yeah, you get used to it,” Maggie replied, shrugging.  

There was a pause. Then, the worker repeated the order back, and the driver hesitated before correcting them.  

Contessa turned to Maggie. “This is inefficient.”  

Maggie laughed. “You’re not wrong, hon.”  

Finally, it was their turn. Maggie rolled down the window.  

“Welcome to—” The speaker cut out in a burst of static, followed by a barely audible greeting.  

“Yeah, can I get a cheeseburger, no onions, and a medium fries?” Maggie called out.  

Another pause. The voice returned. “Did you say extra onions?”  

“No, no onions,” Maggie repeated, louder this time.  

Yet another pause. “Got it. And what to drink?”

Maggie glanced at Contessa. “You want anything?”

Contessa considered for a moment. “The food quality is suboptimal.”

“It’s fast food, hon. Not gourmet,” Maggie said, rolling her eyes.  

After a moment, Contessa said, “A vanilla milkshake.”

Maggie smirked. “Thought you didn’t like sweet things?”

“I am gathering data.”

Maggie placed the order. Yet another, another pause. The worker repeated everything back. Maggie corrected them. Again.

Contessa sighed. “This is inefficient.”

Maggie just shook her head, grinning as they pulled forward. “Welcome to the human experience.”