Love That Joker

If anything could catch Selina Kyle off-guard, it was Batman. That used to be just a measure of skill—and, when she was too grudging to grant him that, an indictment of just how insanely out of context a six foot five commando with military-grade hardware to go with his ninja training and bat costume, was to any sensible person. It was like being expected to deal with a talking car or a glowing fairy, for Christ’s sake. 

But lately, his effect on her had entered the realm of the emotional. She looked at him and her armor, her reflexes, her cynicism, they couldn’t get past everything else she felt.

On Friday, November 22nd, she braved the cold Gotham night for some fresh air. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, looking for trouble, finding light pickings. The criminals of Gotham had less constitution than she did. They stayed inside, or their victims stayed inside and left them no reason to come out—in the end, it amounted to the same thing. 

Well, Selina didn’t put on her leathers for a sense of self-righteousness, or to avenge some old injustice by beating the hell out of everyone with an unregistered Glock 9. She’d gotten her exercise for the day, had her prowl, and she headed home to the studio apartment whose skylight served as the closest thing to a secret lair she could manage.

In the dark, she was startled to alight on the rooftop and see Batman’s silhouette in the shadows, cape fluttering in the breeze, horned cowl catching the light of the tepid moon. “Bat,” Selina greeted, stepping forward, seized by an intractable curiosity. Was he here to involve her in some suicidal craziness or for something more personal?

She was so impassioned with the Bruce Wayne in her head that she didn’t realize for a crucial second that the one on her rooftop was just a mannequin wrapped in a costume. Then someone was behind her, plunging a syringe into her armpit, where her catsuit didn’t cover her.

“Cat, Bat, kitty-kitty-cat,” the Joker tittered, thumb pressed down on the plunger, injecting something into Selina’s bloodstream. Selina felt a chill run down her spine, but that probably had less to do with the injection than the Joker being so close to her, his laugh near enough to rattle her eardrums. “I’m sorry, was I supposed to swab you with a cotton ball first? How silly of me—I totally forgot! Would you like one now? I’d hate for you to feel short-changed!” He laughed at his own joke, the mad hyena cackle making Selina’s skin crawl. 

She swiped at him with her claws, but the Joker danced back—always so fast, so slippery—and Selina didn’t know if she wanted to exert herself chasing after him with some unknown thing in her blood. “What did you give me?”

“Ooo, who’s to say?” the Joker shrugged, unthinkingly tossing the empty syringe aside with the gesture. “Laughs, certainly—an all-important break from the monotony of day-to-day living—and some very good daydreams, I’d like to think!”

Selina reached for her whip. “I can kill you before it gets me.”

“Oh!” Joker cried, as if scandalized. “So serious! Loosen up, tootsie, you might as well—in a few minutes, you won’t have a care in the world! One half of the edgiest power couple in Gotham is about to take the edge off!”

Joker was right. Even as he spoke, a sense of euphoria washed over Selina. She already felt like she was floating high above the world—barely able to touch it with her off-balance body.

“Why’d you do this to me?” Selina asked, trying and failing to snap her whip. “What is this stuff?”

“Just a little something I borrowed from your old friend Ivy,” Joker said, his words drifting to her from a far off distance. “So I’m sure you won’t mind having it used on you. Turnabout is foreplay, after all. But don’t worry, I’m not going to flatten your head with a big mallet like your other friend Harley! I could never do that to my best pal Batsie’s main squeeze! Especially not when you’re getting hitched! Oh, I may not be the World’s Greatest Detective, but when Selina Kyle’s got a ring on her finger, who else has got a date with the aisle? Slam Bradley? Puh-lease! So I thought I’d bless your batty union with a little prima nocta—some droit du seigneur from the Clown Prince of Crime!” He lost himself in another burst of insane laughter.

She felt his hands roving over her breasts and belly, warm hands, feeling nice as they caressed her through her catsuit. Selina knew she should be alarmed by him touching her, even talking to her, but she couldn’t seem to take it seriously. Everything struck her as distantly as a dream; she couldn’t seem to worry about anything at all. Only the Joker’s laugh really struck her, needling into her through the cocoon of fog that the drug had weaved around her.

The Joker tugged down Selina’s O-ring zipper, all the way down under her cunt. Selina heard a car screech around a corner at the ground level. A dog barked ferociously and then was quiet. Joker unzipped himself from his purple suit and green boxers. Selina laughed when she saw how big he was, his stiff cock looking ill-fitting on his scrawny frame, but he laughed with her. Selina kept laughing as he climbed on top of her, but she didn’t feel like it when he rammed himself into her sex.

“Unnn! Uggggg!” she groaned, not wet enough to take him—it hurt to get him so harshly inside her. She laughed through her pain.

“I messed around with the redhead’s secret formula a little!” Joker confided in her. “I figure a sex kitten like you would hate to be all lovey-dovey for this. Instead, you’ll see the humor in it! And let me tell you, I think this is hilarious!”

His purple-clad body crashed down on her, long cock fucking into her vulnerable sex. Soon her juices were flowing freely, squishing excitedly as Joker thrust through them and into her feverish lips.

“Oohh… oh, this is wonderful!” Selina cooed. “I’ve never been fu—ahh!—fucked like this before! By a—uummm—goddamn clown!”

Everything Selina experienced had a dreamlike quality now. She didn’t know if it was really happening. She herself felt both real and unreal. It was impossible to tell which was which, and she didn’t really care, because it felt so impossibly good. If the Joker had threatened to kill her—and his very presence was a threat, unpredictable as it was—she wouldn’t have cared any.

“Aaaah! Oooh! Oh Joker, Joker—fuck me—aarrgh!”

Selina’s gorgeous face lost its feline dignity, now glazed over with a look of stupefied rapture. She licked her lips as her head lolled about with Joker’s heavy thrusts. Her arms and legs spasmed without coordination when she tried to fling them around her lover.

“OHHHH! OOOOH! GGHHH!”

“Enjoying yourself, dearie?” Joker intoned, seeming totally unaffected by the fuck, only amused by her lust. “Do you like how I’m fucking you? Would you like to fill out a survey after the orgasm?”

“I LOVE IT!” Selina rasped, so lost between the drug and her own pleasure that all she could think to do was kiss Joker’s pale neck. “Aaah! Give it to me!”

“Now this is one delectable cunt!” Joker commented, his hips pumping rhythmically between Selina’s open legs. “I feel it fluttering just delightfully around my prick! No wonder Batsie wants to put a ring on it! Even if you can get the milk for free, I’d buy the cow just so no one else could touch her udders! I really hope I don’t have to kill you. There really are too, too few fine pieces of ass like you in the world. You love to fuck even when you don’t want to! Talk about making the best of a bad situation!”

“Nnnhhh! Yes, yesss! I love to fuck! Mmmmphh! I really do!”

Joker laughed, still hammering himself into her, pounding her against the rooftop. “Oh, I can tell! Confession is good for the soul, kitty—it might’ve bought yours a few more years in this fun little chassis of yours! No, I don’t think I’ll kill you—just take you down to one of my little holdings in Bludhaven, where they know how to use a pretty girl like you. You could even keep the outfit! Would you like that, Mrs. Batman? Would you like to be a whore and see how many men you can fuck in one day?”

“Nnoo… not that… mmmm, unnn… I’m not a whore!”

“No, you’re not, but we’re getting there! All we have to teach you how to do is get the money upfront! Then you can leave the bush leagues behind and proudly call yourself a pro! You’ll love it! Aaaghh! With a hot little cunt like yours, it shouldn’t take more than a week before you fit right in! Aahh, that’s it, you dirty Bat-bitch, clench that ass, hunch that hungry pussy up to me! Yes, you’ll be a real good whore! If you could get Batman to give you a poke, then no john is safe!”

“Commmiinnnggg!” Selina shrieked. “Ohhhh… Gawwd… soo muucchhhh… arrgg… again… commmiinnngg… ahhhhhh… shit, it’s soooooo… aaaahh!”

Joker joined Selina in climax this time. The sucking sheath of her dripping pussy was irresistible. Her orgasmic spasms liberally milked the cum up from his swollen balls and he groaned with pleasure as he pumped himself into her heaving belly, this time leaving a spurt of his seed with every thrust! 

“More!” Selina pleaded, cringing as the Joker withdrew his softening hunk of cock from her cum-drenched opening. “More, give me more!”

“More what, Mrs. Batman?” Joker tittered. “More cock? Is that what you want? Would you say you have a yen for cock? A certain zeal for it, even?”

“Yes!” Selina cried, her splayed pussy white with cum, her lovely ass squirming beguilingly underneath. “I want cock! I love it! Give it to me—I’ll never get enough!”

“But you’re not a discerning customer, are you? Any cock would do, even your dear Uncle Joker’s! All you care about is having something big and hard rammed up you! If I gave you some common thug, you’d let him fuck you, wouldn’t you? At least as long as he was well-hung.”

“Yesss—I would! I’d love it!”

“Oh, what a shame I’m flying solo tonight. I bet the boys would’ve loved to run a train on Miss Kitty! It’s been a while since Harley gave back to the community and Punchline just isn’t the same. Don’t tell them they missed their chance, you’ll break their darling hearts. But as for you, I’d be happy to renew your supply of cock. All you have to do is blow me so I’m nice and hard again! Do you think Batsie’s blushing bride would do that for me? Should I put the Entertainer in your mouth or do you need it free to sing the Star-Spangled Banner?”

“Give it to me!” Selina rasped, eyeing his flaccid prick hungrily. “I’ll suck it for you! I want to suck it! Yes, Joker, I’ll do anything you say!”

He pushed her head down to the rooftop—her masked face looking somewhat ludicrous with her costume opened with from her neck to her slit—and he hunched over her, wiping his cum-drenched cock all over her face, smearing her cowl and her goggles and the bare skin around her mouth. Selina whimpered as he rubbed a combination of her juices and his excess cum all over her nose and cheeks and lips. She licked at his shaft every time it came within range of her mouth. 

“Oh, tsk, a groupie at heart,” Joker muttered to himself. “Poor Bats is really lowering his standards. That Princess Jasmine chick never would’ve given it up so easily. And to think, all the times I tried to kill you, Selina! What a waste that would’ve been! I don’t even have a taxidermist on hand—my old one moved to Florida!”

Joker took his half-hard member and massaged it over her mouth, milking out the dregs of his last ejaculation only a few inches away from her smacking lips. A watery drop of cum ran out of his tip and hung on his glans for a moment before he slapped his cock down to hit Selina’s soft lips, smearing the cum all over them.

“Mmmmm!” Selina moaned, folding her tainted lips instead and sucking, licking them clean.

“Oh my, Bats really has a thing for bad girls, doesn’t he?” Joker exclaimed as he stuffed his rising erection into Selina’s eagerly receptive mouth. “No wonder it never worked out with any of those nice, grateful damsels in distress he rescued. But the punchline is you’re too much of a slut to ever make it as a housewife! I’m doing the ol’ caped clod a big favor taking you off his hands—you were born to be a whore! I’m doing the both of you a solid by getting you back to your streetwalker roots!”

Selina could hear him laughing to himself, mocking her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She had a mouthful of deliciously growing cock and her pheromone-addled mind could think of nothing else. Her tongue played over his erection while it got harder and bigger inside her mouth. Then, abruptly, the Joker pulled out of her mouth—instead sitting down beside her head with his cock towering up from his open fly.

“Sorry, toots, needed your mouth free a second. Tell me, now that we’ve made ourselves a boner here, do you want me to put it back in your snatch or would you rather keep sucking?”

Selina instantly found herself in control of her faculties, able to pull herself up and crawl to the Joker’s lap. Dimly, she was aware of the burning need in her pussy that still needed to be sated, but she wanted him back in her mouth so much more, wanted him to keep throbbing against her tongue, wanted him to explode in her throat just like he had in her cunt!

“You just sit there,” she told him. “I want that beautiful prick in my mouth so I can suck the life out of you!”

The Joker let out gales of laughter as he spread his legs. Selina beached herself between his open thighs, lowering her face down to his erection. He put his hands on top of her cowl—the ears fit neatly between his thumbs and forefingers. “By all means, suck it good, Selina. Suck it nice!”

“I will,” Selina moaned, grabbing his length with both hands. The Joker’s grip on her head actually held her up. “I will!”

He pulled her down hard, but Selina was ready for it. She devoured the Joker’s entire shaft with one lunge of her hot, hungry mouth, sinking the engorged cockhead into her gullet. She was suspended so tightly between relaxation and lust that her throat seemed big enough to take even the Joker’s long, lean erection.

She pursed her lips around the base of his thick member, sucking hard, working her hands down to his balls to get them out of the way of her plunging mouth. Then she pushed them up with her fingers, stretched her jaw as low as possible, and shoved one of his balls into her mouth, underneath her tongue.

“Oh-ho-ho-ho!” Joker cried, unable to believe the delicious feeling. “No wonder you managed to land a JLAer! Oh, honey, you could do better than some gloomy old goth! If only you’d set your sights on that nice Green Lantern…”

In answer, Selina pressed his other teste into her mouth, bringing both of them to a rest under her tongue. His shaft pulsed inside her throat, throbbing all the way down to her gullet. The Joker laughed less like a man and more like a victim of demonic possession, with Selina pulling at both his cock and balls with her sucks. He felt her lips burning where they tightly collared his manhood, small rivulets of her saliva oozing down his scrotum.

Then Selina reached down and pulled at the Joker’s right leg, getting it underneath her so that she could grind her bare pussy around on his calf, pleasuring herself while she gagged on his prick. The Joker bent forward, reaching over Selina’s bowed back to grasp her ass with both hands. He pulled apart the two cheeks, exposing her slick, tight asshole, then probed the middle fingers of each hand into her anus.

Selina’s body was on fire. She fucked ferociously, rolling Joker’s balls against his shaft with her tongue, while she sucked on his stiff member. Her hips rolled and fucked, satisfying her aching cunt on the limber muscles of the Joker’s long leg, even as she was distantly aware she was actually humping the Joker’s leg.

“Suck it good, my little gulper!” Joker teased, clawing into her asshole with his fingers. “A face as cute as yours deserves to have my cum inside and out!”

Selina felt his balls gorge themselves with cum, shaking against her gums. She knew that any moment, the Joker would shower her very stomach with his delicious cream. She couldn’t wait!

Without warning, the Joker wrapped his legs around her head and rolled them over so that he was on top, pumping down into her stuffed mouth, slamming her head down into the rooftop. “Eat it! Suck it! Take it all!” he cried, cramming his seed into her throat. “Goddamn! You’re my cocksucker now!”

The first rope of his cum bolted out of his cockhead and splattered against the back of Selina’s throat. She sucked it down with a hard gulp, savoring its warm passage down her gullet. Her mouth was so hot and eager, she had no trouble taking his cum no matter how much he poured into her. 

The Joker still grabbed hold of her head again, gripping her so tightly the veins popped from his arms like a relief map, his knuckles reddening as they tore the leather of her cowl. Selina didn’t mind. Just by driving him to such ecstasy, she was caught with him in a whirlwind of climax, their bodies folding up in each other until they were one throbbing mass of relief. It was a long time before they unwound, the Joker dropping onto his back and Selina flopping off of his dick.

“Ah heck, I’m too charitable for my own good!” the Joker wheezed. “Imagine, wasting some top-quality rhubarb like you on the average pukes of Gotham, much less Batbrain! No, I’m going to be selfish and keep you all to myself. We’ll color-coordinate, get you wearing purple again—it’ll be a gas!”