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Stuart Millard

Stuart Millard

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Stuart Millard posts

When 3-2-1 Went Spooky

When you've made it your actual job to dissect television, it's clear that most of it's basically the same, with only loose variations on all the standard cliches and structures. That cannot be said of 3-2-1; ITV's Ted Rogers fronted game show ...

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Vampires Are Real (Sometimes)

Vampires Are Real (Sometimes)

Starsky & Hutch is the most 1970's American thing that exists, with a wah-wah heavy funk soundtrack, an iconic car, chunky knitwear like what Giles Brandreth would wear to a swingers party, and a jive-talkin' pimp so loveable, he presumably...

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Prime Time Purgatory - You Bet

Prime Time Purgatory - You Bet

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GamesMaster IV: The Gladiators

In my role of dissecting 90's TV which seemed fine at the time, but now feels completely unhinged, Gladiators sits as the suspiciously-vascular elephant in the room. On the surface, it's an odd omission, as there's nothing more on-brand, as a h...

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Saturday Morning Archeology - The Saturday Starship

Continuing our root around in the Saturday morning shows, it's back to 1984, when Star Wars was still hot shit, so ITV stuck Tommy Boyd in a spaceship. Think The Mandalorian, except instead of Baby Yoda, Boyd's tiny sidekick is Bonnie ...

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The Great British Beauty Contest

The Great British Beauty Contest

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Bonus Video: House Party Hell #8

Wherein the Keymaster meets the Gatekeeper(s)

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Saturday Morning Archaeology - WOW!



Continuing our run of Saturday morning shows, the cursed bog of YouTube has burped up another bone with 1996's WOW!; a true forgotten example of the genre, even carrying the excitement of the Bad Influence! exclamation mark, and with ...

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Little and Large - The Final Series

Little and Large - The Final Series

To quote myself in my previous piece on the pair: “Against all good judgement, I'm really curious to what that final series looked like, being that the format wore itself out before episode one was over.â€

The leap between seventies co...

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Saturday Morning Archaeology: Multi-Coloured Swap Shop

Saturday Morning Archaeology: Multi-Coloured Swap Shop

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Cluedo

There's not been a great history of televised board game adaptations. Over the years, American viewers have 'enjoyed' short-lived onscreen runs of Monopoly, Boggle, and The Game of Life, while Brits were mostly limited to ...

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You Are Haunted - Episode 7

You Are Haunted - Episode 7

"The Lady Corrinne"

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Theme is Comascape - Chant, licensed under Creative Commons 3.0. The rest of the music and SFX are via freesound.org.

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GamesMaster III: Glamour, Grot, and Gore

Opening titles of the 1997-98 series have Dominik Diamond asleep on the couch in a filthy living room, dreaming a nightmare sprint down an endless tunnel of GamesMaster settings past, eventually bursting though a door into a tropical island par...

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VHS:WTF - Barrymore's Best Bites

VHS:WTF - Barrymore's Best Bites

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Seaside vs. Summertime - Part II

In part one, we examined ITV's Summertime Special, so now it's the BBC's turn, with Seaside Special. However, I must begin on a devastating note. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, certain footage just refuses to be found. Often â€...

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Seaside vs. Summertime - Part I

When clocks change and the days get longer, it's not called British Summertime for nothing. What's more emblematic of this sceptred isle than humping a load of sandwiches and towels down to the coast on an overly-expensive train, before having to shelte...

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Saturday Morning Archaeology: Saturday Superstore

Saturday Morning Archaeology: Saturday Superstore

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The Little and Large Show

Since I made it my business to cover the very worst in pop culture, I've built up a list of Holy Grails, which have so far been impossible to track down. Bobby Davro's Rock with Laughter. Lynne Perrie's softcore/comedy workout video. All 27-hou...

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Dare to Believe

Though this series is more recent than the usual stuff on here, it crops up from time to time, as a query from those still awake after 1am with the telly on at the start of the millennium, existing as fleeting, half-remembered fragments, which linger li...

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May Day Bonus: House Party Hell #7

Blood on Noel's Claw.

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The Royal Variety Shows Were Completely Normal

The Royal Variety Shows Were Completely Normal

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Interceptor

Having tackled Treasure Hunt, it would be remiss of me not to cover Interceptor, which was very much a sister show; albeit the much less successful black sheep sister, turning up to grandfather's funeral with a wild hangover, and falli...

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Phil Cool

When writing about a certain type of comic performer, there's a phrase all media is obligated to use, or else the Secret Critic Police will kick in the doors and drag them off to the gulags. There's even an ancient proverb about it – “If wild expres...

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The Accursed 90s: Beat The Crusher

The Accursed 90s: Beat The Crusher

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Metal Mickey

Metal Mickey was a notable figure during my time as a small boy, due to his fitting solidly within that best and most formative of all categories – things I liked but was also a bit afraid of. I think it was the voice; clanging and metallic, like a gh...

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You Are Haunted - Episode 6

You Are Haunted - Episode 6

"William"

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Theme is Comascape - Chant, licensed under Creative Commons 3.0. The rest of the music and SFX are via freesound.org.

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Owt Good On, Mam? – Bear Special

As I try to find my way back home, wandering lost through the ill-lit subterranean tunnels of British variety, it's clear the 1980s were a boom period for puppet sidekicks, and 40 years on, the big boys of felt 'n' stuffing remain household names; Orvil...

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VHS:WTF - Jeremy Beadle's Guide to Practical Joking

VHS:WTF - Jeremy Beadle's Guide to Practical Joking

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It's Wayne #1

It's Wayne #1

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Great Moments in Pop Culture - "David's Dead"

David Gest first attracted the attention of British audiences through his status as former Mr. Liza Minnelli, as seen in their all-time great wedding photo, where the happy couple stood alongside Liz Taylor, best man Michael Jackson, and Martine McCutch...

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