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The Daily Tism

The Daily Tism

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The Daily Tism posts

Reassuring! Autism researchers actually collecting bodily fluids for recreational purposes

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

Experts accused of collecting autistic people’s various secretions in order to cure autism have reassured the public that they’re simply using the samples recreationally.

Autism researcher...

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Spam folder sick of being scapegoated

Your junk mail filter is sick of being blamed for your nonsense, it has been confirmed. 

The folder, who asked to be referred to as Spammy, issued the statement after you telling your boss their email “must have gone into junk” for a thir...

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Autistic woman “staring into space” having time of her life up there

Autistic woman “staring into space” having time of her life up there

 

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

An autistic woman staring off into the middle distance is having an adventure you couldn’t possibly begin to imagine, it has been rumoured. 

Friends who expressed concerns for Fre...

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You’re all invited! Live community event on late diagnosis / discovery 6pm BST Sunday 11th August

Hey everyone,

We’re very excited to announce or next community event, which is open to ALL paid subscribers at all levels! Our last event was so fun and supportive and we can’t wait for the next one.

Join us on Sunday 11th August at 6pm BST as we have a fun chat all things late diagnosis. Come as you are - you’re very welcome ...

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Mum who lives too far away to show up unannounced discovers unsolicited video calls

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

A mother who lives too far away from her autistic daughter to “just pop by” has discovered that unexpectedly video calling is almost as satisfyingly intrusive, it has been revealed.

Karen ...

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Autistic woman worried film she’s seen 134,267 times might not have happy ending

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

An autistic woman had expressed her anxiety that her favourite film might not end the same way every time she watches it, it has been claimed.

Paige Thomas, 39, knows When Harry Met Sally...

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Bizarre! Autistic woman’s work looks shit the moment she sends it to boss

Bizarre! Autistic woman’s work looks shit the moment she sends it to boss

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

A piece of work an autistic woman poured her heart and soul into has reportedly become garbage the instant she showed it to her manager.

Sarah Harrow, 34, who spent over three weeks working on...

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Autistic woman unable to attend relaxed performance due to never having relaxed in her life

Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock

An autistic woman has decided against attending a “relaxed” autism-friendly theatre performance due to it actively discriminating against her many neuroses, sources have claimed.

Beth Hapw...

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Autistic man slain by slightly inaccurate fact

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image by Shutterstock

An autistic man has tragically lost his life after a neurotypical friend got a fact about his special interest very slightly wrong, authorities have said. 

Jack Harrington, 32, was re...

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Autistic woman with “flat affect” actually contemplating murdering you

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

An autistic woman whose face shows no emotion is actually contemplating your grizzly end, it has been confirmed.

Beth Hapworth, 36, whose expression reads to others as neutral or bored, is sim...

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Changes to Patreon - everyone’s getting more!

Hey gang,

As we said the other day, we want to open up our monthly live hangouts to paid subscribers at all levels!

We’ve thought long and hard about additional content we can offer $5 subscribers at this point in time and one brilliant suggestion was The Weekly NT - an additional bonus piece that doesn’t necessarily have a home...

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How to ask your workplace for unreasonable adjustments

Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock

You’ve somehow managed to sell your workplace on reasonable adjustments, like noise-cancelling headphones, work-from-home days and you’ve won the war on Becky’s lunchtime tuna melts - so why ...

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Patreon reward changes

Hello dear Patreon subscribers,

First of all, thank you so much for your support. You enable the work we do and we are so grateful. Also we put our heart and soul into our site and your belief in us means everything.

As this community begins to grow, we wanted to get your thoughts on what kind of bonus content you would enjoy going ...

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Autistic audvocate manauges tau shoehaurn lettaurs “au” intau aull waurds

Pauce bau Saura Gaubbs, Imauge Shautterstock

Aun autistic inflauencer haus maude aun aurt aut auf shauving “au” intau aull haur pausts, sauces hauve claumed.

Pauge Thomaus, 2au5, begaun wauth thau waurd “ausome” aund faund a...

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Autism prefers to think of itself as “with person”

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

Autism has issued a statement, declaring that it prefers identity-first language.

It said: “I’m a list of complex traits that exist in a constant state of flux. I’m so much more than my ...

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Do it! Dentists REALLY want you to bite them

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

Your dentist wouldn’t be putting their fingers in your mouth if they didn’t want you to bite them, reports have confirmed.

Spokesperson for dentists, Robert Noot, said: “Go on, you know ...

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Live talk: own-voices comedy writing Sunday 7th July 6pm BST

Hey gang!

We’re going live again on Sunday 7th July at 6pm BST. This time we’re doing a talk on own-voices comedy writing - how to get started, how to use your life to generate material, how to shape all that into jokes - and we’ll be taking questions too.

If you’re a $5 subscriber or up, you’ll receive a Zoom link the da...

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Horny autistic woman disappointed when stim toy turns out to be sodding fidget spinner

Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock

An autistic woman’s plans to go to town on herself have been scuppered by the arrival of a non-vibrating fidget spinner falsely advertised online as a “stim toy”, a consumer watchdog has said...

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Neurotypicals delighted by horrible fiery skyball

Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock

Neurotypical people everywhere are overjoyed by everything being too hot, bright and stupid, it has been reported.

A spokesperson for the neurotypicals, Karen Hoyland, 38, said: “Slowly boil...

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Ninja! Autistic woman vanishes into smoke when doorbell rings

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

An autistic woman has discovered that she does have a superpower - disappearing into the furniture when there’s a knock at the door, it has been rumoured.

Paige Thomas, 36, is capable of bec...

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Complaints as DVD comes without option to turn off autistic man’s commentary

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

Film studios have received complaints after DVD releases of popular blockbusters failed to provide an option to turn off an autistic man’s running commentary, his family have reported.

Walla...

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Shame! Friend would love to meet up but too busy with everything but meeting up with you

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image Shutterstock

A non-autistic friend would really love to catch up sometime soon, just as soon as she’s less busy with everything that doesn’t involve meeting up with you, it has been rumoured.

Avery Ma...

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Useless Google unable to tell autistic man how social interaction went

Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock

A search engine has been described as “rubbish” after typing the words “how did last night’s beer with Gavin go?” provided no meaningful answers, sources have said.

Dexter Livingston...

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Autistic woman with “no empathy” crying because she has to throw away yoghurt lid

Piece by Sara Gibbs, image Shutterstock

A “robotic and emotionless” autistic woman is in floods of tears because she feels sorry for a manky old yoghurt pot lid, sources have confirmed.

Paige Thomas, 28, who ate a raspberry-flav...

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You shouldn’t have! Non-disabled friend keen to give you Covid

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image © Shutterstock

An able-bodied, neurotypical friend is really excited to give you a multi-systemic illness with potentially life-ruining consequences, it has been revealed.

Graeme Hart, 42, has no disabil...

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Shocking! Entitled autistic workplace trainer wants “paying” for “expertise”

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image © Shutterstock

A workplace trainer with both professional DEI training and lived experience being autistic has shocked clients by asking for money for his work, it has been reported.<...

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Reminder: live Q&A Saturday 1st June 6pm BST

Hey all! Just a reminder that Elsa and I will be hosting our first Patreon $5 members and up live Q&A this Saturday 1st June at 6pm BST!

If you’re not subscribed or a $5 member and you’d like to join in, there’s still time!

We’ll send everyone a Zoom link on Friday via direct message on Patreon, so look out for that then...

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“Meet me halfway,” demands friend not even meeting you 5% of way

Piece by Sara Gibbs, concept by Andrew Hickey, Image © Shutterstock

A non-autistic friend who wants you to meet them halfway actually means they’d like you to come the extra two and a half per cent in addition to the 95% you’ve alrea...

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Autistic woman’s husband’s sneezes legally classed as hate crime

Piece by Sara Gibbs, image © Shutterstock

The CPS has won a landmark legal battle against an autistic woman’s husband, whose ostentatious sneezing has been classified as a hate crime, it has been reported.

Alma Montague, 43, took...

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“I’m Louis Theroux at the orgy!" Autistic woman at hen party just here to observe

Piece by Sara Gibbs, Image © Shutterstock

An autistic woman on a hen party has no plans to participate, preferring to neutrally observe others acting like pillocks, it has been rumoured.

Paige Thomas, 28, is currently attending the hen p...

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